


'The Hall'

by AmandaBecker



Series: second chances [5]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Action & Romance, Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Regency, Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Declarations Of Love, Drama & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forced Marriage, HEA, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, Misunderstandings, Regency, Regency Romance, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Tension, Sidlotte - Freeform, Slow Romance, Suspense, Tension, True Love, Unrequired Love, villian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:07:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 109,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22726636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: Tom got involved with the devil, but Sidney not only does have to pay off his debts to save him, but must also save someone else...
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: second chances [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629343
Comments: 703
Kudos: 489





	1. the Hall

**Author's Note:**

> this is the fifth part of the # 6 days of Sanditon Valentines challenge by @sanditoncreative  
> prompt 'arranged marriage '.
> 
> The story takes place in the Regency period, but is not historically correct.

Sidney stood in front of the Inn and enjoyed the first sunrays of the morning, it had been a busy night. They needed fresh horses and also the coachman needed a short breather. But as always, it was Tom's fault. If only Tom had told him about his debts earlier, he could have settled it weeks ago. So once again it was up to him at the last minute to solve his brother's problems. But before his thoughts turned back to his brother, he promised himself to never get in this kind of trouble ever again. He then tried to have a few quiet minutes and stretch his legs a bit. 

"Please, I really must go to London." An elderly gentleman ran from one stagecoach to the next and asked for a seat. But as so often at that time, all the coaches were full and nobody could see to give his place.  
"Please, my wheel is broken and I must..."  
"Shut up old man." One of the guys yelled and shoved the elderly gentleman who stumbled and fell into the dusty ground.

Damn it, that's no way to talk to an older man! Sidney ran to him and helped him up.  
"Thank you, Sir."  
"Of course."  
"Society's going down the tubes, nobody will help me."  
"Perhaps I can help you." The older one looked at him with hope.  
"I hear you have to go to London."  
"Yes, for reasons of extreme urgency." tears welled up in his eyes.  
"you're welcome to ride with me."  
"Really?" he took Sidney's hands and shook them enthusiastically. „Thank you. Thank you!“  
„You’re Welcome, Mr. ?“  
"I am Charles Heywood . I am in your debt, Mr..."  
"Parker. Sidney Parker."

*

After Sidney had delivered Mr. Heywood to the address he had requested, he went to Bedford Place to get the promissory note. In the complete chaos of what was Tom's desk, he just found a pile of unpaid bills, at first. Sidney decided to take care of it the next day. Finally he found the promissory note. He gasped in shock. Tom got involved with the devil. 

As Sidney arrived at ’The Hall’, he immediately went to the room he had been shown, it was swarming with people. 

He lined up and said his name and why he was here. The people who had paid their debt left the premises in no time, probably hoping never to see it again. All of them were uncomfortable to be seen here and stood with bowed heads before the council. Of course it was impossible to remain anonymous, because part of their power was to expose the people and read aloud what they were there for. 

The room emptied more and more and Sidney noticed that some of the gentlemen standing on the right side of the room did not look like they were in financial trouble. He even recognised one of the gentlemen as a cousin of his friend Lord Babington.

„Parker, Tomas. Debt’s 15.000 to Mr. Hall.“  
Sidney walked forward, stood before the council with his head held high and although his heart was beating strongly he was calm. 

"Name?"  
"Sidney Parker."  
"You're repaying your brother's debt?"  
"Yes." He held up the envelope with the money.  
He had more with him, just in case. One of the staff came up to him, picked up the envelope and took it to one of the men at the tables on the left. He counted the money, nodded and Sidney got a receipt in return. He nodded in the direction of the council, turned around and went to the door. A breath of relief on his lips.

When he turned around, he recognised a familiar face. Mr. Heywood suddenly stood in the room, breathing heavily.  
"Mr. Heywood?"  
"Mr. Parker!"  
Sidney looked back and forth between Mr. Heywood and ’the Hall’ with concern, and had an urgent need to protect the older man.  
„Are you all right Mr. Heywood?“  
„No. No. They took her.“  
„Who?“  
„They kidnapped her, as....as....deposit.“  
„Mr. Heywood!“ Sidney couldn’t belive it.  
„I needed the money, my wife...she is ill, but I just...“ he breathed heavily and Sidney pushed him in the corner of the room. Nobody was looking at them.  
„Breathe!“  
„I can’t pay it... They will.... they will auction her...“  
„What?“  
He sank to his knees, crying. „My daughter.“  
"You don't have the money to get her back?"  
And before Sidney thought for a second longer, he grabbed the old man under his arm and pulled him to his feet.  
"How much?"

* 

Charlotte was pushed into a room and was surprised to find three other women. All wearing the same pink dress. They all wore the same simple updo. Their faces were filled with worry. Their eyes and cheeks wet with tears. After a while men came to fetch the young women. The guy assigned to her reached out for her.

"Where is my father?" she asked, trembling.  
"Outside."

The ladies were brought into a room that resembled the large hall, but was much smaller. The fine gentlemen sat at round tables laughing and whispering.  
Mr. Heywood could barely stand up. He was pale and breathing so heavily that Sidney believed he would have a heart attack. He let his eyes wander and saw one of the women break away from the line and run towards them.

"Papa!" she called and ran to meet him.  
"Did they hurt you? Lotts, did they hurt you?" Mr. Heywood shouted desperately.  
"No. I am fine." Charlotte tried to reassure her father, although Sidney saw that she had bruises on her arms. He gritted his teeth and fists, and got the overview. 

"What's going on here?" asked one of the scoundrels, and Sidney got between him and the Heywoods.  
"You'd better hurry." he muttered to Mr. Heywood.  
"Papa?" she asked anxiously.  
Mr. Heywood took the face of his daughter in his hands and whispered.  
"Trust me, Lotts, everything will be all right. When you marry..."  
"Father! I'm not marrying anybody!"  
"Hush now." her father hissed. "Please just once do as I say!"  
„You can not make me!“  
„no, but they do.“

Without any further explanation, he pushed her away. The guy tried to grab her by the arm.  
"Don't touch me!" She knocked away the hand that was reaching for her, but of course she didn't stand a chance against the guy. Sidney was about to jump him.  
"Enough!" cried the auctioneer. And began to call out the names of the fathers who had put their daughters in that horrible position.  
They were pushed forward, they curtseyed and bowed their heads in humility before the disgusting rich men who gawked at them. The fathers were called forward, named their debts and asked if they could pay the debts. Two had the money together and were able to release their daughters and bring them back home.

„Heywood, Charles. Debt’s 14,753 to Mr. Hall.“

A murmur went through the room. 

"So this is his beautiful daughter."  
She was pushed forward. But unlike the other women, she did not curtsey, but raised her chin stubbornly and did not look at the men, but at her father who stood in front of her.

"So who wants to pay 14,753 for this beautiful girl?"  
The first hand went up. And the second. And a third.  
"You'll have to work it out." laughed the auctioneer and asked the next highest position.  
The first hand went up, again. The second followed. And a third, too.  
Charlotte didn't look up, she didn't see who was going to buy her. She could only stare at her father and see the same pain and fear in his eyes. It went on for quite a while.

Her heart was pumping in her chest, she couldn’t belive what happened. The guy from earlier grabbed her by the arm.

"Don't you dare touch her!" a dark voice came up to her ear. She couldn't look up. She avoided looking at her buyer. It was only when she stood in front of a table that she noticed her father standing next to her. His look was somehow, relaxed.  
Another voice mingled with the tornado in her head. Suddenly, she felt a warm hand closing around hers. A voice roared in her brain, but she couldn't pull the hand away. 

She was trembling all over. Her hand was freezing. Her eyes turned away and her whole posture showed disgust.  
"Lotts. All is well. Trust me." Her father tried to calm her down but she didn't seem to hear him. She was so pale that her lips were the only color on her face. A very light pink. Mr. Heywood put his jacket around her shoulders and dragged her with him.

*

When she regained consciousness, she was lying in a huge soft bed. She looked up and looked down at herself. She was still wearing the dress she had on before. Charlotte got up from the bed with shaky legs and wandered around the room. As she looked at herself in the mirror as she passed, she shook with disgust. She tore the hairpins off her head and freed her hair. Suddenly she could hardly breathe and tugged at her dress. She was out of breath until she tore it off. 

A folded robe lay on a chair by the bed and she pulled it over. Slowly she opened the door and stepped out into a narrow hallway. In front of her was a staircase. Muffled, she descended and followed her father's voice.

"Lotts!" he shouted and came running to her. Although she knew why all this had happened, she couldn't stand her father right now and pushed him away.  
He led her into the room. It was a comfortable room with a blue sofa and chairs. The gentlemen who sat there got up as soon as she appeared at the door.  
"Miss Heywood." That dark voice again. This time she looked up. Dark brown eyes gazing warmly toward her. They looked worried, but friendly.  
"May I offer you a drink?" But instead of waiting for her answer, he already handed her a glass. It smelled of whiskey.

"Thank you."  
"Lotts, this is Mr. Parker."  
"The man who bought me." her voice was icecold.  
"Lotti, my darling..." Her father was looking for the right words.  
"since Mr. Parker married you, no one else could."  
Charlotte looked at her father in disbelief.  
"And that makes it better?"  
"I told you everything would be fine."  
"Father..."

"Miss Heywood." His warm voice forced her to turn to him again.  
"May I present Mr Lawrence. My solicitor." The man bowed.  
She looked at him, unmoved.  
"The marriage can be annulled."  
"Oh." Tears welled up in her eyes. The relief that spread inside her was so great that her knees gave way. Mr. Parker reached out and sat her down on the sofa.

"All we have to do is find the financial..."  
"Mr. Heywood, I think your daughter has been through enough."  
She looked at him with gratitude. The urge to hug him was overwhelming. A light smile played around his lips. Friendly.  
"I can't tell you how grateful I am," her father said. Mr. Parker ignored him and asked softly  
"What do you need, Miss Heywood?"  
"I want to go home," she says in a trembling voice.  
„Alright.“

The next morning, the Parker family carriage took Mr and Miss Heywood back to Willingden. When the coach pulled up, Charlotte turned to her rescuer once more, who could not take his eyes off her until the coach turned the next corner.

*

A week and a half later, Mr Parker reached the village of Willingden to deliver the cancellation papers to Mr Heywood. He got down off his horse and handed the reins to the stable boy and turned towards the main house. Suddenly, Miss Heywood stood before him and smiled at him. The thought that she was about to officially bear that name again left a bitter taste in his mouth. He had never believed that the thought of a Mrs. Sidney Parker would even exist. He bowed.

"Miss Heywood." Actually, Mrs. Parker, Charlotte thought, and made an irritated face at the thought.  
"Mr. Parker."  
"I...erm, hope you are well."  
"Yes. Thank to you." her smile was something special. His heart fluttered.  
"Is your father home?"  
"He will be back soon."  
"Well, that's...erm..."  
"do you want tea?"  
"That would be nice." he answered a little to fast.

They went into the house together and Charlotte asked to come into the drawing room.  
Since her mother was still ill and lying in her room, Charlotte could be alone with Mr. Parker. 

"Mr. Parker," he smiled at her, and this caused a strange feeling in her stomach.  
"May I ask you something?"  
"Of course, Miss Heywood."  
"Why did you do it?"  
"I couldn't bear the thought of that being your destiny." he smiled briefly.  
"Why are you here?" her heart made a little jump as their eyes met.  
"I have the annulment papers." why this stung her heart a little, she could only guess.  
"oh." she blushed slightly.  
"Unless you want to stay married to me, I can throw them in the fire there." His laughter seemed a little artificial.

"That would be wonderful." her father's voice was heard at the entrance of the room.  
"Well..." Sidney waved and shook hands with Mr. Heywood.  
"I would be honored to continue calling you my son-in-law."  
Sidney was a little surprised, the words warmed his insides.  
"You have a heart of gold."  
"Mr, Heywood..." the embarrassment made him even more attractive and Charlotte lowered her eyes at the thought.  
"I'll be forever grateful to you...for what you've done for me...I would never have forgiven myself if..." his voice broke and Charlotte led her father to his chair. She exchanged a quick glance with Sidney, who then prepared a cup of tea and gave it to him.

"For this alone, you will always have a place in my heart."  
"Thank you, Mr. Heywood." embarrassed, Sidney looked briefly to Charlotte and than to his feet..  
"I erm... , I spoke to a doctor, who is a friend of mine and took the liberty of telling him about your wife." The men exchanged glances and Charlotte was astonished, for her father never spoke to strangers about the family's affairs.  
"I'm sure the sea air would do your wife good."  
"But Mr. Parker, I owe you..."  
"this is something else... my family and I would like to invite you and your family to Sanditon." To himself, Sidney could already admit that he could not bear the thought of never seeing her again.  
"But that's impossible," argued Mr. Heywood.  
"But yes, please... I think it would be good, for everyone." He looked at Charlotte and while they looked at each other, something shifted in the air. Mr. Heywood then asked Charlotte to show the estate to Mr. Parker so he could speak to Mrs. Heywood. 

And when Sindey said his goodbye early in the evening, he promised to send the carriage for Mrs. and Miss Heywood as soon as he arrived in Sanditon.  
"I'm very much looking forward to meeting you in Sanditon." Charlotte admitted and blushed deeply when he looked at her with an unreadable look.  
He took her cool hand in his warm one, although it felt good, there was something forbidden about it. Even though they were officially still married.  
"And I look forward to seeing you again, Charl...Miss Heywood."

As Mr. Parker rode away, Charlotte watched him for a long time before returning to the house. Mr. Heywood stood there for a bit longer. The unannounced arrival and basically immediate departure made him wonder why Mr. Parker had come at all.

And then it came back to him. The unsigned annulment papers were still on his desk in the study. Untouched.


	2. by the sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs Heywood and Charlotte have now arrived in Sanditon. Charlotte is looking forward to the adventures to come, and to a certain gentleman.  
> But then something happens....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I promised back in February I will continue this little story.  
> It's a bit different but still like my other stories.

Charlotte stood on the terrace and looked fascinated at the golden glittering sea, which stretched behind the next dune to infinity. The cool breeze made her curls dance and she absent-mindedly licked the salt from her lips. She closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh air, feeling as if she could breathe for the first time since the events in London.

Her thoughts drifted briefly to Mr Sidney Parker, but she shook her head to get rid of any thoughts of him. The disappointment that he had not been there to greet her and her mother was childish and selfish. She should simply be grateful because he had saved her from a terrible fate and made this trip possible for her sick mother.  
But unfortunately, she could not completely get rid of the bitter feeling. She had been looking forward to seeing him again. But probably his generosity was over sometime. Because of the financial arrangements with her father he had to keep in touch anyway. And the papers still had to be signed. Maybe he had simply forgotten her.

"Where would you like this?" asked the maid and Charlotte shrank from her thoughts. After all, she wasn't used to having someone help her unpack.  
"Oh, leave it there, I'll put it away myself," she replied with a smile. The girl looked irritated for a moment, but then put the books Charlotte had brought, on the table next to the bed. When the maid tried un-pack the rest, Charlotte stopped her. 

"I would be grateful if you could look after my mother." 

She was terribly uncomfortable with anyone going through her things. Since she did not wish to appear ungrateful, she thanked her, and the maid went into the drawing room, where Mrs Heywood sat by the warm fire and recovered from the exhausting journey.

Following her tiresome thoughts, Charlotte continued to put away her things. She folded them neatly into the chests of drawers and hung dresses that she had mended in nightly sewing work before the journey, in the closet. A package wrapped in tissue paper lay on her bed, irritated, she carefully unfolded it and gasped for air in surprise. 

"Mama!" Charlotte shouted full of emotion and ran into the drawing room, "what is this?" 

"A dress?"  
Replied the warm voice she had feared she would never hear again.

"Oh." 

Frozen in her movement, she looked into Mr Sidney Parker's face as he came closer and bowed without taking his eyes off her. Her heart made a strange flutter.

"Miss Heywood." Their eyes locked for a moment and her stomach seemed to knot.  
"Mr Parker."

Her voice seemed breathless and something stirred in him. He had seen her standing on the terrace for a moment when he had come over from Trafalgar House to pick up the two ladies for dinner. She had closed her eyes, and her hair had twirled around her face. In the light of the setting sun, her light-coloured dress looked as if it was on fire. Even now she seemed somehow... heated. Her cheeks were glowing. It was probably because of the embarrassment that she was holding a fine dress in her hand.

"Mr Parker has come to fetch us for dinner," said Mrs Heywood, who had watched the greeting of the two with an alert eye, and tried to get up from her chair. Mr Parker hurried to her aid and offered her his arm.

"Oh, yes, of course..." Charlotte curtsied briefly and left the room with a beating heart.

*

"Mrs Heywood," Sidney began at the short walk to his brother's house,  
"My family knows nothing more specific about our... our acquaintance."  
He glanced briefly over his shoulder at Charlotte, who was walking a few steps behind her mother.  
„They only know I have business to do with your husband.“

"I am very grateful to you, Mr Parker," the frail woman on his arm said,  
"It would be too horrible for my daughter." she stopped for a moment and watched Charlotte, who looked in a shop window with bright blue shoes on display.  
"I hope one day she can forget."  
"Is she struggling with the memories?" Sidney asked anxiously and Mrs Heywood looked at him briefly as he watched her daughter.  
"The dreams subside but I often catch her staring into the distance with a certain look."

Sidney didn't know exactly what she'd been through, but just the memories of the events he witnessed filled his mind and he clenched his jaw.

"Maybe the vacation here is a way to forget what happened."  
Mrs Heywood watched him with piercing eyes. Sidney smiled at her with approving and thought that his presence would probably harm Charlotte. And it was with a heavy heart that he told himself to stay out of her way.

The meal was delicious and although Mrs Heywood talked to Mary quite animatedly, she did not miss what was going on around her. Charlotte had a lively conversation with the enthusiastic Mr Tom Parker about his plans for Sanditon, seemingly unaware that Mr Sidney kept looking at her. Mrs Heywood still did not understand why this young man had helped her husband and thus Charlotte. Although of course she was really grateful for it, she wanted to find out.

"I hope the time here does you both good." 

Mary noticed and Sidney watched as Charlotte's mouth turned into a smile of joy and his heart fluttered strangely again. 

"Yes, though I miss everyone else, I'm happy to be alone with my Charlotte." her mother reached across the table and patted her daughter's arm.

"Even as a child, she had dreams of travelling." She laughed briefly which unfortunately turned into a cough.  
"Yes, and there's so much to see, Mr Parker wants to show me the construction tomorrow," she explained with a twinkle in her eye. 

"I'm sure Sanditon will help you learn new things." Sidney calmly observed and finally got a glance of her. They smiled at each other.

"And help us to find her a husband."

Silence spread around the table as Charlotte stared at her mother in disbelief. She already had one, she thought to herself, and felt her cheeks glow as she gave Sidney a quick glance. But Sidney avoided her gaze and clenched his jaw.

At least still on paper, Charlotte thought and was suddenly overcome by a heavy feeling. It was probably because of the arduous journey and that she hadn't slept properly since the events in London.

"Well, let's hope that the ball and the festivities over the summer will contribute to this," cried Tom, who was already planning a wedding for the young woman in his head. 

Charlotte cleared her throat and stretched her chin forward, like she had done at the "auction" in ’the Hall’. Sidney didn't believe that she would let her parents force her to marry if she didn't want to. Why this feeling of warm pride crawl into his chest he couldn't say and was briefly distracted by Tom's rambling before he could think about it further.

"...and then we planned a hunt on Lady Denham's property..."  
"Tom?"  
"...not to mention the horse races and the...."  
"Tom." Sidney's voice made his brother look at him briefly and he paused.  
"I think we should talk about this again!" 

Sidney tighten his eyebrows, he couldn't believe that Tom, after he just couldn't pay a pile of debts by himself, suddenly had money for all these ventures. Where would he get it from?

"Yes, yes, but not tonight..." he laughed for a moment and said, "we can play cards if you like, Mrs Heywood."

"Thank you very much, Mr Parker, but I think I'm too tired already."

A while later the ladies set off in the company of the two gentlemen and, as Tom offered Charlotte his arm and enthusiastically explained further plans to her, pointed in all directions, on the way to her accommodation. Sidney helped Mrs Heywood. They walked rather slowly.  
And soon the two before them were already out of sight. 

"Mr Parker, when Charlotte is at the construction site tomorrow with your brother..."  
She was interrupted by a severe coughing attack.

"I'd be delighted if you'd come for tea."  
"I'd be my pleasure, Mrs Heywood." Sidney calmly returned, sensing something would come which he would not like  
"I have a letter from my husband for you."

Sidney closed his eyes for a moment. What did he expect? That he could stay married forever on paper just because the idea of having a wife was so beautiful? Someone to wait for him when he comes home. Someone to talk to and laugh with. The idea of a Mrs Sidney Parker, let his heart flutter. The idea of a Mrs Charlotte Parker, make it swirl around in his chest. Why was that? He even didn’t know her.

Luckily they had now arrived at the house that accommodated the Heywoods for the next weeks. Sidney was sure that Mrs Heywood was getting weaker and weaker and feared that she could not go one step further.

"It was a lovely evening!" 

cried Tom and said a somewhat hasty goodbye, completely unaware, of course, of what was happening around him. And then he was already gone.  
Annoyed by his brother's behaviour, Sidney led Mrs Heywood into the house and was eager to accompany her up the stairs.

"Thank you, Mr Parker," said Charlotte, but her mother interrupted her,  
"Charlotte can handle it."

Charlotte's hands briefly touched his when she took her mother from him, and it was the first touch since he had left Willingden. Their eyes met briefly. And there was a little tickle left where they had touched. 

"Thank you, Mr Parker." her mother said, as if she wished, he would go.

Sidney watched Charlotte briefly, walking her mother up the stairs and secretly hoped for a sign, just something. Before they reached the top of the stairs, Charlotte looked over her shoulder once more and smiled vaguely at him. Then the two Ladies disappeared in her mother’s room.

On his way back to Trafalgar House, he was so absorbed in thoughts that he almost didn't hear the pain-distorted sounds. But he recognized them and saw Tom sit on the ground, leaning against a wall. 

"Tom!" he yelled and ran to help his brother.  
"Ah, Sidney, thank God..."  
"Tom?" he asked anxiously as he tried helping his brother to his feet.

Tom leaned back when he stood. It was the shop where Miss Heywood had looked at those blue shoes and Sidney could not help smiling briefly as he looked at the shoes. A strange feeling came over him, almost as if they were being watched. A cold feeling crawled up his back. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and it was just at that moment that he saw a glimpse of something in the shop window. A reflection and he turned quickly.

"Ahhh." cried Tom just in this moment in pain and bent forward, holding his right knee.  
"Tom!" Sidney leaned in with his brother, "what happened?"  
"Ah, I...erm..." moaned Tom and it almost seemed to Sidney as if Tom was looking for an answer, but of course he was only in terrible pain.  
"Oh, I don't know."

Sidney looked around, in the dark of the night he could hardly see anything, just an iron bar lying on the street. He picked it up and looked at it. Perhaps from the construction site? A part of balcony railings above? He looked up, but of course he couldn't see anything.

"Where did this come from?" Sidney asked.  
"I don't know... ahh... suddenly it was there and I tripped... erm..."  
Tom now leaned with all his weight on Sidney as he put his arms around his brother. Tom could not walk any more, he cried out in pain again and again.  
"Are you going to make it, or do you want me to get somebody?"  
"No, no, I can do it..." Tom looked around excited. Almost nervous.  
"Why are you looking around?"  
"I...erm...when people see me, they will think I'm drunk." he laughed artificially and Sidney shook his head over his brother, there was no one else around. It was in the middle of the night, before season. They were alone.

Were they? 

Sidney could not shake off the feeling that Tom was acting strangely. Of course, he was in pain, but he couldn't really say what happened. When Mary wanted to look at his knee, he brusquely pushed her aside and let himself fall onto the sofa. He asked Sidney for a whiskey and emptied the glass in one go. He could be wrong, but he thought Tom's hands were shaking. 

"Tom, what's wrong?"  
"Nothing, I just... it hurts."  
"I can see that." Sidney poured himself some whiskey and tried it again,  
"You're worried."  
"No, why should I? I'm getting..."  
"Tom." Sidney sat down beside him on the sofa.  
"Well, sure. I hope there'll be enough people for the ball."  
"But that's not all?"

Tom stared into his brother's eyes and saw real concern and he couldn't stand it and looked away. He fiddled with a button on his vest and Sidney saw that the button was only hanging on a thread. A moment later the button was completely torn off and Tom looked at it absent-mindedly.

"Talk to me." Sidney offered, but before Tom could reply, Mary came in.  
"I've sent for Dr Fuchs," she said in concern.  
"Mary!" Tom cried furiously, Mary flinched.  
"That's not necessary! In the middle of the night, no..."  
"So he can come in the morning before he visits Mrs Heywood." she answered and left the room. 

Tom moaned and pulled a face. He hated it when Mary was angry with him.  
"Shall I take you up?" Sidney reached out his hand and Tom nodded. 

Tom had to be in a lot of pain and said nothing more until Sidney brought him into the bedroom and put him on the bed.  
"Thank you, Sidney." Mary smiled at him shortly.  
"If you need anything..."  
"I'll be all right," said Tom, even though his brother had told Mary. Annoyed, she shook her head almost imperceptibly and Sidney left.

"Oh, that looks bad!" 

He heard Mary say before he went down the stairs and into Tom's study, hanging on to his thoughts. What a strange evening. His thoughts flew briefly to Miss Heywood and a smile broke out on his face. But it disappeared the next moment when he thought of Mr Heywood's letter. It was certainly the papers he had forgotten to sign in Willingden. Just the thought of doing it now hurt somehow. He shook his head over himself and went to the window, with a refill of his glass. He could not, of course, see the house she lived in from here, but he imagined her standing on her terrace overlooking the sea and the stars. Her hair ruffled by the wind. 

"What a fool I am!" he said to himself, and emptied the glass and went to his room.

"Mary!" cried Tom as she changed and was about to lie down.  
"Please close the curtains," he said in an endearing voice and she looked at him curiously.  
"But, Tom, we never close..."  
"Please, I want to sleep and with this wind I can't." he explained with a smile and pointed to his aching knee, which was now lying on a pillow.

Mary did as she was told and drew the curtains. 

Outside the wind freshened up and whirled the dust of the street around. Small metal parts were rattling against each other in the construction site. It hissed between the houses. Even a crunch like under thick shoes could be heard. But who would still be walking around at this hour?  
The sea rustled loudly and the curtain on Charlotte's window was blowing in the wind. With a scarf wrapped around her body, she stood on the terrace and looked up at the night sky above her. The wind had blown out the light from her candle and now she could see the stars much better. She breathed the fresh air and felt totally alive despite her tiredness. Just the sound of the breaking waves down at the beach was worth standing here, even if she was a little bit cold. After a while she went back into her room and lay down on the big bed. She had never slept alone in a bed before. It was extremely exciting.

How fascinating Sanditon and a certain gentleman were. Charlotte was looking forward to the next weeks here, to get to know them both better. And the adventures she would experience, she knew there were some waiting for her.


	3. sleepless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte, Sidney and Tom couldn't sleep.   
> All for different reasons.
> 
> Dr Fuchs has a lot to say in this chapter as well, but that had to be done (for once).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the feedback, compliments and comments after the last chapter.  
> I'm glad you are giving this little story a chance. 
> 
> And again, as a little reminder, I am not a native speaker, so please forgive me my mistakes.

Tom lay next to his sleeping wife with his face distorted in pain and stared at the ceiling. Finally, it became light outside, and he could get up. The throbbing pain in his knee was unbearable and despite the sleeping drops that Mary had given him, he had not been able to sleep. Tom sat up and hit the blanket to look at his knee. It had swollen to almost double its size and had turned a dark blue. With trembling fingers he slowly touched it and first pressed his thigh carefully, moving his fingers carefully in a semicircle ever closer to the knee. But he didn't dare to press on the darkest spot, he preferred to try to move it slightly, but the pain drove tears into his eyes.

Tom sucked the air in sharply as he slowly pushed it out of the bed. No sooner had his foot touched the carpet than his courage to get up had left him. He braced himself up on his uninjured leg and cried briefly as he lightly shifted his weight to the injured one.

"What are you doing, Tom?" cried Mary and hurried to his side.   
"Let me help you."

"Oh, my love, I didn't want to wake you."

"No way!" she ran around the room looking for Tom's clothes, she brought them to him and then stopped motionless in shock when she saw the knee.  
"I'm glad if Dr Fuchs can help you." she said and compassionately helped her husband, who bravely tried to ignore the pain as she pulled the breeches over his leg.

At that moment there was already a knock at the door,  
"Tom, are you all right?"  
"Yes, Sidney. Thank you."

Mary hurried to the door and opened it for her brother-in-law. She shook her head slightly to show him that Tom was not well and Sidney came into the room. He looked at the injury and sucked in the air sharply. 

"Dr Fuchs is waiting downstairs."

After helping his brother downstairs, he went to have breakfast with Mary for a short while, but then said goodbye shortly afterwards to go through papers in the study. However, he could not really concentrate on his work. Sidney was not in a good mood. He had slept badly, worried about Tom and how the accident would affect the work in Sanditon, he spent half the night restlessly tossing and turning.

And if he was honest with himself, there were other reasons why he could not sleep. One reason was the smile he had got from Miss Heywood, it had made his heart flutter. What her mother had said and hinted at, the other. In all probability, Mrs Heywood would later give him the annulment papers. The mere thought that there would then be no more ‘Mrs Sidney Parker’ made the lump in his heart seem heavier. What a stupid fool he was!

He had hoped to get to know Charlotte better through the visit. The brief encounter with her in the evening gave him exactly the same strange feeling as her name next to his, the strange feeling of belonging to her. Just because he finally stopped feeling lonely, because of a name on the paper!

Sidney moaned annoyed.

Of course she was friendly, after all, he had helped her and her family. They knew nothing about each other. Perhaps they had only spoken ten sentences to each other and perhaps five of them alone. It was about her father's estate and not about anything that could show him who she was. But yet…there was this…it was more than a feeling…it was like knowledge.

He shook his head.

Maybe they would stay connected forever, in all friendship but they could not stay married! She deserved more than that in her life. He has to sign the papers and stay out of her way, like her mother wanted.

Dr Fuchs asked Mary to leave the room immediately after he had had a quick look at the knee. For one thing he knew how women react when their husbands are hurt and of course he wanted to be alone with Mr Parker for a moment.

"How exactly did the injury happen, Herr Parker?"  
"I came home last night from Mrs and Miss Heywood, two perfectly charming ladies, you will meet them later." he stopped when the doctor looked at him questioningly,   
"And yes, I guess I was still in my mind and I wasn't paying attention where I was going and I was down."   
He then said without even taking a breath and Dr Fuchs looked thoughtfully at him over his glasses.

"Herr Parker, there's no need to be disingenuous. I won't tell der gnädigen Frau."  
"What do you mean by that?" he asked outraged and Dr Fuchs handed him a small potty and, unmoved, showed him how to open it while he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. 

"I mean this, mein Herr," he began while he took a large portion of thick creamy ointment from the tin with a spatula. "The injury doesn't look like you went and tripped."  
Just as Tom started to answer, the doctor smeared the ointment extensively on the knee and Tom cried.  
"Unless you were walking on the cliffs and fell 10 feet." he chuckled to leave the tension.  
Tom wiped the tears from his eyes. The pain went through his whole body. Gasping for air, Tom tried to stand up. But the doctor was just about to examine the leg further.

"When you fall, your knee is bent. It's a natural reflex."

Tom thought about how his knee was bent when he suffered the injury. Then he cried out, as the doctor not quite so gently grasped the kneecap.

"The kneecap seems gebrochen, I can't feel it too well from the swelling, but it looks like it's gebrochen."  
Tom stared at the doctor with a distorted face in pain and indicated to him to continue speaking.

"In my opinion, it looks as if someone has hit his knee with a hard object," he murmured and looked up in horror when Tom replied enraged.

"I fell on an iron bar!"  
"Ja, Ja! That's what I wanted to say." the doctor said with a throwaway gesture, apologizing for the linguistic misunderstandings.

Then he generously wrapped a tight bandage around the knee and explained to Tom that he should not put any weight on the knee for a few weeks. He should only walk around with axillary crutches and put the leg up as much as possible.

"I don't have any with me now, so I'll have to come back again later." the doctor said and carefully put his utensils back in his medical case.

He went to the door and asked one of the servants to send for Mrs Parker. Mary and Sidney came into the room a few moments later. 

"He has to lie down for a while, so if he wants to change rooms, please have two strong gentlemen carry him, he must not put any weight on his leg," the doctor told them. With a sympathetic whimper, Mary ran to her husband and took his hand.

"I'll bring you armpit crutches later" he bowed to Mary and Tom and then said his goodbye. Worried, Sidney looked at his brother and then at the doctor in front of him.  
"I will go to Mrs Heywood now if anyone can show me the way." the doctor looked around.

"Sidney!" cried Tom then.  
"Of course." said Sidney, and was about to leave the room when Tom went on, "you have to show Miss Heywood around."

Sidney looked slightly irritated at his brother but nodded anyway. 

"Oh, wait!" cried Mary and quickly left the room, "I've promised Miss Heywood a book." she called over her shoulder and ran up the stairs.  
Sidney waited for the book and the doctor, who gave the patient something in a small bottle and murmured, 

"Only three drops, it's very strong."  
Tom nodded and thanked the doctor, but somehow the mood between the two seemed to be undercooled.

While the doctor was helped into his coat he mumbled something over and over again. And although Sidney's thoughts were already with the upcoming visit to the Heywoods, he couldn't help but feel uneasy about the words.

"Falling on a iron bar...Unsinn, such Unsinn."

Charlotte was sitting in a chair on her terrace, breathing heavily and stared at the glittering sea, which today shimmered in a completely different blue than yesterday when she arrived. Like yesterday, the salty air and the strong wind that swirled her hair around her head had a calming effect on her. 

The enlightening conversation with her mother had upset her and of course her temperament and her feelings had run away with her. She had been so stupid. Charlotte was glad she had spoken to her mother after all, she saw things much more clearly now. Almost.

She had been woken up early, by her mother's cool hand on her cheek and was startled up. Worried about her mother, she had immediately jumped out of bed and pushed her mother into the armchair next to the bed.

"Mama, are you all right?"  
"Yes Lotts." she said, holding the handkerchief in front of her mouth as she coughed again.  
"What is..."  
"You cried in your dreams."

Charlotte's eyes widened in shock and she felt the blush rise in her face. The dream was still too present in her head for her to forget it now. The Greek legends she read merged with the events in London and he was always there to save her.

"Oh." 

"You were afraid of him." her mother declared emphatically.  
"No!" she returned more forcefully than intended and calmly continued, "Mama, he saved me."  
"Child!" her mother shouted angrily "You were sobbing and whispering his name."  
"I was afraid for him..." muttered Charlotte, and sat down on her bed with her head bowed, avoiding her mother's gaze. The dream was something, she could not tell her. She could not even tell herself exactly what she was dreaming.

"Charlotte," Mrs Heywood's voice was serious, "I know you idolized him as a hero, but..."  
"He is.... He is my hero." Charlotte interrupted her mother.

"Without him, I wouldn't be here." 

Charlotte said quietly, and jumped up from the bed to pacing the room. Sometimes she felt as if her mother didn't want to see the truth.

"That's not true!" Mrs Heywood rebelled and shook her head violently. She feared the terrible truth, which was perhaps even worse than what she had been told. She simply could not bear it. She patted her eyes.

"Your father would have found a way."  
“They already haggled over me!” Charlotte cried out.  
Her mother was sobbing up.

"If it wasn't for him... I'd be...."  
"Please do not continue talking about this horrible event."

After a while in silent, Charlotte put on her robe and decided to be honest with her mother. As she sat back on the bed, she muttered truthfully,

"It's his voice." then sheepishly admitted "Most of the time I just dream about his voice."

Mrs Heywood looked at her daughter with a startled look. Something occurred to her at that moment and she had to help her daughter. She exhaled slowly, got up from the chair and walked towards Charlotte. She jumped up to help her mother, who looked very tired. Mrs Heywood lightly touched the cheek of her daughter and looked deep in her eyes. Charlotte's heart raced as the hand on her glowing cheek felt icy cold, and this feeling spread throughout her body like lightning.

"It is not proper to dream of a man," her mother quietly remarked, "who is not yours." 

"But ..."

Mrs Heywood shook her head it hurt her to break her daughter's heart,   
"Think about it, Lotts," she took her in her arms,   
"Or he wouldn't have brought the annulment papers after all."

The rest of the early morning run passed her in a flash. Now she was sitting there for a while and tried to calm her nerves. She had heard what her mother had said, and she knew it was unseemly and maybe even stupid, but she had this odd feeling…this odd feeling about him.

Charlotte was then torn, from her dull thoughts by the maid again, who told her that Dr Fuchs had arrived. She was glad to think about architecture, and constructions and ideas of Mr Parker and not again over his brother. Mr Sidney Parker. Her husband. Well, not for to long anymore.

"Gnädige Frau."   
She heard someone say and knew of course that it was the German doctor Mr Parker had raved about yesterday. With a smile she went into the drawing room and greeted the gentleman who took her hand in his and gave her a kiss on it. Shocked, she removed her hand from him and looked at her mother questioningly, who only smiled in amusement.

"Gnädiges Fräulein." 

Charlotte curtsied and then asked him how to help her mother.

"Die Gnädige Frau, should be out in the fresh air as much as possible," he replied stretched out "here on the terrace and breathe, breathe." He made a movement as if he was churning up air and breathing in.  
"Even in bad weather!" he went on to explain "a thick blanket and be outside as much as possible."

He then opened his medical case and gave a small bottle to Mrs Heywood, her mother opened it and inhaled the scent and passed it on to Charlotte. It was a strong, fragrant smell, somehow woody, she thought.

"Rubbing" the two ladies had to refrain from laughing as he continued to gesticulate.  
"And if the coughing was very spasmodic, take drei Tropfen."

The doctor took the bottle back and closed it, "no more!" He lifted his finger, cautionary and then continued to rummage in his bag. 

"Drink these herbs as tea." He put two small packages on the table "this one calms" he pointed to the left one "and this one relieves the cramp."

Afterwards he said he will come back every other day, he said his goodbye.

One of the servants came into the room and announced Mr Parker, Charlotte was looking forward to going out and discovering more of Sanditon. She needed to be distracted. But her smile vanished as soon as she saw Mr Sidney Parker enter the room.

"Good morning Mrs Heywood," he bowed to her mother, who rose almost startled and greeted him with a stiff expression.  
"Mr Parker."

"Miss Heywood." Charlotte watched him silently, trying to ignore her beating heart, remembering her silly dream.

"Please forgive me, Mr Parker," her mother began, who slowly sat back down "but we were expecting Mr Tom Parker."

"I know, Mrs Heywood," he glanced briefly from mother to daughter "my brother had an accident on the way home yesterday."

"Oh, we hope nothing serious?"  
"Yes, I'm afraid so."  
"What happened?" 

Charlotte asked curiously and immediately bit her lip, not wanting to appear indelicate, but seeing the honest concern on his face. Sidney smiled slightly. Her question did not seem to bother him.

"For once he can't put any weight on his leg." he said to Mrs Heywood and then turned to her "I'm afraid you'll have to take me with you, to visit the construction site." 

His smile made her heart flutter, also it did not reached his eyes and Charlotte's heart sank. The feeling that had burned cold through her body this morning now lay like a lump in her stomach.

“And my sister-in-law gave me this for you.”   
He handed her the book, both tried not to touch each other but unable to not look in each other’s eyes.  
“Thank you, Mr Parker.”

Sidney looked at Mrs Heywood, who looked briefly at Charlotte and then, after a deep breath, gave her permission to let them go together.

"Shall we go then?" asked Sidney, and a small part of him rejoiced, that through the confusion, perhaps the letter from Mr Heywood had been forgotten.  
Just as the two were about to say goodbye and leave the room with hearts pounding and confused feelings, Mrs Heywood called out,

"Mr Parker", Sidney couldn't help but see a little glimmer in the woman's eyes and feel pretty stupid.   
"Since you cannot come for tea, while Charlotte looks around with your brother, I give you the letter from my husband now." she gave it to him.

"Ahh, thank you."

He took it and stared at it for a moment before putting it in his breast pocket. He felt his coat had become much heavier. 

"But I hope you will have a cup with us later?" she asked politely. Sidney looked at her a bit irritated and Mrs Heywood continued.  
"When you come back with Charlotte from the tour."  
"It would be my pleasure." He then bowed and followed Charlotte outside.

After a few steps, which they spent in complete silence, Charlotte took heart,

"Mr Parker,"  
"Miss Heywood." he gritted his teeth.  
"Could we go down to the sea first?" she looked at him with that deep look in her beautiful eyes and Sidney needed a moment to nod and point the way.

The wind freshened up a bit and the air blowing towards them almost tore her bonnet off her head. She laughed and closed her eyes while she took it off and let her hair spin around her head. Full of astonishment he looked at her, the laughter was one of the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard and he had to smile. He felt caught when she opened her eyes again and watched him staring. Although Sidney immediately averted his gaze and pointed in the direction in which the bathing machines were standing, he had seen the slight blush that rose up into her cheeks.

After he told her about the bathing machines, they walked down towards the water line and both hung after their own thoughts. Neither of them felt the need to talk, although they both would have liked to listen to the other.

"I think we should go back." he said after a while. They had been standing alone on the beach for too long.

Charlotte looked up at him and nodded. Silently they went back to the town and the hustle and bustle of the construction site was such a contrast to the calm they had just felt. After Sidney had told everyone that Tom was injured and could not come the next days, a murmur went through the men, but they didn't seem really sad. One of the workers took Charlotte to the construction site, and although Sidney was a bit worried whether she could climb the ladder with her dress on, he couldn't follow her. The pressure on his chest grew stronger with each step and he felt an urgent need to read the letter. He just wanted to get over with it.

Charlotte saw the constructions and the ideas, which were explained to her, and was happy to be a little distracted. But when Mr Stringer accompanied her back downstairs, she saw Mr Parker reading her father's letter with his jaw clenched. She said goodbye to the nice foreman and went back to her host. He kept his eyes closed for a moment and the letter crumpled in his fist.

"What is it?"

A little startled, he looked at her and tried to find the right words. Their eyes locked and he shook his head only slightly, he could not show her the letter, he did not want her to know.

Since the construction site was not a suitable place for this kind of conversation, he pointed in the direction from which they had come. They went silently in the direction of the beach. Sidney wondered how he could summarize the letter without let her feeling betrayed by her father, or by them both.

"Miss Heywood, erm…" he searched for the right words, "your father asked me, to come back to Willingden, when I am about to go to London."

Charlotte looked at him with a charming little crease between her eyebrows.

"Because of the…." she began quietly.  
"Yes", he interrupted her he could not bear to hear it from her and dropped his gaze. His gaze wandered briefly to the man on the other side of the path, before she took him out of his thoughts with her question.

"Why didn't he give them to Mama?"   
"I don't know, Miss Heywood." Sidney confessed truthfully and they continued to walk side by side in peace. Charlotte could not help smiling. She turned her head away so he couldn't see it, and saw that they had unfortunately already returned home. 

"Mother won't be pleased..." she muttered, and Sidney wasn't sure if he should have heard it. And was all the more astonished when she looked over her shoulder and kept on talking in a conspiratorial whisper.

"She is desperate to find me a husband." 

She rolled her eyes and then smiled cheekily at him before looking to the house in front of her and she suddenly stops. Her white dress whirled around by the wind, like an elf from the books of his nieces, her dark curls dancing in all directions. And as if this sight of her, hadn't been enough to let his heart whirl around in his chest, the words she whispered against the wind did.

"And yet I already have one."


	4. Irritating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is pretty irritating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since you had to wait long for an update, here is a long chapter for you. Hope you like it.

Mrs Heywood stood by the window of the drawing room, wrapped in a blanket to warm her weakened body and watched them come back. And although she could not understand what was being said, she recognised something. Contrary to her advice to stay away from him and protect her heart from this man, she saw her daughter's body language. Charlotte turned to him, not only politely her face and eyes, but her whole body seemed drawn to him, even if they were walking decently side by side.

Shaking her head, she released a long breath, for now her eyes wandered to Mr Parker and he did not seem to listen much to her words either. His steps had adapted to Charlotte's, his neck was slightly bent, so the difference in size did not seem so great. His body seemed to be somehow turned towards hers as well. But what was most shocking was that they walked so close that it seemed as if their hands almost touched.

Although this tall, broad fellow seemed to have a good heart, he did not really seem to be a honourable man like his brother. Because even though he had come to the aid of her husband and her daughter, he still had to deal with these people in 'The Hall'. And that could only mean that he was in debt and did not know how to handle money. Of course, this was a bit hypocritical, because her husband had got involved with these people too, but Mrs Heywood could not help but see Mr Sidney Parker in the dark light she wanted to see him. There was something wrong with him, she was sure of it.  
A very handsome, hard-working gentleman in his late twenties, charming and coming from a good family, rich enough to build up a whole town with his brother, should have been married long ago. Of course, his sister-in-law had only spoken of him affectionately when she came by earlier in the day. Of course the conversation had gone over poor Mr Tom, but Mary had told her in a warm way how Sidney had helped him and how worried he had been. Mrs Heywood had managed to put up some indirect questions to find out more about him.

"He seems to have a really good heart." she had suspected, and Mary had eagerly replied,  
"He did. I am therefore concerned for his own happiness."  
"Oh, I think the concern is unnecessary." she smiled at her guest.  
"No, I fear his heart is too big, and when he loves, he loves too much." Mrs Parker smiled slightly back.  
"Then I hope he didn't get his heart broken."

It seemed to be a statement, but Mary answered this question anyway, with a sad expression on her face. Mrs Parker was considering whether to reveal her brother-in-law's private affairs, and then apparently answered honestly, 

"I'm afraid so." She had a sip of her tea before she went on, "it was a long time ago, he was very young, but..." 

She seemed to be searching for the right words again and Mrs Heywood suddenly felt guilty and patted Mary's arm, 

"You don't have to tell me, it's none of my business."

"It’s all right, he's gone down a dark path to work through the pain. I mean he left that part of his life behind, but still he never fully came back." She replied cryptically and Mrs Heywood found her assumption confirmed that a dark aura surrounded him.

"But without him, I don't know where we'd be." muttered Mary before taking a small piece of pastry and chewing it, lost in thought.

This statement, coupled with her obvious admiration for her brother-in-law, prompted Mrs Heywood to make a plan. Although she would have preferred to do it without Charlotte, she would try to discover more of him.

"Mama, we're back." 

Cried Charlotte as she came into the drawing room with a smile and a slightly blushed face, giving her mother a cheerful hug and a kiss on the cheek. Though her cheeks felt cool, and one might think her face colour was due to the breeze freshening, Mrs Heywood saw the truth in the glow in Charlotte's eyes. With a stabbing pain in her chest, she let her daughter tell her about the construction site and the view over the town, the design and the ideas behind it. Even though she listened and should have been worried that they had gone down to the sea unaccompanied, her thoughts swirled only around the questions she would ask Mr Parker. It was important to show her daughter that he was not the hero she thought he was and certainly not an ideal husband.

Still, somehow she had a guilty conscience. Maybe it was because she had never experienced Charlotte like that before and did not want to take away the illusion of her first infatuation. Or maybe it was because of the slightly rapt expression on Mr Parker's face when he felt unobserved for a moment and watched her daughter with a timid smile.

When they were served their tea, they sat down at the table and Charlotte considered how she could get her mother interested in Sanditon. She spoke more excitedly than intentionally about her little three hours tour with Mr Parker and noticed for herself how untypical it was of her. Was he to think she was a rambling silly girl? 

Her mother put her cool hand on Charlotte's arm to stop her storm of enthusiasm. Charlotte paused and glanced at Sidney for a moment before embarrassingly offering him some tea.  
An uncomfortable silence followed the interrogation of her mother and Charlotte tried desperately to influence the course of the conversation.

"So, Mr Parker," her mother began, "since you are not an architect, may I ask what exactly is your role in this family business?"

"I make sure that investors and guests come to Sanditon."

"Do you travel a lot, Mr Parker, to advertise?" Charlotte asked enthusiastically, wishing she could have bombarded him with a thousand questions of his destinations, but she saw her mother's disapproving look.

"Not at the moment, I'm afraid." a slight smile played around his eyes.  
"Why not?" Charlotte asked when she heard the disappointment in his voice.

"Probably because Mr Parker can help his brother here in Sanditon."

Her mother pondered, and Charlotte asked his exact occupation, trying to avoid her mother asking personal questions. He gratefully accepted the offer and told her about the organization of the festivities.

Mrs Heywood noticed, of course, that Charlotte was trying to distract the conversation from the actual topic, which, like an unknown fourth person, was sitting at the table with them. But she had inherited the stubbornness to her daughter and knew what she had to do.

"Was my husband's letter to your satisfaction, Mr Parker?"

Charlotte gasped for breath and felt her cheeks begin to blush. After briefly clenching his jaw Mr Parker answered truthfully,

"Your husband has asked me to stop at Willingden on my way to London." 

"And when do you intend to do this?" asked Mrs Heywood, making no secret of the fact she hoped it would be soon.

Charlotte's heart was pounding in her chest she feared and longed for the answer in equal measure.

"Not so soon, I am afraid." 

Charlotte felt his gaze on her, which strangely burned on her back just as she had averted her gaze. 

"This week the preparations for the festivities begin, and since my brother cannot walk", he left the sentence unfinished. Charlotte did not dare to look at him, for she did not want to expose herself to her mother's piercing gaze again.  
Her mother had only coughed quietly a few times during the whole conversation, but now she seemed very exhausted and Charlotte was worried that she was not feeling well.

"Mama, what do you need?"  
"Oh, Lotts" her mother moaned briefly and smiled in agony, "another blanket would be good."

As Charlotte ran out of the room, she heard her mother say something to Mr Parker, and she took two steps at a time to get back down as quickly as possible. Charlotte grabbed the first blanket she could find in her mother's room and ran back down the stairs as fast as she could, her brain already in the drawing room and what to say. 

“Ouch.” 

She cried as she slammed into a hard wall. Only that the wall had two hands, which immediately grabbed her, but let go of her again in the blink of an eye. She had the feeling of swaying slightly as the solid anchorage disappeared.

"Miss Heywood." he could barely suppress a smile, but his eyes betrayed him. He took a small step back and explained briefly "I was just leaving."

"Of course, Mr Parker." her voice was just so breathless because she had run so fast up and down the stairs it was not because of his imposing figure towering above her. 

"I think you have a lot of work to do," Charlotte said for him.  
"Yes, yes. I erm..." his eyes wandered briefly towards the drawing room,  
"Good day, Miss Heywood, it was a pleasure."

He bowed, and his scent sloshed over to her, it smelled so fresh and woody and something she did not recognised, but it was a good smell. She liked it. Her heart was racing at this thought, and the shame of this inappropriate thought crept in her cheeks.

“Yes, thank you.” she did not know exactly what she was thanking him for and stared for a moment longer at the door through which he had disappeared before her mother called out for her.

No sooner had the door closed behind him than Sidney leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment. The thoughts and inexplicable confused feelings that whirled around in him demanded a moment of rest. He had to think.  
Of course he had seen that the sick woman was not well, and on the one hand he was glad to escape her piercing gaze, but to ask him to leave, at the moment when her daughter had left the room, was quite obvious. She wanted him to stay away from Charlotte.

"I'm infinitely grateful for everything you've done for her, for us, Mr Parker." she had honestly said and offered him her hand, which felt as fragile as razor-thin glass. 

"But being here is an opportunity for Charlotte to make new acquaintances." she had then said in a firm voice, and even the weak hand grip intensified. Sidney understood the hint she was giving him and nodded slightly. Her daughter was to meet her future husband here. 

But even if he wanted to, he could not find a way to let Sanditon and Tom down this week, especially not with Tom’s injured leg. Although he knew it was rude not to say goodbye to Miss Heywood who in his mind was still Mr Sidney Parker, but he had to leave the house as soon as possible. After all, he had promised Mrs Heywood to get out of Charlotte’s way as best he could. It would be better for him too.

That she ran into him at that very moment made his confusion even worse. He had seen a dark flash in the corner of his eye, and then his hands had magically formed around her waist. He had felt her body tense under his short touch and let go of her immediately. Still the feeling of the soft fabric of her dress lingered on his fingertips and he had to clench his hands into fists so he could hold on to that warm feeling a little longer. The feelings were highly irritating. She was highly irritating. Her words as they arrived here, were irritating. Why did she say that? Did she feel the odd belonging too? Or was it meant in jest, as an insider joke between them? He urgently needed a dip in the ocean, he needed to clear his thoughts and get rid of this urgently needed feeling. This feeling he could not even put a name on.

Sidney opened his eyes again with a groan and ran his hand through his hair, before he put his hat back on, he could already feel the curious looks of the passers-by on him. He looked up, about to say something rude or make a grimace, but only recognized the man from before, who still seemed to be waiting for his appointment and only looked at his pocket watch annoyed.

Relieved that no one had noticed his loitering at the door, Sidney left for Trafalgar House to go through the next steps with Tom. He tried to suppress the feeling that someone was with him the whole time. He shook his head. How could that be? Only after one morning together, the feeling of physical closeness was so pervasive.

When he arrived in front of his brother's house he let Dr Fuchs pull him out of his thoughts.

"Good day Dr Fuchs, how is Tom?" he asked in concern, but the doctor took away his fear immediately when he reminded him that he had only brought the armpit crutches.

"I think this gentleman is waiting for you." 

Sidney followed the doctor's gaze and was surprised to see the gentleman from before.  
"I don't think so."

He looked the man up and down, who was looking at his pocket watch again, and came to the conclusion, that the gentleman seemed rather annoyed that his appointment had apparently stood him up.

The doctor turned to leave, wishing Sidney a good day. Again this unpleasant, yet intangible feeling crawled up Sidney’s neck and he turned back to the hotel. But the waiting gentleman had disappeared.

The next few days were rainy and went quietly and insignificantly, except for short visits to Trafalgar House, during which they unfortunately never got to see Mr Sidney Parker. Although Mrs Heywood was delighted at his absence, she could not help but notice Charlotte's disappointment, although she tried not to show it.

Mary Parker and her sister-in-law Diana came for tea almost every day and had persuaded Charlotte to come down to the sea to try the bathing machines Mr Parker had told her about. Even though Charlotte was worried about her mother, she was overjoyed when she seemed strong enough to come with them every day. The climate, and the sun which was now breaking out more often, did her mood and health very good. Of course Dr Fuchs' medicine seemed to help as well, as he was also very pleased with the progress of her mother’s recovery, as he had announced on his last visit, and had encouraged her to leave the house as often as possible.

Since the water was still too cold for the others, Charlotte was the only one who took a swim in the sea. 

The first time it was so cold, she had lost her breath for a moment, but since she had always discovered water as her element, it was hard to get her out. Because of the choppy sea, which prevailed despite the good weather, one of the bathing machines was quite at the end of the beach section and Charlotte was happy to be able to go a little further away from the others. Not only did she have the urgent need to be alone with her thoughts about a certain gentleman, but she also wanted to escape any glances of everyone around. She planned to go swimming with less clothing to try out her self-learned skills. She had told Betty, the young woman who helped her into the water at the bathing machine, about her plan and she supported her.

No sooner had she slipped into the water this time with this light undergarment, than she swam away already with practiced moves. She swam back and Betty suggested her to swim to the next rock and she would remember the time how long she would need for it.

Charlotte stepped out of the water for a moment, of course not without first looking if she could be seen and then jumped back into the water from the steps of the bathing machine. She swam towards the rocks with strong strokes and since she was only concentrating on her breath and the distance, her thoughts were freed from all other things. No sooner had she reached the rock than she turned to Betty who waved to her happily. A little exhausted Charlotte turned on her back and let her thoughts drift to a certain gentleman, whom she not had seen for days, but longed to speak to him again. She was so sad that he followed Mama's wish and she hoped that she could see and speak to him the next day. Mary had asked them to come with them to the river to help with the final touches for the festivities. And since her mother was happy to show her gratitude to the Parkers this way, they have already accepted. It would probably be the most exciting day she had ever had. Because in the evening there was the first ball of the season where she could wear the beautiful dress her parents had bought for her.

Just as she was imagining what it would be like to dance with him, Betty signalled her with a whistle to return.

Sidney had hoped to meet her at Trafalgar House or somewhere in Sanditon, but it seemed as if he always missed her by a few minutes. A few times he had heard her unmistakable laugh and turned in that direction, but only got to see a little of her hair blowing in the wind. Frustrated, he had continued to work and was even sometimes so deep in thought that he completely ignored everyone around him. He knew what Mrs Heywood expected of him and he did not seek Charlotte out, although it caused him almost physical pain not to meet her. 

It was stupid and also frustrating beyond all measure.

He would have loved to hear her opinion on the number and arrangement of the tents. She had a good eye for aesthetics. Since he knew from Mary that she also liked to be with the children, he would also have liked to ask her about the games and competitions for the little ones. He was interested in her opinion and he knew that a conversation with her about the right number of pennants was more interesting than the endless debates about Tom's latest ideas.

Actually, he was looking forward to finally seeing her again. His heart had even stopped beating strangely when he had learned from Mary the day before, that she was going to take the Heywood’s to the river. Hope arose to hear her opinion on all these things after all. He even gave in to the illusion of asking her to reserve a dance for the evening ball. Sidney wondered what it must be like to hold her in his arms. He had imagined her in the delicate dress she had held in her hand when he picked her up for dinner on her first day. 

In the morning, when he was about to discuss the day's business with Tom, who lay on the sofa in his study like a sovereign king, he could barely make out how young Mr Stringer wanted to leave the house with quick steps and an angry face. He had greeted Mr Stringer, but he had only tapped his hat and stormed out of the house. Since he couldn't stand Tom and his constant nagging, he later stopped by the construction site, and then learned that Tom hadn't paid the workers for weeks. To avoid the threatened strike he had paid Mr Stringer the money an hour later and after a huge argument with Tom he had gone for a swim earlier than usual to calm down.

That had been his mistake.

He had sat on the beach and stared out to the sea. He was glad to have found this small, separately situated rocky bay. Here he could be sure that he was alone with his thoughts. The angular rocks, left and right of him, were a natural screen and the sharp and dangerous looking rocks scared even enthusiastic swimmers away, because they were afraid to hurt themselves. But that didn't bother him, he had often had minor and major cuts, but he knew how to avoid them by now.

The clapping of the waves against the rough stone had a calming effect and things seemed clearer to him now. Just as he was thinking about how he would try to lead Charlotte away from her mother to spend a few minutes alone with her, he heard someone breathing heavily. Frightened that someone had discovered his secret cove after all, he got up and looked around, but couldn't see anyone. He pulled his shirt over his wet body and now tied up his breeches while he searched and glided his gaze across the water surface. He had already dismissed the sounds as fantasy when he saw her.

Like a piece of flotsam, she let the waves rock her back and forth. Her eyes were closed, her face turned towards the warming sun. Her hair was under the water, but he thought he could see it being gently tossed around by the waves. She looked supernatural like the nymphs in the paintings he had once seen.

He couldn't help it. He would have averted his gaze if he had had the chance, but everything happened so fast that his brain only really understood what he had seen later, when he had left the cove hours ago. The light-coloured fabric that clung to her body nestled itself tenderly over her lush curves, which protruded from the water like two gentle hills of a distant land.

Not that he had ever not seen her as a beautiful woman, but just in that moment he had realized that she was a very sensual one, but she was not aware of it in her innocence. And this made her even more breath taking and his feelings more irritating than before.

Charlotte recognized him from a distance by his broad shoulders as he spoke to one of the workers and only looked in their direction when Diana called out to him. His gaze lingered on her for a moment before he greeted the ladies politely. Her heart fluttered and it felt in her stomach as if she hadn't eaten for days. 

Following her mother's disapproving look, she saw that his shirtsleeves were rolled up and stared with fascination at his shapely forearms, slightly kissed by the sun. She lost herself for a moment in the thought of how his muscles under the skin would tense if they wrapped around her body. Only when Mr Parker cleared his throat could she release her gaze and stare into his face.

"Miss Heywood."

His voice had taken on a slightly hoarse tone and the shiver that ran down her back made her cheeks glow.

"I was just about to inspect all the tents and stations of the children's games again and wondered if you would like some refreshment" his gaze wandered to her mother who, accompanied by Mary and Diana, was having a drink in one of the tents.

"May I perhaps accompany you?" she asked somewhat breathlessly and could hardly hold back a smile as they slowly walked around, always within sight of her mother and yet finally alone.

Although the ball in the evening only heralded the start of the season, some guests had already arrived in Sanditon and many of them also took a walk along the river. Sidney recognized a few of them by sight and greeted them absent-minded as they walked by.  
Some of the children already tried their hand at one or the other game. But the Charlotte and Sidney hardly recognised any of this, they walked next to each other in silence and didn't even notice that they were moving further and further away from everyone else. 

"I'm afraid we've gone too far." Charlotte suddenly said as she stopped and looked back.

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry about that. Let's go back then." he pointed in the direction they had come from and as he turned, his forearm almost touched hers and they both froze in their movement. Their gazes got stuck for a moment.

"Miss Heywood ..."

Then Charlotte grabbed his arm and both froze by her touch. Her hand burned into his skin and he had an irritatingly brief moment trouble to breath.

"Mr Parker!" she screamed and ran.

Lost was the moment, and when Sidney had gathered himself, he ran after her, and as he approached he saw Tom lying in the dust of the path, writhing in pain. 

"Tom, what happened?" yelled Sidney, who helped his brother up immediately.

Charlotte instantly gave him the two crutches that seemed to have slipped away when he fell.

"What are you even doing here?" Sidney asked with a deep furrow between his brows.  
"Mary hadn't mentioned anything about you coming." Charlotte realized and glanced over Mr Parker to check him for any injuries.

"I'm fine, I fell." Tom said with a defensive move, shooing away the helping hands.

"You were supposed to come in the carriage." remarked Sidney, who again had a strange feeling, but perhaps it was the lingering feeling of her hand on his arm.

"Yes, yes." cried Tom and leaned against the tree behind him. "I got out to enjoy the view."

"What are you talking about, Tom?" cried Sidney, and Charlotte let her gaze wander around to see if the carriage were anywhere to be seen.

"Surely these men can't leave you standing here all alone." Sidney yelled at his brother.  
"Sidney, it's all right." And to Charlotte, Tom said, in a friendly tone  
"Thank you, Miss Heywood, but everything is all right."

"Your coat is torn." she noticed and Sidney, following her gaze, saw something else.  
"Tom!"  
"What is it, Sidney? I told you I am all right…."

"You've lost Father's watch!"


	5. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs Heywood continues to try to keep them apart and Tom's secrets are revealed - but at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a long chapter to get things there, where I wanted them to go.  
> I hope you like it.

Mary stared at Tom who let Sidney lie down on the sofa theatrically and immediately called for refreshment. Of course she was worried about him, but lately he really seemed to have bad luck. He was so agitated and often seemed troubled by worry and deep in thought.

"I hope they find it," Sidney sighed and leaned against the fireplace.   
"What Sidney?" Mary asked him curiously.  
"Well, Miss Heywood is searching the whole area with all the children."  
"I still don't understand what you mean. What are they looking for?"  
"Well, Father's watch," he explained, puzzled that Mary had not noticed the missing watch.

"But Tom had misplaced it days before."

Sidney first stared at Mary then Tom, "But..."  
Tom pulled up his hands defensively and shouted   
"I never said I lost it there."  
"You misplaced the watch?" he stared incredulously at Tom, who was now having a sip of wine.  
"Erm, yes, I mean, I don't know exactly where I put it and I can't find it."  
"But... I mean you... how long have you been looking for it?" 

Sidney had not really been here in the last few days, and since he had come back from London or much more from Willingden, he was partly only physically present, but still they could have told him.

"Since... I don't know..." Tom sheepishly replied, but Mary contradicted him,   
"We know since last Wednesday." 

With astonishment the brothers looked at Mary, each with thoughts of their own.

"I wanted to polish the watch like I do every Wednesday night." Mary shrugged and went on thinking, " After I came back from the Heywood’s."

Sidney looked piercingly at his brother, but he avoided his gaze and then tried to change the subject.   
"I should now be taken upstairs and rested a little before the ball, my leg is really hurting."  
"Oh, Tom, of course." Mary smiled at her brave husband before she left the room.  
"Are you sure you want to make the effort?" Sidney asked worriedly.  
"Of course I don't want to stay at home alone!" he laughed exaggeratedly, adding,   
"It's an important evening for all of us."

When Mary returned with two of the servants who were to take Tom upstairs, Sidney stopped for a moment. He had a very strange feeling, which he could not really put a name to, and then he left the house.

Mrs Heywood was getting really worried about her daughter and her reputation. Not only did she go for a walk along the river with Mr Parker unaccompanied, but also she came back with her skirts flowing and her cheeks flushed! Of course some of the walkers had seen this and especially the nice looking gentlemen standing by the trees were looking curiously at her. At the thought that Mr Parker had approached her daughter improperly, Mrs Heywood felt herself close to fainting, what a scandal!

Fortunately, however, her fear was not confirmed and in her mind Mrs Heywood apologised to Mr Parker. She urgently needed to speak to Charlotte about her behaviour, after all, she was to find a husband and not lose her reputation because she was alone with Mr Parker.

When the Parker carriage came to collect them all, Charlotte preferred to walk back with the children she had promised a treasure hunt. This one time, Mrs Heywood wanted to let her daughter go through, but successfully prevented her from being alone with Mr Parker afterwards. Mrs Heywood insisted that he accompany his sick brother and was about to make the effort to walk back when Diana Parker offered to walk back with Charlotte.

Now Mrs Heywood was back in her favourite place at the window of the drawing room, waiting for Charlotte to return from the treasure hunt, so that she would have enough time to get ready for the ball.

Sidney had tried to visit the coachmen in their respective lodgings, but had not found them. Only at the bar at the Inn he found one of them and confronted him, 

"Why did you leave my brother alone in the forest?"  
"But Sir, he sent us away."  
"Didn't he tell you to come back and get him?"  
"Yes, he did. He told us to pick up the Parker ladies by the tents and come back for him."  
"Aha."  
"I think he wanted to have a little business talk..."  
"With whom?" Sidney asked the slightly drunk man in front of him.  
"I don't know, Mr Parker, Sir. There was a man waiting for him at the clearing..."  
"Is it one of the gentlemen here?" Sidney looked around, but there were only a few people here at that hour and he knew them all.  
"No Mr Parker," the coachman knew those present.   
"It was a finely dressed gentleman."

"Have you ever seen him before?" Sidney asked heated.  
The coachman pondered for a moment,   
"Only when I helped the ladies into the carriage."   
Sidney looked at him with a furrowed brow indicated him to continue talking.

"He was standing nearby with some other well-dressed gentlemen."

Charlotte had prepared herself thoroughly for the evening. She had bathed extensively and rested to be able to stay long at the ball in the evening. Her heart was beating up to her neck the whole time while the maid was doing her hair and she could think undisturbed about Mr Parker, whose shapely forearms she could not get out of her head. How she wanted to touch them.

When she was helped into the ball gown, she had the feeling that it was serious, as if, her father had asked her about history and she had not prepared herself well enough.  
Awestruck she stroked over the beautiful dress with light fingers, the delicate muslin felt so soft and light on her skin that she felt almost as exposed as if she was just walking around in her underdress.

When she looked at the mirror, she could hardly believe that she was quite presentable. She hoped so much that Mr Parker would dance with her at least once. She remembered the feeling he had created in her every time he touched her. It must be absolutely thrilling to dance with him.

Before she went down to her mother, she reached for the small perfume bottle, appropriately named ‘l'odeur de la mer’, it really smelled of the salty air, but had a warmer, almost woody note that somehow reminded her of him. She still thought of him as her husband, even though she knew that her mother wanted to see her with someone else.

As Sidney let his gaze wander through the ballroom while he greeted the guests in place of his brother, his gaze lingered on Charlotte and he paused in his speech for a brief moment. She was adorable, but before he lost himself completely in her sight, he spoke quickly and opened the ball. He walked purposefully towards her, hoping he would be the first to ask her to dance.

He knew that there were other plans for her, but she would certainly not turn him down in public. Moving towards her through the first dancing couples he was prevented by guests, some friends and his brother Arthur from reaching her immediately. He was glad that she and her mother now greeted Tom and stayed there a little longer to talk to Mary.

When he finally arrived and greeted the ladies, Tom involved him in a conversation and he had to watch a gentleman approaching her, but before this gentleman could reach her she stole away to get her mother a glass of punch. He said goodbye with the excuse to talk to his friends about potential investors and went to the table where the punch was served.

"Miss Heywood." Just the way he pronounced her name made her cheeks glow and she turned to him in delight.

"Mr Parker." her smile was so dazzling that Sidney could only stare at her for a moment before he bowed.

"I hope the news reached you early and you didn't spend all day looking for the watch in vain." He said, smiling slightly.

"No, we had already given up looking when the servant came with the message."  
"Good." Sidney smiled and tried to find a subject to talk to her about.  
"I hope you can find it."  
"Tom misplaced it and doesn't remember exactly where."  
"If I could help you..." she sighed.  
"But what can you do?" he asked amused.  
"You can squeeze me into the smallest corners," she laughed, "and push me in bed."  
Their eyes met at her slip and she blushed deeply.  
"I mean under the beds..."

Mrs Heywood did not like it when Mr Parker accompanied her daughter back to them to bring his brother a punch, but she had to admit that Charlotte had never been so pretty as she was at that moment. She looked up at him with bright eyes and slightly blushed cheeks and he seemed to enjoy her company. Some of the gentlemen turned to Charlotte as she walked by. Mrs Heywood even recognised the men from the river who openly showed their admiration.

When Mr Parker then asked her to dance the first two dances with Charlotte, she could not refuse him, of course, especially as Mary and Tom Parker would have considered it an affront. Unfortunately, she had to admit to herself that they seemed very harmonious together.

When her mother gave permission for them to dance together, Charlotte loved to follow her impulse and almost hugged her mother, but the hand Mr Parker offered her immediately distracted her. His warmth penetrated her glove, which she unfortunately had to wear, what a sensation it would be to feel his skin on hers again?   
The dance began and although they were a couple, they first had to cross over and switch places with others. Charlotte dared to look at him and felt captured when he caught her gaze and smiled. She lowered her gaze again and followed the sequence of steps until they finally stood in front of each other.

And then Charlotte suddenly had the feeling that the music seemed to get quieter, because she could hear the rustling of her dress as he put his warm hand on her back. Even the slight scarring of her hand in his could be heard before she could feel the imprint of his fingers through her clothes. As he took her hand in his and they walked down the row side by side, she could feel the cool silky fabric of his vest on her exposed upper arm and she gasped briefly as his light fingers wrapped around her waist. The grip of her hand strengthened briefly and she looked up at him. His smile had disappeared there was something astonishing about his look. There was that little furrow between his eyebrows again and she wished she could just wipe it away.

Then they had reached the end of the row and had to let go to make their way around the other dancers and then find each other again. Charlotte felt as if they were sliding towards each other even when the step sequence had not demanded it. It was as if they were connected to each other, like their own shadows. When they had to step back in the row, she was allowed to push her arm around his middle, her other hand met his above her head and Charlotte had that feeling of this inner warmth again. They were so close, it was almost like an embrace, because she was almost pressed against his side, she felt his presence penetrate her body and it was almost too much.

Sidney pressed his spread hand in the small of her back once more before they had to part again at the end of the row. The look she gave him as they danced through the others couples, like water flowing over stones, was intense and irritating. Her slightly opened lips attracted his gaze again and as they met again for the last round, it felt like he could breath again.  
Now they held their arms crossed in front of their bodies and he could feel the soft muslin under his knuckles, which rubbed slightly against his hand with every step.

When the music went out, they stood opposite each other and unlike all the other couples they were silent and just looked at each other. Only when the second song began did they realise that they were not yet in position and her light blush was so enchanting that Sidney forgot all steps for a moment. When he noticed his mistake, he almost had to laugh and he looked away from her, so she would not see it. He let his gaze wander again for a moment when he noticed a man staring at Charlotte blatantly.

That was the reason why he pulled her a little closer to him when she finally returned into his arms. His heart was pecking he knew it was not jealousy. It was more than that. It was clear to him at that moment, that he wanted her. Not as a man wanted a woman, but as a husband wanted a wife. It was not lust she had awakened in him with her sight down the cove. It was not only the feeling of togetherness he had irritatingly felt immediately. It was also not her name that felt so good next to his. He wanted to protect her. From every danger and every unprotected look. 

He was sure he was in love with her.

Sidney shook his head slightly as he looked at her stunned. They did not know each other and her mother wanted something else for her. With Mr Heywood, he was almost certain that he liked him somehow and his words were not meant as a joke. But the most important thing was how did she feel about him? 

Could he ask her such a question?

Her defensive attitude at their first meeting seemed to have completely disappeared, he almost had the feeling that she also liked him otherwise she would encourage him to leave her alone. He had to try to find out. Maybe he could persuade Mrs Heywood to let him court her daughter.

It burned. Charlotte’s stomach was tingling, and she was almost dizzy from the intensity of his gaze. The parts of her body he touched were prickling and it ran like a thread through her whole body. Charlotte wanted to seal that feeling deep inside her. She wondered if he felt the same. She lowered her gaze, ashamed of the thoughts she had, maybe she really read too much in his behaviour and he was only polite like her mother said. But how could she find out? 

Maybe she could convince her mother that she wanted to get to know him better before she send him away again.

After Sidney had accompanied her back, he tried to speak to her mother, who reminded him politely but firmly of his duties as host. And as soon as Sidney was out of sight, he saw Charlotte go onto the dance floor with the next gentleman.

Of course, no other dance was as intoxicating as the two dances with Sidney Parker, and Charlotte did not give any of her partners enough attention to listen to them really. Again and again she let her gaze wander to him, smiled when their eyes met and sometimes lost herself completely in his sight, so that at some point she forgot everyone around her. Just as she was sitting on one of the sofas between Mary and Diana, completely lost in thought about Mr Parker, who was engaged in conversation with a couple of gentlemen on the opposite side of the hall, a tall gentleman bowed to them.

"The enchanting Ladies Parker," his quiet voice was heard. 

All the ladies looked at the gentleman, who turned briefly to Tom to greet him, too.

"Mrs...?" he looked at Mrs Heywood who smiled at him with pleasure and told him her name.  
"May I dance with your charming daughter, Mrs Heywood?"  
"I'm sure she would be delighted."

Charlotte took a deep breath because on the one hand she was having just such an interesting conversation about Sidney Parker with the ladies next to her and on the other hand her mother wanted to see her dance with every man except Sidney.   
But of course she was too civilized to turn down the offer. As the gentleman led her to the dance floor, she heard Mrs Parker ask her husband if he was feeling unwell, and before she could turn around, her new dance partner got her into conversation.

"Do you like it in Sanditon?"   
"Yes, very much." Charlotte tried a smile.  
"Never been to the sea before?"  
"No, Sir."

They lined up for their dance and while she felt he was always one step too close and always held her a little too tight, her eyes wandered again to look for Sidney. She found him beside a group of gentlemen and his gaze in her direction seemed more concerned than friendly.

"You can't take your eyes off him, hmm?" murmured her dancing partner smugly and Charlotte opened her eyes in horror. It was improper that she was staring so obviously at a gentleman, but it was also unbelievably embarrassing to get caught.

"Oh."  
"Don't worry, my little dove," cooed the man at her side, who had to let go briefly for a figure in the dance, and then continued speaking as soon as they got back together. "Young couples, newly wed look at each other like that."

Shocked that he accepted what was only said on paper, but of course it was not the truth, she immediately lowered her gaze and did not know what to answer.

"You're very pale," the gentleman said and ended the dance abruptly and led her to the refreshments.  
"I think you need a drink." 

"Thank you, Sir, I... erm..." he pushed the glass into her hand and his grip on her arm was uncomfortably tight. Charlotte leaned away from him a little he was kind of intrusive, although she thought he only had her welfare in mind.

"Can I be of help?"

As she heard Sidney Parker's voice, her heart rose and her anxious mood disappeared immediately. She felt that his voice alone freed her from the tightness in her chest caused by the importunate man beside her.

"I think the your young lady may have danced too much. You'd better look after her, Mr Parker."

With these words, he bowed and slowly walked back to his companion.

"Did this gentleman bothering you?" he asked with a concerned look.  
"No, not really, he was just convinced that we..."  
"What?"

She leaned in a little closer and her breath tickled the little spot under his ear  
"That we are married."

Charlotte turned away from him and could not look at him when he offered to escort her back to her mother.

Mrs Heywood was glad there seemed to be a disagreement between Charlotte and Mr Parker as they stood almost stiffly beside each other and did not dare to look. Perhaps Charlotte was angry with him, that his impulsive manner had frightened away the friendly gentleman. She had known that sooner or later her daughter would come to her senses, even though she still whispered his name in her dreams.

*

Mary watched her husband with concern because he had not had breakfast again and also left his lunch untouched. He was a shadow of his former self, hardly speaking and in a bad mood. Apparently the strain of the previous evening had been too much for him after all. When he had suddenly turned so pale and grasped at his chest, she had seriously believed he would have a heart attack. Despite his protests, she had convinced him to go home. 

She was very grateful that Miss Heywood had offered to go with Diana and the children to the river and watched the games there so that she could stay with Tom.

"Tom, please tell me what troubles you have." 

She pleaded with him, knowing that there was something great on his heart and she also knew that he did not dare speak of it, either to Sidney or to her.

"Oh, Mary..." he lamented, buried his face in his hands and refusing to speak further.

Frustrated, Sidney had returned to Trafalgar House after speaking with Mrs Heywood. He had probably simply misunderstood everything again and misinterpreted every look and smile. He would have liked to start a fight or even a quarrel with the next person he met, but the only one who got in his way was Mary. 

"What's wrong Sidney?" she asked worriedly, although her concern for Tom was written all over her face.  
"Nothing."  
"But it's something..."  
"No. What about Tom?" he asked rude to change the subject and Mary explained that he didn't want to tell her but that he made a bad impression and was a nervous wreck.   
"Perhaps it is some business with this gentleman that is upsetting him so," she said thoughtfully and Sidney listened up.  
"Which gentleman?"  
"The one who danced with Miss Heywood last night before we went home."

The strange feeling that Sidney had felt more often lately made his neck hair stand up again and he asked if Mary knew his name.

"Tom didn't tell me his name, but he was here last Wednesday to discuss something with Tom."

"Wednesday, you say?"  
"Yes, why?"

But by then, Sidney had disappeared into Tom's study and closed the door behind him.

Charlotte was excited when she arrived with Diana and the children at the river and applauded with them the opening of the river games, which Mr Arthur Parker ceremonially opened as Sidney had not yet appeared. He does not appear all day.

Disappointed that they did not have a moment alone to talk, she accompanied the children to the respective stations and helped little Henry at times. The conversations with Diana were only about the children, Sanditon or her brother Arthur. And unfortunately Charlotte found no way to get Diana to tell about her other brother. Again and again she caught a glimpse of the gentleman who danced with her yesterday and smiled in her direction, but apparently she did not return it. The man made her feel strange.

They did not return home until late afternoon and as Diana invited Charlotte and her mother to tea at Trafalgar House the next day Charlotte asked, if all the Parkers would be there.

"I think so." Diana smiled and said her goodbyes.

Charlotte stood at the door a bit longer and waved the children as they walked back home with their aunt. She then went back happily to her mother, who sat in the armchair in front of the fireplace and made a worried face.

"What s the matter, Mama?"  
"They might be your children." 

Charlotte's heart beat wildly when her feelings for Mr Parker seemed to have convinced her mother after all.

"Mama..." she came smiling and knelt down beside her mother, thinking that a serious conversation was about to begin.

"If you hadn't turned down Mr Williams when you did."  
"Mama!" Charlotte was confused she had imagined a completely different conversation.  
"I know you would have been good together."  
"But no! He was much too old and I only want to marry for love."  
"Or stay married to someone you don't know."

Charlotte moaned in frustration and got up. Her mother's cold hand held her back.

"I know you like him because he helped you," she tried to smile, but it looked more like a painfully contorted grimace.  
"But Mr Parker is definitely not the right man for you."

"How do you know that?"  
"Think about it, Charlotte!"  
"But I'm not allowed to think for myself!" she cried and turned away so her mother would not see the tears that filled her eyes.

"I don't want you to trust in his good heart when his helpfulness was only due to the impulse of a moment."   
"Mama." said Charlotte quietly, "you should know me well enough that I trust myself...and so should you."  
"I do trust you, Charlotte."  
"Then trust that I can find happiness on my own."

She came back to the table and took her mother's hand.

"Charlotte, if he had any feelings for you as you imagine he would, he would not go to Willingden."

"What?" Charlotte asked breathlessly, her heart pounding in her chest and it seemed to burst when her mother barely admitted,

"I asked him to go."

Charlotte turned and walked firmly to the door.

"Where are you going?" Her mother shouted excitedly.  
"I'm going to Trafalgar House and ask him to stay."

Mrs Heywood closed her eyes and tried to get up, but the efforts of the last evening was still in her bones and she sank weakly back into her chair. Of course, she had not told her daughter how the conversation had really gone and that Mr Parker had only agreed to travel to Willingden after she had convinced him that Charlotte was interested in another gentleman. 

Sadly, she had to admit that his gaze seemed disappointed or even hurt, and when he left without explaining why he had come at all, she worried that it might have been wrong to assume his indifference towards her daughter.

Desperate, Sidney sat in the study and thought about how he could improve this horrible situation for all concerned. 

"Sidney, what is it?" Mary's voice reached him, and after the exhausting conversation Tom had brought upstairs.

"Tom screwed up big time."  
"What do you mean, he screwed up?"  
"He owes ‘The Hall’ even more than I've already paid off."

Mary sat down on the sofa in shock and let him tell her the rest of the story. 

"You say the watch he gave them as collateral?"  
"Yes."  
"And his knee...?" she sobbed up and put her trembling hand over her mouth.  
"A warning."  
"Oh, dear Lord, but what shall we do now?" she cried alarmed.  
"I'll get the money."  
"Sidney."  
"Or they will not stop stalking him and who knows what else they might do."  
"What do you mean?"  
"They were at the ball."  
"The man who greeted us so nicely and danced with Miss Heywood?"  
"Yes." Sidney was sick at the thought of that brutal man putting his hand on her back and holding her hand.

"We have to send them home."  
"The Heywoods?"  
"Yes," Sidney got up and walked up and down the room,   
"I don't want anything to happen to them."

"What made you think anything would happen to them?"

Sidney avoided Mary's gaze.

"Sidney tell me!" cried she.  
"Tom's got a message, they're threatening something's going to happen if there's no next payment tonight."

Charlotte stood on the soft sand and stared at the blue-greenish sea, which merged with the blue of the sky on the horizon. Her tears had now dried up and although she found it so beautiful here, she longed for the green fields of her home. Her mother had been right all along and she had idealized Sidney Parker and interpreted his politeness and helpfulness as a real interest. How stupid she was. 

Her heart had been shattered into a thousand sharp-edged splinters when he spoke, she could not believe that she had misunderstood everything.   
Again and again she scolded herself for her stupidity. That she had run to Trafalgar House to ask him not to travel to Willingden was stupid, and her mother will rightly scold her for throwing herself so obviously at a man, even if she will not tell her the rest of the conversation.

He had walked past her without giving her a glance, that alone should have been a sign to her, but she had not been able to stop.

"Mr Parker?" she has softly said.

"Oh, good afternoon." 

He bowed briefly and was about to go further than she, silly as she was, touched his arm briefly and asked him for a moment of his time.

"My mother told me you were with her briefly this morning." her voice sounded so hopeful and she hated herself for it now.

"I just wanted to know if I should bring your father anything."  
"You go to see my father?" her voice was breathless and she hated it.  
"Now I have time to sign the papers." 

His smile looked like a grimace, and Charlotte was convinced that he was only doing it because of her mother, since she hadn't completely imagined all the looks and the feeling while dancing. He had to know the truth.

"Please Mr Parker…" 

Charlotte took all her courage and looked around for a moment so that not every walker would know. 

"I thought we could spend more time..." she felt her cheeks burning and she had to look at her hands, she felt so unbelievably uncomfortable and yet it got worse when he interrupted her.

"But why, Miss Heywood?" he asked with that typical wrinkle between his eyebrows.   
"We mean nothing to each other."

They looked at each other for a moment before he looked away and then his whole body seemed to stiffen.

"Do I make myself clear?" he mumbled through clenched teeth.

Charlotte really did not know how to keep from bursting into tears in front of him, but she did not trust her voice and just nodded briefly. She then followed his gaze to the man who had called them a newlywed couple yesterday and finally understood his defensive behaviour after she had told him this.   
And of course she also understood why he looked at this gentleman in disgust and turned away from her. 

"Well then."

Without another word she left him and disappeared in the other direction to avoid this unpleasant guy and to counter any more wrong assumptions.

And now she was still standing on the beach, although the sun was slowly disappearing into the sea. She knew she had to go home if she did not want her mother to send a search party after her. 

She turned around and walked the sandy path through the dunes towards her waiting mother she knew she would be standing at the window to watch her coming home. Charlotte really hoped she could leave this no longer peaceful place soon.

Mrs Heywood had been standing by the window for exactly two hours and forty-two minutes, staring at the path in front of the house. The sun was about to set and Charlotte was not yet home. She had already sent the maid to ask for her at Trafalgar House, but Mary had told her that she had not seen Charlotte only in the morning.

She was so angry with herself and this whole situation and she was very sorry that she did not give Mr Parker the opportunity to recommend himself. She had a bad feeling that something bad was going to happen. It was a certainty that was spreading inside her and she was getting more and more restless.

Sidney had placed herself protectively between Charlotte and the gaze of the gentleman who stared at her so openly again that he became quite cold. He had still heard her words, but had not turned his eyes away from the man responsible for his brother's injury. He loathed himself for not getting involved in the conversation, but he had to know she was safe and that was far from all the crap his brother had produced.

The moment she approached him and was visibly disappointed that he wanted to go to her father, one thing became clear to him. Her mother was wrong and his feelings had not deceived him, but now he had to get her out of harms way and had to pretend his indifference. 

He would later worry about regaining her trust.

Sidney poured himself another whiskey and drank it in one go. Tom was cheerful and almost had his pushy good mood back after he had told him that he had paid this guy eight thousand and had already instructed the remaining seven thousand. The Henchman would have the watch brought to them tonight to show his good will and that seemed to be enough reason for Tom to be happy.

But Sidney could not laugh. He could not forget Charlotte's face, the painful look in her eyes when she gave him that one gaze before lowering her eyes and avoiding any further eye contact.

As he poured himself the third whiskey Mary came rushing in, shouting his name loudly, and in her arms Mrs Heywood, breathing heavily and coming towards him on shaky legs.

"She hasn't come back," she cried in a broken voice, and when Sidney reached out for her, she tipped over "She wanted to see you!" she called desperately and tore at his collar.

"When?"

A thousand scenarios ran through his mind, and he could not find the words, he was cold, so cold.

But before another word was spoken, Tom stiffened and Sidney's neck hair stood up again as a man was led into the room by the servant.

"Your watch." he shouted and threw the lost watch to Tom, who pressed it to his heart and nodded. The man tapped his hat and was about to leave when his eyes met Mrs Heywood and he nodded at her.

"I'm sorry." 

"for what?" breathed Mrs Heywood and Sidney was sure she would faint at any moment. He knew something terrible was about to be revealed.

"Well, she ran into me on the beach." He directed the next word to Sidney directly   
"You really should take better care of her."

"I don't understand what you're talking about!" cried Mrs Heywood in horror.

"We had to do it to make Mr Tom pay."  
All eyes were on him as he continued speaking.  
"We've sent Mrs Parker...erm to… erm on a journey."

"But Mary is here." cried Tom and reached for his wife's hand.  
"Not yours," he pointed to Sidney "His."


	6. settlement of debts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte has disappeared and slowly some truths are coming to light which open Mrs Heywood's eyes.   
> Sidney is desperate but tries to keep it coo and run to the rescue. Even when Charlotte doesn't believe he would come...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter,as a warning:
> 
> It is a bit more heated, and in a few places there is a brief account of violence.

Sidney froze. The feeling reminded him of the pile of sand Tom's children had pressed on him after they had buried him on the beach. He was motionless for a moment. He saw the waves coming closer and took another deep breath before they completely washed over him and the sand lay even heavier on him afterwards. He did not know then how he had freed himself, only that he suddenly sat panting in the wet sand. It was similar now. 

"His."

Charlotte.

The next moment his fingers clawed into the man's shirt. He pressed him against the wall. His blood rushed in his ears and thumped in his head. He saw the eyes of the villain widen in horror and felt strong hands pressing against his chest.

"She ran... right into my arms," he stuttered and Sidney strengthened his grip.

"Where is she?" he growled. 

Where is she, where is she? The thought screamed in his head and his whole body felt cold and lifeless. As if his limbs had fallen asleep in a strange position after a night of drinking.

"We sent her …on a journey."  
"Where is she?" 

Sidney himself noticed how deep and threatening his voice seemed, and he grabbed the guy a little tighter.

"Sidney!" he heard Mary's desperate voice. But it was of no consequence. His blood was boiling and he wanted to....

Suddenly, Mrs Heywood's soft hand was on his arm. Surprised, he looked down at her and saw her painfully contorted face. With fearful eyes she silently asked him to let the man speak.

Charlotte wake up in horror, what a terrible dream! She hit her head hard and tried to orientate. 

"Ouch."

Gently, she touched the spot that throbbed painfully under the light pressure of her fingers. She was a little light in the head, as if she was driving along a bumpy road. Slowly, her sleep crept away and her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Then the memory struck her as one of the waves she had not seen coming and whirled around under the water. It settled in like she broke through the surface panting. 

Startled, she looked up and realized that she was in a carriage. Panicked, she reached for the door, but a large rough hand grabbed her wrist and squeezed it painfully.

"Oh, little dove," it was the man from the ball and Charlotte tried to get rid of his hand in disgust.

"Let me go!" she pulled back her hand, but the next moment the man grabbed her and pushed her onto the bench opposite of him.

His grin was smug and Charlotte's throat tightened. He watched her in silence and then let his lascivious gaze slide over her. Charlotte grabbed the collar of her coat and pulled it closer. She was so cold. Her heart was beating up to her neck and fear was slowly creeping up her back. Why was she here?

"What is this all about?" her voice was shaking.

He laughed. 

"What?"  
"Family matters." he answered with a hand gesture at if this would explain everything.

"I don't understand."  
"Maybe I haven't introduced myself properly."  
He leaned over to her and she could smell his cabbage-scented breath.

"My name is Richard Specter, I am an employee or more a friend of… Mr Hall."

Charlotte took a sharp breath and fell back into her seat. Her tears tickling eyes were fixed on the man in front of her. Her fingers clawed into her collar and panic drove her heart to hammer in her chest. Her head was throbbing. What did he want?

"What interesting relatives you have Mrs Parker."

It was such a terrible situation, and a certain gentleman had broken her heart a few hours before, but to be addressed as his wife, causing her stomach to tingle. She closed her eyes over her stupid feelings. ‘But why… We mean nothing to each other.’  
Maybe she should tell him the truth and he would let her go.

"I am not..."

Mr Specter laughed so hard it made her head spin. He wiped his eyes as if it were such a great joke, and cleared his throat as he leaned closer again. Charlotte tried to get as far away from him as she could, but she was trapped between the sidewall and him.

"Even though you pretend not to be... I've been watching you."  
"But..."  
"Shut up!"

Scared, Charlotte immediately stopped. No one had ever spoken to her like that. The fear was overwhelming and she was shaking. She was afraid of fainting and tried to calm her breath. 

Think. Think! Charlottes thoughts were running high, were would they bring her? To London? To do what? Could she get away from him? Waiting till he fell asleep and than run…she was pulled away from her thoughts as he slowly explained.

"Your brother in law…" he nodded and leaned back in his seat, "is not to be trusted."   
He pulled a face like he was going to say nothing more, but then he continued.

"And the way I see it, the only one with any brains is your husband."

She did not dare to say anything and just stared at him wordlessly.

"Well, always driving his brother's cart out of the dirt... would annoy me immensely."

He smiled at her again and than changed the bench and sat down next to her. Charlotte's blood rushed in her ears and her body stiffened as he reached out for her. 

"And to keep him in line..."  
He grabbed her chin and let his eyes wander over her face, licking his lips.   
"We must take away what is most important to him."

Charlotte did not think. She just reacted. She slapped his hand away and fought her way to the other side of the carriage to open the door. But Mr Specter grabbed her and threw her to the floor of the carriage with such force that she hit her head again and cried out in pain.

"If he does what we want, he can have you back."  
He grabbed her and pushed her on the bench like a motionless doll.  
"And teach you manners."

Charlotte starred him in the eyes, as if she had nothing to loose. Also she was so full of fear, she would not let him see it.

"A spanking is what you need!"

A could shiver ran through her, she should try to not make him angry again, but she would not give in.

"Where are you taking me?"  
"You'll see. Now sleep."

Mrs Heywood cried softly as this wretch told the story after she had persuaded Sidney to let him go. He never let him out of his sight and still had his fists clenched in rage. His breath was heavy and although his back was to her, she felt him about to explode. Mary had put a blanket around her shoulders but the warmth would not return into her body. 

Charlotte. Her Charlotte, in the hands of those criminals! Charlotte. Good Lord!   
What she has been through. Again. And though her fear for her daughter stretched her senses to the limit, Mrs Heywood could not help but face the fact Charlotte had been abducted. A second time! When she was alone. Unaccompanied. Which, she had forbidden her to do hundreds of times. But she had run away, because of her. It was her fault. 

The man listed how much Mr Tom owed 'The Hall' and it was more than five times what her own husband ever owed to those people. Nobody had that much money. At least nobody she knew. How were they going to free Charlotte? She sobbed loudly and she felt Mary's hand on hers, but she could not feel the warmth anymore. She could not feel her hands. She could not feel anything except a growing emptiness.

Mary could not believe what she heard. Tom was so deeply in debt. He had already lost the family estate up the hill to 'The Hall'. Sidney had already repaid a large sum of money and yet it was not enough. Still not enough! They had kidnapped the lovely Miss Heywood because they believed she was Sidney's wife. His wife! 

In her head the thoughts were whirling around. Yes, she sensed something between them, but why should Sidney have a secret wife? Why would he not tell his family? Poor girl! What she was going through was unimaginable. And Sidney kept asking. 

"Where is she?"

Each time the fragile woman next to her flinched, each time she got a little smaller. She was so pale, and Mary was sure she would not last much longer and faint.

"Have a sip." She handed Mrs Heywood a glass. Her hands trembled so badly she could not hold the glass and Mary helped her drink.

"Will they give her something to drink?" she whispered and Mary stared at her in shock. What a horrible thought.

"Of course Mrs Heywood." said the cad, still standing next to Sidney intimidated, though almost a head taller than he was. He turned slightly away from Sidney and leaned towards Mrs Heywood. 

"She'd better keep up her strength…" and no sooner had the last word left his mouth than Sidney threw him back against the wall and yelled. 

"What for?"  
But this time the guy got free and looked Sidney in the face with a grin.

"Your family has no more money. So you’ve to work it off."  
"What should I do?" Sidney asked in this menacing tone that sent a shiver down the spine of everyone in the room.

"Sidney!" cried Mary, but she was not to be heard.

"I'll do everything."

Charlotte could not sleep, of course. She stared into the darkness. She was cold. She could no longer feel her toes and her hands were already stiff from the clasp of her collar. The now gentle rocking back and forth of the carriage lulled her. And the exhaustion overwhelmed her more than once and her eyes kept falling shut briefly, although she then forced herself to open them again.

She knew that the villain was watching her. He was just waiting for her to weaken and fall asleep. She had to prevent this at all costs. Charlotte shook herself again and again and tried to look outside. She reached out for the curtain above the doorknob, but the snort of her guard prevented her from doing so. She looked scornfully over at him and let her hand sink. She took a few deep breaths and was about to ask a question as he grumbled.

"You shall sleep."   
"I cannot sleep.” She answered slowly.  
"Lie down and sleep!" the Oh so nice gentleman became angry again. But it only brought back Charlotte's energy. Suddenly she was wide-awake she plucked her chin forward.

"I will not..." 

"Enough now!" he yelled and Charlotte flinched briefly, but her newly found strength did not break.  
"I want you to arrive rested."  
"Where?"  
"You'll see!" he grumbled and turned away from her, annoyed.

Mrs Heywood sobbed so loudly that everyone, even Sidney turned to her this time. 

"I'll do everything."

His words kept repeating in her head. She cried bitterly now, partly because she realised she had been wrong. About Mr Parker. And about his brother. Yes, there was something dark about Sidney, like someone who was always on the verge of exploding. Something dangerous was around him, and that creep was definitely afraid of him. But he would do anything for his family maybe he was not such a bad man after all... 

And how she had let herself be fooled by the gentleman at the ball, the nice looking gentlemen down by the river. Tom Parker. This kind, and inspiring man with so much energy and such fantastic ideas, a visionary and family man. 

Suddenly she felt his presence. Sidney kneeled down in front of her. Even before she looked at him, he assured her of one thing. 

"I'll get her back."

Mrs Heywood could not look at him, the shame of not have given him a chance, though her husband was so thrilled with him, overcame her. It was her fault.

"I promise I'll bring her back." 

His scratchy voice a desperate whisper. She raised her eyes and saw the seriousness in his gaze. A faint hope of confidence germinated in her as she felt his warm hands on hers, the lightly press on them.

"How?"

Charlotte watched Mr Specter in the darkness, and when she was sure he was not looking over at her, she leaned closer to the wall of the carriage and tried to keep one eye on the road, which was no longer quite so bumpy. But of course she could not see anything. The moon was shining, but not bright enough, or clouds covered him. The flame of the candle on the side of the carriage illuminated the side of the carriage only minimally. She could not see anything. Frustrated, she leaned her cheek against the cold wooden wall and she shook, this time from cold. The cold had crept into every cell in her body and Charlotte tried to think warm thoughts, thinking of a warm blanket, and burning fire. A fireplace and a hot cup of tea, but it did not work. She was even colder than before, and she squeezed herself tighter into the corner and rubbed her arms with her hands.

"I can keep you warm if you like."

Shocked, she gasped for breath and became even colder. Mr Specter laughed out loud, but made no attempt to come over to her and Charlotte trembled at the thought that this scoundrel would touch her again. She leaned back against the wall and stared at the flame in the candlestick. As far as the candle had burned down, they had been driving for hours. She had lost all sense of time.

Tom let out a breath of relief, as the gentleman was leaving and than asked his brother,

"You are married?" three pairs of eyes looked at him in question.

"Tom!" cried Mary and shook her head slightly, she had some questions too, but there were more important things to do now. Mrs Heywood sat on the sofa like a wreck and shook like a leaf. 

"What?" asked Tom as if he really did not know why no one was answering him.  
"You're married and you won't let us know?" he shouted.

Sidney closed his eyes, he really could not tell that story.

"Do we mean so little to you?" Tom yelled at his brother and sat up as if he was about to get up, but the pain in his leg held him back.   
"You lied to us!" he mumbled because he was very disappointed in Sidney.

"Tom, stop it!" Mary then cried, pointing her head at Mrs Heywood who had buried her face in her hands and whose body was shaken from crying.

Sidney ignored his brother and looked at Mrs Heywood.

"I'll ride off at once." He searched for her eyes.

She looked at him desperately, full of regret. She had run out of words and just nodded slightly.

"Sidney, it's the middle of the night," cried Mary.

"My dear brother!" cried Tom, "You can't..." but he fell silent as Sidney came to him with two long steps and stared down at him.

"She's alone out there with those men!" his voice took on that threatening silent tone again.

"But I couldn't have known... I didn't know she was your wife!" cried Tom, but Sidney did not respond.

"If anything happens to her...." he could not say the rest of the thought out loud, it would be too painful for her mother…. and for him. All the horrible scenarios were going on in his head and he had to repress them to think clearly.

Sidney knelt before Mrs Heywood again and assured her with as much strength in his voice as he could muster.

"I'll bring her back to you."

Her cold hand touched his face so lightly that it seemed more like a cool breeze than a human touch, her eyes apologized and encouraged him even more when he heard her barely audible words.

"To us."

Charlotte saw that it was starting to light up. The small slit in the curtain gave her at least as much visibility as she could see that there was a thick forest next to the path, she had no idea where exactly they were, but it did not seem the route to London. And she knew a few more things. Since the dawn was coming up and saw glimpse of the early morning sky shining weakly between the treetops, she was sure they were heading north. Her thoughts whirled wildly around and she kept saying to herself, think, think, and think!

The sky was still bathed in golden red as she walked up the sandy path the evening before. Her head was filled with the conversation they had or more his words ‘We mean nothing to each other’. Once more she turned to the sea and said goodbye to the magnificent sight. Her gaze sank back to the path in front of her and was suddenly stopped by black boots blocking her way.

"Excuse me." she muttered and wanted to pass the gentleman, but in the next moment she was already grabbed and everything went black.

Charlotte thought that they had been riding for maybe six or seven hours without a break, so the horses must be tired. She closed her eyes as a thought took shape in her head and she had to suppress her excitement of building hope. She took a few deep breaths and then tried to stretch her legs out as calmly as possible, she had to be ready.

The wind whipped in his face as he drove his horse to run faster. He had stared at the map the cad gave him, until they were burned into his retina. He was able to ride cross-country and was soon on their heels. After all, his horse was a racehorse that he had won playing poker. He had the feeling that Flash lived up to his name, fast as lightning. He tried to think positive, and yet they were at least three hours ahead of him. He hoped he could catch up with them at one of the inns to make a deal with them. He had all the money he could muster on short notice. Fortunately, his eccentric brother Arthur was one of the people who had been hoarding cash just in case. Over the years, he had amassed a pile that would at least cover that rate so Charlotte would be safe.

Charlotte. 

What she has been through. She was definitely very scared. Anger rose up in him again and the thoughts whirled around in his head. He did not like to be alone with his thoughts, normally, but this one thought drove him on. Charlotte. And he told him again and again like a prayer. Charlotte. Charlotte. Charlotte.

Charlotte tried to suppress an outcry when Mr Specter grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the carriage.

"And don't you try anything." he growled.

As she had expected, the horses had to be changed, and had her guard not told her about food, she would not have known she was hungry. Her thoughts were still as focused as they were in the carriage, but eating and drinking something would probably not be such a bad idea.

"Could I..."   
"What?" he interrupted her harshly.  
"I should...well I would..." she really did not know how to explain it to him and even if she was just using it as an excuse, she suddenly had the urge to follow a natural need.

"I see." He grabbed her even tighter and whistled through his teeth as they entered the roadhouse.

A red-cheeked maid came towards them and lowered her head in submission. She was afraid of Mr Specter, Charlotte knew this immediately, and her heart was pounding as she was escorted into a small room.

"Will you be needing anything else, Miss?"  
"My freedom." Charlotte replied, but the maid looked at her with pity in her eyes and left. 

Charlotte hurried up and let her gaze wander in the chamber. Her gaze was caught on the bed and another idea was born in her.

Mrs Heywood was at the window. Not in the drawing room that had been her home for the last few weeks, but in one of the Parkers' guest rooms. Mary had insisted that she should spend the night, the rest of the night and all the nights thereafter with them. She should not be alone in her concern for her daughter.

Again she was shaking by a sobbing and she put her hand over her mouth, she could not believe this had happened. She could not believe what happened. She needed her husband, but he could not leave the farm and the rest of the family alone. She could not go back, she had to stay here until she could hold Charlotte in her arms again. But how long would that take?

Sidney stood by a tree and stroked his face. The ride was wild and dangerous, but he did not care. The branch that had smacked him in the face with all its might did not matter to him. He did not care that he was bleeding. He cursed that they had to take a break, but Flash was exhausted and it would do him even less good if the horse went completely weak. He just hoped Charlotte was all right. His feeling told him that he was wrong, but his head believed that she was doing everything she could to avoid getting the anger of her captors. That she just gave in and waited for him to save her.

Charlotte went over her plan in her mind while she shoved another cookie in her mouth and secretly let another one go into the pillowcase she had secretly stolen from the chamber. She had the feeling the maid had already noticed, but she had not betrayed her. Instead, she had placed a bulging leather drinking tube next to her foot when she bent down to pick up the coin that had fallen out of her hand.

"Come now." cried Specter. Charlotte nodded and prayed that he did not notice that she was hiding a bag under her coat.

Luckily his coachman then engaged him in conversation after he had shoved her into the carriage. As far as Charlotte could hear, there must have been a problem with one of the horses, and judging by the indignant shouting, Specter was not satisfied with the fact that they would still continue their ride soon.

Charlotte knew that the men would be distracted to strap the horses back on, and this was her chance. Probably the only one she had. 

Since men in general did not have a high opinion of women and did not think much of them, Charlotte knew they would not believe she would to do it.  
She stuffed her Bonnet into the pillowcase with the food and water and tied the opening together. Then she opened the door as quietly as possible, the door facing away from the men. Just the fact that it could be opened showed how stupid they thought she was. She closed it quietly and froze when she heard footsteps coming closer. Her neck hair stood up, but the steps seemed to lead past the carriage and into the inn.

Carefully she walked a few steps to the rear wheel and peered around the carriage. There was nobody to be seen. Her heart was beating up to her neck. The blood rushing in her ears melted into the gentle roar of the stream that flowed past to her left. She was looking towards the forest that would become her refuge. She just had to make it over the bridge unseen and then she would disappear into the shadows. She listened. She heard nothing but the rustling of the wind. She breathed. The wind was cool on her heated cheeks.

She ran.


	7. run away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney has to cross the forest to get to the road to the Inn...  
> Will Charlotte's escape stay unnoticed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: It will be a little more violent, blood will be spilled.

Charlotte breathed heavily her lungs were burning painfully. Her legs hurt. Even if she did not want to, she had to rest for a moment. She looked around in the dense forest and sat down on a fallen tree trunk. She took out the water and took a big sip. She told herself to not drink it all at once. She did not know when she might meet someone who could help her. She could not remember seeing a house anywhere on the way here. Well, it was pitch-black. Her breath had calmed down enough to walk again. Once more she turned in the direction she had come from and listened. Nothing. She hoped that they had not found her missing yet and that she could extend her lead. She had no idea how long she had been walking. In the beginning she had counted her steps in her head to distract herself from the fear of being caught, but then she stumbled and she had given up and only felt the burning. The burning in her legs and lungs. She stood up and although her legs were still a little shaky she continued walking with fast steps.

Mrs Heywood was so exhausted with worry that Mary sent for Dr Fuchs, who gave her some medicine so that she could finally sleep. She had been standing by the window all night and all morning, staring out, even after Mary had assured her that it would certainly take him at least another day to catch up with the kidnappers. He had travelled light, taking only food and a blanket with him, nothing more.

When Mrs Heywood slowly regained consciousness, she noticed the glare of the midday sun. Mary sat at her side and immediately gave her something to drink.

"It's all my fault!" she cried and Mary tried to talk her out of these self-reproaches.  
"No, I didn't give him a chance, I mean...obviously he's a good man." she wiped her eyes.

Mary smiled, "Yes, Sidney is a good man, though a little taciturn and perhaps not always friendly." She patted Mrs Heywood's arm.

"But he was..." she explained and then she told Mary the whole story.

"Oh, Lord! The poor child!" cried Mary dismayed.  
"All we can do now is pray that Sidney can catch up with them and bring her back as quickly as possible."

"But then what?" cried Mrs Heywood desperately, those wretches were convinced they were married. The whole of Sanditon must have thought they were married.

"We shall see when they return." Mary continued to reassure Mrs Heywood, trying to keep her mind on what was going on. "We should pray nothing happens to Charlotte."

Mrs Heywood got an alarmed look on her face.

"Mrs Heywood, she will do what is asked of her so these criminals cannot harm her, she is strong! She's already proven that."

"That's why I'm afraid for her."  
"What do you mean?"  
"My husband told me that in this ‘Hall’..." both women frowned "she did not comply….Even though it didn't do much, she tried to fight them."  
"You mean she's going to fight back and... and get in trouble?"

Mrs Heywood could only barely repress a sob. She nodded and began to weep bitterly. Mary took her in her arms and reassured the fragile woman like a little child. The soft tears she shed united the two in their grief.

Charlotte noticed how she slowly lost not only the rhythm of her steps, she also felt incredibly heavy. She knew her feet were sore she should take a look at them. She tried again and again to shake off the tiredness that was blurring her vision. Events and the night slowly caught up with her. She would either get lost or perhaps even hurt if she did not rest. By the time the sun was up, it was early afternoon, but she was sure that by now the men had noticed that she was gone. She only hoped that the men would think she was stupider than average and suspect her in the opposite direction.

The forest was densely overgrown, that was her advantage, because even if they would chase after her, they could not ride through the forest. There were bushes and fallen tree trunks everywhere.  
Charlotte was looking for a suitable place, because even though she felt protected, she had to be careful not to be discovered. She found a group of trees lined with bushes and settled there. Although the ground was dry, Charlotte took the coat out of her improvised bag and laid it on the ground covered with leaves and branches. She had to prevent her clothes from getting wet in any case. With her stomach rumbling, she ate another cracker and drank another small sip of water. Although she was thirsty for more, she controlled herself. Sighing she leaned with her back against the trunk of the broadest tree of the group, which was turned away from the path she had come, so that if they came they would not discover her immediately. 

Despite the fact that the tiredness threatened to overwhelm her, a part of her tried to stay awake to escape the danger if necessary. Again and again her heavy eyes fell close, only to be opened again in a small touch of panic the next moment. The warm cloak of exhaustion laid over her and the rustling of the wind made her travel back to Willingden in her mind. To her favourite tree, under which she always read and sometimes lost herself in daydreams. As she had always hoped to feel the warm feeling that the heroes and heroines of Greek myths felt when they lay in each other's arms. She felt her smile. She saw his smiling face above her with his burning gaze and his hands on her waist while dancing. His beautiful mouth moves slowly.  
But "We mean nothing to each other" was ringing in her head and she was again fully aware of her situation. 

A squirrel scurried across the forest floor. Rustling leaves. A bird. The blue sky peering through the dark ceiling of the treetops. It was so reassuring. The light wind that blew across her bare arms, a single tear running down her cheek. The chirping of a bird somewhere above her. The shapes of her surroundings burned into her retina as her eyelids closed. 

Sidney cursed as the forest in front of him grew denser and he had to get off Flash. With quick steps he pulled Flash beside him and moaned that he was losing time. According to the map he had been given, the road the kidnappers had taken with the carriage must have run parallel to this dense forest and since he had ridden a good distance unseen over some fields, he had made up some time. That he could not use. Damn it!  
She needed him! His thoughts drifted briefly into all the horror scenarios he could imagine and he really had to force himself to concentrate so that he did not stray from the path. He had to get to the other side and quickly.

According to his calculations, they were not that far away from the inn, where hopefully they had made their first stop. He would water the horse and then chase after them as fast as possible. He had to find her.

"Mr Specter!" cried the coachman in icy panic as he was to take a look at the young woman in the carriage, but it was empty. He knew he would be in big trouble, even though he had looked after the horses while Mr Specter was amusing himself with the kitchen maid. He ran into the inn looking for his boss. He knew where to find him when he heard a woman scream and it was not a scream of pleasure. Taking a deep breath he decided to interrupt this disgusting guy. It would not be the first time he got a beating for it, but it would not be the first time he could take a look at a half-naked woman without being hated for it. Because most ladies gave him a grateful look that he had saved them from worse.

"What the hell do you want, Anderson?" Specter yelled at him, who pressed the woman onto the bed.

"She's gone." 

Immediately, Specter let go of his victim, who quickly sat up and straightened her dress. 

"How can this be?" 

He yelled as he buttoned his pants and stepped towards Anderson, who tried to catch a glimpse of the voluptuous maid, who was about to leave the room quickly. If Anderson was not mistaken she smiled slightly. Specter grabbed her by the arm, pulled her close and promised her.

"Next time."

The sound was so menacing that even Anderson got a cold feeling and felt the need to get between them, but stayed where he was. This time.

"Where could that little minx have gone?" screamed Specter.  
"I'm thinking in the woods, sir."  
"Saddle the horses."

Sidney rubbed his eyes, the tiredness overpowered him again and he made only slow progress. He constantly had to walk with flash around fallen trees or make a wide turn around overgrown areas. Nevertheless he had the direction in his eye and was full of hope to reach the road soon. Unfortunately the sun had disappeared behind thick clouds and he had the feeling that he was losing too much time. 

"Come now." he shouted to his horse and tried to go faster. 

But the path he had taken was so densely overgrown with bushes and several groups of trees standing close to each other that instead of walking on, he had to take a route parallel to the supposed road. Cursing he took out the map to assure himself that he was doing the right thing. 

Nodding he went on and took Flash with him. His mind drifted to Charlotte. He wondered how she was feeling. Surely she was terrified, he hoped she was sure she would be found. His body tensed up painfully at the thought of that bastard touching her. He just hoped she would behave inconspicuously, he was furious something would happen to her. He walked faster.

The only good thing was that in the middle of the forest the path in front of him cleared a bit and he could get back on his horse to get ahead at least a bit faster. It seemed to him that this small road in the middle of the forest was not of natural origin.  
The thought dawned on him that the scoundrels might take this path when they were on the run. Maybe luck was on his side now after all and he could move faster again. He urged Flash to run harder and although the horse was exhausted it obeyed.

Specter climbed his horse while Anderson knelt on the forest floor looking for tracks. Unfortunately, the ground was too dry for him to make out her footprints, but since she had certainly run into the forest at the level of the bridge, there must be some clue somewhere. 

"Ha!" yelled Anderson.

There was a small shred of cloth, could be from her dress, he took it and walked a few steps further in that direction and he imagined that this one leaf had been freshly kicked into the ground in front of him. He was now sure in which direction she had fled. He told Specter his assumptions.

This stupid little dove could not be that far away. She seemed to have a little more brains than the dumb maid, but still she could hardly be that far away. After all, she was on foot, even though she had about an hour's lead.

The worst thing was that they lost time and Specter hated it when something did not go according to plan. And what he hated even more was when a damn woman surprised him. If she were not married, he would lecture her and do it right. An infernal grin spread across his face. Even if Mr Hall had a very clear idea of how women were treated, and especially women of good breeding or wives of gentlemen, she would hardly have the opportunity to complain. Even if he would be punished for it, a bit of fun with the little dove might improve his mood considerably. Well, if they found her.

Charlotte jumped up when a short knock on her head woke her up. The squirrel had probably lost a nut, and she looked into the branches above her, but could not see it. What she noticed, however, was the thick cloud cover, which unfortunately had moved in front of the sun in such a way that she could not interpret the time of day. Slowly she stood up and stuffed her coat back into her bundle. The urge to drink something made her hesitate for a moment, but she decided against it. She had to keep walking to get to a place where she could be helped before nightfall. She remembered her father's words when she had run after him in secret, when he and the other farmers had to drive the sheep from the pastures back down to the valley before winter came. First he had always scolded her for putting herself in danger, but later he had taught her important things to be able to survive a night out in the open in case she got lost or was surprised by a storm. Still, she hoped this was not her fate.

She took the bag and walked on. Her left foot hurt, her shoes were not meant for a walk through the forest of course, but she tried to ignore the slightly throbbing pain. She could take care of it later when she was somewhere safe.

Sidney was upset when he saw that the forest was getting thicker again and cursed that he had to jump off Flash to save him from injury. Either he had missed a turnoff of the path or they had not used it for a while and the forest had reclaimed its territory. Flash puffed as if he was as annoyed as his master.

"I know, now come on, we have to find her."

Everything went off again and again in his mind like in a wild whirlpool. That these people had lurked for her, that they were just waiting for her to be alone. If only he had accompanied her.

"I thought we could spend more time..."

Over and over again he cursed himself that he had not listened to her properly. What did she mean by that?  
Maybe she wanted to be friends with him, even though her mother had assured him that she had no interest in him. He should have admitted that to her instead of reminding her that they meant nothing to each other. Even if she did not feel the same way as he did, he owed her the friendship, was he not?

"I'll bring her back to you." he had reassured her mother, and her answer kept popping into his head, lightening his heart. "To us." 

Sidney wiped his eyes, he really had to stop thinking about it, and he had to focus on finding her and bringing her home. At all costs.

Charlotte walked with quick steps through the forest, restlessness had somehow gripped her, which now drove her on. She had a bad feeling in her stomach, just like when the thunderstorm surprised her in the hills around her father's farm and she had wandered through the forest for what seemed like an eternity until she ran into her father's arms. 

The birds had almost completely stopped chirping, although she felt it could not be that late. After all, she must not have dozed off for more than maybe twenty minutes. Or would she have? Suddenly, panic gripped her. Had not a branch just crackled?  
She stopped and listened, but nothing seemed to move except the wind. Slowly she went on. Crack. Again! 

Charlotte hid behind a tree, her heart beating up to her neck and a cold fear of being discovered crawled up her back and into all her limbs. She was paralyzed when she suddenly heard a snort. Oh no, oh no!  
Slowly she slid down the tree trunk to make herself as small as possible. She peered in the direction from which the sound had come, but the trees that protected her from being discovered also hid her sight. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the sound. There again the snort of an animal. Definitely a horse. 

Specter knew the forest like the back of his hand and knew exactly at what height one could ride into the forest, only to continue in the shade of the trees without being seen. He had often taken this path when circumstances demanded it. Fortunately his horse was not such a slow one and he was sure that they had soon caught the little dove.  
Oh he was looking forward to punish her.

Charlotte crawled as quietly as possible away from the noise and deeper into a bush, hoping that she would not be discovered in the dense green, although her light-coloured dress was of course no advantage if you wanted to remain unseen. Slowly she looked through the leaves, but she could not really see anything. Kneeling, she crawled a little further to be able to jump up and run away if necessary. They would probably stop her in her tracks immediately. The only possibility would be to climb a tree and wait there. To see better she put her head in the back of her neck and looked for a tree that was not too difficult to climb. 

Crack.

It was very close. Her heart almost jumped out of her chest in fear and she slowly pushed herself further. Something hard bored into her knee and she suppressed the little cry of pain that almost fell over her lips. It was a big solid branch.  
An idea formed in her head as she looked around in all directions and slowly crawled up in the shadow between two trees.

Anderson could hardly keep up with his boss, as his horse was not used to carrying a rider instead of a carriage. He knew which way he had taken. Even after all these years and in some places completely overgrown again, the path was still easy to recognize.

Specter drove his horse to the place where the forest became denser again, but since he did not know where the little dove was, he had to take the nag with him otherwise he would have just left him there. He hated detours and being stopped by any circumstances. Hopefully Anderson would catch up with him soon, for if he was alone with the little Mrs Parker he could not guarantee that he would not cross a line or another. 

"We have to find her." 

Charlotte's heart was beating up to her neck, she knew she only had this one chance, once the man spotted her, she would have no way to escape him. She had to be fast. The advantage was on her side, she could tell there was only one horse headed her way, and she heard it. Her senses were so sharpened that she could hear the scratching caused by the reins on the horse's neck. He was very close. Her breath went too fast, she had to press her lips together to keep from giving herself away. She crouched by the broad tree trunk and peered through the leaves of the bush. She saw legs in black boots. The blood in her ears began to throb.

A crack. A snort. Leather scrapes on fur. She felt warmth rising inside her.  
A snap. A rustle. A step. Charlotte closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The smell of a horse very close. Soothing, somehow. Could she do it?

She peered past the log. The man walked in front of the horse, his legs were all she could see because her vision was blocked. He did not seem to have spotted her yet. As slowly as possible she stood up. Her knees cracked from the long stay in the squatting position. Hopefully he had not heard it. She grabbed the branch as hard as she could.

One step. One more step. She pressed her feet into the ground. One more step. Her heart was beating so fast she could hardly feel it. Everything expanded. She felt him walk past on the other side of the tree. The next thing happened much too fast for her to remember it clearly later.

She hold her breath, drew back and then let the branch shoot forward with a force that she never imagined being possible.

Bang.

A sudden stabbing pain went through him. His head seemed to burst. He heard a scream. Was that him? Suddenly the bright sky above him between green treetops. Then blackness enveloped him.

His horse did not run away. It just stopped and a feeling of relief passed through her. Charlotte went up to the horse and patted on the side. Her fingers trembled so violently that she could hardly grasp the reins. She tried to breathe, but a loud sob escaped her. She had knocked a person unconscious. Charlotte did not dare look. But she was hoping he would regain consciousness and wake up without any injury but only after she was gone. In her mind he probably grabbed her by the leg the next moment. She had to hurry!

The horse felt her restlessness it danced slightly back and forth. 

"Shh," she tried to calm him down and walked slowly around him. The shiny black fur. It was beautiful.

She told the horse that, but her own voice sounded far away. Somehow she had to manage to climb up, she reached into the mane to look for hold, and the rough hair under her fingers gave her the feeling of being in reality, although she immediately became lightheaded again.

A cold wave of terror hit her when she saw the curly "P" on the saddle blade. No! Shocked, she turned to the man on the ground and the next moment she was kneeling beside his limp body. His forehead was bleeding. 

No, no, no! 

Tears blinded her eyes as she desperately tried to wake him up. Everything tightened somehow she saw nothing but his face. Her surroundings faded into a green blur. Charlotte was very cold. Her fingers lovingly caressed his face and she called his name. He was silent. She found a handkerchief in his pocket and she wiped the blood away. 

"Ahh!" he moaned, eyes still closed.

The next moment he snapped into a sitting position with their name on his lips. 

"Charlotte!"

They stared into each other's eyes in disbelief for a moment before he flinched in pain and touched his forehead.

"Don't!" Charlotte slapped his hand away and carefully dabbed the blood from his brow. He drew in a hissing sound and searched her eyes. 

"I'm so sorry." she whispered and their eyes locked.

His eyes were all dark, and kind of …tender. Suddenly she felt something warm against her cheek. It went deep under her skin. It pulsated. Her whole body suddenly felt ... soft. Her vision was narrowing. His eyes. His lips moving silently, only a rustle she could hear. 

His hand. Why was suddenly his hand on her cheek?

Sidney felt a stabbing pain in his chest as she backed away. Her gaze just had something caressing and now it was the same as yesterday afternoon. When he told her that they meant nothing to each other. Like someone had wiped the sparkle from her eyes. He reached for her and she froze in her movement as he grabbed her arm. Her eyes widened and he let go immediately afraid of hurting her somehow. 

"Are you alright?"  
Her face twitched briefly in response.

"Did he hurt you?"

His voice had taken on a strange sound and he wanted to shake her when she did not answer. But then he saw the slight shaking of her head.  
In relief, he closed his eyes and tried to get up. He was nauseous.

Charlotte saw him sway and her instinct made her reach for his arm. 

"Why are you here alone? "  
"I ran away. " She stretched out her chin and suddenly Sidney was filled with pride.  
"Why didn't you wait?"

But her look told him more than a thousand words. 

"They'll come after you."  
She refused to answer.  
"If they find us, it won't be so easy to set you free."

Their eyes met again and she immediately let go of him. Her face was hiding behind her warm brown curls as she went around the horse.

"Damn. They'll use you for leverage." People like that did not like it when you fought back. 

She bent down and took the bag, which she had thrown into the bushes. She rummaged around in it and handed him her water. Astonished, he looked at her and thankfully took a sip. 

"Have a drink too," he said in a soft voice as he handed the tube back to her.  
She grabbed it when she stopped moving and turned pale.

"Ahh… Mr and Mrs Parker... reunited." 

The smug voice of Richard Specter noticed. Sidney dashed around, simultaneously pushing Charlotte behind him. His whole body trembled. It seemed to grow broader and larger as it already was and Charlotte felt so small and vulnerable.

"Hmmm, the little dove seems more like a wild cat." Specter remarked in an ambiguous tone as he approached and pointed to Sidney's wound.

Sidney broke away from Charlotte and took a step towards him. 

"Not one step closer." 

Specter laughed with raised eyebrows, but of course he came closer. Sidney glanced at the man with one look... He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out an envelope.

"Oh, is this the next instalment?"  
"Yes, it is."  
"Interesting." He grinned, took the envelope and counted the money but remarked drily.  
"It's not enough."

"I know." 

Specter pulled a letter out of the envelope, skipped over it and put it in the inside pocket of his jacket.

"So you want to work off your brother's debt?"  
"Yes."

"I suppose you want me to release your wife?" he asked, his eyes wandering to Charlotte but Sidney immediately blocked his gaze.

"That's the arrangement." grumbled Sidney, who had an evil feeling. 

"You look strong." Specter nodded his approval and then looked past Sidney to Charlotte. "Both of you." 

"No!" Sidney's voice was resolute. "She's going home."

"She won't."

Sidney clenched his jaw and Charlotte saw he was clenching his fists too. He cleared his throat before he answered in a dark voice with send a warm shiver down her spine.

"My wife will now climb on the horse and ride home."

"Your little wildcat has run away from me," Specter explained as he drew one step closer. "And I don't like anyone disobeying me."

Specter tried to grab Charlotte around Sidney, but Sidney pushed him into the chest.

"Don't you dare touch her!" he shouted.

Charlotte made a frightened sound, Sidney turned to her for a moment, another man had reached them and panic sent his body whizzing around to Specter. He heard Charlotte scream and ....all went black.

Yes, Richard Specter hated surprises. He hated any twists and turns he did not expect. But this one would be interesting. A man in love would do anything to safe his wife.


	8. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey continues in a direction the two had not expected...  
> Specter is just ...bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just take a breath...

Sidney lay all the way back to the inn motionless over his horse. Specter had dragged Charlotte along with him until they could get back on the horses. He had pressed himself against her in a most uncomfortable way and although she was glad to get away from him, she was disappointed how little distance she had been able to make as she soon after were back at the inn. Specter had then pulled her off the horse, but she had the quick-wittedness to hold onto her skirts so they would not slip up. Without another word he had thrown her into the carriage. 

Since her coat was still lying in her bundle in the woods, her arms were naked and she scraped her right arm painfully. But before she could get a closer look at the injury, they brought Sidney. Before his head hit the floor of the carriage, she reached for him.

Charlotte was somehow pleasantly shocked at how heavy he was. She knelt beside him and had placed his head gently in her lap. The wound had stopped bleeding, but he was still unconscious. It was her fault. She closed her eyes and played through the situation, as it might have been if she had recognized him. But she did not regret running away she would do it again. 

She whispered to him to wake up. But he remained silent. A small tear run down her cheek and fell on his face, which she wiped away with soft fingers. She could not see his tiny twitch through the veil of her tears.

Tenderly, she stroked his brow and his thick hair, his prominent cheekbones. She let her eyes caress the rest of his face. The small mole under his eye, the long lashes that cast a shadow and made him look incredibly tired. The jaw that he always clenched when he was tense, the proud shape of his nose. Carefully she ran her index finger over it. Hovering over his full, soft-looking lips, she did not dare to touch them. Charlotte memorized every detail of his beautiful face, so that she could secretly dream about him. 

Suddenly the door of the carriage was ripped open and Specter grinned at her gloatingly, pointing at his helper with his head, and in the next moment Anderson poured a bucket of water over Sidney, who also woke up immediately and sat up. His gaze lingered on Charlotte for a moment before he leaned between her and the scoundrel's gaze.

"Mr Parker." Specter pushed his henchman aside and bent into the carriage.  
"Sorry about that." Of course his voice sounded more gloating than regretful. He pointed at Sidney's forehead.   
"But I had a feeling you wouldn't stop until I put the little dove on your horse, a strapping lad no doubt. Anyway" he made a throwing gesture,   
"You should teach your little..." he let his gaze wander towards Charlotte, but Sidney continued to sit up and tried to slip in front of her protective,   
"Teach the wildcat some manners." 

Charlotte gasped alarmed, her neck hairs standing up. She could not see what Sidney was doing, but his body seem broader and tense to the point of bursting, and suddenly Specter raised his hands defensively and said in a played friendly tone,   
"If she's too scratchy for you, I'd be happy to help out."

Sidney jumped forward so fast that he could grab the bastard by the collar, but the coward jumped back and he had no chance to knock his smugness out of his face. Only Charlotte's fingers clawing into his arm prevented him from jumping after him. Specter laughed.

"So she does have some brain after all," he noticed, "and a soft side, hmmm I like that." He licked his lips and laughed out loud before explaining to them how it would go on.

"Our journey is about to continue," he grinned and looked back and forth between them.   
"And I'm no monster, so Mr Parker, take what's yours and have some fun with your little wife." He slammed the door and screamed to the coachman "Guard them."

Sidney's breath was so fast and his body was so tense that the slightest touch could make him burst. His anger seemed to make his blood boil. He had to protect her from this evil at all costs. She was right to be afraid of him. He had felt it in her fingers that were still crawled in the sleeve of his coat.

As he slowly turned to Charlotte, her hand slipped from his arm. Their eyes met. Her soft, cool fingers softly touched the skin on the back of his hand and it seemed as if time had stopped. 

The dust particles danced in the hazy light of the light rays of the sun peering through the small window into the carriage. Her hair stood out slightly wild and what he would have given to be allowed to smoothen it for her. Her eyes. Fear and worry lay in their gaze. The thick eyelashes stuck together like she had been crying. Exhaustion lay in her features and yet, she seemed to be bursting with strength. The little freckles on her nose lay dark on her pale face. A tiny scratch ran down her cheek. He remembered the softness of her skin when he had touched her. 

A drop of water ran tickling past the corner of his mouth as he watched her dry lips slightly open. They were soft pink. Charlotte breathed in trembling. His throat was dry. He was incredibly thirsty and the temptation to taste her let him lean in closer.

Charlotte felt his tension. Her heart was beating up to her neck, she was afraid he would jump at Specter and who knows what else this disgusting scoundrel would do to him. Her hand leapt forward as he jumped, clawing at his sleeve. The thick cloth lay rough beneath her hand it almost scraped. She heard Spector's voice and heard his words, but the noise in her ears drowned it all out. She knew this feeling. She felt it in the mornings when she had read a whole candle length in the night. She was so incredibly tired perhaps she was already asleep and dreaming. 

When the door was slammed shut, she flinched briefly and her hand slipped from his arm as Sidney turned to her. Roughly, his skin lay beneath her fingertips. Not as warm and soft as his face, but still somehow...soothing. 

Like underwater, every move was sluggish. Her fingers did not seem to want to move away from him. She found it difficult to breathe and inhaled trembling. Her gaze wandered over his face, there a drop rolled down his cheek and it looked like a tear. His gaze was gentle and he seemed to want to say something, for his mouth opened. Charlotte stared at his lips. They came closer. Her own began to prickle and a strange sensation tickling in her stomach. She felt a pull towards him. Her heart fluttered. She heard her breath go faster. Heat rose to her cheeks. He was so close. His sent embraced her. Similar to the feeling when the exhaustion had overpowered her, her eyes were about to close. Slightly shaking her head, she flinched and pulled her hand back as well.

Her gaze dropped and tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered his words on the streets of Sanditon. Had it really only been yesterday? Charlotte got up and she fall onto the bench exhausted. She stroked the skirt of her dress as if she could wipe away the water she had gotten into, but she already felt that it had also soaked her underwear.

Although she felt his gaze on her she avoided looking at him. He inhaled soundly and set on the bench opposite to her.

"Charlotte." he saw her eyes close for a second.  
She resolutely reached out her chin and considered him with a look of disapproval.

"I know... but please trust me..."

Her gaze wandered out the window. He sat down next to her and when she turned to him, she realized again how close he was. Her heart was beating so wildly, but unlike with Specter, she did not feel the need to lean away from him. Rather the opposite.

"We must let them believe that we are..." he assured her and she could not help but breathed out loud and turned away from him.   
Sidney just could not deal with her stubbornness right now, so he grabbed her at her upper arms and turned her back to him. Her big eyes staring at him in a way, he could not really read.   
"If you are not my wife," he explained through clenched teeth, "he will…he will make you his."

The need to pull her into his arms made his whole body tremble, but he noticed the shock of his words slowly seeped into her and he let go of her.

"Do you understand?" he whispered.  
She just nodded once and leaned against the wall of the carriage. 

Charlotte was ashamed. Not because what he told her, or that she had turned away or stood up to him. No, she was ashamed of her feelings that were like little warm waves running through her body when he touched her. As he grabbed her, she slightly lost her focus and looked at his lips. She had to swallow hard. It was stupid. So stupid. She meant nothing to him. He wanted to work off his brother's debts… paying them to help her was just…just his way. A misunderstanding. 

"I promised your mother I'd bring you back." his breath tickled her neck.  
"Thank you."  
"I'll find a way, I promise."

The seriousness of his words made her look at him again and for a little, a very tiny moment she thought she recognized something in his gaze. But it was only a delusion. She closed her eyes nodding to hide the tears from him. And to lock up the imagined feeling in his eyes in her heart forever.

When Specter came back into the carriage he grinned as if he had just caught them doing something indecent. The blush on Charlotte's cheeks and her ashamed look out of the window confirmed his assumption. That Sidney's whole figure seemed tense and ready to jump made him grin.

"I'll make sure you get proper accommodations."

The couple before him stared at him. Sidney, of course, understood the ambiguity of his words, and he clenched his jaw. Though briefly other thoughts flooded his brain, he would do anything to keep her safe. Even if this meant that he was in great danger of falling even more for her, if that was even possible. By sharing a room with her, he could not imagine how he possible could stay safe.

"Where?" asked Charlotte, who did not seem as shocked as Sidney had assumed, perhaps she had not yet accepted the meaning.

"My little dove," Specter, said as he leaned in, but Sidney shifted again, so he could hide Charlotte behind him. The scoundrel looked at Sidney and said as he licked his lips,   
"One of the impatient kind, hmm?"

Sidney took a deep breath and slid to the edge of the bench. One more word and he would...

"Don't." She whispered to him, and only the softness of her voice made him sink back into his seat.

"Boring." 

Specter puffed and shoved to the other side. Charlotte squeezed Sidney's fingers, which she had not noticed she had grabbed. He watched their joined hands, and he could not help himself and let a little smile brighten his face. As his eyes found hers, it immediately disappeared. He followed her gaze, and he pressed himself even closer to her.

The handle of a gun was peeking out of Specter's trouser belt.

Sidney was unable to tell whether it was out of fear or exhaustion, but Charlotte trembled so badly that he immediately tore off his coat and threw it over her. Her big eyes looked at him gratefully and her arms disappeared into the sleeves. As he buttoned the coat, he noticed that her skirt was wet. Sidney took the fabric in his strong hand and wrung it out as best he could. He let go of it for a moment and then reached for the cloth next to it.

Charlotte sucked in the air as his fingers gently touching her thigh underneath. Her slightly shocked expression made him let go of the damp cloth immediately. His look begged her for forgiveness and the idea of a smile was on her lips.

The journey continued, and when it appeared that their captor had fallen asleep, Charlotte asked Sidney in a low voice 

"Where are they taking us?"  
"I'm thinking to one of their distilleries."  
"Where's the...?"  
"I think Scotland."  
Charlotte looked at him in disbelief, but as he just nodded slightly, she asked further.

"How long we have to stay there?"  
"I don't know exactly..." he looked at their reunited hands resting on his thigh and cleared his throat. He did not remember when he had taken her hand.

"I'll do whatever it takes to get you back home quickly."

He searched her eyes and lost himself in them, he began absent-mindedly to draw small circles on the back of her hands with his thumb.

A hot tingle made its way up from her belly. Her heart fluttered like leaves in the autumn wind and her eyes were prickling. A comforting feeling slipped from his warm hand into hers and she was grateful for him trying to give her some comfort. His eyes seemed so dark. Her breath went faster as he turned further towards her.

"Well, you can't wait, huh?"

Specter snapped his tongue and immediately Charlotte tore her hand from Sydney's and stared at it in embarrassment. She closed her eyes to lock this feeling in a secret box in her heart as well. It was not to be, that she let it lull her. She shook her head and laid her cheek against the cool wall of the carriage.

Sidney lightly touched Charlotte's cheek to wake her up when they stopped for another inn break hours later. She smiled at him. But then she seemed to remember where she was and turned slightly away from him and watched the evening sun outside the window.

"Well, you lovebirds... come on out of there." cried Specter, but since neither of them moved, he grabbed Charlotte by the arm and dragged her out of the carriage.

Sidney slapped his hand away and Specter clicked his tongue.

"But, but! You're not get saucy on me, huh?"

He pushed Charlotte a little bit further towards Anderson, and he took a step up to Sidney, and looked him straight in the eye.  
"Just so you know, Mr Parker..." he glanced briefly at Charlotte, "if you give me any more trouble," he grinned, "I'll share a room with her."

Charlotte's look of horror was the only thing that kept Sidney from attacking that bastard. There was no way he could risk this creep being alone with her for even a second.

"You understand? "

To the answer he got only an evil eye. He clapped his hands as if he was happy about something and stroked the handle of his weapon once more. He had done that again and again the whole way. He had also left no doubt what he would do to Charlotte if Sidney would not follow the rules. Sidney was glad Charlotte had fallen asleep and had not heard these innuendoes. Even though the events of London and now had robbed her of her naivety, he was sure that she was too innocent to survive this kind of conversation undamaged.

At the Inn they went straight to the first floor and Anderson let Charlotte step into a room. Smugly, Specter tapped Sidney's shoulder and laughed and said.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." 

The fear for Charlotte was the only thing that gave Sidney's mind and body the strength not to react. Still, he had no choice but to turn at the threshold and give the two criminals a murderous look. 

A maid with a tray came up the stairs behind them and followed him into the room. She placed it wordlessly on a small table by the dirty window. She went to Charlotte, who stood on the other side and looked blindly out into the early night. 

"Here Madam." she handed her a towel and pointed to a small bowl standing on the dresser to her right and left the room.

Charlotte watched in shock as Specter pulled the maid to him and whispered in her ear. His hand moved to her lower back and deeper, and Sidney pushed himself into Charlotte's field of vision to spare her the sight. They could still hear the silly giggle of the woman before Spector entered the room. He wandered around, grabbed some cheese from the tray, chewed with his mouth open and looked around the tiny room.

His eyes were drawn to the little flatbed in the corner.

"Not as comfortable as in the hotel in Sanditon" he stroked the rough bedspread,   
"But since you can't keep your hands off each other. That' s it. "

Unfortunately, he could not see Charlotte's face because she had turned her back on the men and looked thoughtlessly into the bowl of water. But Sidney's look told him more than a thousand words.

After he had wished them a pleasant night in his typically sarcastic voice, he went to the door.

He ordered Anderson to guard the door. Sidney heard the further instructions clearly and hoped only Charlotte did not understand.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room. The candle on the table was the only light that showed something. Charlotte did not move she was motionless. Only when she heard the door slam shut and locked did she dare look over her shoulder at Sidney, who had been leaning against the door and starred down at the floor.

With two long steps he was at the table, grabbed the only chair and went back to the door. He tucked the back of the chair under the doorknob, hoping to keep Anderson from coming back into the room. He wanted to give Charlotte a little sense of security that he had so painfully longed for her. 

She watched him wordlessly, and after a few soothing breath stripped off his coat and   
And hung it up on a rusty nail in the wall. She bent over the washbowl and moistened her face with the lukewarm water. She dipped the towel into it and washed her neck and arms. As she carelessly stroked over her minor arm injury, she hissed briefly, but before she could get a good look at her arm, Sidney was already there and reached for her.

"Why didn't you say something?"  
"It's not that bad."

Their eyes met. Again, time seemed to expand. There where his rough hand held her arm it tickles again and the warmth slowly returns to her body. 

Sidney came a small step closer and only the stinging pain of the memories made her step back. She made room for him at the washbowl and walked around the table. She broke off a slice of bread and ate a small piece of cheese. As she chewed she tried to see something outside from the window, but the small flickering light of the candle was too weak. Charlotte had no choice but to watch him unwind his tie from his neck and roll up his shirtsleeves. Even though the shame crept up her cheeks, she still could not take her eyes off him as he bent over the bowl and splashed the water on his face.

Her eyes caught on his lower back and embarrassed she turned around so as not to be caught staring at him. Her gaze fell on the small bed. It was not even worth calling a bed. Her thoughts whirled around and her heart began to beat wildly again when his dark voice was suddenly very close behind her.

"Lie down." 

The whispered words sent a pleasant shiver through her body and the sin of her thoughts, made her cheeks glow. She was glad it was so dark and he could not see it. She would not turn to him.

Only when she heard him go to the chair by the door, she could shyly look at him. Sidney sat down and smiled tentatively at her and nodded. She sat down on the cot, which hardly gave way under her lightweight and lay down facing him. The exhaustion overwhelmed her immediately and barely the blink of an eye later she was already asleep.   
As she had fallen asleep on the blanket, Sidney got up and got his coat. He put it over her so she was warm. Carefully, not to wake her, he ran tenderly a finger across her forehead. How strong she was. He shook his head over this adorable little creature. As soon as the opportunity arose, he had to get her out of here. He would do anything to keep her safe.

Surrounded by his scent, she felt safe, although strange noises and distant sounds crept up to her ear, making fear creep up her back. Suddenly she felt someone grabbed her, she saw the grinning mean face of Specter, who was pressing himself so disgustingly close to her. She tried to fight back and fought back wildly. She jumped up.

"Hey." Sidney towered over her and in the silvery moonlight of the night she saw his concern. 

She sat up again and pulled the blanket tight around her shoulders. She was surrounded with his scent.

"Oh." was all she could say when she realized it was his coat. She looked up to him. 

"You're freezing."   
"It was only a dream." She shook herself and leaned her back against the wall.

His look, however, made her realize that it was not all just a dream, and a moment later she heard another scream, a disgusting, gloating laugh. A slam against the wall frightened her and the squeaking of another bed and violent beating against the wall. Moans and screams made her hands press her ears. But it was not enough. Tears ran down her cheeks without her knowing exactly why. A freezing cold made her body shake.

But suddenly it all disappeared. She looked into his dark eyes as Sidney put his large hands on hers and helped to block out the noise from the other room. He sat down next to her on the small bed and pulled her to him, till she pressed her head against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat under her ear and nothing on the other. She felt his mouth pressing a kiss on her head. 

Charlotte's cold fingers wrapped around his wrist and her fingernails bored into his skin. His other hand ran soothingly across her hair lying on her back. She trembled so much that she hardly noticed him pulling her even closer. 

And although she remembered sadly that he never felt the same, she was incredibly grateful for his strong arms that wrapped around her body. Also this feeling of warmth and protection she would lock to the other secret feelings and hope he would never find out.

Sidney loosened his hand slightly from her ear. Charlotte closed her eyes in awe as he whispered into her hair.

"No matter what, I'll protect you." 

She never felt so safe as in this very moment.


	9. arrangements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...the journey continues and finally Sidney speaks a truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again, for your kudos and lovely comments here and on twitter. It means a lot to me because this little story is close to my heart (as well).

Sidney was dreaming of a flower meadow. He had never cared much for flowers, but in his dream he lay in a dense flower field. With light fingers he stroked gently a silky soft blossom, so as not to destroy it. He wanted to see it to recognize its colour and turned around.

A pain went through in his neck and he moaned tortured. His head lay against the hard wall and his back was stiff from the unnatural position. The room lay in front of him in a bluish grey and only the memory of the filigree blossom in his dream made him smile briefly. But wait. He still felt the delicacy under his fingertips and the dull veil of sleep cleared up in one fell blow.

He knew which picture would appear to him before he even looked and yet he was not prepared for what was in front of him. Or much more on top of him. She lay with her head on his thigh. It was very warm there. His arm lay under her and the delicate blossom was nothing less than the smooth skin of her neck. He sighed as he looked down at her, for the sight made him rather confused. Not only the physical closeness, but also her relaxed face. She had to be completely exhausted to be able to sleep in this position and especially on him. Her hair lay in a wild mess on his legs, except for this one strand. It lay across her beautiful face and he carefully stroked it away with his other hand.

He let his fingers linger for a short moment on the cool skin of her cheek. Carefully, so as not to wake her, he moved along her cheekbones. His heart hammered in his chest as he traced the contour of her profile to the dimple on her chin. Her lips were slightly open. Sidney felt a sudden tingling in his fingers. Could he dare touch them?

His throat tightened and he had to swallow hard. No, he was not allowed to do that. If she woke up! She would surely be frightened and feel terribly uncomfortable. Sidney knew he had to lift her off his body somehow, but without waking her. Charlotte was to receive as much sleep as possible so she would be prepared for what was to come. Though he was not quite sure what that would be exactly.

He tugged back the hand that was on her neck a little so that he was able to lift her head slightly so that he could slide away underneath her. He only hoped that she would not wake up, it would be a too awkward situation. Her hair felt soft when he grabbed her head and lifted it up gently. He slipped out from underneath her and held it in both hands and put her head down carefully. He sank to his knees in front of the bed and looked at her peaceful face for a moment. Her long lashes cast a shadow under her eyes. Just as he tried to pull his hand out from under her face, her eyes moved.

Seized by a small panic, he pulled back his hand and hoped that she had not realized anything. Slowly she opened those wide dark eyes and her sleepy, carefree look was wiped away in the blink of an eye. For that tiny moment he could see the glimmer that he had noticed when they first met. Then they widened in concern and their expression changed into frozen distance. He was sure, out of fear.

"All is quiet." he assured her, "sleep now." With a light smile he tried to regain her relaxation, but failed miserably.

Charlotte knew she was dreaming. In bluish green and silver. Like the scene of the waves around her, when she was swimming, but in the night. The moonlight showed her hand linked to a much larger hand of a man. She sensed it was he. He pulled her with him and her heart was racing. It seemed forbidden and yet allowed. It was both thrilling and unspeakably sad at the same moment. She saw his face in the shadows. His scent filled her senses. He pulled her closer, she felt as if she were floating in the sea. In a split second he vanished and she was completely alone. It was cold. The sound of the wind made the branches of the trees creaking and hissing. Than his hand was lying warm on her cheek. He smiled and leaned closer. She sighed. In expectation of...she did not know exactly what she expected. His warmth and closeness maybe? But nothing happened. Slowly she opened her eyes. His beloved face hovered just a hand-width from hers. 

She realized everything very slowly and yet in only one moment. A warm feeling spread in her chest. Little dust particles flirted in the pale grey light of the early morning. His worried look, his soothing smile, his hoarse voice. Suddenly she knew where she was. What she had heard that night, that the two of them were locked together in this room. She wanted to believe him.

When he put the coat over her body, she grabbed it to pull it tighter. She was incredibly cold. Something hot was burning at her fingertips. It was the short feeling of a burning candlewick, which she squeezed with her fingers until it went out. Their eyes met. He had felt it too. The light sparkling of a tiny touch.   
The pale light of the room made everything seem unreal. His eyes were so dark and told her a truth she believed to have imagined. She briefly closed her eyes.

The wooden floorboards outside the room creaked. Charlotte sat up in a flash and pulled her knees up to her chest. Sidney got up and turned around at the exact moment the door opened.

Anderson stormed into the room. The chair, which was tugged under the doorknob, fell to the ground. The shadow his figure cast against the wall sent a cold shiver down Charlotte's spine. It seemed far more threatening in the dim light of the coming day than it did in the light of the sun. Sidney took a step towards him and shielded her from his prying eyes. Disappointed not to catch a glimpse of the young and beautiful Mrs Parker, Anderson moaned and ordered. 

"We must go as soon as you've refreshed."

"Get out of the room." Sidney roared.  
"I can't do that." Anderson crossed his arms in front of his chest and waited. He grinned and wiggled back and forth on his feet.

"Turn around." Sidney’s dark tone sent another shiver down Charlotte's spine, but it was a completely different feeling than before. Her stomach was tingling and the heat running down her cheeks and across her neck made her closes her eyes in shame.

Anderson turned to the washstand and thought he was particularly clever. So he would watch her cleaning herself and her husband could do nothing about it. But the husband grabbed his neck with his strong fingers.

"If you don't avert your gaze immediately..."  
"Then what?" Anderson asked, braver than he actually was, still thinking Mr Parker had no chance after all.  
But then Mr Parker twisted his arm backwards and pushed him to the door. He shoved him out of the room and pulled the door shut.

He leaned his back against the door and tried to calm down, his pulse racing in his throat. Anderson looked at him wildly, but before he could say anything, Sidney grabbed him by the collar and pushed him against the wall.

"Don't try it again," he growled. 

He wanted to punch the man. But Anderson was not worth risking any more trouble.

"All right, all right!" he yelled.

Sidney let him go immediately and went back to the door. He leaned against it again and took a deep breath. 

"Well, well, what's going on here?" asked Specter, who came like the best-dressed gentleman, swinging his walking stick around as if it were a sunny afternoon.

"Nothing, sir," said Anderson, his head lowered.

But Specter went to the door and knocked on the door with his walking stick.

"Little dove." he cried through the door with a smug smile to Sidney, "Come out little dove, or I'll come and get you."

Sidney clenched his jaw and shifted his weight.

"Well, my dear Mr Parker, go in there and get your wildcat out." 

Sidney clenched his fists. He hated the way Specter talked about Charlotte.

"Well, go on!" The scoundrel yelled and only the memory of last night's threat made Sidney nod. 

He knocked lightly on the door, opened it a little crack and pushed his way in. He closed the door behind him with lowered eyes.

"I'm turning around now, all right?" he asked quietly so Specter could not hear it outside the door. He turned around and there she stood. On the table by the window. By the now open window, with the bed sheet in her hand. Tied to the blanket. She was about to climb out of the window! And though he admired her for her courage, he wondered at her naivety. She would not get far, and who knows what Specter would do to her... Oh he could not think the thought through.

With three quick steps he came to her, grabbed her by the waist and lifted her off the table.

Charlotte gasped for breath as his big hands wrapped around her waist. Firm and strong and warm. Her hands found his shoulders all by themselves. Their eyes locked. When he put her on her feet, her hands slipped off his shoulders and remained on his upper arms. She felt his muscles twitch through the fabric of his shirt. She felt kind of... weak and strengthened her hold. His eyes seemed darker somehow and she suddenly felt a pressure on her chest. She had to catch her breath as his eyes became even darker. They leapt briefly to her lips, then back into her eyes. His grip around her middle tightened, was he tugging her closer? 

Sidney could no longer remember why he was holding her by her waist. How had she got there? But the question vanished. He could only perceive the faint scent of honey and a single thought filled his mind. 

He had to taste her.

Specter really had no need to reach his destination any later than he did anyway. The fuss with little Mrs Parker was getting on his nerves and his patience was not the best, as everyone knew.

"Come now!" he shouted angrily through the door. Then he heard footsteps and voices murmuring. Whatever they did, he would not miss it and he ripped the door open. The two of them stood by the bed, breathing heavily. Mrs Parker's cheeks were flushed and her not straight little bosom raised and lowered rapidly.

"Oh Mr Parker, you have a bloody nerve."

Sidney turned to Specter and if stares could kill, he would have just died several deaths. He laughed at the thought that Mr Parker was so keen on his wife that he would make out with her, with him and Anderson outside the door.

"I think I have a good idea how you can release your extra energy, Mr Parker." 

He let his eyes wander slowly over his little wife. Oh the figure was rather delicate. But immediately Mr Parker blocked his gaze. He guessed Mr Parker was not the kind of man who liked to show off his wife, he wanted her all to himself. It was an interesting observation. Specter thought of something ... something to put Mr Parker in his place. If Mr Parker failed to keep in line, his wife would become the centre of attention. 

Excellent! The day could only get better! Ha!

He clicked his tongue smugly and said in an overly cheerful tone.  
"I'm waiting."

Sidney walked wordlessly through the room and lifted his coat from the heel next to the washbasin where Charlotte had hung it up. But instead of putting it on, he wrapped it around her shoulders, but avoided her gaze as she looked up at him. But of course he had noticed her slight shivering. What a fool he was! He had almost kissed her! Here! Now! He shook his head.

Specter pointed in an exaggerated gesture 'after you' out of the room and let his gaze wander through the chamber once more. The candle had burnt down. The bed was a mess. The blanket and the sheets were crumpled. What would he give to have been in this room the night! Mrs Parker certainly was a little wildcat in bed. So feisty and brave. He suspected she was not so easily tamed and his body reacted at the mere thought of subduing her.

He moaned, he should not think anything of it. Mr Hall disliked the idea of taking advantage of other men's wives. Well, a man can dream, can't he? And Mr Hall was far away in London….and Mr Parker on the verge of exploding.

Charlotte's mind was only on the one thought, the one question. If Specter had not yelled, what would have happened? It was like Sidney woke up from a... a momentary sleep. He had shaken himself briefly, ripped the sheets from her hand and tried to tie them apart as he ran to the bed. She suddenly found herself at his side, tearing and tugging until the knot was untied. Just as she was about to smooth off the bed sheet and blanket, Specter tore the door open. Her heart was beating so wildly, she could already see the air flickering before her eyes. Cold fear seized her heart and her whole body felt deaf. She was shaking, and even more when Sidney put her coat on. Oh, how she would have loved to sink into his arms, leaning on his broad shoulders.

Suddenly she was back in the carriage. The same monotonous rumbling lulled her like one of the lullabies she used to hum to her little siblings.   
At the same time she noticed that Sidney was still sitting next to her, but not as tight as the night before. His body seemed tense to burst and she would love to let her hand run over his back to calm him down.

"Look what you've done to her." Specter called out in a played, schoolmasterly tone.  
"The little dove is so exhausted, she'll go right back to sleep," he laughed his disgusting laugh, which made the blood freeze in one' veins, and Sidney pressed himself against her again so pleasantly that she no longer had to see Specter.

If it was possible at all, Sidney tense up even more and without her doing, suddenly her hand lay on his back. He breathed in noticeably and seemed even broader.

Sidney could breathe properly again the moment he felt her small hand on his back. Although the leather of his vest lay between them, he had the feeling that where her hand lay there would be a small wave of heat that slowly seeped through him. 

The fear that Specter would see her trying to climb out of the window had fortunately not paralyzed him, but made him act out of time. 

He acted without thinking twice. And even if he disliked the way Specter talked and made innuendos, he still preferred it. What would have happened if he had seen what Charlotte was about to do?   
At worst, Specter might have fulfilled his threat of the night before. At the brief thought of it, Sidney felt sick to his stomach.

Fortunately, the ride did not take long and they came to a place that looked like a small village. There was a large building in the middle. Sidney saw his assumption confirmed that they had arrived at a brewery.

They got out and the people working there looked at them curiously for a moment, but then immediately went back to their regular activities.

Specter whistled through his teeth and shortly afterwards two broad boys came running through the dust. One took the reins of Sidney's horse that Anderson had tied to the carriage, and the other sat down on the coach box and steered the carriage towards the stables. Anderson disappeared into one of the adjacent buildings.

A tall, skinny man then stepped up to Specter and said.  
"You're already expected." 

Specter nodded and gave the order.  
"Take care of these two."

One of the many smaller buildings in the second row behind the main building became her new home. On the second floor, there were only three doors and the first one next to the stairs was unlocked and they were let in.

"I'll get you clothes and food," the skinny guy said and disappeared.

Charlotte immediately went to the window and tried to see something, but she could only see the other buildings. So the forest and the little creek she had noticed immediately upon her arrival was behind this house. The door creaked and she knew that now a conversation would follow. 

"What were you thinking?"  
She did not answer.  
"Were you even thinking?"

She turned angrily, clearly a man did not think that women could think.  
"Of course!" she cried and turned back to the window.

"Promise me you'll never do that again."  
She was silent in reply.

"Charlotte!" he suddenly stood beside her and the heat his body radiated rose to her cheeks.  
"Why should I stay here?" she looked at him desperately, "I have nothing to do with this!"  
"I know!"  
"I am the one to suffer for the mistakes of others," she cried. 

"I know that too."

She looked at him, tears glistening in her eyes.  
"I just want to get out of here."

He nodded and reached for her hand, but at that moment she put it in the deep pockets of his coat and avoided his gaze.

"Please don't try that again."  
"Why not?" hardly a whisper of her voice.  
"It is dangerous!"

She puffed "I've done it before."   
"And look where it got you." he gave back harshly.

Stubbornly she raised her chin and answered.  
"I could do it again."

Sidney, despairing of her stubbornness, grabbed her by the arm and turned her over.  
"Are you really that naive?"

"It's obvious," she broke free, "a man of the world doesn't believe that I, a stupid little country girl, would make it home through the wilderness." 

Charlotte puffed out some air and tried to get away from him and walked to the corner of the room and leaned with her back against it.

"No, of course not!" he shouted and walked a few steps towards her, "Naive to think they wouldn't have caught you. They know the area, you don't!"

She knew he was right, but would never admit it for the world. It was so frustrating and unfair!

"I can't imagine what could have happened!" he shouted and his voice broke, "if he ever gets his hands on you!" he ran his hands through his hair and walked back to the window.

Charlotte dared to look in his direction. He leaned on the windowsill with both hands and shook his head in frustration.  
Her emotions boiled over, the disappointment of having feelings he did not return and now being locked in with him. This whole situation that he thought she was naive.... She was so incredibly angry and scared.

"Promise me you won't try again," he asked with his jaw clenched.  
"Why?"   
"I don't want you to get hurt." Oh his voice grew louder.

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I'll do anything they ask to let you go." he explained again.

"For what reason?"  
"To keep you safe." He answered unbelievingly did she not know that?

Charlotte leaned her face against the wood panelling and murmured.

"What do you care?"   
"You're my wife, damn it!" he shouted. 

Both stared at each other in shock. The confused feelings were swirling around inside her and she could only think one clear thought.

"Only on paper." She turned back to the wall and squeezed away the tears that were stealing from her eyes. 

A knock stopped Sidney from responding, and before he could open the door, the skinny man came in and brought a basket of food. And a pile of cloth. 

"Mr Parker, I am to take you to Mr Specter while the Mrs makes your home."

Home. Charlotte closed her eyes for a moment. She hated the way her body reacted to those things. Home. There is no home! Charlotte shook her head and when she opened her eyes again, Sidney stood much closer and stared into her eyes.

"Please," he asked, and she understood what he was trying to say. His look made her nod.

"Mr Parker!" Specter greeted him like they were old friends and asked him into a shabby office. 

"This is a map of our little village. Memorise it, you and your wife. We don't want to look for anyone who's lost." He winked at him. "You bring me back the map tonight at the latest."

Sidney picked up the folder and asked Specter what day Charlotte could go home.

"Ha ha, Mr Parker. I told you, she stays here until... you've worked at least half the time off."

Sidney thought about it and realized that she would have to stay here for over two months.  
"No, that's out of the question!" he roared.

Specter clicked his tongue and leaned back in his chair. His hands folded in front of his chest. 

"There is another way to earn me my money." Specter sniggered.

"What should I do?"


	10. deep breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two are not satisfied with the circumstances, but still they have to comply.  
> But of course they have a plan in place and they are working on it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After I've recovered from saying goodbye to "Enemy Love" yesterday, here the next chapter at last. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> For the chapter name, it's from a quote of "Lord of the Rings"  
> "The deep breath before the plunge".

Charlotte was surprised how good the clothes and blankets she had received from the haggard man smelled. It made her think of home and the lush flower meadow that her father's estate adjoined.

A smile came over her face as she remembered how she and her sisters used to pick flowers there and how she used to create flower crowns from the most beautiful ones. How they would drop into the lush vegetation and stare up at the sky. How they counted sheep clouds or thought they recognized objects or faces in them. Her memories flew on, to the stories they told each other or read from books. All her thoughts drifted to the last book she had read and what it had done to her dreams. Ashamed of her strange...feelings she shook herself and started to sort out the clothes first. 

Charlotte started with those for herself, which distracted her from everything else for the moment. There were two simple but clean cotton dresses, one in a rich green with half-length sleeves and the other a slightly finer one, a pale yellow, with sleeves that should only mean the upper half of the arm. In addition she found a chemise, a petticoat, a shirt and a corset made of linen. The only warm clothes were two pairs of stockings. As she would not change until she had the opportunity to wash herself properly, she folded the things neatly and put them into the dresser, whose drawers were warped and hard to get open. 

As for the trousers, she swallowed when she folded them and ignored every emerging thought. But the shirts…she doubted whether they would fit Sidney. He seemed so much broader at least his shoulders. They felt so …massive. The heated skin which was beneath the thin fabric. And his upper arms, yes they felt very muscular under her hands they might have been the size of her thighs. 

Not to mention those beautifully shaped forearms, she first saw at the river and had been dreaming about them every night since then. Not as often as from his face, but... yes. Charlotte had lost her train of thought for a moment and then remembered the memory that almost slipped away. Yeah, his face... those eyes...and his lips.

How would they feel if he would press them lightly on her hand?

"Stop it!" she exhorted herself and ended the thought she had originally chased. The shirts would not dress him properly.

But the most difficult task was still ahead of her. 

There were two sheets and two pillowcases and luckily two blankets. She moaned with relief and set to work. But Charlotte's thoughts did not stop turning around a certain gentleman and she wondered anxiously when he would come back.

And what would happen then? How would they spend the not so far away night? Her cheeks glowed as soon as she had finished thinking about it, but at that very moment was a knock and a maid came into the room.

"Mrs Parker?"  
Charlotte looked at the tall woman, whose cheeks were reddened from work.

"I was told that you might like to freshen up."  
"Yes, that would be very kind of you."  
"Come along, then."

Charlotte looked at the maid in bewilderment, but she only asked,  
"Did you get clothes?"  
"Yes."  
"Then what are you waiting for?"

Though Charlotte was unsure what to make of it, she went to the dresser, opened the drawer where she had put her things and tried to get it open, but it was stuck again. She fished out one of the new dresses with long fingers, and pushed her hand further in to get to the new underwear as well.

"I can' t wait all day," cried the maid, and Charlotte pulled out a pair of stockings, and ran after the maid, who was already walking down the stairs. She pulled the door shut and followed her with hurried steps.

Mrs Heywood stood in Tom's study looking at the Sanditon model. It was beautiful. She ran her fingers very carefully over the little houses and streets. She recognised the house where they had lived for the last few weeks and immediately began to cry.

Where was her daughter? Where was Charlotte? How was she? Had Mr Sidney found her? Were they on their way back? Then why didn't he send a message? Oh, it was so unseemly! At least they could claim to be married, but... they were not... but... Oh, no, Mrs Heywood was unable to complete the thought. She tried to distract herself.

Perhaps they were somewhere in the wilderness? Then at least she could be sure Charlotte would survive in the wilderness. She knew how to find water, what berries and plants to eat, how to build shelter and even how to shoot rabbits. But... she would not have a rifle with her! 

Mrs Heywood sobbed again and held her hand over her mouth. Then she tried to think positively again, as Dr Fox had advised her to. She had really tried but it was no use. The fear and worry took hold of her again. Mrs Heywood cried and held on to the table in front of her to avoid falling into the pit of despair.

"Oh, please Mrs Heywood, don't touch the model," cried Tom as he came into the room. 

Mrs Heywood stared at him unbelievably. He really had the nerve to look down at her with a smile on his face?

"What would you say, Mr Parker?" she glanced at the model for a moment and then back she stared at Tom who raised his eyebrow in anticipation. "What if the model you minutely transformed into a work of art..."

"Oh thank you Mrs Heywood..." he interrupted her but his voice remained stuck in his throat as she stared at him with her piercing eyes, which had already brought his much stronger brother to his knees.

"Say," she thought for a moment, "is going to break down in an accident."  
" What do you mean by that?"  
"This is your work of art, your fifth child... your beloved treasure... or am I wrong?"  
"No, you're quite right... Mary even likes to say..."  
"Now think of someone taking it away from you."

Tom froze and leaned heavily on his armpit crutches and looked down in shame. It was his fault the lovely Charlotte Heywood had been kidnapped,...well it wasn't really his fault, it was Sidney's...after all he hadn't said anything...and Mr Heywood's too if the truth be told...if he had not been in debt. He opened his mouth to explain exactly that to her when he looked in tearful eyes and he finally understood.

Silently he nodded, he was so moved he could not find the words. 

Charlotte followed the maid, she was very curious to see where she took her. Then they stood in front of a building opposite the stables, and followed the maid through the opened door. 

They came into a corridor that resembled a horse stable, but instead of the animals' boxes, there were wooden doors. It squeaked. Somewhere water was splashing. She heard voices, of several women.

“What is this?”  
"We call it the ‘bath sheds’."

Charlotte looked at the maid in complete bewilderment and shook her head. She had no idea what was behind the doors.

"They used to be stables, like over there." She stopped in the corridor and put her short arms on her hips.  
"Now there are cast-iron tubs behind three of the doors."  
"What's behind the other doors?" Charlotte asked, but was ignored.

"Women can bathe three times a week."

Completely astonished at this news, Charlotte stared at her.  
"Three times?" 

"Well, if you have the money." the maid laughed as she watched Charlotte's face turn pale.  
"This time it's on the house." she opened one of the doors. "That's what the boss said."

"Oh." Charlotte was unable to say anything more.  
"Otherwise,” she eyed her from head to toe “it's how clean your husband… wants you."

Not knowing exactly what the maid meant, Charlotte neither answered nor smiled. Still, the tone, as the maid had said, made her think of the smug tone of Specter. So somehow it had a dirty meaning.

Sidney came back from his talk with Specter. He knocked on the door a few times maybe she was asleep… He knocked again before opening it and stepping into the room. At first he was surprised at how good it smelled and then white embers of fear and anger that she had left overcame him. 

Where was she?  
Was she all right?  
How could he look for her without anyone noticing she was gone? 

The panic immediately made him turn around to walk out of the door, but out of the corner of his eye he had noticed the half-closed drawer from which a paper-thin piece of clothing was still hanging. He stared at it from a distance before he turned around and paced through the room, thinking wildly about what might have happened. Then he thought of the small stream, maybe she had gone there to freshen up.

Sidney run the whole stream as far as he could in the fenced area. When he was near the stables, he had imagined that he could hear her laughter, of course!

Charlotte was intelligent. After all, she had even thought about food and drink on her first escape. So he was sure she must have run to the stables to get his horse.  
Yes, that was the way it had to be!

With quick steps, forced not to run, he went into the stables. But Flash stood there untouched with other horses. He did not even look up at him. Sidney turned on his heel, his heart aching in his chest. 

He looked around to see if he could spot a glimpse of her somewhere. 

She was not there, why did she laugh?  
Or was it just the urgent desire to know her happy, that made him imagine it?

His breath quickened. Panic was in full control when he went with quick steps over the gritty ground of this tiny village.

But where should he run? 

Charlotte stood with eyes wide open in front of the bathtub. She was stunned. The water was steaming. She had trouble to believe that after all the exertions she was allowed to take a bath. All for her alone! The maid waited and then went behind Charlotte to open her dress. 

"Thank you," Charlotte said kindly, "I can manage the rest..."  
"That'll be good," grumbled the maid, "don't have time for any fine ladies."  
"But I..."  
"You're lucky there's no one else on the list after you today, so you can take your time and get dressed up for your husband."

Her blushing cheeks made the maid nod knowing. At the door, she stopped and pointed to the latch,  
"Lock up, the men like to pretend they've made a mistake in the day."

With these she disappeared and Charlotte hurried to the door to lock it. She quickly undressed and laid her clothes over a chair in the corner of the small room. Then she slipped into the hot water and moaned with delight. Only now did she realize how tense and cold she was and how much the last days had affected her. With closed eyes she let herself sink deeper and enjoyed the silence and warmth.

Suddenly she heard a scarring and she opened her eyes in terror. A small bird suddenly sat at the edge of the tub as if it was amazed to see her here. And at the thought that she felt so much panic over such a little creature, she burst out laughing. It felt so strange that it died instantly. The little bird had also flown away from her. Turning her head until she saw the bird fly off the window. And a new idea formed in her head...

After Sidney had run the whole area, he barely noticed all the details, he almost ran into Anderson, who walked in his direction with another man. Quickly Sidney moved in the other direction, squeezed between two transport containers, for the bottled whisky and crept to the other side.

There he had waited two breaths before he slipped out and ran back to the lodging. He had to think.

Desperately Sidney ran up the stairs to the room, he was on the verge of exploding. Time ran out in less than an hour, and then he had to give Specter his map back. Only then would he get dinner for them.

None of this was the problem. Sidney was afraid Specter would then join him to take a look at Charlotte. And then the disaster would take its course… 

Why had she run away? 

He had refused to believe it at first, and did not really want to admit it, but he was ….disappointed that she had run away. Although of course he could understand it. But the hot fear that burned in his body could not be compared to anything else. Sincerely he hoped that nothing had happened to Charlotte. He would do everything to stop Specter from chasing her. 

The last steps of the stairs seemed to get increasingly steeper and with heavy boots he dragged himself to the door. But it was locked. 

What?

Wondering if he had made a mistake, he jerked the handle again.  
When he was not able to open it, he beat against it frustrated. Probably Specter had noticed that she had run away and would force him to go to him immediately.  
Oh God! Hopefully Specter did not catch her already! He felt sick.

Charlotte heard the heavy boots coming to stop at her door. Pure fear ran through her veins one more time, Sidney was somewhere and Specter wanted to pay her a visit she feared. She trembled so violently at that thought of being alone with the man that she missed it at first, that someone jerked at the door. 

Charlotte had locked the door, after she had found the key that was hanging under Sidney's coat on a nail by the door.  
But she still was not sure what to do if the person broke the door down. The fear that it was Specter or one of his men paralyzed her. 

A sudden bang on the door woke her up from her shocked state and she went to the door. Taking a deep breath she gathered herself and then she called out in a firm voice.

"Go away."

"Charlotte?" the voice of Sidney seemed breathless.

Sidney let his hand sink to the door in relief and his heart beat wildly with mixed emotions. A little bit amazement, fear and lightness, but his anger burned the most in his chest. The sound of the key in the lock brought his worry and frustration to a head, where had she been?

So as not to scream in her face, the worries and horror scenarios that had stolen into his mind, he clenched his jaw and pushed the door open before the lock was even opened properly. She went a few steps back and he raised his head. And the sight of her made him freeze.

In a pale, slightly too long dress, which was very tight in just the right place, which he really only noticed in passing, she stood in the middle of the room. Her hair shimmered and lay in thick curls on her shoulders, which made her hair look much shorter than before. Her cheeks had taken on the colour of the setting sun, which was coming in through the small window. But the most extraordinary thing was...she smiled. 

She smiled at him! 

In his chest his excited heart was whirling around and he was unable to say anything other than a soft

"What...?" 

The anger and the fear had faded away and all he could see was... light. Her light. The reddish golden light that shone from behind, giving her something supernatural.

"Shut the door," she ordered.

Why did it now run warm over his back?  
Because she said that just like …that? 

First he stared at her for another moment, but then he turned around and shoved the door shut. Suddenly he felt her closeness beside him and turned to face her.  
Charlotte reached past him and locked the door. Sidney had to swallow. 

She smelled so...fresh and oh, he should... why did she look at him like that? Her eyes were so...dark...he should... her mouth was moving, but he could not hear her. What?  
Think. Think!

"Where have you been?" he asked as he went back to the window and looked into the orange light of the sun.  
"Taking a bath."  
"I was looking for you by the brook, I didn't see you anywhere." his tone was accusingly.  
"No, not at the stream."

Questioningly, he looked at her. She was still smiling.

"The maid took me to the 'bath sheds' opposite the stables."  
"Then I heard correctly." he murmured and closed his eyes briefly, the feelings that were buzzing around his body and the sight of her, was too much for him in the moment.

"What do you mean?"  
So she had heard it then. 

"Your laugh." 

There was a brief awkward pause when they looked at each other furtively.  
A heartbeat. Two. Three.

Embarrassed, and somewhat confused by his gaze, she looked at her hands and told him about the little bird. But Sidney failed to get the story straight, as he forgot where they were for a moment and just listened as she lively told him about the little bird.

"The bird looked at me as if he wondered what I was doing." A brief giggle accompanied her story.  
Sidney could not help smiling. The glint in her eyes flamed up again. When she reached the end of her story, he stared at her again in confusion. 

"I got up on the chair and came right to the window, but I think if we went bathing together..."

"Together?" 

His tone was a mixture of accusingly and she knew not exactly what he was thinking of her? Inwardly, she hoped...

"No not together together," she closed her eyes embarrassed.  
"I just mean, well... let them think that and then we'll take our time and..."

Sidney only noticed two things. Together. Take our time. Abruptly he turned away from her to get his head straight. Very clear feelings were building up in his body and that was...not right.

"What do you mean? Is this a good plan?" She asked innocently. 

And he nodded, although he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Yes, yes, but first we have to..."  
"The map, I've got it!" 

She gave him the map, which he had to give back to Specter any moment, and then told him that she had copied it on the back of the map she found in his coat. She seemed to be full of energy again, like in the beginning of her visit to Sanditon and he let her energy embrace him.

"Will you tell me what we have to do?"  
"We?" he asked in surprise.  
"Yes of course." She looked at him as if she doubted his sanity.  
"You must not..."  
"Sidney," sharply she sucked in the air, before she caught her lower lip distractedly between her teeth. She blushed in a lovely pink and he desperately wanted to stroke her cheek. 

"It's all right." he confirmed with a lump in his throat, he really asked himself seriously how he could bear to be in the same room with her any longer.

"Yeah, well... if I work too, we'll have the money sooner."  
"It would still take too long."  
"How long?" She looked up at him.  
"Specter said you should stay two months."  
"Two?" She seemed very startled, tears welled up in her eyes, and she turned away.

"He made me an offer..."  
"What offer?"

Worried she looked at him and he tried to calm her down with his crooked smile.

"Boxing. I should box for him."

"What? No, you can't..." her voice was filled with worry and he was warmed by the thought that she cared for him.

"Don't worry, Charlotte..." his voice shifted to a darker tone.  
"I know what I'm doing."

And she knew that too, when he later brought away the empty tray, he did it to give her enough time to prepare for the night. Before that, he had already made camp for the night on the floor, right in front of the door. Although she appreciated it, she also had a bad conscience that he had to lay on this hard floor.

When he knocked, she unlocked the door and ran back to bed with quick steps. Sidney tried not to look at her as he entered the room after a few heartbeats. It was already dark, the flickering fire of the small fireplace opposite the bed barely showing where anything was except the bed. In it lay Charlotte with the blanket pulled up to her neck. 

He just could not avoid a quick glance in her direction when he went back to the fireplace and checked if the firewood was enough. His heart skipped a beat, at her sight. Expectantly she looked at him with big eyes. Her dark curls were like a black veil around her angelic face. Her dark curls lay like a black veil around her angelic face. Which, in the light of the fire, seemed relieved of all the sorrows of recent days.

His dark shadow cowered in front of the fireplace, and he added a few more logs. Not too many, because they still wondered if they would have to pay for them, too. It was only when he stood up again and turned to her that she saw that he was no longer wearing his waistcoat and his neck no longer hidden by a tie from her eyes. Now that the light shone sideways on his face, he seemed much more...relaxed. His eyes were dark. And his lips seemed to want to say something. He lightly ran his tongue over them.

Her breath accelerated as he came one step closer. And a second.

Her heart was pounding at her throat, her stomach felt weightless. Just like back than she had jumped off the fully loaded hay cart. Light and... sensing some danger.

As she gasped for breath, Sidney lowered his gaze and he looked again, as if he had woken from a momentary sleep.

"Good night, Charlotte."  
"Good night."

Sidney waited a moment longer, but she said nothing more. With a slightly disappointed last look, he turned and went back to his sleeping place. Though he dared not look back again, he felt her gaze prickle on his skin as he continued to undress.

Later a creaking of the floorboards woke him up. He felt a breeze on his cheek. Feet crawled past him. In a hurry. Charlotte! He had to protect her!

Driven by an overwhelming force, his body reacted before his mind could follow.  
He leapt up to grab the intruder and struggled him to the ground.


	11. Betting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Work starts, and Sidney has a plan for the evening. And when the feelings come to a head, they both know how to repress them... for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a new chapter, it's a longer one.
> 
> Warning: some violence will happen.

Charlotte woke up. The fire had almost gone out by now, but that was not the reason why she was woken. Her bladder was pressing. Could she dare...while he...oh God this was really one of the most embarrassing things that could happen. But what had to happen, had to happen. Slowly she pulled back the blanket and stood up. She stayed in the dark until her eyes got used to the diffuse light. As far as she could see in the dark room, he lay with his back to her. Still she had to pass him when she wanted to get into the small niche she had created by moving the dresser and one of the sheets she had hung up. She hoped he did not wake up, that would really be the last thing she wanted.

When she slowly crept back again, she just had no choice but to stop at his side for a moment. As far as she could see, he seemed to be tense even in his sleep. No wonder, he had to sleep on the floor. The floorboards creaked as she crouched down next to him and gently stroked his cheek with very light fingers. He was so warm and her heart was beating so wildly, oh why did she have to feel so for him that she wanted to touch him constantly?

Out of fear he would wake up at any moment, she urged herself to leave, jumped up and ran with quick feet towards the bed.

The next one happened so fast that she hardly understood it at all. One hand grabbed her arm and pulled her around, another around her middle and she lay on the hard floor. She was able to cushion the impact with one hand, yet the force briefly pushed her breath out of her lungs as his weight lay on her back. Still it was a good feeling to be surrounded by him. 

"Charlotte?" he asked in a startled voice and lifted himself away from her.

Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her neck was tingling. When he withdrew, she felt a greater pressure on herself, as if the loss of him left emptiness that weighed more heavily. How was that even possible? 

"Yes, I..." she turned to him and Sidney blinked a few times, his eyes looking huge.

"I'm so sorry! Are you hurt? Did…did I hurt you? Forgive me... I must have been dreaming," he helped her sit up and stared at her worried.

"No, everything's fine." she breathed and his gaze wandered briefly to her lips. 

His hands on her upper arms, burning through the thin fabric of the cotton shirt she was wearing as a nightdress. It felt good. For a moment she lost herself in the feeling of his strength... until he tore his hands away. And his gaze dropped, as well.  
Charlotte saw him swallow and then turn away from her with his whole body. Hurt she closed her eyes. He obviously could not stand the sight of her despite the darkness.

The shrill shriek had not yet brought his mind back. The adrenaline pulsed through his veins and he only heard a hissing sound. He would let the guy... Sidney breathed in. There was that… scent…her pleasant honey-warm scent beneath him. This is what her neck smells like. 

"Charlotte?"

In a flash he lifted himself away from her. Charlotte trembled slightly. 

'I knocked her down' he thought, scared he had hurt her, not thinking any further as he pulled her up. He just wanted her to be fine, she had to be fine! 

She smiled! How could she smile? Those lips, oh damn it, they would drive him mad. Unwillingly he seemed to lean closer. Why did he do that? His fingers were tingling, while they were feeling her warm skin under thin cloth. Only now did he realize he was still holding her and let go immediately.

Looking at his hands, which felt strangely empty, he saw in the corner of his eye that she was only wearing a shirt. He turned away from her. It was dangerous. She was not supposed to sit in front of him in just a shirt! Just the thought of bare legs made him get up disgusted by his thoughts, which fortunately disappeared again as quickly as they had flooded his mind.

He blindly reached out his hand and as he felt her soft hand in his, his breath hitched. He pulled her onto her feet. His hand, his arm and his whole side that was turned towards her were warm.  
Do not look! He advised himself and yet he could not help but look her in the face again. Were they tears that shimmered in her eyes?

"Are you really fine?" his voice a throaty whisper.

"Yes." 

Charlotte said and the way her lips stayed slightly open almost made him forget where they were. He took a step and his hand reached out to her, but stayed in the air between them. He was not allowed to touch her! It was neither the time nor the place to ….to do confess his feelings to her. She would feel entrapped and at his mercy. No, that would have to wait.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Charlotte took a deep breath and shook her head, shaking her wild curls over her shoulders. One curl of her hair tangled with the fabric of the shirt and it was a physical effort not to let his eyes drift down on her body.

"You did not." 

A shiver ran through him. What she did to his body with a few breathy words was really... unnatural. Sidney gathered himself and then said, harsher than he intended.

"We should go back to bed."  
"Yes." Her voice seemed to be choked and she turned and tapped back to her bed in the half-light.

"It's almost morning." He went back to his place and shook the pillow.  
"And we are expected for breakfast."

"I know."

Judging by the sounds, she was back under the blanket, and as he felt safe, he dared to look in her direction again. Charlotte had turned away from his gaze, and it was just as well, he could hardly keep his eyes off her.

"We should sleep now."  
"Yes," she agreed silently, but neither of them did sleep for the rest of the night.

"My sweet turtledoves," cried Specter as they were brought to his office the following morning, where a small but good-smelling breakfast was prepared on a large table in the middle of the room.

"I know it's not as sumptuous as your home Mrs Parker," he pulled out a chair and pointed her to sit down. "But that is what hard working people need."

Charlotte could not resist answering.

"I grow up on a farm Mr Specter, I know what hard work is."

"Well, well, Mrs Parker, didn't sleep well, hmm?" he grinned at Sidney, who had his jaw clenched and muttered to him half-loud, "or didn't you let her sleep?" 

Charlotte blushed at the true words Specter unconsciously uttered. She had spent the rest of the night thinking about how she could protect herself and her heart. His closeness confused her, especially the urge to be close to him, to breathe him in or touch him.  
She had observed herself always standing a little too close, and even if he was not really touching her, it was the air between them that was somehow ... tingling and that was enough for her. For now. But she had to stop, they were just... sort of friends, maybe.

"But don't worry, Mrs Parker, your husband will be starting work today and will be boxing with some other workers tonight for our mutual entertainment." he laughed out loud.  
"I bet after that, you won't have to worry about receiving too much attention."

"If you say so." 

Charlotte muttered to her tea if Specter knew she was getting no attention at all from her 'husband', but of course he took no notice and then laughed in Sidney's face.

"Your wife has high hopes that after the fight you can still...stand."

Specter laughed so loudly that Charlotte blushed even more, hoping she did not give Sidney away and looked over at him secretly.

"My wife is none of your business," Sidney growled and as usual, his dark voice and his words caused a comforting shiver to roll over her.

Specter lifted his hand and began his breakfast.

"Enjoy it, it's the first and last breakfast here." he chewed noisily, he laughed again and looked at Sidney, who was taking a deep breath and staring back at him.

"So, I can work double shifts?" Sidney asked.  
"Sure," Specter admitted with a throwaway gesture and then looked at Charlotte, who had not touched her breakfast but only drank her tea.  
"And you, my little dove," he asked, and Sidney sucked in the air "are you too fine to get your hands dirty?"

"No, Mr Specter. I told you, I come from a farm. I like working, and I can work double shifts, too."  
"Oh, trouble in paradise?" he looked from one to the other and felt a certain imbalance between the two.  
"What can I do?" Charlotte asked, drawing his gaze back to her.  
"Oh, I'd like you here, as my private... maid."

"No." Sidney replied and his gaze became locked with hers, she smiled this special smile and he was grateful that she did not protest.

"Well, something will turn up." he said in his typical smug tone.

While Sidney and other workers were responsible for carrying the wooden barrels back and forth to store the whiskey and to rearrange and stack them in a huge warehouse according to the instructions of his foreman, Charlotte has been assigned to the grindstone. She was busy all day long with the monotonous work of sifting the grist after the first grinding. Over and over again. In the beginning her thoughts were just whirling around the incident of the night and how good it felt when he... Oh she should really stop! When they will get back, he would finally sign the papers...And then he would leave her alone, tears welled up in her eyes but she blinked them away. She took a deep breath and concentrated of her task.  
After two hours her neck and her arms were hurting so much, she lost every thought on almost everything.

When it got too dark to go on with the work, her second job was to help in the kitchen, where the dinner of the workers who lived on the grounds was prepared. Exhausted and yet happy to have done something to take her mind off a certain gentleman, she went to her lodgings. Under her arm a basket of food, which, if she divided it up properly, would last for a few days.

Charlotte still had a chance to take off her shoes and stockings and to wash before Sidney came back. He glanced at her bare feet for a moment, but said nothing.

While they ate, he asked her about her day and what she had to do and he was amazed at what else she had found out.

"So there are 38 men, except the watchmen, and with me 17 women living here on the estate. They all have a duty to work here, either through their own fault or like we do through relatives."

We. Oh, that word from her mouth always brought a little smile to his face.

"That's quite a lot. I wonder how they keep them from running away." wondered Sidney, devouring the bread like he was starving.

"From what I've heard," Charlotte told him in a conspiratorial tone, "there's extra pay if you spy on your colleagues."

"Then we must be careful."  
"Yes.” their eyes get lost in each other for a moment.  
“Most of them have been here for several years..." she lost the rest of her sentence and her look turned sad.

"Charlotte," his warm hand resting on her forearm.  
"I told you that I would do anything to..."

"Yes," she nodded energetically, "but I don't like the idea of you having to fight," she withdrew her hand, his heat was clouding her mind, and looked down at her lap.

A warm feeling spread across his chest, she seemed really worried about him.

"Don't worry."  
"It's easy for you to say."

"I can box. I'll beat the two of them, I promise you."  
The seriousness in his voice made her nod.

He got up, went to the bed and lifted the mattress, Charlotte couldn't see what he was doing, but then he came back with a grin on his face.

"Here's a three one-pound note for you." He handed it to her.  
"What am I going to do with it?"  
"Bet on me."  
"What?"

"Charlotte, for every win tonight, I'll get twenty pounds and that'll get you home sooner."  
"I understand that, but this..." she held up the notes.  
"No-one knows me, everyone's going to bet on my opponents, which means we win a lot of money tonight." He shrugged.

"I know, Mr Parker, how betting works."  
"You do?" He looked at her in amazement.

"We usually bet on who can run the fastest, and usually the wager are marbles or some pretty stones, but... what if nobody bets?"

Sidney took a deep breath, she was so...so…he did not know a word except adorable. The way she held up the banknotes with blushed cheeks and that little wrinkle between her brows.

"Believe me, where there's boxing, there's betting."  
"Alright. And I should bet it all?"  
"You bet it all, and then you pick up the money right away, and depending on what you win, you bet it back on me in the next round."  
"All of it?" she hissed.  
"Yeah, all of it."  
"But..."  
"If it makes you uncomfortable, you keep a bit, and only bet what you mean." 

They looked into each other's eyes, and Charlotte was amazed he thought she could decide on her own.

"After your first win, more people will bet on you in your second fight, and that means we have to share the win and…" 

Her ranting died as Sidney looked at her with that crooked smile that somehow always took her breath away. 

"What?" worried she said something wrong, she looked at him.  
"Charlotte, you're... I mean, you're so..." his feelings almost bubbled out of him, so he cleared his throat and then said in a much calmer voice.

"I trust your judgment."

Since it was not appropriate for a lady to be in a bar and especially not to watch a boxing match, Charlotte had feared and also hoped that she would not be allowed to be there. But all the women were there as far as she could see. Her heart was beating wildly and she had a bad feeling in her stomach, so she clung a little more to Sidney's arm as he pulled her through the crowd.

The bar where Specter's men usually ate was about the size of the hotel bar in Sanditon, which she only knew because she picked up her mail there.  
In the middle of the room an almost round area of tables and chairs had been cleared out, it looked like a small dance floor, and for a moment she thought of her dance with Sidney at the first ball in Sanditon. It had been so beautiful. Shaking off the thought, she slowly let her hand slip from his arm and followed him to a small niche. 

"You mustn't be nervous." His eyes locked with hers, "It'll be all right."

With her wide eyes she looked at him through her lashes and she stood so close that he saw her pulse pulsing through her neck. Like an invisible band, they were connected and he seemed that it would get shorter and shorter. He could smell her unmistakable scent and it calmed him. He did not doubt himself, but a slight nervous restlessness seized him as well. Not because of the fight, rather because he was unable to look after her while doing it.

"Well, Mr Parker," Specter was suddenly standing next to him "I've come to take you to your first fight." Somewhat surprised why Specter did it by himself, he looked at him curiously. "Alright."

He clenched his jaw and stared once more intensively into Charlotte's worried eyes. 

"Well, go ahead and kiss her, that won't bother anybody here."  
Shocked, the Parkers looked at Specter and he grinned his disgusting grin.

"Come on." His voice could not bear to contradict and he looked back and forth between the two. "She looks like she needs one."

Charlotte gasped as Sidney leaned closer and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. Her skin seemed to vibrate and from the point he had touched with his warm lips the heat radiated into every fibre of her. For a moment she closed her eyes and it was only when he leaned away that she noticed her hand was back on his forearm. There was a short look between them that somehow said something, but she was not quite sure what.

"Now do it right." The disgusting man demanded and Charlotte swallowed under his piercing gaze. 

"When and how I kiss my wife is up to me." Sidney grumbled and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"It's all right," Specter raised his hands again in that defensive gesture, "I was just wondering if you don't want to, I could do that …more properly."

Sidney flipped to him, his fists were clenched, the muscles and tendons on his forearm came out visibly and Charlotte touched him gently, knowing he would jump at Specter if she did not.

"Well, that's good," Specter, said cheekily, "now I've got you right where I want you."  
He gallantly bowed to Charlotte and then snorted to Sidney,  
"After all, I want a little show for my money." He laughed and patted him on the shoulder, "I don't want you to go down to quickly."

They went off and Charlotte's hand began to slip from his arm as he took it and turned to her and stroked her hand lovingly with his thumb. This little touch made her heart flutter.

"Don't worry." he winked at her.

"I hope you don't faint when you see your husband on the floor." Specter yelled to Charlotte, and the already agitated crowd began to laugh out loud.

After Charlotte had followed the two of them with her eyes, she let her gaze wander until she found Anderson, who, it seemed, was taking bets. She walked towards him and with a firm voice she said.

"Three pounds."  
"You bet against your husband, so obviously..."  
"On him, of course." she yelled with a serious face, and Anderson could hardly contain his laughter.  
"But all right, it's your money."

He withdrew one note from her, and Charlotte was about to give him the other two when Anderson shook his head and said, 

"Bet a pound, girl."  
"But..."  
"Not everyone here has as much money as you."

Anderson looked around secretively then leaned closer, more to look down her neckline than to whisper something to her. But since she had covered her cleavage with a thin cloth, he just told her. 

"Better not hide the money under your mattress," she starred into his face, "or the rats will eat it." 

His words made her feel cold in her stomach and she shook herself to get rid of the feeling. 

One of the women with whom she had worked earlier waved to her and she went in her direction.

"Well, Charlotte nervous?"  
"Yes."  
"You'll be able to take it better after the first time." 

She giggled and nudged her cheerfully with her shoulder, as if she meant something else. Charlotte smiled and then looked up at Sidney, who now had his shirtsleeves rolled up. But what she was more irritated by were the suspenders, she had never noticed them before...they lay tightly on his chest and suddenly he seemed even broader somehow. She slid back and forth in her chair and tried to cheer him up with a smile.

A short nod had to be enough, Sidney tried to prepare himself inwardly for the fight, but his thoughts kept drifting in her direction. The tender skin of her cheek, that one moment he remained almost too long. Her gaze bored into his, light and yet meaningful.

His opponent, a wiry man he knew from dragging the barrels, gave him a friendly nod and then they began their dance around each other. Who would place the first punch? Sidney held his fists in front of his face for cover and waited. They watched each other. A step to the left, a twitch, and another step. Then his opponent's arm shot forward, but he could avoid it. The crowd was still murmuring in cheerful chatter around him, hardly anyone had drunk enough to be in full force by now. Only a few shouted at them that they should hurry up.

"But not in his pretty face, Gerry!" One of the women shouted. Laughter.

"The pretty boy can't do a thing at all!" Someone shouted back. Another laugh.

But Sidney had blocked it all out. He was just concentrating on his opponent. He was right-handed. His left side guard was his weakness. There's another try, again he moves out of the way. They kept moving around each other, and then Sidney struck and hit Gerry on the cheek. And the man stumbled slightly to the back. A murmur went through the crowd, but still most of them were still counting on Garry for more chances. 

After Gerry had regained his composure, he became a bit more restive and he tried to hit Sidney and totally neglected his cover. Sidney punched him again and Gerry went down.

Charlotte's ears glow by the shouts and insults going around while she went to Anderson to pick up the money. He shook his head in utter disbelief. 

"My money."  
Anderson shoved a couple of bills into her hand. Charlotte skimmed over the total and held her hand out to Anderson.

"What do you want?" he shouted to drown out the crowd that was already heating up the next fight.  
"My money, by my count, it must be three pounds more."

Anderson stared at her as if he was witnessing for the first time a woman who could count.

Satisfied that Anderson gave her what she asked for, she rolled up the money and tucked it into her dress. She was pushing her way through the crowd to get back to her seat when someone grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in the other direction. Her first instinct was 'run away', but at the same moment she felt it was Sidney before she could properly see him.

He actually looked, as always, just a bit heated and his hair was damp and curly.  
They were back in the niche.  
"Are you all right?"  
"Me?" she asked, astonished, "yes, of course, why wouldn't be?"  
"Well, the people... they were shouting things and I... well."

At that moment she could have hugged him. He just got out of a fight and he was worried about her?

The fight that was going on seemed to heat things up and the crowd rushed past them. Charlotte was being pushed around, so Sidney pulled her away and pressed her against the wall. Her breath stopped at his sudden closeness. And their eyes literally burned into each other.

"I'm sorry," he said, trying to break away from her, which was not easy in this particular situation. "I didn't mean to crush you."

"No, no, you're not... it's good, really good..." she blushed incredibly adorable "well, I don't mean that it's good to crush me, but..."

"My thoughts exactly.” his voice took on a really dark tone and she was shaking slightly.  
Their eyes melted in each other.

"Well, well, well, my dear turtledoves," Specter snapped his tongue Charlotte let out an annoyed moan.

"I know, little wildcat," his voice was slick, he took her hand, Charlotte and Sidney tensed up equally, "but unfortunately I must take your husband away from you again."  
And he turned to Sidney and said in an indignant voice,  
"You didn't tell me you could box."

Sidney grinned impudently and said in a saucy way,  
"You didn't ask. "

Specter nodded and then returned with a smile.  
"Don't get cocky, Parker."

Unfortunately the second fight went a bit longer and was not easy for Sidney. The guy was not only taller he was a lot broader. Sidney had never seen him before, but from his stature and muscular neck to conclude that this was not his first fight. The guy knew what he was doing and how to throw a punch surprisingly fast. Twice he caught Sidney, once against the shoulder, as he could turn his head away at the last moment, and once with a violent blow to the kidney. Sidney did not go down but stumbled and a man from the crowd around him shoved him back into the ring. It hurt and he would like to take a short break, but there was no mercy or any rules here. This was not just a fight to entertain the people, this was also Specter's way of showing him his limits. Specter. Sidney let his eyes wander for a moment and saw him sitting at one of the front tables, with his typical smug grin.

He was happy that Charlotte was sitting a couple of tables behind him with some women. She looked worried. Maybe even frightened. Oh he wanted to wipe that look off her face, she should be happy, cheerful, and free of all worries. He owed it to her. Sidney walked with quick steps towards his opponent and caught him, by surprise, with a right hook and then knocked him down with his left.

Silence!

Everything was quiet. No one said anything. The crowd seemed shocked or amazed that Sidney had defeated his strong opponent. He walked towards him and helped him up. A smile sprouted from his face as he heard Charlotte's voice.

"Thank God it's over."

General laughter and muttering filled the room and he looked over at Charlotte who gave him a relieved smile. She turned around and headed for Anderson to pick up the win.

With exaggerated slow steps and even slower clapping, Specter came up to him and congratulated him. 

"Interesting talent, Mr Parker."

Sidney said nothing, but watched Specter as he came closer.

"I'd say put your little wife to bed and then come to my office."  
"You can deduct the money from her days, just as we agreed." 

"Yes, yes, and I'm a man of my word," he grinned, "but I think we should talk again."

"About what?"  
"About your unexpected talents." So he turned and disappeared into the crowd. Sidney looked at him and had the feeling that Specter was up to no good.

"What will he want?" Charlotte suddenly asked behind him and Sidney turned to her with a smile.

"I don't know. But I'll find out."

After another half an hour of Charlotte pacing nervously around the room, Sidney knocked lightly on the door. Surprised that she immediately opened the door, he stood still for a moment before stepping into the room. She had put a blanket around her shoulders, but the mere thought that she was wearing only this shirt underneath dried his throat. He lowered his gaze and stared at her bare feet and the well-formed calves that peeped out from under the blanket.

"Now what?"  
"Hmm?" frightened that she had caught him staring, he looked at her, but she had sat down on the bed for a moment and watched the small fire of the fireplace.  
"What does he want from you?"

Nervously he looked at her, he had to tell her, but he knew she would neither approve nor understand the good intention behind it. She would feel betrayed. He thought feverishly about how he should say it and strolled to the fireplace to gain time.

"Well?" she was not very patient when she wanted to know something, and although he liked that about her, he kept trying to buy time.  
"How much did you win?"  
"What, why?" she started, taking a deep breath and then told him the amount.  
"Sixty-two pounds?" he asked, amazed, which was much more than he had hoped for.  
"Yes, that means three days less for me, doesn't it?"  
"Yes, yes," he smiled at her, so pleased that it had gone so well.  
"So now tell me what it is."

Pretending he knew not what she meant, he looked at her, but she just tilted her head to the side and pierced her eyes into him. He turned away and took off his vest, which he had put back on for the conversation with Specter. He had the tie in his pocket and laid it on the small mantelpiece. 

"Oh, God, please tell me what it is."  
"He wants me to fight for him."  
"You already have." It sounded like a question.

"He wants to take me to the villages around here where nobody knows me and he can bet everything on me..."  
"To make a lot of money." She finished his sentence. Without her will, she suddenly stood beside him.

"Yes." His voice a breathy whisper.  
"What about me?" Oh, her eyes crushed him, and he almost got down on his knees to beg for forgiveness.  
"Every victory gets you out of here sooner, Charlotte..." 

She shook her head slightly.  
"I meant... am I staying here?" 

He was so sorry to have to tell her that she would stay here alone and unprotected, but if all went well, he would not have to leave her alone too often. Silently he nodded.

Charlotte sucked in the air and put one hand in front of her mouth so as not to sob in front of him. She went back to the bed and let herself sink heavily on it. Suddenly she felt his closeness and his warm hand, lay on hers. The bleeding knuckles kept her from looking at his face.

"I'm sorry, but he won't allow you to come."

Their eyes met, and she shook her head again.  
"What?" he asked, worried she could not forgive him.  
"I am glad."

Oh, she was glad, yes of course! At last she could be alone and not share a room with him here. And kneeling in front of her, his chest pressed lightly into her barely covered knee. That was indecent. He squeezed her hand once more and wanted to get up from her as she covered his hand with her second and ran over his injuries very gently.

"It hurts, when I see anyone hurts you." she whispered.

Time stretched out. The quiet crackle of the fire, her warm light hand on his. The throbbing pain in his back and the pearl of sweat slowly rolling down his forehead. Her quick breath and her flushed cheeks, avoiding his glance. Could it be that she...?

Suddenly Charlotte was aware of what had just happened. She had let him see into her mind. It was shocking, so he said nothing, just stared at her. Charlotte felt his burning gaze. The situation and the danger made her reckless. Apparently her memory needed refreshing, that he did not want her. She thought of the papers he wanted to sign, the sentence she had disregarded for a moment. One breath, her hands slipped away from his, she got up and squeezed past him, went to the fireplace. She could feel him watching her and then said in a strengthened voice.

"I can't watch this, even though we mean nothing to each other."

What? No. No, what? Then he remembered. Those were his words... he said them, yes... but only to protect her. The slight tremble in her voice was not in his head. 

Was she…lying? 

She lied because… it was… the exact opposite? The heart expanded in his chest. Goose bumps and a warm feeling ran down his back. The pain in his back made him groan, as he got up and went to her.


	12. conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally they have a conversation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and feeling this story like I do.

Richard Specter watched Sidney Parker leave his office. That bastard! He had him fooled. Just not telling him he could box. Specter shook his head, knowing it was his own fault after all, he had underestimated the pretty boy.

He had never heard that boxing was a gentleman's leisure activity, at least not before. Anyway. Parker had probably never boxed as much as he did tonight.

In any case, the punch in the kidneys had affected him. One could see it in his face. And not only him, but also the expression of his little dove, distorted with pain. She had gone very pale.

Specter had already hoped for the spectacle of her fainting that would have distracted his men from the fact that Parker had paraded him. He could not afford to make another mistake. It made him look weak. He would not accept that.

It was time to show Parker who the lord and master were.

Charlotte could hardly bear his dear nature and his concern for her, when she knew that it only was something like maybe friendship. It was stupid of her, she wanted to stay away from him, but felt herself drawing to him even closer. And how beautiful he was. His lips and those deep eyes, like they were diving deep into the wild sea.

"Charlotte."  
"Yes?" Her voice seemed so small.

Sidney stood beside her by the fireplace, but tried to keep as much distance between them as possible so she would not feel cornered. 

Well, and because he was unable to forget that under that blanket that she held tightly, as if her life depended on it, nothing but a shirt was covering her. This knowledge confused and distracted him of his main thought. 

He had to be sure.

Sure that he was not wrong again, because his feelings were tricking him. Not that he would have his heart broken like back then...but... no, this was different. It felt different. The situation was different. She was different.

He was thinking about the right words and looked at her furtively, Charlotte stared into the fire. His voice was trembling a little but he hoped she would not notice. 

"Did you mean…what you said?"

Her head snapped at him and her eyes locked with his. She inhaled as if she wanted to say something back, but remained silent. 

"I'm sorry if you do."

Charlotte let her eyes sink, the small wrinkle between her eyebrows deepened. He had to do something, no… better say something.

"Believe me when I say..." he cleared his throat, "it's not true."

Her eyes went back to the fire.

"At least not…not for me." his voice died.

That was hard. A few little words like that weighed all the more on him after they had left his deepest thoughts. 

A few moments only the crackling of the wood in the fireplace could be heard. Both their breaths, trying to stay calm, mixed with the gusty wind that blew around the house and made the windowpane rattle softly. 

Charlotte decided not to answer. She was confused and his closeness distracted her thinking. What did he mean by that? Those were his words. Had she misunderstood something again? It would be better to hear it from him once more. Right, so she could just accept it better. Charlotte could hardly understand her own words.

"But you said...." 

"I know." 

That was all he could say, he did not know how to explain it to her without giving too much away. He wanted to make sure first that she... maybe... If she would not feel the same, their time here would be even more of an embarrassment. If she did... maybe too, but somehow... it would be different. Very different.

It would be the best if he clarified the facts first. He nibbled on the mantelpiece and searched for words. Charlotte realized how hard it was for him to say more. She already wanted to release him and prevent him from explaining, when he kept on speaking.

"I just…wanted you and your mother to leave Sanditon soon."

There it was, the icy stab right through the heart. The cold engulfed her. Goose bumps completely covered her body. It froze deep into her bones. Very slowly her heart was beating. It physically hurt her. Like once some time ago, as she broke into the freezing river.

Charlotte nodded, breathed in and turned further away from him and swallowed the tears that welled up in her eyes. Surprised as he spoke further.

"I was afraid they were coming after you,” he suddenly admitted.   
"Judging by the letter."

What did he say?

"What letter?" a breathy whisper, as if she were in pain.

Why did she ask about the letter? What did he want to say, why... her heart was pounding again in her chest, could it really mean? But he had been so cold….

"Tom had received a letter of threat, and my first thought was to get you out of there."

He wanted to protect her. Yes, that was his nature. It was what she lov…liked about him so much. Charlotte felt a slight dizzy spell, probably due to the late hour and the hard working day, so she crouched down by the fire and pushed the firewood around with a poker. 

"I didn't want us to..." Oh Lord, how could he tell her? 

There was so much at stake, if he screwed up, she would... and it would be...   
Stop it! He admonished himself. 'You're not that little boy any more!' Just say it!

"I didn't want us to part like this, but I wanted you out of harms way." It was out. Finally.

So there it was out of him. He had revealed something of himself to her without throwing his heart at her feet to trample on. It felt good... light somehow. But recklessness took possession of him.

"Did I... hurt you?"

Oh, please not. He never meant to hurt her, and yet there was a little part of him that hoped that if she was hurt, it would mean that she... that …that she liked him, too. His heart was beating so hard in his chest that he felt the throbbing pressure in his back in the same rhythm.

Charlotte stared into the fire. Her eyes burned from the hot flames dancing before her. How could she answer that? He had hurt her, but if she admitted that, he would know...or maybe just think that...better to deny... Yes. Not admitting that it still hurts. Yes, that was better. Yes.

"Yes."

Oh, no! Oh, no! Why did she say that? Now he knew. No, no, no! He was not meant to know. Charlotte wondered desperately what to say or do.

Sidney tried to gather himself. A smile wanted to spread across his face, but he bit the inside of his cheek so he could think clearly. 

"Can you forgive me?" 

Slowly he let his gaze wander back to her and only now did he notice she was poking around the fireplace.

"Oh, sure. It wasn't that bad." she answered in a strange voice and stretched out her chin.

Shocked but not really surprised, he nodded and clenched his jaw.  
"Good." 

Damn it. So he got it wrong again. Why did she confuse him so that he had trouble seeing clearly? He knew why, but...

"I mean... I thought” it gushed out of her before she bit her lip.

"What?" that was harsher than it was intended to be, but he just wanted to know. What? What did she thought?

"I thought we were kind of…friends." Charlotte closed her eyes.

Her heart beat wildly and made her head throb. There were so many confusing feelings buzzing around her that she no longer knew what she was thinking or saying. It was as if she was underwater or in the state between a dream and awakening. 

"Friends?" he grumbled. That could not be true. 

Why did his voice sound so hollow? His face was twisted in pain. Was he hurt? Did this man hurt him badly? She wanted to ask him, but he had never seen her as a friend. Not even that. Oh, she needed to get away from him. She walked to the window and frustrated, kicked the wall below the windowsill.

"It's late, we should go to sleep." Her voice was filled with tears and she hated it.

Sidney fist thought she was tired, after all, it was a long day and she had been through a lot in the last few weeks. 

"Yes, yes you are right. Maybe we shouldn't have this conversation tonight." 

But it seems to him as if her voice had the same sound as in Sanditon, as she said ‘well then’. 

Without looking at him, she went to the bed and sat down. Various feelings ran over her flushed face and he was unable to prevent his eyes from wandering over her and catching a glimpse of her bare knee, which was sticking out of the blanket. Sidney turned around and walked over to the dresser where the washbowl stood. He stripped off his shirt and moistened one of the washcloths to wash himself. 

The sudden tingling of his skin let him know that she was standing behind him.

"What on earth?"

And there her slim fingers already touched lightly the painful spot on his back under his rips. The feeling of her skin on his was so overwhelming that he stiffened completely to not reach for her. He got goose bumps just thinking about it.

Only when she saw it and felt his muscles twitch, she noticed what she was doing and blushed furiously. Her breath tickled his skin as she spoke.

"Forgive me."

"It's not so bad," he used her words through clenched teeth, and like hers, it was obvious a lie.

"But it is..." she leaned closer and Sidney tried to think of other things than that her face hovered so close over his skin. His breath hitched as she bent down next to his knee to open the drawer.

"What do you need?" he asked breathlessly, her proximity was almost too much for him.

She jerked at the drawer, which was still stuck until Sidney opened it with his strong hands with a firm pull. The wood crunched and the noise was heard as if something had splintered.

"Oh, is it broken now?"

He wanted to take a look and reached in, but then realized her clothes were in it and get up quickly. She was pleased when he moved away from her. His naked torso so close was somehow too much and she avoided looking at him as she handed him a little bottle.

"Martha gave me this."   
"Martha?"   
"Yes, the woman I sat next to, she said you'll need it."

Stunned he stared at her, how could she get people to be nice to her in a place like that? It was really a gift. When he accepted the bottle, their fingers tingled even though they did not touch.

"This is rubbing alcohol."

Sidney nodded silently.

"She said to rub on the bruises."  
"Thank you."  
Just as he was about to turn away she reached out to him and touched his thigh for a blink of an eye.

"Sidney.” Her breathless voice and his name on her lips let his heart rise and pounds hard in his chest. "What is that?"

Sidney knelt down next to Charlotte and with wide eyes they looked into the drawer. There was a black leather roll covered with tiny wooden splinters. He took it in his hand, opened the cord that lay around it and opened it.

Charlotte let her eyes slip from his hands and locked eyes with him for a second, before she reached out and took the small hunting knives out of the leather cover. 

"My father has a similar one."

"Look.” Sidney counted a few banknotes he found.  
"I think someone planed to escape." 

Sidney whispered and gave her a self-made map that was in the leather case as well.

"But... what happened?"

They both looked at each other and knew the answer before Sidney spoke.   
"I think they caught him."

Charlotte avoided his gaze and bit her lip.

"Listen," he reached for her hand and although the feeling of clasping her narrow cold hand with his made him happy, he was full of worry for her.   
"I know you're scared, but please trust me."

"I do." her smile assured him and he embraced their united hands with his second.

"With the money today and what this man has collected, it's almost a month you'll be able to go home earlier." He unconsciously played with her fingers.

"And if things go well in the villages..."  
"And if not?"  
“Charlotte.”  
"I'm just saying we need a plan."  
"What do you mean?"

Charlotte withdrew her hand from him, even though she absorbed his warmth like a thirsty swam, she had to keep a clear head and not let herself be drawn any further into the feelings he evoked in her but did not return the slightest. And his naked body so close… it was just to ….Oh his broad shoulders, and this muscle on his upper arm that looked so firm and strong. Her fingers tingled by the tiny thought of touching it. And his chest, shaped like one of the statues she had seen in ‘The Hall’. And this small line of dark hair, she followed with her eyes to his is muscular stomach and …Oh what was she doing? It was not right.

To think clearly, she needed distance, so she got up and went back to the fireplace and explained to him her idea of an escape, how she assessed Specter and what she had observed tonight. Besides she had learned that there had been a riot before. She would also find out what happened to the man who had now unwittingly given them a gift.

Sidney looked at her with admiration she was amazing. She could push aside the fear and stress and think and act clearly and rationally. He loved her. Yes, and for her strength even more than anything else. Well, that was a lie he loved everything about her. And when she told him her plan, he saw them already on the run. She talked not about her escape but only about their escape. Together. As if it was a matter of fact that they would do it with each other and he did not want to take away her illusion.

"What is it?" She looked at him questioningly when she saw his unmoving gaze.   
"Nothing," he shook his head and stood up and pointed to the bed.  
"We must be up again in a few hours. Now go to sleep."

"But you're hurt." she stared at the bed to avoid the sight of him.

"I am fine." another lie she could tell by the tone in his voice.  
"Good night, Charlotte."

When she went to the bed nodding, he turned back to the drawer and washed himself. After he splashed water into his face he knew what he had to do.

"Maybe we can continue our conversation tomorrow."

"I don't know…we have to figure out first of all what happened to him..."  
"Not this one. The one before that."

Staring at his broad, wet, shiny back, before he put a fresh shirt over his head. Charlotte really had no idea what he wanted to hear from her.

"There's nothing more to say." this kidnapping had kept him from going to her father and signing the papers. He did not want her. What else could they say? Slowly, rage bubbled up inside her.

"My father is a very conscientious man, he will pay you, even if the papers are signed."

"Is that what you want?" again his voice had that strange sound and Charlotte really no longer knew what it was all about, why did he torture her like that?

"You wanted it."  
"Your mother told me you were looking for..."   
"That's not true." She interrupted him, biting her lip. 

Restlessly she got up again and went back to the fireplace. Oh! This room was just too small. She wanted to run out into the night and scream.

Sidney sensed it, he had seen it in her eyes before. Her concern for him and her voice drowning in tears. It was very different from the way it was back then as he got his heart broken. No one would react like that. She was not indifferent to him. No, she cared about him. How angry she had answered him. She was hurt. He had hurt her. He had to settle it once and for all!

"For a moment I thought it might be better if you had nothing to do with my family."

Again he heard this small sound as if she tried to suppress a sob.

"But...honestly, I didn't want to sign the papers." He admitted in a strong voice.   
"I won't."

Gasping for air, she turned her back to him. She trembled, she could hardly breathe. Could that really be true? He wanted to ...stay married to her? Is that what it meant?  
It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from her and replaced by light. It became almost too much and she knelt down in front of the fireplace.

"Charlotte?"

She did not answer. Of course, Charlotte needed to process it first. Though he would love nothing more than to show her what he meant, but he would not. She needed time, he was sure. And he wanted to start court properly, like she deserved. She should get everything she wanted or needed. They would slowly become to know each other, become closer, although he had to get her out of this mess first.

"But you said we're not friends..." her breath hitched.  
"No, we're not."   
"Right." 

The breaking of her voice and the hurt look in her face, as she briefly looked at him over her shoulder, gave him the confidence he needed.

"We're much more than friends, Charlotte."

He felt like he was slipping into warm water. He was sure.

"More than friends?" she whispered in disbelief.  
"Yes."

Nodding, he came a step closer, and her eyes widened in surprise as she felt him behind her. Her heart and her mind went wild.

Slowly he bent down to her, he heard her holding her breath. Careful! He reminded himself. His big hands reached around her shoulders and slowly he pulled her to her feet and turned her to face him.

She looked at him questioningly. Suddenly her breath went faster. He was not allowed to make a mistake. Sidney could only hear her whisper because he was so close. 

"What exactly are we?" 

Her honey scent was tickling his nose. There was nothing he could do but smile. Light as a feather he let his fingers slip from her arms. The urge to take her hand was overwhelming, but she held the blanket so tightly again that he only could stroke gently the hem of it instead. Looking into her beautiful eyes, which sparkled with tears.

"We are, what ever you want us to be."

Charlotte swallowed, his dark voice send a shiver through her body and her breath went even faster. One Hand reached for the mantelpiece to stabilize her. 

"Please forgive me, when I have hurt you."  
Tears tickled in his eyes as well, as he reached for her hand and stroke it softly with his thumb.

"Oh." it was just a whiff.

How could something so small have such an effect on her? Her heart was pounding and her stomach was in knots.

"Should I tell you what I want?" Sidney looked deep in her eyes and opened his heart fully to her, as she nodded. "I want…us."

Overwhelmed, Charlotte sighed, she was unable to hold back the tears, but she could not wipe them from her cheek, for she held the blanket tightly and the other lay surrounded by his warmth on the mantelpiece. She did not want to lose the feeling. Oh.

Sidney wiped away the tears with light fingers as if it were an eyelash. Their eyes glued together and his hand embraced her face. It was so overwhelming and he hesitantly leaned closer. As their foreheads touched, Charlotte gasped for breath, it was such a beautiful feeling. She felt so... complete.

"Me too.“ A careful whisper and as sign he had heard her, he tightened his grip on her hand and lead it to his heart.

"Can you..."  
"Everything you want Charlotte."  
"Just...hold me?"

Not looking at him, she waited as he terribly slowly came a step closer. Charlotte had forgotten to breathe, and only when she felt the rough material of his shirt under her face did she sharply suck in the air and his scent. 

After a while they remained in complete silence, each with his thoughts and feelings in peace, Charlotte released her hand from the blanket that she was holding together in front of her chest, and pushed it shyly around his middle. She heard him gasping for breath and was afraid that she had hurt him, but he only strengthening his hold on her face and the hand on his heart.

Sidney breathed her in and laid his face on her hair. He could not believe that they stood there in a tight embrace. That she felt…something for him as well. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest. He could hardly grasp the happiness he felt.

Specter went to his lodging and saw the light in the Parkers' room flickering from afar. So they were still awake. He was wondering what they were doing. Actually it was clear what they were doing it was written in Parker's face what he wanted to do with his little wildcat all day long. Well, that would require some seeds of suspicion. He laughed. Parker literally adored his little wife that was obviously.

Specter spat out. He hated newlyweds who looked at each other with such emotions. They were arrogant, because they believed that only through their love could they win the world or save themselves. He would deprive them of their pride and arrogance. 

Yes, and he would start first thing tomorrow.


	13. deserving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney has a plan, but Charlotte is a distraction.  
> Specter has a plan of his own...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you dear lovely readers for all the support, the lovely comments here and on Twitter - thank you.

Richard Specter stood at the window in his office and looked out over the courtyard. 

He grinned when he saw the object of his desire, she was really pretty to look at, in her pale dress, which was deliciously tight in some places. How he would like to...but he immediately lost it when Parker came up behind her and accompanied her to the building where she was obliged to work.

Reluctantly, he witnessed their little caresses. Her hand he brought to his mouth and pressed a kiss on it, as if they had not just spent the whole night together. And her smile! No woman had ever smiled at him like that, maybe because they were all scared of him, but that... in love and... still kind of shy. Those two really got on his nerves.

He snorted as he watched them leaning closer, hoping to hold it against them when they kiss in public, but they thought better of it, they just laid their foreheads against each other. Nothing more. 

Specter watched Parker for a moment longer as he looked after his wife and then called Anderson to him. He needed to turn them on each other and quickly.

Charlotte greeted her colleagues in such an unmistakably cheerful way that some of them turned their eyes annoyingly and others told her things like... 

"Did you have a nice night?"  
"Did you take good care of him?"  
"It seems he took good care of her."

Laughter. Charlotte blushed furiously, although the teasing tone implied something she did not fully understand. 

Something special had happened between them and she did not want anyone to make fun of it. She bit her lip and put on an indifferent expression, although her heart was not indifferent. It pounded wildly at the thought of the tenderness with which he had pressed her hand to his heart and caressed her face. The way her fingers lay under his shoulder blade and the urge to follow the line of his muscles almost made her do it.

The feeling of loss when he said they must go to bed and still could not let her go until she almost fell asleep standing in his embrace. The gentle look in his eyes as he kissed her hand. She closed her eyes briefly to concentrate on her work, but most of all on the conversations around her.

"Aye little girl," Martha whispered conspiratorially to her later, "I know you haven't been married long and you're madly in love...but" Charlotte flushed by this direct insight from her colleague, "but I urge you not be so blunt."

"But we're not!" Charlotte seemed shocked.  
"Every gesture, and... Oh, I don't know, he just hates it."

Charlotte knew she meant Specter. 

"But we didn't..."  
"I know, I just wanted to warn you..." Martha's gaze drifted to an unknown memory.   
"Thank you, Martha... are you well?"  
"Yeah, well...I like you. You're nice." She glanced briefly at the others and then said muffled. "Be careful...and trust no one."

Exhausted, Charlotte met Sidney in her room after work for a quick dinner and told him about the stories she had heard from the other women. The man who used to live in their room had simply disappeared at some point. No one knew what had happened to him. Sidney had a certain idea what had occurred, but did not want to frighten or lie to Charlotte and therefore remained silent.

After a while of silence, she started to say something else and Sidney felt that it was very difficult for her.

"Oh, well, Martha said that we... erm..."  
"What?" he smiled his crooked smile and she briefly lost what was on the tip of her tongue.  
"Hmm? Ah, yes. That we should be careful and not trust anyone." 

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, we knew that." he put a piece of bread in his mouth and chewed slowly because he felt that there was more to it.  
"Charlotte?" he put his hand on hers and it was warm and rough and it was such a comforting sensation that she explained in a rush,

"She said he hates it when...erm, so we...not only we… others as well." she bit her lip, how could she even explain it?   
"Well, he hates it when we... I mean, when we... well..." She pointed back and forth between them, hoping he understood without further explanation.

Sidney looked at her with fascination. She had been so eloquent before and had given him complete conversations and names, and now she was trying to explain something to him, that was causing her apparently big problems. Which made him think that it had something to do with... them. As he closed his fingers tighter around hers, she stared at their united hands and as he lightly ran his thumb over the back of her hand, she took a deep breath.

"You mean, if I do something like… this?"  
"Y…yes." 

She breathed and bit her lip. Sidney felt a strong urge to hold her in his arms again she was so adorable. Her flushed cheeks made him realize that no one had ever held her hand like that before. His heart beat excitedly in his chest, it was overwhelming and fascinating to know that she was ...so completely pure and innocent and... It scared him to death.

"Then I'll just stop." 

He cleared his throat and slowly his hand slipped from hers, but her fingers reached for his, as it seemed they did not want to lose the contact. Sidney froze as Charlotte lightly brushed his fingers and he let her slowly move from his fingertips, across his long fingers, to the palm of his hand. 

They stayed like that for a moment, before Charlotte began her silent path over his hand. It was as if she wanted to memorize every line and tiny wrinkle. His hand was tingling and even the swelling from working and minor scratches seemed not to bother her. Fascinated, she took it all in and when Sidney tapped his fingers on her palm, they both closed their eyes. Completely free of thoughts, they absorbed the feeling, soft and somehow even fragile.

When her fingers reached his wrist, he also pressed lightly on her pulse and they both gasped softly for air, but remained in that position. This feeling was so strange to both of them and yet somehow so true, as the rhythm was in harmony. The rush of his blood ebbed away slowly and he could hear her trembling breath.

Sidney brought her palm to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on it, she sighed silently. Their eyes met as he placed her hand against his cheek and held it there. The feeling of his rough stubble under her delicate skin was so intimate... that it drew blood in Charlotte's cheeks. They lost themselves in the sight of the other and they seemed closer than before, and Sidney glanced briefly to her lips, and she also dared a look and somehow their eyes glued together and her heart throbbed hard in her chest.

"Parkers, mail call." 

It was Anderson banging heavily on the door and frustrated Sidney clenched his eyes and jaw, but immediately stood up after all, this was not the place for her first kiss, no. She deserved better. 

He opened the door. Anderson just hinted with his head that he should follow him.

Charlotte got up and although she swayed a little, she made it to the door and went with Sidney to the big hall where the fights had taken place the day before. Since Sidney had heard from Charlotte that many of those present received mail and especially money from friends and relatives, he hoped, but also doubted that they would get mail. After all, nobody knew where they were, or had Specter’s henchman told them their whereabouts?

While he was still thinking about it, he recognized the guy he had almost slapped in Tom's salon and how he whispered conspiratorially into Specter's ear and then seemed to watch them. Could they hope that Tom had somehow managed to get the money?

Specter listened as the names of the well-known people were called, who were able to get a few pounds from friends or relatives and thus reduce their stay here by a few days. He laughed as another disappointed murmur went through the hall from those who had been hoping for months for some sort of allowance from their families. The people were just too stupid, they would never understand.

Annoyed but not really surprised he snorted when his henchman, he had left in Sanditon and who arrived this afternoon, came to him with a small package for the Parkers. He saw how the little dove got wide eyes full of hope and she pressed her hand to her bosom, seemingly overwhelmed with emotion. 

He clicked his tongue and ordered his man to call out more names, before he called the Parkers. The hall emptied quickly, and since tomorrow was payday, he could put a lot of money on Parker in the evening, when he rode with him and three other men to the next village for the first fight. 

And if Parker behaved well, he could even imagine being replaced by Anderson next time. He licked his lips. A moment alone with the little wildcat would be quite enough.

As soon as they reached their room, Charlotte tore open the package and devoured it literally. She found two letters, one addressed to Sidney and one for her in her mother's unmistakable handwriting. She ignored the rest of the contents in the package for now. Charlotte saw from the smudged ink that her mother had been crying while writing the letter and that she was also quite distressed, because she had crossed out or misspelled many words.

Charlotte came to tears as she read the letter over and over again, her mother sounded really full of worry and fear. She wanted to shout to her that everything was all right because Sidney was with her. Then she looked over at him for a moment and he read his brother's letter with deep wrinkles between his eyebrows.

"What's the matter?"

She asked worriedly, but he just smiled at her and gave her the letter in which Tom complained that all the merit from the days of the regatta went to her rescue. Tense, he stood up and paced around the room, he was like a wild caged animal on the verge of breaking out. 

Charlotte had noticed the tension in his broad shoulders and the muscles twitched in his forearms. How much she wished she could run her fingers over it and show him that everything would be fine.

"But it's a lot, let's add it up".

She turned the letter over and added up the sum of the boxing match, the amount they had found, and the amount Tom had sent, and then she showed it to him and shouted happily.

"That's good!"

"Yes, it is." 

Of course, Sidney was glad that with the money they had so far, they could reach Charlotte's freedom sooner. And if he fought well tomorrow night maybe she might be able to go home the week after the next, but he would rather accompany her himself, he did not trust Specter and his men. The hungry look this bastard had given her, was just disgusting. Fortunately she had not noticed it.

"If I did the calculation right, and I usually do..." she laughed briefly and for a tiny moment he could almost forget where they were, "then...well, depending on what you make tomorrow night...erm...we can be home within a month."

We.

"Charlotte!"  
"If we both do double shifts, and I've already asked, if I also help cleaning the ‘bath sheds’, I can earn extra..."

"Charlotte, what are you talking about?" Sidney looked at her in shock.  
"You're going home as fast as …!" 

"I'm going home only with you." She stretched out her chin. Stubborn.  
His heart leapt at the serious look on her face and all he could do was shake his head.

"We're going together." She determined. Headstrong. Oh, and he liked it somehow…  
"No, you're going as soon as we have the money."  
"No, I'm going with you."  
"Charlotte, no, you're going just like we agreed." his voice got a bit louder.

She got up and walked towards him. He could not stand her expression. Seriousness and something soft in her eyes. He turned to the window, trembling with rage and could not believe what she said than.

"We came together, we go together."  
"No!" he ran his hair vehemently "that is my final word on the subject."   
"And my final word is, I'm not going without you." she shouted.

"Charlotte." he closed his eyes, had she gone mad? She should go home as soon as possible and not talk such nonsense, coming and going together. No, he was not worth keeping her here!

"Sidney," her voice was soft as velvet and a warm feeling spread throughout his body. When she put her hand on his back, she breathed.  
"I'm not leaving you."

Whispering these words made him chase around to her and their eyes met. No, no, no, no, he would not give in just because she looked at him like that, like...with that look...that said she... 

Oh, she meant it. 

Would it be possible that her feelings were already so strong that she sacrificed her freedom to stay here with him? She would not go, because she…she liked him, could he hope it was …love?

"For better or for worse." 

Tears filled his eyes at her words and then she came one step closer and laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his middle. She would hear his heart beating unsteadily, she would feel what he felt, she would know…but it did not frighten him anymore.

The next day Charlotte was scheduled to work at the brewery the whole day. She had to help bottle the whiskey and after one and a half an hour she felt the alcohol, even though she had only inhaled it. Her colleague was a crude, taciturn woman who kept looking at her from the side and offered her a glass, but Charlotte always refused.

With a slight headache and quite hungry she dragged herself to their room in the early evening and entered immediately. Sidney stood there with naked upper body and smiled at her briefly over his shoulder as she stopped with eyes wide open.

"Could you help me?" he asked and his voice sounded a little breathless.  
"Of course."

Staring at the floor she went closer to him. Her heart was beating up to her neck, she was not sure if it was because his bruise had turned a dark purple and she could feel his pain, or if it was because of his bare chest that she could see very close as she slowly lifted her eyes towards him.

"Could you wrap this tightly around my middle?" 

He asked as he held a long strip of cloth against her and she was sure she was not the only nervous one.

"Yes, sure."

Sidney bit his lip. Not only did it hurt quite a lot when she pulled the strip of cloth tighter, the way he had told her, no… her light fingers brushing his skin left a burning trail, even though she obviously tried not to touch him.

But when she was finished, her fingers lingered a blink of an eye longer on the bandage. 

"Charlotte?" his voice took on a strange tone.  
"I have a bad feeling."   
"Don't worry. He'll bet on me and I'll win."   
"That's not what I mean." her deep eyes sucked him deep in, and involuntarily he leaned closer. 

"I don't know... maybe it's the whiskey." She touched her forehead and slightly pulled a face.   
"Did you drink it, too?" Charlotte really seemed a little tipsy and he had to smile as he dressed.  
"No, of course not!" she cried but smiled back and went to the bed.

"If you don't wake up I'll sleep somewhere... maybe in the stable with Flash."  
"No," she cried, she just could not bear if he was anywhere else. 

"Please not." 

As she blushed again at the thought she just looked at him and he seems to understand and just nodded.

"Alright."

After another silent moment, which seemed to expand somehow, he told her, 

"Lock up and don't open to anyone..."  
"Except you... yes."

Her smile softened his knees, even though he would never admit it, of course. It was amazing what she triggered in him with one smile.... how would it be when they would finally? He cleared his throat, looked lightly embarrassed at her and then left the room.

After watching him and the others from the window, she finally had dinner and then went to bed with the package they had received. It was not clear to her whether the village, which according to the map made by the man who had lived here before, was the village where the fight took place, but according to the calculation on the map it was about three miles. That would mean with the ride there and back and the fight, he might not be back for two or three hours, if Specter had not lied and it really was only one fight.

The mild headache got worse as she tried to read the book her mother had send her, and she briefly closed her eyes to breathe the pain away and drifted off into the darkness.

"Parker!" cried Specter in delight as Sidney wiped blood from his mouth and took the glass of whiskey the man handed him. 

"Great fight. " 

Sidney shrugged his head and took a deep gulp of the burning alcohol to rinse the wound in his mouth. Had he hurt himself in the last blow, after he bit the inside of his cheek. Specter counted the banknotes excessively slowly and nodded contentedly. 

"Good God, your little dove can go home very soon!"

"When?" Sidney closed his eyes in relief.

"Oh, well, actually, she could be at the end of the month, if you keep up your hard work and you keep earning my money," he grinned his smug smile, "but your little wildcat won't hear of that."

With furrowed brows Sidney stared at him. 

"Well, I have my sources." He pulled a small knife from his waistband and began to clean his fingernails. "She said something like 'I'm not leaving without him'. Yes, how romantic." he put his hand on his chest in an overly theatrical fashion and then grinned at Sidney.

"But let's face it... you want to know her as soon as possible on the way home, right?"

With gritted teeth Sidney continued to stare at him. 

"Well, never mind. We'll talk about it another day... I've got some ideas on how you can get rid of her." he laughed and then yelled "Anderson, where are the others? We're leaving."

Anderson pointed behind him and said, "Sir, they’ll stay a little longer." Sidney followed Anderson's gaze and saw the two other men who had fought today and made Specter money, were getting involved with two women who were probably trying to earn some money too. Specter clicked his tongue and then said to Anderson.

"I like the little one John is speaking with" he pointed to the woman he liked and barely a moment later she was standing next to them and made pretty eyes. Disgusted, Sidney turned away.

"Well, Parker do you like that girl?"

He did not answer, but had a sip of whiskey.

"Parker here's a newlywed, you know," snorted Specter to the pretty redhead, then pulled her out where their horses were already waiting.  
"You’ll ride with him."

Sidney wanted to protest but Specter cut him off.   
"With Anderson, I'm not sure he touches my property. With you, I'm sure you just want to play with your little wildcat." 

He laughed and slapped the woman on the bottom who was doing nothing but roll her eyes. Sidney had to wipe away the grin and helped the woman onto his horse.

Charlotte woke up slightly dazed, through the open window, she hear horses approaching. She got out of bed and went to the window. Not wanting Specter to see her, she tried to remain invisible. There were only three instead of five riders. In panic her heart thumped deep in her chest. Oh, please that nothing had happened to him! She stared out into the night, but could hardly see anything. The few torches burning in the yard barely gave enough light.

But there, pure relief flowed through her as she recognized his broad shape and she smiled happily to have him back when she suddenly recognized the person behind him. Why was there a woman on his horse? Why did she cling to him as he got off the horse?

This person leaned on him when he helped her down. Her heart was beating coldly in her chest and tears were tickling in her eyes. A cold knot lay heavy in her stomach. As Sidney looked up at the window, she flinched into the shadows. Oh. Maybe she should pretend she was asleep...would he pretend to knock and instead...sleep elsewhere? 

Charlotte could hardly swallow, anger and envy that this person was allowed to wrap her arms around him...like she did the night before but it seemed so long ago. She had thought it was something special.   
What was that about? Why, who was that woman, why did he have her with him?

There was a light knock. And a second one. Followed by a quiet   
"Charlotte?"

Breathing heavily, she went to the door and opened it for him. Since it was very dark, as the fire in the fireplace was almost dying out, she did not run back to bed with quick steps as usual, but remained at the door as he came in.

Sidney was surprised to see her at the door and smiled at her. Even though it was too dark to see clearly, he could sense that something was wrong in the dark golden grey of the night.

"What's wrong?"  
"Why?" Her voice was...cold.  
"Something...what's the matter?"  
"Nothing."

Sidney locked the door and watched as she crept back to the bed in her knee-length shirt, the almost dead flames of the fireplace made her legs shimmer lightly golden and he followed the line of her calves to the back of her knees with his eyes. Never before had bare calves caused any reaction in him, but the brief thought of running his fingers along her smooth skin there and linger in the curve of the back of her knee made him avert his gaze. He took a deep breath to collect himself and began to take off his jacket and vest.

"Did something happen?" he asked worried, she seemed strange.  
"I'm asking you that." Although he could barely see it, he knew that she shoved her chin forward, he could tell by her voice.  
"I made him more money than he thought."  
"Ahh."  
"Charlotte, what's wrong?"

He took a step towards her and stopped when he recognized her look. It was the same when she thought he felt nothing for her. He went closer to her and knelt down on the floor in front of her and reached for her hand.

"Talk to me."

Charlotte turned her face away from his gaze and in the dim light of the fireplace he saw tears glistening in her eyes.

"Please tell me what happened!" 

He was worried if someone had hurt her, he had to know or otherwise he would go mad!  
Charlotte took a few hard breaths in and out before she took her hand away from him and moved to lie down. He turned away so as not to stare at her bare legs, or dare a look at her neckline, before she disappeared under the blanket.

She puffed as she recognised he could not even look at her. Nodding as the tears ran down her cheek, she noticed in a low voice.

"I'm tired. Good night."  
Specter lay in his bed and laughed to himself that his plan was working so well. He had seen the little white dove at the window and then he had waited and listened to the little jealousy scene. Parker was too in love to see the insecurity in her, ha, but he would make her feel even smaller.

"You know what you have to do," he asked the redhead beside him.  
"Yes, you've told me more than once."

He slapped her on the backside.

"Don't get cocky, just because you can stay a few days."

The woman rolled her eyes again, why could not a nice guy use her services? Like the handsome one she rode here with, whose wife she was supposed to make jealous. That would probably be easy, newly married men were often frustrated because their wives were not yet so skilled in bed. And the little wife would be crying in Specter’s arms. He could be nice if he wanted to. A bit fun, easy money. She stretched herself next to her employer and then thanked him extensively for the promised salary.

Sidney watched Charlotte secretly as she put on her stockings the next morning, only when she reached her knee did he manage to turn away from her. How could this possibly continue? She already had such power of attraction for him and the gift to distract him even at work when he thought of her for a moment. The line of her neck, the honey scent that surrounded her. That incredible smile, that made his heart pumps so wildly. Oh, she was just too beautiful he really had trouble concentrating. The urge to kiss her was overwhelming, but he had to be strong. She deserved better than to be kissed for the first time in this seedy hole. 

Well, and he was very afraid that he would completely succumb to her charm and not be able to concentrate on anything else but her. No. First she had to be safe, than he would court her. One step at a time, as it should be. Although... they were already married. He smiled and looked up at her. Why was she staring at him?

"I saw you." Her heart tightened painfully.  
"What do you mean?"   
"With... that woman." Oh, that was the reason she was upset.   
"Who is that?" her voice was sharp as a whip.

"I don't know."

Her eyes burned brightly in the morning light, and his throat tightened.   
"You have a woman pressed against you and you don't know who she is?"

Her heart was pounding, her stomach was tingling and it was still kind of burning... that little cold dot inside her.

"Specter picked her up."  
"This woman was on your horse." she clarified and her mouth formed a thin line.  
"He wanted her to ride with me, yes." he smiled lightly at her, but it was no use, she was angry.

Silently, she nibbled at her dress and avoided looking at him. He knew she was jealous, but he could not discuss feelings with her now. Turning his back to her he grumbled.

"We are late." 

Charlotte sucked in the air and tears burned in her eyes, and this cold burn in her chest so heavy and painful. She embraced herself with her arms. 

"We shouldn't talk about this now." he grabbed the dresser in front of him.  
"Why not?" 

Sidney just could not bear to hear how thin her voice seemed, almost hollow.

"Do you think I'm too stupid to understand?"  
"What, no... Charlotte," as he turned around, he saw her sitting on the edge of the bed wrapping her arms around her body. He had hurt her again.   
"I have nothing to do with this woman, although I believe Specter planned this."

Sidney walked towards her, but she passed him with quick steps and put on her shoes, which were under the table. 

"It hurts…"  
"Oh?" starring at him with concern and felt incredibly stupid to be jealous when he was in pain. "How badly are you hurt?"

Sidney shook his head and came a step closer and took her hand and led it to his lips, kissing the palm of her hand and seeking her gaze. The overwhelming feeling of having to kiss her consumed him, but he had to control himself, that was not to be, not like that, not here in the darkness of this place. It does not feel right. Or could they… the thought alone felt right. He needed to feel her and placed her hand on his cheek and hold it there. Swallowing hard he touched terribly slowly the side of her neck and she gasped for breath at the sensation of his rough fingers on her skin. 

"You're everything to me." 

His words melted her heart. She looked at him with her incredible beautiful eyes. They sucked him in the depth of her soul.

"It hurts… not to kiss you."

Oh. 

Now, her inside was burning. Her scalp was tingling and her eyelids were fluttering in the rhythm with her heart. With this words and the realization that this was exactly what she wanted she leaned a bit closer to him and tightened her grip on his face. Their faces hovered before each other.

"Charlotte.” 

And it was more than the fragile whisper of her name, it was a question, he asked her to take away the pain.

"Yes."


	14. one more sip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney, getting a little lost...  
> even though they may make new friends, can they trust them?
> 
> There's no way to trust Specter, he really is a disgusting guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets a little...intense. 
> 
> Disgusting and violent things are mentioned and implied.

Her name on his lips. Oh, those lips... they got closer. He would not...? One quick look into his eyes. Charlotte was lost in them. Her lips tickled. They breathed the same air. His scent embraced her and then... Oh.

Her eyes fluttered shut. 

Sidney breathed her in. He should not do it, but the urge was too strong. He should hold back, but he was not able to. Her lips forced him to. But he should not…not in such a place…. An invisible bond drew him to her. It was stronger than him. He had no chance. He never had a chance. 

Lightly they brushed… his lips on hers. A gentle touch. Frozen in the moment. Overwhelmed by the feeling. 

Her quick breath tickled his lips and he could not help but needed her to breathe again instead of air. He pressed his lips tighter against hers and they were so soft. A warm wave grabbed him and whirled him around. What…was happening? It was somehow strangely familiar, but no...So new...never before had he felt something like that. Diving into this feeling, consuming the warmth with all his senses. 

Wait! This had to be enough. He separated from her slightly but she seemed to merge with him. No, not enough. It was not enough. He could not help himself, he needed her closer. 

Slowly his hand pushed into her hair. And so did she, her fingers clawed into his stubble and he let her hand go, let his fingers lightly touch her face. Come closer! She sighed softly as he put his large hand around her face. Her face in his hands and Charlotte had rather the feeling it was her heart. He stroked her flushed cheeks with his thumbs. They were so... warm. Charlotte was so... soft and strong and ahhh… How could he resist her?

Tenderly he sipped her upper lip, he could not stop. Just one more sip…. only one more. Oh, it was so... overwhelming. Sidney wanted more and yet he was not allowed to lose himself completely, he had to... stop. He slowly, very slowly broke away from her...

What? Oh he could not stop now, Charlotte let her lips on his and followed his withdrawal until she put her lips on his lower lip and pressed gently. And he lost himself in her for a moment longer. She heard him gasp for breath as he moved further away from her, no he could not ... Why?

Loss. Emptiness. And she was immersed in this feeling. 

"Don't."

Damn it! This desperate breathy whisper…. Oh, she did not want him to stop. But they had to. He stayed so close to her for a moment, they both had a tingle on their lips. He had to be strong. Once more he inhaled her honey scent and put his forehead on hers. Restraint. Yes. 

When he had forced himself to detach from her, he looked into her wide eyes. It would be so easy to get lost in them. 

This intense look in his eyes caused a hot flash of lightning to run through her, next to all the feelings floating around in her body, it was even more overwhelming and when he tugged her to him for another kiss and let his long fingers stroke tenderly over her back, until he wrapped one of his arms around her waist, her spine tickled to boil over in a burning pool down in her stomach.

Charlotte clawed her hands into his shirt. Hold on to him to avoid falling, although she had never felt so strongly anchored before. It was like standing in the sea, on the slippery sand, shaken by the waves that pressed her closer to the cliff in the surf.

Both sighed, as they separated. 

Charlotte held her eyes shut to stay in this feeling a bit longer. The long lashers flutter as she opened her eyes. 

Sidney just looked at her. 

The light of the sunny morning shone through her, as it seemed. She was the light. Burning eyes. With love and an unknown tenderness that he had never seen before in the eyes of another person. Charlotte was not only looking at him. It was more a hot and scorching path deep in his soul. A shiver ran down his back. With delicate fingers, she carefully wiped away this single tear. The slim hand lay on his cheek very gently and then...then she smiled.

And so did he.

While Sidney and his colleagues carried the man-high transport trunks together and loaded them with smaller ones, his thoughts kept drifting to Charlotte. This kiss had been so incredible…he almost believed it had been a dream. She was so beautiful. Her smile had always been something special, but this... her eyes were so... they seemed to glow.

And as he had already feared, she distracted him, because the very next moment one of his colleagues rammed one of the boxes into his back. The unexpected blow pushed him a few steps forward, but he could just about prevent him from falling.

"Damn it!" he shouted and turned around. 

"Parker, don't stand there dreaming of a better life, help me instead." cried Gerry and before Sidney could complain any further, he helped the older man. 

While they worked, he questioned him without his knowledge. What was beyond the woods vis-à-vis her present position, where was the little stream run to, how long had Gerry been at this place. Sidney was looking forward to tell Charlotte later the new information he got, so they can write it down to their own map. He sighed, because he was not only looking forward to telling her that. He also wanted to….

Oh, he just needed a cold splash of the water to cool down his feelings. When he refreshed himself in a short break by the creek and followed its course with his eyes, he heard a crackle behind him. When he turned around, the redhead who Specter had ordered to come with them stood there. He knew what she was up to and turned annoyed in the other direction and stomped back to his workplace. 

"Mr Parker."   
He didn't say a word and went back to the monotonous task of stocking the boxes.

"Please Mr Parker." She came a few steps closer. “I can be at your service.”  
"Not interested." he returned harshly without looking up. She was suddenly standing behind him, much too close.

"I was only trying to..." she reassured him in a seductive tone and took a step back when he turned to her and stared at her with a penetrating gaze.

"Tell Specter I have no interest in his games."  
"But…"  
"Now go away, I'm working."

Specter was annoyed. They were late for the first time today, as he had just learned. That would cause trouble. Hmm, well, he would just cancel their day's pay. Yeah, that was good. While he was writing it down, he told Anderson to do his job.

"Find out if she's changing shifts with anyone or whatever, I want to know everything!"  
"Yes, sir."  
"And send that bitch over here." He needed to release his tension, as she had failed to seduce Parker. It was not even close to that. That damned gentleman had not even looked at her properly otherwise he would have seen that she had a huge scrape on her face.

“And I need John.”

A few minutes later, his new toy was with him, playing the innocent young wife who had no idea of her marital duties. He showed her how he felt about her failure. And although it eased his frustration a little, it was not the same. The little redhead just had forgotten how to scream in fear or defend herself. She just let it happen. It was boring.

This would not happen with the little wildcat. He was sure. Mrs Parker would fight back and defend herself because she believed in all the good things, in love and that her husband would save her. And that boldness in defying him would only provoke him, yes.   
He became more violent at this thought and the little woman in front of him made painful distorted sounds, this was much better…Ha! Specter closed his eyes and thought of the little dove and licked his lips. He was close to... ...but a knock on the door stopped him... Bloody hell!

Charlotte had assured Martha that she would help with her work, since the older woman did not seem to be feeling well. Her reddened cheeks seemed feverish and her eyes were so sad. But Martha assured her that she only needed a short break and disappeared briefly in the shadows of the houses.

Lost in thought, Charlotte sieved the grain, but by meantime she had improved her technique to the point where she could double the amount. She was glad about it, because then she could help cleaning the 'bath sheds' after the men’s bathing day, today. She had already discussed everything with the maid, Ruth, and if everything went according to plan she could run to Flash in between her two works and get familiar with him. This was important to Sidney because he still thought that she maybe leave this place on her own. She shook her head at this thought. Even if she refused to do so, it would not hurt to get acquainted with the horse. There was no way she would leave him.

Sidney.

Her cheeks glowed at the thought of what had happened earlier. How he had pressed her against him that they had almost melted together. Before he embarrassingly shifted her away from him. Maybe he felt the same… 

It had all been so hot, like standing right in front of a huge fire. Well, more like the fire had embraced her. He burned everything in her. But in an intoxicating, fulfilling way, even though part of her hurt deep inside her stomach, as if something was still missing.

The tingling in her eyes let her close them for a moment and she saw his face in front of her, this smile. It lifted her heart and she lost every bad feeling and every sorrow at the sight of him. Knowing this feeling only out of her books, but never thought it would ever happen to her in real life. It had been a fairy tale, but to know this feelings, this burning and yearning for more... and the loss as they separated. She wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. Charlotte admitted to herself she mostly needed him back. Back in her arms.

Martha stood in the dusty grit that burned in her eyes. She blinked it away and leaned against the wall of the house, in the shadow of the niche next to the window. She needed a moment of rest. In fact, she had only retreated for a moment to take a sip.

Even though no one liked it when one took a sip while working, even if it was only a small one. But she needed a sip in between to not remember. The life she could never lead. The life she was living here because no one else wanted her. One more sip. 

The whiskey was burning in her throat. It was dulling the pain. Just dull the pain. Never completely take it away. Never forget it. That was all she wanted. Forget. One more sip. 

Forget. Forget him. Though she knew, of course, it would never happen. Everything reminded her of him. Especially since the Parkers came to live in his room. They reminded her of... yes, both of them. Those looks and the closeness. Yes. Love was a beautiful thing. Pure and innocent in a lost place like this. It needed to be protected at all costs. Better have another sip. 

Then there were noises from the window she was standing next to.

"Can't you wait a damn minute?" yelled Specter. She would recognize this voice out of thousands. Then noises. A door slammed and what sounded like a slap.

"I'm sorry," someone whined, a man.  
"Shut up!"

Another slap. 

"I want Parker off my back." 

Specter shouted the men, Martha was unable to say who it was, as everyone always kept quiet when he was in such a fury. She did not want to listen but squeezed more firmly into the niche.

"Tomorrow after the fight, you'll take him down."

"How?" Maybe it was John.

"I bloody don't care!" Specter shouted, probably forgotten to close the window.  
"I want him down, but he should be able to watch."

Martha got sick, she knew what he was planning. She pressed her hand to her mouth so she would avoid hiccups loudly, which she always did when she panicked.

"I want him see me rip her clothes off, bring her to her knees and..."

Martha flinched at the horrible words this disgusting bastard spoke. She was used to some things here in this place, but to call a young innocent girl...a lady in the same sentence with these... descriptions, was too much even for her trained and spoiled ears.

She pressed her mouth harder, so she painfully suppressed a burping, which made her breakfast come up.

If she were discovered overhearing, Specter would put her in one of the stables in the 'bath sheds' and work out his frustration on her, just like when they were both so young. The scars had never healed completely, neither those still burning on her skin or those on her soul. Sometimes she thought, she should not have fought back, but no, that was just not in her nature. She had been full of joy and a little wild, headstrong, full of energy and dreams. And life. 

Just like Charlotte. 

Yes, she was very much like her. Or rather her old self, the young thing that she was back then and who had died with him. One more sip. 

So that the burning in her heart finally died down for a moment. Burning treat by burning. Like Specter did. Laughing, he had pressed his branding iron to her heart. As she had no strength left to fight back. No. Not then and not now. What did she have to do with it? She had nothing to do with them. Better not to get involved. No matter what. Yes. Martha led the bottle back to her dry lips... Yes, she did not care... She closed her eyes... and knew that she did. 

Anyway. One sip and it would be over. For once.

The smooth fur of Flash under her fingers reminded Charlotte of home and shortly she became terribly sad. She missed the farm. Her family. She wished her father had never... but no, she should not think that. If her father had never gotten the doctor for Mama... Unbelievable! Wondering how her mother was. Maybe the letter might have reached her by now. Would they be able to send money again? How was her father doing alone on the farm with her many siblings? 

She wanted to leave this place so badly. Even though she tried to fit in as well as she could, the place was somehow...lost. Everyone here seemed lost and terribly sad. The look in Martha's eyes also brought tears to her own, what had happened to her? 

And yet, strangely enough, she was also somehow glad that everything had turned out this way. Not the horrible things, but everything with Sidney. After all, it had brought them together. Who knows what would have happened if they were still in Sanditon. 

Would he really have refused to sign the papers? Would they already be living in a home together? Well, they did, but... ...would they have a proper married life? What did that even mean, exactly?

Charlotte conjured up all the images that her parents had shown her, and yet somehow it seemed not to fit her and Sidney. The images in her head mingled with the stories she had read and the feeling it created in her. Again, her heart started beating violently and her stomach was tingling. Wondering what it would be like later this evening…and after their journey back, she continued to stroke the horse lost in thoughts.

Suddenly Flash twitched his ears and seemed to get a little nervous. Charlotte knew this from her own animals and was alarmed. Since she was alone in this stable, against the promise she had made to Sidney that she would never go anywhere alone, she ducked as fast on all fours and crawled behind a bale of hay. 

Her heart was pounding in her throat and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, as she perceived all sounds more intensely. The humming of flies flying around in a square, as if they were forced to do so by a mysterious force. The nervous puffing of Flash. The beating of her heart. Her excited breathe. The crackle of hay beside her ear.

Crunching. Someone opened the squeaky gate to the barn. Steps came closer. Flash dribbled nervously. Charlotte crouched deeper behind the hay bale… Oh no, no!

Sidney stretched his back, which was aching from the long bent posture, and handed Gerry his drinking bag. 

"Are you ready for revenge tomorrow?" Gerry laughed and handed the bag back.  
"Of course I am." Sidney clenched his jaw. 

Even if he would not admit it, he was nervous if he had to fight again against this giant who had punched him in the kidneys. He was afraid he would barely survive a second fight against him. Of course, he would be able to beat Gerry again and he was sorry about that because he liked the man.

"I'll give everything," he said sheepishly, looking at the gaunt man with a sly expression.

"I know you want to save your girl..." Gerry said with understanding and looked into the distance with a detached look, "this is no place for her."

"No, it's not."   
"If I were your age again, I'd try to get out of here too." Gerry admitted with a small smile. Sidney looked at him apologetically. 

"Thanks for taking over my work. It gives me a chance to rest a bit longer."

"Thank you for helping me to get her home earlier."  
"I really hope he lets you."

Then Gerry turned and walked away in the setting sun.

Charlotte ran over to the bath sheds where Ruth was already waiting for her. 

After she had waited quite a while, huddled behind the bale of hay, she was afraid to be late. The gate creaked and she had heard it, but then she had remained like that for several heartbeats. Who ever it was had left the stable again. From her hiding place she had watched Flash and only when he seemed completely relaxed again did she slowly crawl out.

"You're right on time." Ruth just moaned and went in without saying another word.

Charlotte turned back to the stables again, somehow she still had the feeling as if she was being watched and the thought that it was Specter sent a frozen chill down her spine. Why could not Sidney be with her right now? Always she felt so unspeakably safe around him. Like in a warm room with a crackling fireplace and a fluffy blanket over her body. 

They had not seen each other since this morning, and the mere thought of it hurt her. There was a pull in her middle, as if she was terribly hungry, only somehow much worse. She moaned.

"What?" asked Ruth curtly, "Too fine to clean after all?"  
"No, of course not."  
"Here." Ruth handed her a torch so she could see in the fading light and sent her to the first room.   
"You just clean the ‘bath sheds’. I'm going out for a while."  
"Really?" 

A slight panic rose in Charlotte, as the incident in the stable was a lesson to her that she should not be alone.

"Yes, but if you tell anyone, I'll make you bleed."

Startled, Charlotte looked at her colleague, who just shrugged and gave her a bucket and a rag.

Specter threw annoyed his boss' letters to his desk and snorted. That sucked! 

The rage in him was boiling up again, he did not think he could stand the tension one more day. He needed a release. Now. Maybe he should bring Parker down now. He grinned and looked at the list that John had brought him. He licked his lips and left his office.

Sidney came to the room and knocked. But as no one opened the door and he heard no sounds, panic shot through him. He turned on his heel and ran.

"What are you doing here?" yelled Ruth, who pressed her hands into her hips and let out the smoke of the cigar into the evening sky. 

"I'm looking for Charlotte." The voice dripped with tension.  
"Charlotte?"   
"I know she's here." 

His gaze left no doubt, and Ruth just nodded, stepped aside, pointed to the door and said.  
"She's in the back". 

Charlotte lifted the bucket of boiling water and tipped the contents into the tub. Her fingers were already red from scrubbing and the rising steam mixed with the pearls of sweat on her forehead. She wished she could take a bath at that moment and lost herself in the small dream of a warm home... in her mind's eye she saw a bedroom with a wide bed in the background. The feeling of warm hands on her shoulders send a shiver through her body and the blood burned in her cheeks. He would see her naked! Oh! 

Fluttering she opened her eyes and took a shaky breath. That would it mean being married! Among other things, of course... but he would see her in a way that only her mother or sisters knew. Her heart thumped in her chest and flooded her body with a warm wave, and strangely enough, it also pounded deep inside her stomach. It was very irritating.

To distract herself, she got up and put the bucket in the corner and wondered where Ruth had gone, she had cleaned the three rooms by herself and heard her singing through the window, but now it had been quiet for quite a while and suddenly that restless feeling came back again. Slowly she went to the door and peered into the dark corridor.

"I'll be off." She heard Ruth’s muffled voice from outside and then she heard the front door open and fall into the lock with a creak.

Charlotte could not see anything, but she heard the slamming of the main door and the crunching of sandy shoe soles. As quietly as possible she tried to close the door, but since it could only be closed with a jerk, she simply crept back into the sparsely lit room. 

Desperately she searched the room for a way out. The blood rushed in her ears and panic gripped her. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and tears obscured her vision, what could she do?

The best thing would probably be to put out the torch and hope that the man would not find it here. She knew it was a man. What woman would be stupid enough to come here alone? It was already very dark. Sidney would probably just go back into the room and wonder where she was. Her heart pounded faster and louder. Charlotte closed her eyes to calm herself. The only hope was that Sidney would look after her. In her mind she called him.

Steps came closer. The door of the room next door squeaked. With a loud bang he let it slam shut. One step. The sand crunched in front of the room. Firm boots came closer. One step. Two. Three.

While she was still desperately thinking for a way out, she squeezed herself in the corner, behind the door. That was hopefully the last place he would suspect her.

Slowly the door creaked open.


	15. in the shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the shadow of the night, everything leads to a single path.
> 
> It comes out why Specter's so angry, if Sidney finds Charlotte and what Martha is up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the long wait, your loyalty and the lovely comments!
> 
> Hope you are satisfied. ;-)

Specter was seething with rage. His thoughts were still with the letter from his boss. Someone in London had paid off the Parkers. They could go. These damned gentlemen just knew too many people who helped them. This was no fun at all! 

Just when Parker was making him all that money! Bloody hell! 

He would not allow that. They should believe that everything was going to continue as usual. But he had to let out his frustration. The plan to beat Parker up and make him watch him having fun with his wife brought him the greatest satisfaction in his mind alone. And since things should no longer be put off, he would do it right now instead of tomorrow.

He would have to hold back so that Parker would continue boxing for him, but he had to let off a little steam. This little dove that drove him crazy, with that innocent face. Angelic. And Parker, whose eyes were filled with pride and love. He had to let him have them so he could see what he was going to do with that little wildcat. But his pretty face...he would polish it. And she would beg him to stop hurting him. 

Oh, that would be fun!

Charlotte! 

Sidney could not think clearly. It was as if a foreign power took possession of him and pulled him to where she was. Specter was not allowed to get near her!

No, no, no! 

He was unable to recognize his surroundings or how his lungs were burning from running. His field of vision was growing smaller. He had to protect her. Tears of fear welled up in his eyes, his blood boiling over when Specter...he would kill him...nothing could stop him. Never would he let her out of his sight again, not for a second. Never again! He would go mad. Fear of what might happen! 

Never before had he been so afraid for someone. It consumed and burned him completely.

Fortunately Gerry had shown him the quick walk. He would be there in a moment. Already he could see the door to the 'bath sheds'. It looked like the entrance to a cave in the dull light of the evening with a clouded moon. Ominous.

Sidney had quietly opened the door. He could not endanger her by calling out to her name. Perhaps she would answer and run straight into Specter's arms. This could not happen. The words of her colleague burned in his mind. Hurry, hurry! He snuck in as quickly and quietly as possible. Sidney's blood rushed in his ears. Pushing his way through the small gap in the door, which nevertheless squeaked slightly. He cursed in his mind the scratching of the pebbles under his soles. Creeping. 

When his eyes had become used to the darkness, he continued his way. Looking into each niche, he moved forward quietly. He opened the first door but saw that it was empty. The second one. It slipped out of his hand and struck a little harder. Damn it! Now he would know he was there. There was a light. Probably the fire of a torch. He had to be careful. Slowly, he crept closer. 

Martha sat in the chamber and swayed back and forth. The pain of her own grief she pushed into the background. Her heart was pounding with worry for Charlotte. She was such a good girl.

When she had come back to the grinding after her short break, Charlotte had looked at her with concern, but she could not tell her what she had heard. This young thing, not long married and so in love with her husband, she decided not to frighten her with Specter's words.

They continued to work quietly side by side until Charlotte said goodbye when the shift was over. Martha looked after her and observed that she did not run to the shelters but to the stables. Yes, looking after her husband's horse so it would not feel abandoned. She had a really good heart. That needed to be protected. Yes.

Furthermore Charlotte should not wander around alone, that was really dangerous. Maybe she should go after her? But her head ached from working in the dark and maybe from the whiskey too. 

"What are you doing lurking around here?" someone shouted to her from the shadows across the way. She recognized him as John. He was probably sent after Charlotte. She did not like that. 

Quickly she said goodbye. After she had walked around the house, and was sure to be out of sight, she ran to the packing station on the other side of the yard. She was unable to tell Charlotte what she had heard, but she could tell her husband.

But when she got there, Mr Parker and all his colleagues were gone. He had a second job she knew that. Charlotte had told her, but she could not remember.

An hour later she sat in this room, the old key in hand. Surrounded by memories. She knew what had to be done. Martha nodded quietly to herself and left the room.

Charlotte placed her hand on her lips and tried to breathe as calmly as possible. She had done it before. In addition, she pressed her lips together to avoid sobbing out loud in fear. Of course, she had not been able to put out the fire of the torch, so the dark room was at least a little lit. Mindful she had gathered her skirt so that it would not stick out at the side of the door. Her fingers were already aching from the clenching, but she dared not to let go of the skirt even a little.

Her heartbeat seemed to double as the footsteps entered the room. The slight scratching of the pebbles under the sole of heavy boots. One step into the room. Another one. They stopped. Just like her heart. It stopped, and then it just kept on deeply thumping.

Then further steps. One, two, three. One kick against the bucket, so the man was right across the room. Could she dare to step around the door and out into the hall? But she was paralyzed. Even if she really wanted to, she could not get her body to move. Charlotte felt frozen, like after she broke through the ice years ago. Everything was cold. She felt nothing but the beating of her heart. Her hand in front of her mouth was ice cold.

The thought kept her from listening. Suddenly a crack, like her father's knee when he crouched down. A hollow, soft slap against the tub. Even though she could not see anything, she had an exact image in her mind. The person would feel warmth that the hot water had left. Knowing that she had just been here. Her only hope was that he believed she had run out of the room. 

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Her scalp was tingling. It was such an unpleasant feeling like a bunch of little ants crawling all over her. The urge to stroke her hair was almost uncontrollable. But she did not dare to move even slightly.

One step, a second. The sound of the torch being pulled out of the bracket on the wall. Flickering light on the wall as if he were shining into every corner. Suddenly it tickled her throat. With a small sip of water or a short clearing of her throat it would be done, but she could not risk to be caught. Charlotte tried to swallow as quietly as possible. The urge to suppress the cough drove tears into her eyes. But she let them fall. The man was too close not to notice the rustling of her dress. The lips pressed together, the hand in front of nose and mouth. She was barely breathing.

Charlotte thought she was going to faint at any moment, she was quite dizzy, yet she was fully concentrated. Another step in her direction. Why she could hardly say, but she knew he had his back to her. He held the torch in such a way that she could feel the heat of the fire on her face. 

Her eyes were burning, but she was unable to look away. Desperately she wanted to know who it was. But she was afraid to find out. The fear that it was Specter almost overwhelmed her. Her whole body was covered with goose bumps. A slight tremor seized her, yet she tried to resist the feeling. If she could see the hand, she could be sure it was Sidney or not. 

Closing her eyes she begged silently ‘please let it be him!’ 

The man left the room. But stayed outside the door. Charlotte saw the light of the torch. A distant squeak. Perhaps a door? But it came from the other side. Footsteps echoing. A door was banged shut. Oh, what happened? 

Her heart was beating so hard, she could see it pounding as she dared to look down at herself. Slowly, so as not to make a sound, she turned her head and saw a bit of his face through the gap in the door. 

Mr Heywood stared out the window at his farm. He had the feeling he had done everything and yet the fear that it was not enough did not let go of him. After his wife had returned from Sanditon, he had left immediately for London. The Parkers had put the carriage at his disposal, which was the least they could do. In London he met a lord, never in his life had he had the pleasure of meeting one and this one had also been incredibly nice. Lord Babington, the friend of Sidney Parker. His son-in-law. He had to smile at the thought. 

That Charlotte and he were fated to always stand up for the foolishness of others would hopefully bring them even more together. He shook his head. Hoped they got home safe. Hopefully they liked each other enough to stay married. Looking at his desk, where the annulment papers had been lying for some time, he hoped to throw them into the fire when they returned. He closed his eyes. The sure words of his wife in his ear. "He'll bring her back to us!" Mr Heywood nodded off into the night and then looked up into the sky. The full moon was big and clear. Hope it would bring them luck.

Charlotte was sure, even before he called her. She closed her eyes.

"Little dove, where are you?"  
Silence.  
"You want play hide-and-seek?" more of an insight than a question. Specter grinned. He loved these games and shouted out into the hall. 

"One, two, three, here I come!"

Then he rushed around. His gaze pierced her.

The next thing happened so fast she just reacted. Specter screamed out in pain as Charlotte rammed her shoulder against the door with the strength she did not know she possessed.

She ran off. It was fatal as there was no exit, but at least she had barred a few steps between Specters and herself. The tub stood between them. Blood rushed into her ears.

"You bloody...!" 

He shouted and looked at his hand, his bloody hand, as Charlotte noticed with surprise. She had given him a cut. That was good. Yes! She would never surrender without a fight. 

Suddenly the torch flew towards her and frightened she cried out and quickly looked down to see if her dress had caught fire. The disgusting laughter came to her ear as Specter suddenly stood closer and tried to grab her. 

Then Specter collapsed like a sack of flour.

She looked up. 

Sidney.

"Charlotte!" 

It was warm. She could breath again. His arms wrapped around her and she was safe. She clung to him and grabbed his shirt and pressed her face into his neck. She heard his desperate words, but she was unable to answer. It was so cold and yet warm, she shivered because she was so freezing and yet his heat engulfed her. Floating. His arms wrapped tightly around her. A door squeezed. The cool night air grazed her.

"Please!" only the scratchy sound of his voice made her look up briefly. 

The muscle at his jaw throbbed slightly. Tenderly, she stroked it. He had saved her. Again. Charlotte had no idea where he was taking her. But suddenly he stood still and he pressed her so tightly to him that it almost hurt. Before he slowly put her back on her feet. But continued to hold her tight in his arms, his head on her shoulder, he breathed her in.

"Did he touched you?" his voice barely a whisper. 

Charlotte pressed closer to him. His scent soothed her and the hot skin under her lips tasted salty. There was nothing she could do about it. Her lips sipped lightly on his pounding pulse. He gasped for breath and strengthened his grip around her.

Sidney could not imagine what had happened. The fear for her was still trembling in his veins. He had grown icy cold hearing Specter's voice. The only thing that kept him alive was that he called out for her, so he had not found her yet. But then he heard him roar. Her scream went through his body like a frigid lightning. Sidney had no idea how, but suddenly he stood behind Specter and punched him before he could have thought about it one more time.

Charlotte stood there.

With this little wrinkle between her brows and a determined expression on her face. Her body was in a defensive posture. Frozen in motion. She stared at the torch, which tried to flick at her dress. As she looked at him. The fear was immediately gone from her gaze. The tenderness was instantly back and her cold fingers clawed into his shirt the next moment.

Only when he could swoop her into his arms could he take a deep breath again. Took the path around the tub so she could avoid looking at Specter. He pressed her so tightly he could feel her ribs through the many layers of fabric. That she pressed her face against his neck calmed him down immensely, but he had to be sure the bastard had not touched her.

When he felt her cold lips against his neck, he forgot to breathe. And when she sipped at his pulse point he had to gasp for air so hard that he almost swallowed. Oh. He wondered why she did… that. It was so... Oh, her honeys scent. He pleaded in a shaky voice.

"Honey talk to me, please!"

The way he called her secretly in his head, now she knew. But he did not care. He begged she should tell him, that she was alright. Desperately, he pressed her even closer.  
Be alright. Be alright!

But she was unable to speak. She only wanted to feel. Her hand slowly moved around his neck. Closer and tighter she clung to his neck. His scent was what she needed to breathe.

"I'll kill him..." He was tense. And she needed to relieve his tension.  
"No, no." she did not recognize her own voice. She sounded so hollow and far away.  
"I'm so sorry, so sorry."  
"All is fine." 

Their eyes met as she placed her hand against his cheek and moved away from his neck.  
"You are here." 

Tenderly he touched her face. 

"You saved me."  
"You did it yourself." He leaned in and pepped thousand little kisses over her face and dried her tears. She inhaled shaky with a small chuckle.

"I slammed the door in his face."

She was incredible. The urge to kiss her was overwhelming. His eyes flickered briefly to her lips. She came closer. He cleared his throat.

"We have to leave." 

Even if he wanted to stay like this, they had to keep moving. The dull feeling that they were about to be caught made him act.

"When?"  
"Now."

The sound she made was more like a sob and then she snuggled up against his neck again. Sidney swayed her back and forth, holding her head pressed against his shoulder and stroking her back. He pressed his face into her hair and stared into the darkness. 

"We get the stuff, but as soon as he wakes up, he'll scream and hunt us down."

She looked at him in shock. Biting her lips, she nodded. Then she looked around. She did not recognize the place.

"Come." He whispered and took her hand. 

In a heartbeat, he pulled Charlotte into the shadows. Then he nodded and pulled her behind him between the buildings. As quietly and yet as quickly as possible they ran through yard. As soon as they heard voices or footsteps, they stopped.

Their hearts were beating excitedly in unison. They run, they stopped, they run again. One or two more houses and they would be so close to their room. They had to slip in and get the most necessary things quickly. Sidney pulled her further and pressed her against the nearest wall, as someone ran past with a torch in his hand and Sidney shielded Charlotte with his body.

They were not discovered yet and Sidney took a short, relieved breath and his chest pressed against her. Charlotte was ashamed, but could do nothing about it as she gave in to the feeling of the pleasant weight of his body against hers and briefly stopped him from moving on. She held him by his shirt and pressed her face to his chest.

"We will make it!" he whispered in her ear and his breath tickled her neck. 

The goose bumps that now spread over her body were of a completely different kind and it was intoxicating. She trembled slightly. Sidney was afraid that she was in shock and rubbed her arms briefly. Worried, he looked for her eyes.

"We need to go. "

His nod was so light that she almost missed it. And they stepped out of the shadows. No one was around. They ran quietly up the stairs and Charlotte pulled the key out of her collar, but when Sidney tried to put the warm key in the lock, the door swung open with a creak. 

Sidney pushed Charlotte behind him and walked energetically into the room. His body tense, and ready for a fight. A moment later Charlotte saw his broad shoulders slump down.

"What?"

Darkness. Specter did not dare open his eyes. His head was throbbing so painfully. What had happened? Rather go back to sleep. 

The throbbing pain woke him up again. His forehead burned. Lying on a hard surface. What was wrong with him? He closed his eyes.

Blackness. It was cold. Slowly he opened his eyes. Where was he? He tried to got up, after a while he crawled on all fours. Bang. Cursing, he cried out. He had slammed into something. Shit. He held his throbbing forehead. It was sticky. 

Blood. Specter felt the painful area at the back of his head. He pressed on the bump. Crying out he crawled further. The torch had already gone out, it was already cold. How long had he been lying there? What exactly had happened? What was he doing here anyway?

And then he remembered.

Martha was sitting on the floor with her back to the door when it was pressed open with a quiet squeak and she turned around in such haste that she almost fell. In her hand the unwrapped leather roll. The rest of the money, the card and the knife lay neatly lined up beside her.

"Hurry!" she cried and jumped up so quickly that she was slightly dizzy and Sidney grabbed her by the arm to stabilize her.

Then she got loose and ran to the door to close it. Quick she walked to the bed and picked up a bag. Charlotte and Sidney stared at her and she looked over her shoulder and into their faces with an expression on her face as if she did not understand why they were looking at her in such a surprised way.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked hurriedly.

And put the bag in Sidney's hand, who stared at it and then looked at Martha.

"You're not staying here after what I told you, huh?"  
"No, of course not."  
"I hope you punched him good."

He nodded and looked at Charlotte, they exchanged glances as Martha kept walking across the room as if it belonged to her.

"Here my little lady," she said to Charlotte and put a knitted cape around her.  
"It will keep you warm."

"Thank you, Martha." Charlotte took the elderly woman in her arms and held her close for a moment before she separated, stroked Charlotte’s face and then explained.  
"I have packed everything you had and food for three days."

Though Sidney was grateful for her preparation, he feared it might be a trap. 

"Why are you helping us?"  
"Because…."

Suddenly they heard loud shouting in the yard. All three froze in their tracks. Martha was the first to move, she put the map and money in the leather folder and rolled it up neatly. She gave it to Charlotte and pointed at her cleavage. Sidney turned away and walked carefully to the window.

"They seem to be looking for someone."

"Oh, damn." Martha cried and put her hand over her mouth with an apologetic look at Charlotte.  
"He would have the meeting with his guards now."

"So they know." Sidney noticed through clenched teeth.  
"Maybe they think he would just..." Martha looked at Charlotte, who looked at her in fear, so she stopped speaking.

"Never mind, go!" 

Martha tugged them both to the door. Then she put the little knife in Charlotte's hand, nodded at her and said, "Just in case."

Turning to Sidney, she said.

"Run to the packaging area, cross the little creek into the woods… "  
"We need to get Flash."  
"That's the first place they'll look for you."

Sidney closed his eyes and clenched his fists. He knew she was right. They had to get out of there, and fast. Charlotte searched his eyes and she stroked his heart with the tenderness in her gaze. She knew how much he wanted to get out of here, but to go without Flash, meant not only to leave the horse behind, but also to move forward slowly. He looked at her tortured and smiled disappointed. Sidney could not prevent that he had to think for a moment. 

"During the fight tomorrow, I will bring him to you." 

Snapped Martha him from his thoughts. Sceptically he looked at her, he did not really know what to make of all this.

"Head north."  
"North? But why..."

They heard loud boots running up the stairs and they all fell silent, but the one ran into one of the rooms at the back and slammed the door.

"Just do it."  
"But..."  
"They'll be looking for you heading for England," she shrugged her shoulders.

"What?" 

Charlotte looked at Sidney, who stepped to the window and watched again the yard below. It was quiet again down there. The few people wandering around seemed not to be nervous enough as if they were looking for them. 

"At dawn, you shall be there."  
"Where?"

But Martha did not listen. She was a little beside herself, but her mission to get them out of here was first priority.

"Follow the source of the water,” she told Charlotte.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Kinnaird," she pointed her finger at Charlotte's cleavage where the folder was hidden "had already prepared everything there." She nodded and tears filled her eyes.

"Now run."

When they had left the house unnoticed and disappeared into the shadows, Sidney stopped for a moment and looked at Charlotte with concern.

"What is it?" she asked, as if they were not running away in fear for their lives.

How strong she was. Pride flooded through him. And then she still had the gift to calm him down. Take away his fear. 

"It's nothing."

He smiled encouragingly at her and then they ran off.

Specter staggered when he could finally reach up to the edge of the tub to sit. In his memory his fantasy mixed with reality and he had no idea anymore what had really happened. He only knew the little dove, was really a wildcat. She had beaten him bloody. That had never happened to him before. He had to go after her. Probably she ran to her room crying, so her husband would want to slap him. Yeah, he should expect that. He should increase his guards. Slowly, he got up and took a few steps. He hit his foot against the bucket and was unable to avoid stumbling. He fell to his knees. On his old injury. Damn. Parker would have to pay for that, too. And his little wife for escaping him the second time. He got up again and stumbled into the dark hallway.

He heard a door open slowly.

"Who's there?" he shouted, but got no answer.

A few more steps. The small window on the damp wall to his left let in the light of the moon and let everything appear in an unreal grey. Someone stood before him in the shadows. 

"What are you doing here?" he asked before a violent knock on his head blew out all the lights again.

Charlotte felt as if she had experienced it all before. Stumbling through a grey dream. Constantly she got caught on some roots, bushes clawed their thorns into her dress. The bluish green and silver of the night. The feeling in her stomach, like she was being swayed around by waves. The moonlight made her look to her hand linked to his. He pulled her through the undergrowth and her heart was racing.

Everything was unreal and cold. Except Sidney. The feeling of her small hand in his big warm one, gave her so much.. strength that she was sure everything would be fine. Suddenly she stopped and pulled him slightly back to her. He placed his other hand on her check and smiled down to her. 

"What is it?"  
"I've dreamed this before."  
"You have?"  
"But then..." she sniffled and dropped her gaze.  
"Then you disappeared."

"Charlotte," he took her face in both hands and tilted it to him.  
"I will never disappear."

His beautiful face hovered just inches apart from hers in the pale grey light of the early morning. 

"I will never let you out of my sight ever again." his voice was hoarse.

Charlotte believed him, she was overwhelmed but she could not answer. Just whispered quietly. 

"So you found me in the dark."

A warm feeling spread in his chest. The sound of the first chirping of birds at dawn. Charlotte sighed. She felt as if she were floating in the sea, his scent filled her senses. It was warm. His incredible smile. Their eyes searched each other' s gaze. She breathed heavily as he leaned closer. Her eyes fluttered shut as he pressed his lips lightly against hers. Hot and making her forgot everything. Sidney still held her face in one hand, as his arm slowly wrapped around her shoulders. Closer. She literally melted into him.

Sidney got lost in her. The feeling that she was nestled so close to him was the most beautiful thing he had ever felt and yet he had to break apart from her, he had to tell her. 

Charlotte's little smile was everything. It faded slightly when she saw the feelings in his eyes. Sidney shook his head in moved emotion. Astonishment, admiration and something else ran across his face, as he moaned in a lightly desperate tone.

"Oh God, how much I love you!"


	16. light in the darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney arrive at their shelter and get to know each other a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought the two of them (and we) finally needed a breather... and it is a romance after all. 
> 
> I thank my friend Nicola for helping me find a name for the location and for letting me use her father's name.
> 
> This chapter is for you.

Charlotte shakily sucked in her breath and he saw the feelings running all over her face. Her eyes were wide and dark. Her look seemed uncertain. Sidney did not want her to feel obliged to say something she might not feel. Or could not say yet. Smiling he tenderly brushed a strand of her hair from her face. They should go on.

But as before on her way through the shadows, she stopped him from going further. Her fingers clawed into his shirt and pulled him towards her. Again she laid her face against his chest. Her deep breaths also showed him how exhausted she was. Moving closer, he laid his head on hers and closed his eyes for a moment. Charlotte wrapped her arms around his middle and hugged him as tightly as no one had ever held him before. It did not hurt, but it was so strong that Sidney felt at that very moment what he had been longing all these years...maybe even his whole life. What he had missed.

The real connection to another person.

And not just that, but the closeness to someone who he loved. Who he loved to be embraced by. That little bit closer. That little bit more intimacy. Tighter. Charlotte kept saying that he saved her, but this was not true. She had saved him. She was doing it right in that moment.

This realization overwhelmed him, that for a single moment all doubts came back and broke over him in a cold gush. What if she was not feeling the same? Not as deeply as he had fallen? Would he lose himself completely in her and go down in the process? 

"You are my light in the darkness."

Her voice was so quiet, marked by emotions and tiredness. And the horror she had escaped. Sidney could not believe what she had just said and strengthened his hold on her. His voice was just a breathless whisper.

"And you are mine."

Everything he had said chased the cloud away from Charlotte's head. She was awake and clear. Only when she felt his shirt getting wet did she realize she was crying. This made her uncomfortable and she tried to detach from him, but he just wrapped his arms tighter around her. 

It was so wonderful. Sidney wanted to stand like this forever, but they should go on.

"Charlotte..."  
"Yes."

Nodding, she broke away from him and looked into his eyes for a moment before she let her gaze drop briefly to his lips. And then she searched his gaze again. Her lips were slightly open and tempted him, but somehow he knew he was not allowed to do that now. He was afraid he would get too… involved. And besides, Charlotte was supposed to rest, and for that they had to go to their destination first. Still, he could hardly resist her, so he placed his forehead on hers.

"First we should get going."

By his choice of words, she had to grin and nudged him with her shoulder as he bent down to pick up Martha's bag.

Then he took her hand again and gave it a great strong kiss. There was a promise in his eyes and Charlotte swallowed hard as she was not sure what this promise contained. Maybe he would press her so tightly against him again... and press his lips against hers, and maybe...the murmur in her head increased. She felt her cheeks glowing in the cool morning air.

They stumbled further through the undergrowth, but as the day approached they could see well. The thick forest to their left became even denser, and on the other side it thinned out. The broad trunks of the beech trees they passed seemed to represent Sidney's strength. His broad shoulders were a pleasant sight she did not want to miss, but walking beside him was even more beautiful. The warmth he radiated... she leaned closer.

Pressing lightly against his arm. So they went on and the murmur became stronger, probably the gentle stream was a rushing river here. But she was unable to see it because Sidney gave her a smile that almost made her heart stop. The urge to touch him became so overwhelming that she stopped walking.

With one hand still intertwined with his, she laid the other on his face as he turned to her. He understood what she needed, and when she reached out her face to him, it roared louder in her head. His soft lips...oh...it was like...he was not allowed to stop.  
Softly she felt his long fingers in her hair and then...oh..What? Her body felt as if she was dying of thirst and ahh...she needed him. And he needed her too. Gently he sipped on her lips. Carefully tasting every inch. Slowly. Quietly. They both gasped for breath and their lips would not let go of each other.

Sidney hesitated. He was holding something back. Through his tenderness, she could feel it. Then he pressed his lips to hers. Charlotte could taste him. It was intoxicating. Her heart was pounding in her chest in such a deep yet pleasing way. It hurt when he pulled away from her again.

The whimpering sound as he parted from her lips hurt within his chest. He let his lips move across her cheek. Kissing her. Once or twice. Then he pressed his face against hers. Oh, boy, that was... almost too much... he had to control himself.

Picking, his stubble lay against her cheek. It was a pleasant light scratching and yet somehow soft. His quick breath mingled with the murmur in her head to an ever louder but still distant roar.

With heavy eyes they separated from each other, smiling.

"Come."

A few steps closer they went to the part of the forest that was getting more and more light. The shallow murmur of the stream had become a wider river. The murmur became louder. One more step. A second one. One more. The branches cracked under their steps. Leaves rustling above them. The birds were now chirping louder. The sun sent bright white rays through the treetops. The noise became a roar.

Sidney squeezed her hand. And then they saw it. 

"Oh."

The sight was so overwhelming that it brought tears to Charlotte's eyes. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She gasped for breath, still searching for words as he spoke.

"Buchanan Falls."

Questioningly, she looked at him. He looked at her cleavage, innocently pointing to the map, but was also distracted for a moment by the beautiful sight.

"On the map."

He exhaled with a laugh. It was a beautiful place. Magical. The water that thundered into the depths...shimmered in an almost glaring green. Foaming it broke onto the usually smooth surface of the water below. The light blue reminded him of the shining turquoise of Mediterranean Sea. 

The almost artificial-looking cascades that had formed in the rock behind the water rushing down, offered them the opportunity to remain undiscovered from possible pursuers. Even though the noise and dampness would be a somewhat unpleasant refuge.

"That's what she meant. " Charlotte remarked, impressed.  
"What do you think?"

Charlotte released her hand from his, and in the sudden loss, he clenched his jaw and followed her hand with his gaze. Reaching into her collar, she pulled out the leather roll, wound it up and gave him the map.

"There..." she put her finger on the childlike-looking drawing of a mountain, which on closer inspection had the shape of the rock in front of them. It was conical, with a small plateau resembling a terrace. An arrow was drawn there.

"We should go up there," Charlotte said and her cheeks, still flushed from their kissing, now took on the red of enthusiasm. 

"Come on!"

Charlotte came only two steps before Sidney took her hand in his again and they walked even further before they slowly climbed down the hill in a less dangerous place.  
The water in the rocky basin in front of them was crystal clear. 

"So beautiful." The beauty stunned Charlotte. The desire to jump in the water and swim was overwhelming.

"Yes, it is." And by that, he not only meant the sight of the scenic nature. 

They stared in amazement at the mighty waterfall and then began their ascent. The rocks were slippery, but someone had carved handle-like notches into the rock so that they could hold on tightly. As soon as they had reached the terraced plateau, the deafening noise drove them on. Deeper behind the silvery curtain of the falling water.

"There's a tunnel." Charlotte noticed and stared at the map in her hand and then back at Sidney.

"Look here." he pulled her to him and pointed with his chin at an inscription carved on the wall. 

‘M + K’ had been carved into it, and Charlotte touched it lightly.  
"Martha and Kinnaird," she looked up at him sadly, "they tried to escape here, but they couldn't."

Sidney nodded and squeezed her hand.

"Who knows where that tunnel leads to."  
"Let's take a look."

Sidney knelt with his back to the waterfall and tried to protect the bag with their blankets and clothes as far as possible from the mist of fine water drops. He rummaged around until he found his tinderbox, which he normally always carried with him. He hoped Martha had packed a candle so they could see a little better and he was not disappointed. She had even packed three.

"Would you hold it?"

Charlotte took the things and knelt down next to him to help him create a small spark so they could light the candle. Sidney made it on the third try and Charlotte held her hand to protect the small flame from being blown out by the roaring water behind them. After putting everything back in the bag they went into the tunnel together.

It smelled damper the deeper they went in. The sound of the waterfall was still muffled in their ears. Footsteps echoed eerily in the dark tunnel and only Sidney's warm hand on her back convinced Charlotte that it was not a bad dream. Small drops fell here and there from the ceiling of the rock. The small flame of the candle stood still for several minutes until an invisible breeze made it dance. Charlotte put her hand around the small fire again and suddenly the end of the tunnel was in sight.

They walked towards it and came out onto a small rocky clearing. The waterfall splashed leisurely down the rocks here, as if it had all the time in the world, and gathered in a small dark pool. The forest was so thick here again that they felt as if they were still in the cave. Protected. 

When he wanted to tell her, he saw that Charlotte had taken off the cap. Her hair curled more because of the damp. Oh, she looked so beautiful and nothing would indicate what she had been going through the last few weeks. Still in his mind, he noticed she had sat down on a ledge, opened her shoes. But before he could ask, she lifted her skirt and let him see the brown woollen stockings she was wearing underneath. She released the band with nimble fingers and rolled the stockings over her milk-white legs and Sidney turned around, swallowing. What should he do now?

"Ahh." She moaned and he looked at her again.  
"That feels so good."

With her eyes closed, she sat there, her feet dipped in the big puddle in front of her, her skirt draped over her knees. Pretty knees, Sidney observed. The tingling in his fingers, wishing to explore the untouched skin, grew bigger as he approached her as if under a magical spell. Shaking his head, he turned away again.

"Come on, the cold water helps."

He gritted his teeth and smiled at her bashfully. With a penetrating look she forced him to come closer. He had no chance. The attempt to avoid the view of her half-naked legs failed when she slipped to the side to make place for him.

He also took off his shoes and stockings and dipped his feet in the cold water. It was refreshing and really a relief. Even more the feeling that she was finally safe, at least for now. His arm moved around her back and he pulled her even closer as she put her head on his shoulder. Sidney pressed a kiss on her hair and slowly slid his fingers between hers resting on her thigh. Their palms touched and the feeling was so intimate that Charlotte inhaled shakily.

In semicircles he silently painted small patterns with his thumb on her hand. Her quickening breath tickled the soft spot above his collarbone. Then he brought the joined hands to his mouth and pressed little kisses on hers before he pressed it to his cheek. Slowly Charlotte opened her eyes and looked at him. 

A quick glance to her lips. Moving slowly back across her blushed cheeks to her heavy eyes. There he searched for a question he already knew the answer to. And she moved toward him before he claimed her lips.

Sliding her hand up his neck as slowly as he buried his in her hair. The arm he had wrapped around her grew so strong that she was pressed so tightly against his side that he could feel the slight dampness of her clothes through his shirt.

Expectantly, her lips reached for his. Slowly he laid a path with warm small kisses over her lips. Every little freckle he kissed all over her face. On her nose, and her cheeks, on her forehead. Oh, and there, right on the edge of her jaw. Ahh... he had to taste her lips again, she tasted so good. He just would not stop. It was like a rush. It got a little more as he pulled her even tighter and she turned so towards him that her leg suddenly lay over his.

The thought that flew through his head in a flash that she was almost sitting on his lap made him hold her even closer.

Shocked over his strong firm muscles of his legs below hers, she briefly gasps for air. He took the opportunity and let his hungry mouth wander over her cheek, along her jaw, just below her ear. He pressed his lips there and sipped tenderly on the delicate skin. Until Charlotte sighed almost painfully.

Emptiness. 

Sidney had turned his body away from her, breathing heavily. His eyes seemed almost black, like dark rain clouds just before a wild storm, piercing deep in her soul.

"Forgive me."

Charlotte could only shake her head lightly, there was nothing to forgive. It had been marvellous. She wanted to do it again, but Sidney, clenching his teeth, got up and turned his back to her.

"l... um... lost myself. I'm afraid."

"It was ... beautiful." her voice a hoarse whisper that sent a shiver down his spine.

He looked at her over his shoulder. His cheeks were blushed too and this smile he threw at her was even more beautiful. Nodding, he walked a few steps and scooped some of the dripping water. He drank it and washed his face. He really had to have better control of himself. But how could he do that? She was already standing behind him and pushed herself past him to get to the water as well. She really stood too close. 

"I... well... I think I'll... erm... go and wash over there."

He pointed to the opposite side of their little green shelter, where on a somewhat steeper rock the water was still falling slowly but more than on the side where they were.

"Oh yes I..."

His desperate look irritated her, had she done something wrong?

"I also want to…."  
"It's too cold."  
"I don't care."

The muscle in his jaw twitched again.

"Good."  
"You first then me?" she asked and he nodded silently and climbed over some roots and prominent rocks.

Of course she knew that he expected her to turn around and she did. Sitting on the rock at the puddle with her back to him. Her heartbeat normalized and her shaky fingers seemed to obey her again. That kiss! She heard him moaning softly and she could not help turning her head in his direction.

Already he had his shirt off. His muscular back that resembled in a V. The broad shoulders. The muscles that danced under his skin as he freed himself from his trousers. The injury on his back was now yellowish coloured, but that was not what attracted her attention. It was further down. The shapely round cheeks of his backside that merged into shapely slim legs. Charlotte had never seen a naked man before. The sight of him left her breathing heavily. She wished he would turn around so she could see... oh. Quickly she turned away. Had he just caught her staring at him? Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest again. His look had been so... not angry no... More... invitingly? Did he want her to look at him?

Secretly, she dared to take another look in his direction. Her breath was quick and her throat was dry. If she dared…. Should she? Very quickly, she turned around and back again. As if she had not dreamed about his body already, which had confused her immensely. In her dream he was next to her or more...above her and touching him was...exciting and yet she could not be sure. How would it feel? But seeing him like that and being somehow ashamed and desperately wanting him to turn to her was so confusing. What exactly did she want? 

"Hey."

Startled, she froze. Now did he stand behind her... naked? Should she take a look? Briefly she closed her eyes

"It's very cold."  
"Alright."  
"But it feels good, and yes... erm... if you want to try..."  
"Yes." 

But that would mean he would also see her naked... should she leave her undergarment on? Or would he turn away, like she did?

Sidney felt her insecurity, even though he had felt her gaze resting on his body, he thought he understood how intimidating it must be for a young lady.

"I can explore the surroundings..."  
"No!" she cried. "No, I mean... you said that... I mean..."

"I know." Gently he touched her on her shoulder.  
"I'm not going anywhere unless you send me away."

Relieved she nodded and then slowly stood up. She did not dare look at him and kept her eyes closed. It was too embarrassing for her that he knew that she had looked at him. Charlotte opened the bag and took out one of the blankets. Then she walked the same way Sidney took before and slowly started to open her dress. Sidney took a quick look in her direction and saw how she struggled to undo the buttons on her back. Although he would have loved to help her, he stayed where he was. After all she had been through, he did absolutely not want her to do anything here, just because the rush of emotions and the escape and this magical place seemed to demand it. No, they should both take a short refreshment and try to rest. If Martha really managed to bring them Flash tonight, she should be rested before heading home.

"Oh, cold, cold, cold." 

Charlotte moaned for a moment and then she laughed. The urge to turn around was so strong that it really caused him pain. But unlike her, he resisted the urge to stare at her. His wife. What he had seen of her so far already drove him mad. He took a deep breath. Just one glance? A little peek? No. No. No.

"Oh it was wonderful Sidney!" 

She cried and he heard it rustle behind him, probably dressing up, and he sat there straight and stiff.

"Could you?" she asked breathlessly and he looked up at her.  
"Oh...well, sure."

The button facing of the green dress she had put on was not only long, but she had also not managed to close the too small buttons properly. Some were still open others were buttoned wrong.

"Alright." Swallowing, he began his work.

It was impossible to avoid touching her or the thin fabric of her undergarment. Sidney bit his lip. And so did she. The light pulling and pushing on the fabric, his warm breath tickled her neck. She shivered slightly as he grabbed her wet hair and shoved it over her shoulder. He could not resist the urge to touch her. Almost imperceptibly light he let his fingers run over her shoulder to the curve of her neck. The skin under his fingertips was cool. The hot path reached deep into her body as he continued his way. His fingers stopped at the vertebrae sticking out of her dress.

As he came closer to inhale her, the call of her honey skin overwhelmed him, and he pressed a tender kiss to the spot between her shoulders. Charlotte gasped for breath. But to show him she liked it, she leaned closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her, and she held them tight. He kissed her again at the same spot. There, oh, that beauty spot needed his attention too... Tasting carefully, he sipped here and there.

The sound of her trembling breath mingled with the sounds of the world around them. The running water, the sound of the breeze blowing through the trees. The rustling and crackling of the small animals.

Stronger he pulled her to him and pressed his chin on her shoulder.

"Are you hungry?"  
"No."  
Even though she felt something like hunger, it was not her stomach that was craving food, it was deeper in her belly, and it was very strange. Maybe the lack of sleep.

"You'd better get some sleep now."  
"I only want to sleep with you."

At the last moment he turned the sound he made into a slight cough so she would not notice he was completely out of control.

She meant it completely innocently, he knew that, but his head was flooded with other pictures and he should really stop coming so close to her and kiss her like that. Oh, this beautiful smooth and silky skin... Ahh. Sidney wondered if she was soft and smoothly everywhere. He would love to feel, and smell and taste every inch of her. How would she react to his touch? Oh, he just should stop it. Stop it!

"Come."

They went back into the tunnel. Not far, but there was a little niche there that might be good for sleeping. 

One of the blankets he spread out of the damp floor, the bag and her dress serving as a pillow, and he covered her with his coat, which Martha had fortunately also packed. 

"Please stay."

She held his hand as if she were truly afraid he would leave her alone. Even if he had no intention of leaving her, the slightly fearful tone in her voice shows that she was able to suppress the fear and think practically, but of course she needed time to process it all. And so did he.

"Of course."

He lay down beside her so that they looked at each other and she put the coat over him as well and he pulled out the second blanket and wrapped it around her. She moved closer. Nestled her head under his chin and he put his strong arm around her. His other hand clasped hers and she reached for his shirt collar. Needed to feel his warmth. 

Charlotte felt comfortable in the warm cocoon of his embrace and soon drifted into a sleep-like state. But she always startled again and searched for his eyes.

"I'm here," he reassured her.  
"I'll be here when you wake up."  
"Promise me."  
"I promise."

And he kept his promise. He had not even taken his eyes off her. For hours he lay there like that, painting her features with delicate fingers and his eyes. Every freckle, every dimple was now irretrievably burned into his brain. Her light honey scent mixed with the damp but fresh scent of the forest. Now and then she twitched in her restless sleep. What she must have gone through! The fear she must have felt. He was so sorry and yet he had been powerless. He hoped she could forgive him.

Pulling her even closer, she snuggled up to him so that he could feel every curve of her soft body. Caressing her hair. First lovingly and very gently, so as not to wake her, then with an unforgivable urgency. He never wanted to be without her, never even a day away from her. As much as he hated what had happened, he was grateful that he had gone to London instead of Tom. It seemed like years, but it was only a few weeks.

As she softly said his name, he pressed a desperate kiss into her hair.

"I am here," he whispered. 

And she stopped shivering. In her restless sleep. Calm breaths tickled his skin. Her hand was still clawed in the neckline of his shirt. Then suddenly a fingertip lightly brushed across his heated skin. 

"Sidney?"

"I'm here," he whispered again. "Don't worry, I'm here."

"I must..." her voice was so weak.

"What?" He did not know for sure whether she was awake or still asleep. 

Slightly he separated from her so that he could look her straight in the face. Her eyes were closed and she clung to him again.

Charlotte inhaled his scent, which gave her strength, but she still could not say the words. They lay heavy on her lungs, yet she felt them on her so violently that they almost suffocated her. She took three deep breaths. She had to tell him, he had to know.

"I wanted to tell you...I..."

Steps. 

They echoed in the darkness of the cave. Sidney jumped up immediately and stood tall and broad. His wide shoulders seemed to grow wider with each breath and his hands clenched into fists. 

"Are you here?" asked a frightened voice.

Martha. She was here.


	17. Buchanan Falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martha has some news about Specter, a plan and a warning for them.   
> Charlotte discovers some confusing emotions, and Sidney tries to control himself...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and feeling my story.
> 
> At first I thought it would be the first chapter without tears, but somehow I can't write this story without.

"Martha!" cried Charlotte and jumped up to meet her friend, to hug her. Martha broke away and shone her candle in Charlotte's face.

"Are you all right, my little lady?"  
Charlotte nodded before all three went out into the clearing. 

"Did anyone follow you?" Sidney asked anxiously.  
"No." she grinned at him, shaking her head.   
"How can you be so sure?"  
"No one is looking at me."   
"They know you're friends." He looked briefly at Charlotte.

"Yes, and officially you two are still in your room."  
"How can that be?" Charlotte pulled the cape tighter around her shoulders. It was cold.

"Well," Martha began her story, "I've taken over your shift and I told you weren't feeling well." She smiled at them alternately.   
"It's not unusual for you to be in ...other circumstances."

"Oh." 

Charlotte took her friend's candle because she wanted to hide her face. Why the heat was getting to her cheeks she was unable to say exactly, but she was sure it had something to do with Sidney, whose burning gaze she could feel on her back.

"Gerry has taken over your shift because you have to look after your sick wife," she continued and Sidney smiled at her, although he asked in disbelief.

"And Specter believed you?" 

"Specter?" Martha laughed puffing "he doesn't notice anything right now anyway."  
"What do you mean?"  
"He was found unconscious this morning in the ‘bath sheds’." She grinned.

Charlotte gasped for breath.   
"Oh God, I did that!"

Even though that man was a disgusting creep, she could not bear to have hurt anyone like that. Sidney looked at her, how could she be so... so... sweet?

"No dear, it was someone else." Martha laughed mutely and her eyes drifted into the distance. "Someone with strength and a hard object." She looked at Sidney and nodded at him. 

"Maybe somebody who can box and just happened to have a plank." She shrugged her shoulder as if she really did not seem to mind. Understandable, looking at it more closely.

"Gerry!" Cold fear for the nice man grabbed Sidney and he shook his head over this silliness.

"But now you're in trouble!" he and Charlotte cried out in unison and their eyes locked for a moment. Charlotte's voice vibrated with fear.

"You must get out of there!"

"It was dark and he can't remember." Martha shrugged again like it was no big deal.

"Are you sure you weren't followed?" Sidney asked again.  
"Yes, because everybody's celebrating."  
"Celebrating that Specter..." that little wrinkle between Charlotte's eyebrows distracted Sidney briefly, without thinking, he ran his finger across it. They smiled at each other.

"Of course. Everyone can rest from his tyranny for a few hours." Martha patted Charlotte's hand. "Even if tomorrow, they'll turn on each other again and go back to work." 

She stood up and sighed.

"Today the guards and the poor devils celebrate and drink together and forget for a few hours the sadness that is their life."

Charlotte's eyes filled with tears of compassion.

"Join us." her voice was just a breath.  
"No, little lady." Martha lovingly stroked Charlotte's cheek. "I have to go back and blow out the candle in your room so they'll think you're still there."  
"But..."  
"But nothing. I know what I'm doing..." she gave Charlotte a map. "And I have a few loose ends to tie up." She smiled.

"Martha." Sidney's voice had taken on a definite tone. "If you and Gerry ever need anything, please write... or come..."

Now, shaking her head, she stroked Sidney's face.

"My dear boy... you can't save us all."  
"But we can try." Charlotte replied, stretching her chin forward.

Martha looked at her in wonder, and in the little flickering light of the candle Charlotte saw tears glistening in Martha's old eyes. Martha cleared her throat.

"Listen," she spread the map out on the rock where Charlotte had held her feet in the cold water, hours before and took the candle from Charlotte.   
"I have marked out for you the route to the harbour."

"Further north?" Thinking, Sidney looked at the map and followed the painted route with his finger.  
"Yes, 'Port Buchanan'." She nodded and told Sidney.  
"Come now, your horse stands alone in the forest."

Fully aware of his promise to Charlotte, he just held out his hand and smiled down at her. They followed Martha out through the tunnel and climbed down the slippery slope in the darkening evening sky. Sidney walked down the steps backwards to keep an eye on Charlotte, who reassured him several times that she had no need of his help.

"Thanks you, but I know what I'm doing."

He could hardly see her smile in the dark, but he heard it in her voice.

"I just don't want you to get hurt."  
"I know," she held his arm "but climbing around in the dark is my middle name, so to speak." She giggled briefly.

Sidney shook his head in amusement and looked forward to hearing more of this story.

They could already hear a horse's restless snort, when they stepped into the dark forest and Charlotte's heart opened up when she saw the warmth, with which Sidney greeted his horse.

"And don't forget," Martha pointed out, "the boat leaves every Thursday."  
"We can make that distance in two days, so we'll definitely make it by Thursday." Sidney announced and Martha just smiled.

"Don't underestimate the magic of this place." she leaned closer to Charlotte.   
"Men get very romantic here." 

She glanced briefly at Sidney, who freed Flash from the saddle.   
"Be careful not to lose yourself."

"No, we're not letting us out of sight." Charlotte reassured her.

"In your love, I meant." 

Then she gave Charlotte a little kiss on the cheek, which was burning, although Charlotte still had no idea what was meant, and looked at her friend questioningly. 

"There are little cottages along the way." Martha's eyes drifted away again and she smiled sadly, "Maybe our Kate is still standing."

"Martha," Charlotte took the older woman's hand so empathetic "what happened back then?"

"I'll tell you," she nodded energetically, "when we meet again."

Charlotte was sure at that moment that these were not just empty words and nodded confidently. Martha took the candle from Charlotte and lit it with hers. Then she turned around, took a few steps into the dark forest. Suddenly she disappeared into the woods without the smallest sound. Sidney moved closer to Charlotte and took her hand, looking in the direction Martha had vanished. Through the dense cover of the forest he was unable to see even the faint glow of the candle she was carrying. It was as if she had never been here.

After they had stayed with Flash for a while, they led him a little further away from the roaring water and closer to the other side of the rock. Even though they were unable to climb up there, they could keep a better eye on him from the small clearing. Sidney tied him very loosely to one of the thinner trees and then grabbed Charlotte's hand as they walked back. The thundering water sprayed the soft mist and in the light of the silvery moon it seemed as if little silver lights were dancing around Charlotte who was trying to protect the small flickering flame of the candle in her hand. Sidney took it from her and placed it on one of the ledges. Then he reached out his hand as if to ask her to dance and she let hers slide into his so slowly that it was almost more intimate than the kiss they had shared earlier.

The sound of her soft laughter as he pulled her closer, the rushing water resembled the rhythm of his heart. Enveloped in the darkness of the night under a starry sky, Charlotte could barely recognize his face, so she tenderly let her fingers wander over his shoulder to his neck and than linger on his face. 

Slowly they moved in a tight circle around each other. His warm hand pressed into the small of her back and she leaned even closer against him. Her breast was pressed against his chest and he did never even lose her gaze. Even slower than the rhythm their feet followed, he leaned his forehead against hers and Charlotte closed her eyes as they touched and took a deep breath.

His hand on her back stroked slowly upwards, as if Sidney was memorizing every single vertebra with each of his fingers. Until he drove under her heavy damp hair and his cool fingers pressed lightly into the soft skin of her neck. Charlotte sighed and let her eyes shut, she shivered by the feeling of his fingers, which seemed to write whole sentences into her sensitive skin. Letting her head drop into his hand and longed so much for his lips that the shame drove the heat into her cheeks. In her head she begged him to kiss her.

But Sidney did not, but observed her features as far as he could see in the pale light of the night. He wanted to whisper to her how much he longed to kiss her, but maybe she would not have heard it in the noise. So he had to surrender to his fate and showed her. 

Warm and soft his lips lay on hers and Charlotte slid her hand into his neck. She had to hold him tight so he would not stop again. Even though she was still standing upright, she somehow let herself fall and he held her with one hand, while he pressed her hand to his heart and sipped gently on her lips. He was not allowed to get any wilder, but he just could not kiss her. All he needed was her, his air to breathe. Sighing he gently pushed her lips apart with his, was he allowed to…? Just once he wanted to taste her...but no, no! This was not the right place.   
But he could not resist the urge to slightly suck on her upper lip instead. Charlotte sighed at this overwhelming feeling and sank into it. Every thought was whirling around in her head. Softly he detached himself from her and looked into her eyes. They seemed black at this mystical light. Then he leaned in and whispered in her ear.

"We should go up." He cleared his throat.

Charlotte shivered slightly as his breath tickled her neck. Unable to answer, she just nodded, although she was also kind of disappointed that he apparently enjoyed kissing her not as much as she did. Shame overcame her that she had refused to stop and she let her hand slip down from him. And she tried to pull her hand away from his heart as well, but he still held it tight. He smiled.

He had to protect her and was not allowed to become inattentive. He had to control himself, to wait until they were somewhere really safe. Lovingly he caressed her cheek. She aroused so many feelings in him, with only one kiss that he was afraid to forget himself.

"Forgive me," he whispered.

Searching his gaze in the darkness, still unable to speak, she was also not sure if she had heard his words correctly with the roaring noise of the waterfall. Maybe she had just imagined it. Slowly she walked to the ledge and took the candle. Since she had to protect the flame from the water particles, she could not take his hand. But he wrapped an arm around her waist and led her carefully to the ascent. 

No sooner had they arrived on the platform than he took her hand and a moment later the drops flying around turned off the flame. But Charlotte knew the way. She pushed the extinguished candle to him and took his hand. Through the darkness she led him until they reached the sleeping place. There she let go of his hand and stood still.

"Would you like something to eat?" he asked concerned, she had not eaten very much, since they arrived.  
"No, I am not hungry." 

Even if it cried out deep in her stomach for something she was unable to really understand. Well, yeah of course she had an idea, but how could she tell him that? That she was hungry... for him?

Sidney feared he had overwhelmed her with his affection as he heard her trembling voice. 

"I'm sorry."  
"For what?"

He felt how she was still standing with her back to him and he went one step closer. 

"That I can hardly contain myself when we're... when we're... erm... close."

She turned her head towards him and she felt his breath on her temple. Tenderly, he touched her hand and Charlotte closed her eyes. Slowly he pushed his fingers into hers and Charlotte was powerless as she leaned back a little. It was as if her body was doing it without her permission. As if it craved his warmth.

"I... erm... I know I shouldn't do it, not here and..."

But the rest of the sentence, stuck in his dry throat, as she led the intertwined fingers to her middle and held them there with her other hand.

"Hold me." 

Her voice was barely louder than the distant rushing of the water on the other side of the rock, and Sidney was so happy that she allowed him again to hold her. He wrapped his arm around her and put his head on her shoulder.

The pleasant weight of his head on her shoulder showed Charlotte that he needed her closeness as much as she needed his. The tingling and warmth that flowed through her body lulled her. She realized how exhausted she still was.

"We should sleep," she said rationally, though she wanted him not to let go.

He nodded at her shoulder, but instead of letting go immediately, he pressed his nose to her neck as if he was inhaling her scent, what he did, and then the sensation of his soft lips on her skin. Shivering she gasped and it sounded like a sigh.

Her pulse was vibrating under his lips. He sipped lightly on it and her soft moaning passed through him like a warm lightning bolt, in regions he was not yet ready to introduce her. He should hold back, but he could not. Slowly he pushed his fingers higher, he wanted to touch her. But no, he strengthened his hold on her instead and kissed her neck until she turned to him and he could finally claim her lips the way he wanted to. Oh, it was overwhelming. Her lips so soft and…. And how she responded! He wanted to lose himself in her and pulled her closer. Her moaning grew louder. And he opened his eyes and searched for her gaze.

Oh.

Looking at the rocky wall in front of him, he jumped up. He had dreamed... and what a dream it was! 

Disguised, he ran his hands over his face and through his hair and turned around.   
Wrapped up in his coat, breathing calmly, one hand stretched out to him, she lay there. Next to him, or more behind him in all her beautiful innocence and he was ashamed of his dreams. 

After he had regained control of himself again, he lay down and looked at her. The silvery moonlight made everything seem so unreal. Carefully he stroked a curl of hair from her forehead. She moved slightly and her face seemed to reach for his fingers. He then lowered his hand onto hers and she seemed to smile in her sleep. He longed to be home with her. And where might that be? Would she want to live in Sanditon? Or rather near her parents? While he thought about these questions, he sank back into sleep.

"Richard Specter." He said his own name to the horse blacksmith, who was always looking out for injured people as well.

He was asked his birthday and his mother's name. And what his profession was. Well, that wasn't easy to name, really, because he did so many things. Specter was annoyed, sat up and a throbbing pain flashed trough him. He sank back into his pillows. Who had done this to him? He shouted at the blacksmith and demanded an explanation.  
But the guy was not afraid of him. Never had been, as he had neither debt with 'The Hall' or anything else to do with this place. They sent for him when they needed him, which was not often.

"Mr Specter, as far as I can see, you have a laceration on your forehead, and one at your temple and a huge bump on the back of your head."

"I know that!" Roared Specter, but his loud voice hurt all the more in his own head. But the blacksmith continued unimpressed.

"That is the reason you remember nothing. No idea if the memory is coming back." 

He shrugged and made ready to leave, but looked at Specter with raised eyebrows and expectant eyes. The guy wanted his payment! It was an impertinence that he asked for anything in return, but Specter didn't want to have any more trouble with the guy and said in a weak voice.

"On the desk."

The blacksmith walked over, took the money he was owed, showed it to him and tapped on his forehead to say goodbye and then wished Specter a speedy recovery before his trip.

"What trip?" Specter asked, alarmed that he had really forgotten something important.

"There's a letter."   
"Give it to me."

The blacksmith took it and gave it to Specter, but he could not read the letter, his vision kept blurring. But not to be exposed to the annoying guy, he refused to admit it he just nodded.

"Fine." 

The door slammed shut. And Specter was alone. He rang the bell. Finally he wanted breakfast. But nothing happened. Nothing. He rang it a second time. And another. But no one came.

The faint light of the early morning made the tunnel look all grey as he woke up again and before he looked over to her, he already felt the loss.

Charlotte was gone. 

In panic he jumped up and ran out into the small clearing. The pale light of the morning penetrated the dense green of the trees. He ran back into the cave and groped blindly through the tunnel. Scared, his heart beat as fast as his feet made him slide over the plateau and down the slippery steps. The roaring water swallowed his call for her and he ran around the pool.

What? 

There lay her green dress. Was she swimming in the icy cold water? It was dangerous!

His gaze searched the surface of the water, where was she? His heart was beating up to his neck when he saw her.

Like that time in Sanditon by his secret cliff, he saw her. She floated in the light green water. The black veil of her hair whirled around her head. The white of her undergarment floated around her, she looked exactly like the magical creature he thought she was. Her arms moved like soft flaps of wings, her bare legs floated unmoved. He swallowed at the sight of the thin cloth clinging to her delicate curves.… and the dark shadow further below.

Damn, she was so beautiful. Beautiful and unaware of her power over him! He could hardly breath and turned around, he did not want her to catch him staring at her.

Cold. Cold water got him. Had she just splashed cold water on him? He turned to her slowly. Only her head was sticking out of the water. She was smiling and thought she was protecting herself from his gaze but the water was so clear and he clenched his jaw and forced himself to only stare at her face.

"Please come out, it's too cold!"

Without another word she swam back to shore and how she could glide so smoothly through the cold water was a mystery to him. He hoped she would not get sick!

When she arrived, he held the blanket stretched out in front of him so she could immediately mumble into it and it also served a bit of a screen so he would avoid being tempted to look at her. Breathlessly she climbed out of the water.

"In my dream, the water was somehow warmer." 

He swallowed she had had a dream as well?  
"Did you splash me there too?" They took a quick look at each other.  
"Yes."

Charlotte blushed furiously and could not shake the feeling that he had seen through her. But she would never tell him what a strange and yet beautiful dream it had been. 

They had kissed and she had been allowed to touch him as she had wished the day before. In the water, in very warm water. And it was such a beautiful and also confusing dream. When she woke up, she had felt a bit dizzy and yet good, and so warm…and strangely enough it had hurt... not only in her stomach, but also her breasts. It was very, very disturbing. Not really disturbing, but rather confusing and kind of embarrassing, and yet it had been so amazingly beautiful. 

Charlotte had shyly looked at Sidney who was asleep. His features were relaxed, he looked young and beautiful and his warm hand clutched hers. The feelings inside her were bubbling up again, the heat spread in her chest and all she could think of was, that she needed a cool down in the clear water.

Sidney turned his gaze away from her so that she would not feel uncomfortable. But that was apparently not the case. She took the blanket and then turned her back to him and a moment later, he saw the undergarment fall to the ground. 

So she was naked. Still with the blanket around her, but... she was basically naked in front of him. Damn! Swallowing his hand was already reaching for her, when a crackling sound in the woods behind them made Sidney spin around.

Anderson stood annoyed in front of Specter and told him once again that he was expected in London in two days, at the residence of Mr Hall. 

"But why?"  
"I don’t know."  
"But it has something to do with the repaid debts of a certain Tomas Parker?"  
"Yes, it's written here." Anderson had to control himself not to laugh.

Anderson took great pleasure in seeing Specter so helpless. Apparently, he couldn't see properly either, or he would not have told him to read aloud. An idea formed in his head to use this somehow in his favour.

"Then get the carriage ready, or I won't make it."

Anderson smiled as he left the room. Richard Specter was afraid of Mr Hall. Very afraid. He had already taken too many liberties and determined too many things for himself. That was the reason they were here, in this desolate place. But after what he had done this time, Specter should be much more afraid.

No sooner had Anderson left the building than he ran to John to tell him the latest news. But as both had suffered enough under Specter, they decided to have a little whiskey. And a second one. And after the little redhead had made beautiful eyes at him, John got up and disappeared with her.

No one was in a hurry today, really no one. And that is why Anderson was in no hurry to do his job. He then went to the stables annoyed to get the carriage ready. Since he didn't feel like doing everything alone, he called the first man he met to help him.

"Hitch up the horses, he needs the carriage."  
"For when?" the old man asked anxiously.  
"Well, now, you fool." 

Oh, it felt good to call people names, Anderson grinned. He could get used to this.

Sidney’s heart thumped violently in his chest. A thousand different scenarios played out in his head in a flash. He cursed inwardly that it must be exactly now, when she was not even dressed. Hopefully Specter was not there! That would be a catastrophe.

"Don't be scared." Charlotte reassured him whispering, "It's only a deer." 

They stood very still and did not move. Sidney could only let out a breath of relief when he saw the shy animal slowly approaching and searching the forest floor for food. Sidney felt Charlotte trembling with cold next to him, although she tried to hide it, of course. He saw her gritting her teeth and he just could hardly wait any longer. Turning to her, he shook his head but then took her in his arms and rubbed her back and arms to keep her warm.

"You must get dressed and make sure you stay warm."

Charlotte was just able to nod. Her hands were cold, so Sidney picked up the bundle of clothes and Charlotte's cheeks glowed, at the thought of him picking up her wet undergarment as well.

A little later she leaned warmly muffled in his coat, against his back and let herself be carried away by the gentle movements into an intermediate state between waking and sleeping. Charlotte was convinced that not only the fabric but also his warm wooden scent warmed her. And his hand, which held her two pressed to his belly while they made their way through the dense forest on Flash. 

Although she was of course glad that they were now on their way home, she was still somehow sad that they left this beautiful place. It had been magical and everything that had happened there. She pressed her face harder into his back and Sidney took her hand and pressed a kiss on it. 

As soon as the forest cleared and they came to a sandy path, he leaned back to her and whispered in this low voice, which send a shiver down her spine.

"Hold on to me."

And then he spurred on Flash. The wind ruffled her hair and her legs ached after a while, it has been a while since she rode that fast and that long. But in a way, it was also good. It was like she was leaving the darkness and finally stepping into the light.

"What's the matter?" Martha asked as she saw Gerry walking in a quiet pace in front of the stables. 

"He needs the carriage," he nodded at his old friend.   
"Is everything working out fine?" she asked, but Gerry’s face was pulled into a grimace, and at the very next moment she knew why.

"Parker's horse is gone!" yelled Anderson.  
"What?" Gerry acted surprised.  
"Where could they have gone?" he looked at Martha.   
"You!" he pointed his finger at her "You said she was sick."

"She was, she threw up..."  
"Damn it!" 

Anderson didn't know what to do. Specter certainly knew not yet. He couldn't really remember anything anyway. But what if he remembered them? Her. The little dove? 

Anderson did really not want to mess with Specter, on the other hand, he would be in London first. And who knew for how long? It was a tricky situation. The debt of Tomas Parker was paid. They would have had to let them go anyway. But they had just run away. Specter hated that. But should he care? 

Gerry, who saw Anderson's dilemma, said casually, 

"When Specter is gone, will you be the new man in charge?"

Anderson nodded, because only John would be accompanying Specter.

"Then the question is," Gerry made an artificial pause and chose his words wisely.   
"What kind of man do you want to be?"


	18. on the road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Specter is on his way to London and is beginning to remember...
> 
> Charlotte and Sidney are on their way to the (hopefully) safe haven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had hoped to give you an update two days ago, but I didn't make it between goodbye parties in kindergarten, school and my husband's birthday.
> 
> But I hope I made up for it with the scenes between the two in love.

Although they got away later than planned, they made good progress. At some point Flash needed a break and Sidney jumped off before reaching out to Charlotte and lifting her down. The sensation of their proximity made him hold her for a moment longer. They lost themselves in their eyes and Charlotte's wandered briefly to his lips, on which a magical smile spread. But Flash seemed annoyed and snorted in their direction.

Charlotte laughed. She took off his coat and put it on a tree stump. With Flash by her side, she walked to the creek that was rippling weakly here again and knelt in the grass. The green of her dress and the landscape around her almost made her disappear. The cold water was refreshing as she washed her face and neck with it. Sidney watched her, lost in thought, as she stroked back her hair with her wet fingers and laid her head back in the neck to be tickled by the late afternoon sun.

After Sidney had freed the horse from the saddle, they let him graze alone and walked a little further through the high grass, which rustles slightly in the wind. For a moment Charlotte could have forgotten that it was not a pleasant walk with her husband. Husband. The feeling in her stomach warmed her cheeks that she had just cooled off. And she looked over at him for a moment, as he walked beside her. His eyes wandering attentively in all directions. The troubled furrow between his brows, the long curved eyelashes. His features nevertheless relaxed. The upright posture, that of a proud warrior from a long forgotten time. Prudent to react at all times. So as not to lose herself completely in the daydream about him, she looked at the map Martha had given them and began to look around. 

"This is where the kate should be." 

Charlotte noticed and blinked into the setting sun. Sidney looked at her worried because she was unable to hide the slight trembling in her voice. 

"Maybe we've gone too far." He kept looking around.

"No, there's the rock and the split tree." 

She pointed to the map where Martha had painted the tree and then to the edge of the woods where the big beech tree stood with its split trunk. Sidney looked for her gaze, she held her hand over her mouth but could not suppress the deep sob. Quickly he put his hand to her face and pulled her to his chest.

"It's so... sad."  
"Yes, it is."  
"They didn't... they didn't make it," she cried and Sidney closed his eyes.

He could not bear that she was crying, but what could he say? The emotions got to him too, it was just so incredibly sad. There was nothing he could say. Lovingly he stroked her hair and swayed her a little back and forth until she sniffed determinedly and broke away from him.

"Forgive me."  
"There's nothing to forgive." He lovingly stroked her cheek.

She looked at him slyly and then immediately lowered her eyes again.

"Now you take me for a silly, crying girl."

Laughing briefly, he assured her.  
"Believe me, this is really the last thing I would ever think of you." 

"Yes?" she asked incredulously.  
"Yes!" his look was...something else and the slight shiver that ran through Charlotte made her ask. "What do you think of me?"

Puffing, he looked up into the sky for a moment to gather himself before his intense gaze sank into her eyes.

"You are brave and beautiful," he paused and strengthened the hold on her face "smart, sweet and...strong." He looked at her lips, which had opened slightly in amazement, and the pictures of the morning at the waterfall flooded his thoughts. Her curves!  
"And so damned sensual..." Oh, he didn't actually say that? No! Was she shocked?

Charlotte sucked in the air like she was trying to talk back. He felt the heat in her cheek, her eyes fluttering. Yet she seemed to lean closer, her breath quickened. Sidney tilted his face towards hers, tried to hold back, but leaned closer. And then he could no longer hold on to himself.

Pulling her to him, he captured her mouth. His hand held her head in place and his other hand clawed into the fabric of her dress at her waist. Sighing, she surrendered and sank into him. Her fingernails scratched him slightly as she strengthened her grip on his shirt. Nibbling and slightly sucking, he made his way over her lips, and when a groan escaped her, his hand slipped on her back and pushed her even closer.

As if she had spun around in circles too quickly, Charlotte felt dizzy. It was important not to lose her footing. She pushed both arms around him and pressed herself even tighter against him. Hot floods were running through her body, threatening to burn her. Tingling in her stomach and deeper. And the little pain there. 

It was like after her dream. Shame and the urge for...for more... more Sidney made her sob as he slowly separated from her. But instead of loss, she felt his lips on her cheek, slowly…and under her ear. She heard herself gasping for breath. It was tingling there so intensely that she was not sure whether she wanted him to stop or to continue.

And then his stubble, which was no longer stubble, but rather a beard scratched her sensitive skin. She could not help but longed for that pain. But no! He became gentle... what was he doing? Oh, the pain became a new sensation. Something soft stroked it so tenderly that she almost burst into tears again. Was it his...tongue? Was that even allowed to do?

It was an agonizing torture, and she wished it would never stop. Still nothing could be done to stop her from shaking uncontrollably. Charlotte strengthened her grip on him, squeezing his back and tugged at his shirt. She had no idea what she wanted or what was happening to her, but she wanted only this. The greed for him almost devoured her.

Far away Sidney heard an eagle screech. The rapid breathing of her at his ear. How she gasped for breath as he kissed her beauty spot on her shoulder. The wind rustled through the trees and whirled her hair. The honey scent on her neck mixed with the wooden smell of the forest near by. Slowly his lips stroked her collarbone. Her head fell to one side. Her breath trembled as he let his lips move back up her neck to her ear. The soft scratching of his beard against her tender skin made her whimper. He licked slowly across her pulse and she trembled and groaned, her fingers clawing painfully into his back. But she did not push him away. She pulled him closer.

Oh, God, what had he done? He had to stop! 

But… just once more... just for a moment... no! He had to control himself... She whimpered like she was in pain! Had he gone mad? The feeling to swim against the current, to resist, to fight against the undertow, he tried to get away from her. But she refused to let him.

She kissed him back.

Soft and, ahh... Sidney froze. Her lips, so perfect... Slow and gentle, like a soft touch. Like she was trying to trace his lips with hers. Gently she sipped at his lower lip and then let hers slide over it like a feather, light and tickling. She craned up and did the same with his upper lip. Sidney let it happen and could not help but hummed with pleasure as she moved closer to him. He could feel her everywhere. And it was such an amazing feeling.

Embarrassed that she would feel the extent of what they were doing, he leaned away from her and looked breathlessly into her face. Cheeks were magically blushing. She kept her eyes closed. Breathing heavily. 

How could he forget himself like that? Again!

His thumb stroked her swollen lips timidly. Her eyes fluttered open and the overflowing feelings were readable in them. Irritated by what was happening to her. The emerging desires that she had never experienced before. Feelings she had never known were whirling through her body. 

At the same time they breathed deeply in as she pressed her face into his chest. And her warm breath burned through the thin fabric of his shirt onto his heated skin.

"We should leave before it gets dark." His voice became soft. 

He longed to be alone with her… in a room. Not to… only just to get to know each other a little better. On one hand, he was really happy because the kate no longer existed. On the other hand... No, no, that was not supposed to happen! She deserved better.

"Please." Her voice was hoarse too, and the sound made his heart vibrate. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. 

"Can we stay here?"

And then she had the nerve to look at him! With that look… a look of love in her soul-deep eyes. He would have given her everything she would ask for. Everything and more. Sidney blinked and cleared his throat. 

"But here..." he let his eyes wander over the open green fields of the land, but he saw no hiding place, except the forest.

"What?" she asked boldly and nudged him on the shoulder, smiling.  
"Have you never slept outdoors, Mr Parker?"

He was lost! So lost. With no chance of ever coming back. To emerge from the intoxicating feeling of being with her. Charlotte was like the gentle yet roaring sea that swallowed him more with every wave. How she whispered his name. She looked at him as if she expected an answer.

"Hmm?"

"Come on." 

Then she went over to the split tree and he let her walk a few steps in front of him. He was sure she needed a moment alone after that... kiss. Because he also needed to... calm down.

Specter has never felt so powerless. Almost helpless. He didn't know who Tomas Parker was, but somehow the name sounded familiar. It had to be an important guy that he had to travel all the way to London for that. He just couldn't remember what he had allowed himself to do to this guy. Unfortunately, John was sitting on the coach box, but he urgently had to find out what was coming to him or much more what punishment he had to expect. The last time he had done something wrong he had been transferred to Scotland. Not only responsible for the proper running of the whiskey distillery, but also to search for debtors on the south coast if necessary. 

A sudden memory of the sea, a beach…a green meadow and a river…Specter shook his head. No, this can't fit. Beach or river. Not both! He had to look at a map when they made the next stop. It was important that he remembered how to defend himself. Or would he even get a promotion? Relief was building in him. That it would be! He had done a good job, so he was allowed to return to the capital. Ha! And he'd been worried about getting a reprimand.

After they made camp under the big tree and Charlotte took some food from the bag and spread it out on the blanket as if they were having a leisurely picnic, Sidney went over to Flash and gave him an apple. He kept looking back at Charlotte. 

Sidney watched her in admiration as she lit a small bonfire. After they sat down, she wrapped in his coat and he in one of the blankets, she eagerly told him about the first night she had spent outdoors with her father and the first night she had spent outdoors alone. The panic and fear she tried to suppress by doing difficult calculations in her head. She had talked herself to sleep with the memory of her favourite Greek myths and she told him how her mother almost fainted in shock, as dirty as her clothes and she was as she came back.

"She tore the dress off my body in the parlour and washed me in the yard outside." 

Charlotte laughed and was unable to interpret the look Sidney gave her. Was he shocked that she was as dirty as a brat or the way her mother had treated her?

"It wasn't so bad," she said, but Sidney just nodded. 

His head full of indecent thoughts… one included ripping off Charlotte' s dress. Again he cleared his throat, stood up and explained that he wanted to check on Flash again.

Horses' hooves stirred up the dust of the path as they were driven by their masters to run faster. They snorted and sweated. Faster. Faster! The day would soon be over. The night was already looming on the horizon. The surroundings rushed past them. Just like the hours. Time slipped through their fingers. Soon they had to rest. But they had to reach their destination before it was too late.

When Sidney came back, Charlotte looked at him with eyes wide with expectation. But he would not give in his desires again! No. Nothing would stop him from his iron will not to be lulled by the tragic romance of this place…and her. The sky was cloudless and later it was a starry night, but maybe it was because of their kiss earlier, which made both of them look forward to spend the night in each other's arms, but also make them fear, what would happen. Or it was because of the uncertainty whether they were haunted or not. Or just maybe it was that neither wanted to be the one to interrupt the wonderful conversation they shared.

As they starred into the crackling fire, which danced lightly in the wind, they told each other more adventures from their childhood.

Charlotte's eyes were wide open when Sidney told her about the trials his father had given him and his brother Tom. They had to compete in running, swimming, riding and maths. Though Diana, his older sister, was much better at it.  
His gaze was caught in the fire for a moment and Charlotte noticed of course that there were more stories, but he was not yet ready to share them. The memories were too painful. She stretched out her hand, took his hand and looked at it while stroking it.

"You can tell me whenever you want," her whispering faded in the darkness.

He smiled and told her silently, that some stories were just too sad. Therefore Sidney admired Charlotte's stories. The ones about nightly trips to the stable where she had secretly witnessed the birth of a foal, an open wound on her forehead when she fell from a tree, and about her breaking through the ice. Even though some of them were quite violent and frightening, which made him very cold. Charlotte told them all with a smile on her face. Glad that she got off so lightly, that she had never been seriously injured...although the break-in in the ice had already been dangerous for her life.

Sidney listened to her afraid and fascinated and she to him until the morning dawned and the fire slowly died down.

The sharp breeze of the morning took Mr Heywood quite by surprise when he got out of Parker's carriage. He breathed in the fresh sea air his wife had so raved about and closed his eyes briefly. Then he followed the footman into the drawing room where a tall man greeted him.

"Mr Heywood!" he shouted, "I'm so glad to finally meet you!"  
"I suppose you are Tom Parker?"  
"Yes, yes I am!" Tom was about to continue when Mr Heywood interrupted him.  
"Where are they?"  
"What do you mean...?"  
"My daughter and your brother?" Mr Heywood looked around the room as if he suspected they were in it.  
"I'm afraid they have not returned yet." Tom's face distorted as Mr Heywood stared at him with a piercing look.  
"Your debts are paid, where are they?"  
"They will be on their way." ...Tom surrendered sheepishly.

Mr Heywood wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. 

"It'll be alright," Tom said with a smile. "We've done all we can to get them out, it'll just take a few more days."

Astounded Mr Heywood starred at him.  
"As far as I can tell, you've done nothing!"

Tom froze and said nothing back. He knew Mr Heywood was right, but getting thrown in the face like that kind of hurt too. He was sure that Sidney would protect his wife, even though he had kept her a secret from the family, for whatever reason…. She was a nice young lady, interested in architecture, good with children. She made a reasonable impression. Everything would turn out fine. That was what he assured her father.

Mr Heywood was about to reply that he would challenge Tom to a duel if Charlotte did not return unharmed when Mrs Parker came in and interrupted the two men.

She inquired about Mrs Heywood, the family, and then, much to Tom's displeasure, asked all the details of what he had experienced in London with Lord Babington at 'The Hall'. Mary felt the pain of the man next to her and encouraged him to believe that they would return home safely. She then tried to change the subject and asked his opinion on where they would live.

"I'll take them with me, of course." He replied and Tom protested that he needed Sidney here in Sanditon.  
"I can't do all the work by myself!"

He fell silent as soon as Mr Heywood and Mary stared at him, Mary was shaking her head at her husband. An uncomfortable silence spread which was only broken when the children stormed into the room.

Mr Heywood had planned to stay at the hotel, but Mary had convinced him to stay with them. 

"We are family after all."

This statement warmed his heart and he hoped fervently that Charlotte and Mr Parker would return safely. And that they got along fine, that they would have the chance to be happy. Together.

The late midday sun shone almost brightly here and there through the treetops as the forest slowly cleared. The first seagulls seemed to want to greet them with their cries on the coast and Charlotte sucked in the salty air and closed her eyes with relish. Although she loved the resinous smell of the forest, the salty air of the coast was much more to her taste.

It took them another hour to reach the coastal town and both were happy when they could finally get off the horse. Fishermen and sailors walked around and didn't seem to really excite or interest the newcomers. When they arrived at the Inn, Sidney tied Flash up and waited for Charlotte, but she wanted to stand outside and sucked the salty air into her lungs as if she had been unable to breathe properly for days. She knew it reminded her of Sanditon, of Sidney's home. And although she found it so beautiful there, she had an incredible longing to go home to her parents, the farm, her siblings and the simple life there. The homesickness that she had not admitted that night caught her in a cold surprise. She wondered if Sidney would agree to spend a few weeks at her parents' home first. And what would happen afterwards? Where would they live? But before she could delve deeper into these thoughts he came back and smiled slightly.

"We can go to our room and in half an hour we'll have something to eat!" 

He gave the reins and some money to a stable boy and then pulled Charlotte into the Inn, up the stairs. The room was comfortable and, unlike their previous lodgings, clean. Charlotte went to the window, tore it open and enjoyed the sea air. She moaned with delight as Sidney hugged her from behind and put his head on her shoulder.

"We'll soon be through."  
"Yes. Thank you."

He turned her around in his arms and shook his head. 

"There's no need to thank me, Charlotte."  
"But you got me out of it..." pressing a finger to her lips, he interrupted her.  
"We did it together."

Charlotte nodded and leaned in closer as there was a knock at the door and two maids arrived. They brought fresh-smelling linen towels and several jugs of water. They mixed it in the washbowl and then left the room again without a word.

As if in a sudden rush, both began to unbutton their clothes and take them off. Without a word Charlotte turned her back to Sidney and he hastily unbuttoned her dress, which she dropped to the floor without further ado. Since she was not wearing a corset on their journey, she stood in front of him in a chemise and her petticoat. But Sidney only clenched his jaw and repressed the thought of it. He literally tore the shirt off his body, which was not fitting properly anyway, and then pushed her to the washstand. Charlotte scooped water and washed the dust and dirt off her face. Then she picked up her hair and twisted it into a big knot on the top of her head. She took one of the washcloths and washed her arms and neck. Sidney did the same. They dripped the ground and the water ran down their bodies. To give her as much privacy as possible, Sidney turned away from her so he would not have to look at her. He was afraid he would not be able to hold back when he saw her seductive curves so close in front of him. Through the thin fabric of her chemise, soaked with warm water.

He stiffened when Charlotte started washing his back. The desire to turn to her was almost overwhelming. Slowly she made the washcloth dance over his muscles and stopped only at the waistband of his trousers. Sidney wondered what she would do if he would remove all his clothes. His throat tightened, and all that came out was a scratchy sound.

"Now you."

As he turned around, he caught a little bit of her front. The fabric did not cling to her as much as when she was swimming, but still it made his blood boil. Maybe it was a bad idea after all.

He began to wash her neck and shoulders slowly, almost tenderly. With light fingers he pushed the garment off her shoulders. And his heart stopped for a moment when she suddenly reached for it and pulled it down her arms. Her slight trembling kept him from turning her around. He only had to use all his willpower to wash her back. Still he was unable to control himself completely. Sidney kissed her shoulder.

Charlotte breathed quickly and deeply as she felt his warm lips on her shoulder. His fingers danced light as a feather over the tingling skin of her back. With one finger he ran along her spine and there was nothing she could do about it. She trembled. Goose bumps spread out not only on her back. His fingers lingered on the edge of her petticoat. She wished and feared he would take it off from her. Calmly, she stood still. But his hands went up again. The sensation of his fingertips alternating with his fingernails made her shiver. She breathed in sharply as his big warm hands came to rest on her shoulders. His breath was tingling hot on her neck. Softly and warmly his lips lay at the place behind her ear.

It seemed to her as if he wanted to say something, but decided to keep it to himself. And the next moment she felt the loss of his closeness. When she dared to look in his direction she saw him put on a fresh shirt. It was his own that she recognized by the fact that it was long enough to cover his bottom as he freed himself from his trousers. Still, she got a glimpse of his backside as he bent down and pulled out another pair out of the bag.

Charlotte's focus seemed to be completely fixed on him and for a brief moment she completely forgot that she had not covered herself. Only the strange sound he made when he looked over his shoulder and immediately closed his eyes again reminded her of this. Suddenly he stood behind her again and handed her one of the towels.

Richard Specter had no memory of the 'little dove' John told him from. But what he had heard definitely sounded like him. A touch of concern washed over him when the thought seized him that maybe there was trouble because of it. Even if Mr Hall was not the nicest person on earth, and certainly not in London, one thing was particularly important to him. Respect for women. Even if it was hypocritical, after all, he did attend the auctions. 

But once a woman was married, she was the property of her husband. And even though you could argue and fight over everything else, and even steal it from them. A wife was out of the question. Specter spat out. Shit! The only hope was Mr Hall had not learned of it somehow... that would be his downfall.

After they had eaten, they went down to the harbour. The boat that would take them home, or at least close by, would not arrive until the evening. The long walk made them both feel like it was an excuse. An excuse to avoid going back to the room, although he had only been able to catch a glimpse of her left breast, Sidney could not forget the sight. His fingers yearned to touch her, though he had vowed not to come near her until they would be back home. 

At one point Charlotte in particular was too exhausted to go any further and they returned to the small hotel. They both hung on to their own thoughts. Longing for the lips of the other, they crept upstairs. Glances of expectation, red cheeks and beating hearts. No sooner they were in the room than one look was enough.

Charlotte tugged him by the arm and the next moment he already wrapped his arms around her and kissed her stormy. They stumbled against the locked door. After a while, Sidney parted from her lips and let his wander back over her face and neck. She could no longer control herself as he gently sucked at the point between her neck and shoulder. She pressed herself against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Then he lifted her a little and pressed her back against the door. Her little whining sound made him come to his senses again and he put her down on her feet. Kissing her more tenderly, he let his hands slide from her back to her waist. 

Forced to touch her, just a very little bit... his fingers got an idea of her curves as his fingertips touched slightly the base of her bosom. And instead of protesting, this sensation made her head fall to her neck. Sidney licked her neck and then kissed her in a stormy rush. The tip of his tongue dared to try her lips. A brutal shiver gripped her and she slipped away from his hands and lips. Only that brought him back. 

"Charlotte, forgive me," he took a step back and looked at her embarrassed.  
"Don't say that." Whispering she came towards him on wobbly knees.

She let herself fall against him as if she could no longer stand upright and they took each other tightly in their arms.

"We should go to bed."  
"Yes, you're right." Although just the thought of lying next to her, caused him almost physical pain.

No sooner had the horses been exchanged than they already drove on. Again and again Specter drifted into a restless sleep. Pictures of the 'bath sheds' from a boxing match and a dark haired woman kept waking him up. John's words resonated in him. He had annoyed the couple a little, but had not really hurt them. He hoped that this fact would be enough to save him from an ominous punishment. 

After all, it had been a means to an end to kidnap the woman so that Mr Hall could get his money back. If he had more time, he would pay a small visit to the town, but he had to postpone this to a later occasion. If there even was one.

Charlotte leaned against the railing of the boat and stared at the coast they were sailing along in the small ship. The sea fog gradually dissipated and the cool morning air made her realize that it was no dream. The breeze of the night still surrounded her and she had to smile as she thought about how she had awakened before. She blushed at the thought of what it would have been like, if Sidney had caught her doing it.

Lying on their sides, she awoke completely entangled with him. Her head nestled against his chest. Her leg placed over his hip. He had both arms wrapped around her as if he would never let her go and his fingers almost touched the side of her bosom. She turned slowly towards his hand, but disappointingly his hand just slipped from her body. Still she was ashamed, at the memory. 

But that had not been the most exciting thing! 

Only when she felt it, she had suddenly been wide-awake. One of her hands was firmly on one of his buttocks! She had been so frightened by the fact that she had jumped up so suddenly that Sidney woke up immediately.

The sea lay before them like a silvery mirror, reflecting the rose-blue pastels of the sky. Charlotte's hair was blowing in the wind. She had closed her eyes and held her face to the sun breaking through the clouds. Sidney stopped and watched her for a moment. Like an island of sunshine, she seemed to stand out from the dark background of the sea. It made his heart skip a beat. Like the words he had heard her whisper.

When they had lied in the bed the night before. She in his arms as if she belonged there. Pressed against his chest. Her breath had tickled his arm she lay on. Holding his hand, she painted thoughtlessly or in her sleep, small patterns in his forearm. Sidney had inhaled her faint but still present honey scent and kissed her slightly on the hair. Even though her neck, from which he had brushed her hair while he fondled her, wanted to seduce him to kiss her there. But he would not allow it!

Trying to sleep as well was the best way, to avoid the obvious. For he did not want to scare her with his lust, but he also knew that he had no chance to keep it from her much longer. With tender fingers and yet with light pressure she repainted his muscles on his forearm. When she reached his hand, she leaned up briefly and kissed his wrist. So she was not asleep either. His heart started pounding when she kissed his palm. Caressing each finger with her lips. Then pressed another kiss on his palm and nestled her face into it. The last veil of uncertainty had lifted in this very moment, as he heard her secret whisper.

"I love you."

As she felt him before he made himself known, she turned to him and gave him her hand. He put it in the crook of his arm, told her how he had calmed Flash down and that it would take about 4 hours before they would be back on. The voyage from the port to Sanditon would then take another hour. Maybe a little longer if Flash was too weak. 

"And then?" she asked into the refreshing wind and leaned closer to him.  
"Willingden." 

The smile she gave him was so incredibly beautiful that he gave her a little kiss. Though it was not proper in public, he just could not help himself.

"And then what?" Placing her head against his shoulder, they gazed out over the green sea… towards their common future.

The riders came to a halt on their exhausted horses on shaky legs and looked into the distance. They had given everything so that they would not be reproached later. But they were too late. It had been rather unlikely that they would have caught up with them anyway. They had a lead of several hours, if not days. 

"The ship has been gone for hours." 

One of the dockworkers grumbled to them before returning to his newspaper. This was the confirmation they had been needed and even they had probably nothing to fear from the new man in charge, they hoped the tyrant would never know they failed. They would really have a problem. 

Just like the Parkers.


	19. The way back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are on their way back to Sanditon. What will they expect there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted to write something different, but I was then writing what the two of them wanted.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

The cliffs rose almost majestically from the rough dark blue sea. They shone in a bright white in the afternoon sun and reminded him of that day at the sea, when she suddenly floated by like a figure from a fairy tale. Seagulls were circling above them screeching in front of the unreal looking blue sky. The waves were clapping against the sides of the ship. The wind rustled through their clothes and Charlottes flying hair tickled his face. She was there. Standing in front of him, in his arms. Safe and somehow…relaxed. He had felt her tension and exhaustion slipped away as longer as their journey lasted.

A breath of relief escaped Sidney as he watched the harbour coming closer and he strengthened the grip around Charlotte and closed his eyes for a moment of silence. They should be prepared for what was to come. How should they act in front of other people? Do they know what happened? Do they know they were married and in love? By this thought he smiled. Did Tom tell them the truth? Or was he the black sheep of the family like always? How could they get to know each other better, when the town and his own brother would remind them of these terrible events? 

"What is it?" Sensing he was worried she looked up to him.

Sidney smiled at her, strangely enough that she could feel him so well. Lost for a moment in her eyes, which shone brightly in the sun. It seemed to him as if he saw in them their common future. Not sure why this thought made him feel so many emotions at once he closed his eyes.  
Her hand was cool against his cheek and he leaned his face in more firmly. But he only looked at her again when her words reached his ear over the wind that was blowing.

"We will find a way."

Shaking his head he smiled down at her. How was it possible for her to answer questions he had not asked aloud? Slowly she reached out her face to him, but they were driven apart by the loud sound of the ship's horn.

Charlotte was slightly nervous. What was waiting for her there? Although the kidnapping and the whole situation on the whiskey farm were disturbing, the past days were kind of…magical, even when they had to sleep on the floor. The nearness between them, not only the physical, was so beautiful and she just was not ready to share him with others. It was a reluctant thought, but she could not help herself, she just wanted him all to herself. What a thought! But she wouldn’t mind to share a few more days with him all alone in the woods or by this magical waterfall. 

Blushing by the memory of his naked body, his muscles twitching under her touch as she put the bandage on him. His firm bottom cheek under her hand this morning. She closed her eyes embarrassed. The kisses filled her mind and his warm skin and how smooth it were when she touched him by accident as she clawed his shirt into her fists. She bit her lip to supress a smile, and she dared another look in his direction. 

His gaze was locked to the harbour, the deep frown between his brows showed her, that he was concerned. Maybe he was afraid, what people would think about her? Would he introduce her as his wife or would they start anew? She liked the idea of him courting her, but she could not stand the thought of being without him. Afraid she looked up to him once again.

Now it was his turn to ask her what was on her mind and wrapped up in her thoughts and the fear to loose him she asked the question faster as she could think about it one moment longer. 

"Will we stay together?"

The nervous trembling of her voice astonished him. Didn't she know that he did not want to be without her? Not a single day.

"Of course," Sidney smiled full of emotions "for the rest of our lives."

Huge warmth embraced him when he saw the relief in her whole posture. Charlotte closed her eyes, her smile was so... gorgeous. It seemed as if she lit up. Sidney took her hand and kissed it gently. 

"Nothing comes between us."  
"Nothing." Charlotte whispered and closed the gap between them.

It was just a little kiss on the cheek, and yet it was a confirmation. A promise. A blink of an eye he thought she would tell him something more, hesitantly she looked at him and opened her lips, but stayed silent. Sidney knew how hard it was to confirm those feelings. But he also knew that she made him sure of saying it. 

He intertwined their fingers and then they walked from the ship across the dock and waited for Flash to be brought to them by one of the sailors. Then Sidney asked the people at the harbour if there was another horse somewhere, but was directed to Sanditon, which was two hours away by horse.

Time run trough his fingers. The ticking of his pocket watch made him so angry, that Specter was so annoyed he was about to throw it out of the carriage window.  
Richard Specter hated to be late, and although they changed horses at every opportunity, they were not fast enough. So at the next stop they left the carriage and changed onto horsebacks and spurred them on to maximum speed. But his damned horse was as lame as an old donkey. He changed horses with John and soon he had a big lead over his servant. The stupid thing was he would be late anyway. Now it only mattered how many hours and that it would not be days. 

Mr Hall was always on time. Or rather, he was always early. So any appointment with him, he arrives at least 10 minutes earlier. Specter hoped that his injury would make his boss less harsh, because even if he had a promotion in sight, he would be punished for being late.

About half an hour away from Sanditon, Charlotte asked Sidney for a short break. He restrained Flash immediately, jumped off the horse and lifted Charlotte down.

"What's the matter?" 

Sidney looked at her worried, she suddenly seemed tense and nervous again. Charlotte avoided his gaze, bit her lip and turned to face the ocean. He saw her clench her hands in fists.

"May I?" he asked, touching her hands lightly.  
"Of course." 

His warm big hands clasped hers, and he drew little circles on the back of them. Trying to understand her worries. 

"We can handle whatever comes."  
"Together." She answered him, smiling impishly.  
"I suddenly thought of my family... I wonder how Mama and Papa are... "

"We'll soon find out." He assured her.

"I'm scared that Papa..." She looked into his eyes for a moment.  
"That after everything that's happened...to me..."

Charlotte couldn't get the words out. Just the thought of her father insisting on an annulment, even if she thought he liked Sidney, his words still ringing in her ears. 'I would like to continue calling you my son-in-law'. Nor could she imagine that he would drag her to a bishop and inflict further humiliation on her.

Sidney came one step closer and embraced her tightly. She put her face back into its place at his chest.

"I won't sign the papers."

She nodded at his chest and clawed her hands into his shirt.

"No matter what."

Mr Heywood had trouble believing his eyes when he looked out the window of the study from Tom Parker. His heart stopped. Then it bumped in his chest. They came hand in hand beside this huge horse down the street. Dirty and worn out. He ran out of the house, shouting her name loudly. Sidney stopped with the horse as Charlotte ran to meet her father and threw herself into his arms. She couldn't speak, she was so happy to see him again. Sidney walked slowly towards them and handed the reins of his horse to one of Tom's servants, but before he was taken away he stroked Flash's side again.

Worried what Mr Heywood would say, he came closer. Tom and Mary were suddenly at the door, the children. Everyone shouted excitedly. He could feel Mary hugging him, and Tom. But he didn't really notice any of them. The screams around him faded in a blur in his head, he only could see Charlotte shaking in her fathers arm.

Tears were running down Mr Heywood's cheek. He was so happy to have her back. Charlotte. What she must have gone through! Poor child. She was skinny, he could feel her rips through the fabric of her dirty dress. His little girl. Stroking over her head, he felt the knots in her hair. The guilt was overwhelming him. It was everything, really everything was his fault. Then his eyes were piercing Sydney's.

With an unreadable expression, he broke away from Charlotte, who wiped her face and was then hugged by Mary before she was pulled into the house. She turned and saw her father starring at Sidney. Unable to say something she watched her father stepped closer to him.

Sidney stood there with his jaw clenched. He wouldn't struggle if Mr Heywood struck him down in front of everyone. After all, it was his fault Charlotte ended up in that situation if only he had...

"Thank you." 

And then the most unbelievable thing happened. Her father took Sidney in his arms. Really tight. Friendly he kept hitting him on the back. When he stepped away from him, he laughingly wiped the tears from his eyes and shook his head.

"My son!"

Sidney was too moved to say anything.

"What a fine young man you are."

They chuckled for a moment before they finally listened to Tom and went inside. The crowd that had gathered around them, chattering and mumbling, began to go away.

"I knew...I just knew you were..." sobbed Mr Heywood before he recovered and in the hallway of Trafalgar's house said, "I knew you were the right one."

Sidney exhaled and tried to answer, but Mr Heywood interrupted him.  
"To her...” he nodded more to himself "for us."

"Mr Heywood." Sidney tried to contradict him.  
"That I met you." His face twisted and Sidney took a step towards him, like when they met in 'The Hall', he thought the older man was going to have a heart attack.

Suddenly Charlotte was there again and hugged her father tightly and before Sidney could leave them alone both Heywood’s reached out for him and drew him in their arms.

"Miss Heywood, your bath is ready!" 

Tom cried as he came down the stairs and received a slap on the upper arm from his wife. He looked at her questioningly and she pointed to the hall. Where the three of them had just separated.

"I'll take you up." 

Mary took Charlotte's arm, though she wondered how quickly the servants had finished the bath. Charlotte searched for Sidney's gaze as she went up the stairs, and he smiled nodding at her. She hoped he wouldn't go away.

The tub was nowhere near as full of water as Mary had imagined, and shaking her head over her husband, she helped Charlotte untangle her hair. 

"Your clothes are already in the closet." 

Mary said, pointing to the back wall of the room. Only now did Charlotte take notice of the room and realize there was a cane standing by a dresser. Her heart started pounding wildly when she knew, it was his bedroom. 

"I can have someone bring you some food if you want to eat alone."

Mary spoke kindly, observing Charlotte's tiredness and slight tension.

"No, I..." Charlotte looked up at her, "I'd like to talk to my father about home."  
"Of course."

Charlotte kept her eyes closed and tried to let the quiet hustle and bustle around her distract her from thoughts of the coming night. The quiet splash of water in the tub. The slight scraping of the comb through her hair. Mary's cool fingers at her temple. The soothing scent of bath salts, and the quiet whisper of the maids. She let it all seep into her and became calmer. Mary stroked her over the unknotted hair, which now stood slightly wildly away from her head and said the bath was ready for her now.

The maids left the room and Mary helped Charlotte out of her dress. For a short moment her eyes caught the smaller scratches and little bruises on Charlotte's back and legs, before she lowered into the hot water with a pleasant sigh. Deeply Charlotte sucked in the good smell of vanilla and closed her eyes. It was a good feeling and somehow really relaxing. She heard Mary's silent goodbye. The slight creaking of the floorboards, the rattling of the door, and then Mary's calm words that made her heart thump in her chest.

"I'll send him up."

Sidney stared at Charlotte's back for a moment too long as she sat up embarrassed and pulled her knees up against her body. He could feel her tension. Although the sight of her round shoulders and wet hair sticking to her back reminded him briefly of her bath in the waterfall, he held back from pursuing the thought. Instead, he stared at the small bruises and felt infinitely guilty for not having protected her better. Only her look of expectation over her shoulder made him avert his gaze.

"Forgive me, but I've run out of excuses not to go to my room to see my wife," he said and swallowed hard.  
"Yes..." she didn't know what else to say.  
"I..." he started and then cleared his throat, "I'm going to the beach for a swim."

He dared to look in her direction and his mouth became dry at the sight of her. Her now clean face, a mixture of disappointment and embarrassment. Her eyes fixed on him as if to wait and see what he did next.

"It's typical for me to take a bath in the sea." 

He explained, not knowing what else to say. Silently she nodded and lowered her eyes. Sidney walked past the tub. He kept his eyes turned to the front to avoid looking at her. She seemed uncomfortable. After all, she was somehow at his mercy and he didn't want her to feel that way. He got rid of his coat, took a towel from the dresser and went back to the door with a stare.

"So... erm... I'll go." He muttered and tense up when he heard her whisper.

"Don't."

The floorboards crunched. A Creaking. Charlotte closed her eyes. She couldn't believe what she had just said. In fact, she had admitted! That she didn't want him to leave. That she'd be disappointed if he did, and yet she was afraid if he stayed.

Rustling. Her neck hair stood up when she felt him standing behind her. Her heart was pounding in her chest. A brief recollection of a dream pierced her mind and her breath went heavier as she felt him. His breath tickled her neck.

"Charlotte. " 

Slowly he came nearer and she closed her eyes and let out her breath in waves as he gave her a warm kiss on her naked shoulder. A second one. And another. Sidney leaned closer and suddenly his face was against hers.

Sidney inhaled her scent. Her moist warm skin under his lips as he kissed her cheek. With his eyes closed, he lingered a moment longer. He had to go. She would have tempted him otherwise... with her sensual innocence. Oh, how he longed for her! 

A dip in the sea was what he needed. When he slowly wanted to get away from her, because he didn't really want to leave, he felt the sensation of her lips on his. Like a gentle breeze. They inhaled each other for a moment before he gave in and put his lips gently on hers. Tenderly stroking. And then it was Charlotte who pressed her lips to his. Sidney held back. He was not allowed to give in. But what could he do? 

It was only when he felt her wet hand on his neck that he knew it was too late. He heard her. As she turned to him in the tub, her breath quickening. Her slight whimpering as he first put his hand gently against her face and then her gasp as he gently touched her back, between her shoulders. He did not dare to move.

"Where will you live?" Mary asked nicely as they all sat together at dinner.

"Here of course!" Tom answered in their place and raised his glass to confirm.  
Everyone looked at him speechlessly, only Mr Heywood was able to answer him.  
"I doubt it."

"But Sidney works for me!" Tom snapped and Mary put her hand on his arm to calm him down.

"First," Sidney began in his dark voice, "I'll work with you." He took a sip, grinning at Charlotte over his glass.  
"And secondly, my wife and I were planning a trip to Willingden."

Mr Heywood rejoiced and, in the exuberance of his feelings, kissed his daughters cheek.

"Willingden? But Sidney!" screamed Tom in disappointment and this whiny manner scratched at Sidney's good will.

"Tom!" cried Mary vigorously. "Leave them alone."

All eyes were on her. She had never spoken to him like that before, at least not in the presence of others.

"They've been through enough. Now let them enjoy their honeymoon."

Sidney almost choked on his drink and as his eyes locked with Charlotte's he saw her eyes widen in shock and her face blushed brightly. 

For a moment he allowed the memory of before. How she had pressed herself against him and did not want to let him go. How he knelt in a hurtful position in front of the bathtub and stroked her wet back. When he had sat up, he had pressed her tighter and wrapped his arm around her slim body so that his fingertips could feel the side of her bosom. Her startled gasp for air was the only sound that could make him move away from her.

Both hands had clasped her face and he had looked deep into her eyes. When she swallowed hard, he knew she had understood the promise without words and then he forced himself to leave.  
Charlotte had been standing at the window with her father when he entered the drawing room.  
After his bath in the sea, he had taken a bath as well and was now freshly shaved and decently dressed in front of them. They stared at each other in love and Mr Heywood smiled contentedly. He was about to say something when Mary called them for their very late dinner.

When everyone had gone to the room for the night, Tom had pulled Sidney into his study and actually wanted to discuss some nonsense about the Midsummer Ball. But the anticipation of being alone with Charlotte, in a freshly made-up, soft bed, smelling her skin and tasting her lips just left him standing there. And after Tom had asked him the same question a few times, which he didn't answer, he said goodbye and ran to their room full of... excitement.

He took a deep breath, knocked briefly to show her that he was coming in and as he had done on the whiskey farm, he immediately turned his back to her so she could still cover herself.

Slowly he turned. She lay in bed. Her hair and face were the only things that peeked out of the blanket and he had to smile at her sudden reserve. But he did not hold back. Slowly he began to free himself from his clothes. He felt her gaze on him and tried to hold her gaze when he opened his trousers, but she closed her eyes. Only when he slowly got into bed with her did she open them again and turned to face him. Her eyes seemed to glow in the orange glow of the fire.

"Will you allow me to touch you?" 

His hoarse voice sent a warm shiver through her body and she could do nothing but nod. She wanted to be touched by him. Her body seemed to demand it. Slowly he pushed the blanket off her shoulders. Never did his eyes leave hers, though he longed to look at her.

Tom just failed to fall asleep. Who does Sidney think he is? He was not supposed to leave him here alone with all this work. He was travelling too much anyway and now with his wounded knee, which just refused to heal properly. He moaned and was about to complain to his wife about Sidney when Mary snapped and looked at him angrily. 

"Who do you think you are?" 

She asked and Tom was completely frozen over what his wife had said. Her face was twisted in rage and her voice overturned as she screamed.

"They could have died!"

And it was only when these words slowly sank into his mind that he understood the full extent of his actions.

Sidney dreamed about this meadow again. A meadow full of flowers and a sweet smell that reminded him of Charlotte. Again he felt a delicate blossom under his fingers, but this time he knew it was his wife. He smiled and pulled her close.

Charlotte didn't know exactly what had woken her. But it had not been the wind at night that threw the curtains back and forth like waves of the sea. Nor was it the thin silvery moon that shone a little light into the room. Maybe it was the memory of his touch. His gentle caress of her neck and arms. The light pressure on her back as he pulled her closer. The tender gnawing at her lips.  
As he caressed her collarbone, it had somehow…pulled in the tip of her breasts...and she hoped and feared that he wanted to touch her there, but he did not. Eventually, he had suggested in a husky voice that they should sleep. And even though she was tired and exhausted, she wanted him to keep doing it. And while he lovingly stroked her hair, she must have fallen asleep.

But perhaps it was the quiet steady breath of the man who held her tightly in his arms that had woken her. She nestled closer to him and inhaled the scent on his freshly shaved neck. The skin there was all smooth and soft and she pressed a light kiss to where his pulse was throbbing in a steady rhythm under his skin. Her hand now pressed against his chest. Her hand that was under her head now pressed against his chest. This proud, firm chest under which lay the heart of gold that she loved so much. She raised her eyes and tried to read what he was dreaming in the shadow of the night. Seemingly something pleasant, for he had a gentle smile on his lips. 

Charlotte moved away from him a little and only felt his firm hold on her. She felt like she was in a safe cocoon. His leg lay in a pleasantly heavy weight over her thigh. Hers between his. His arm around her shoulders, his hand buried in her hair. Oh, how she loved to be caressed and hold by him. Hopefully he would do it every night! And in between too. And that with his tongue! Leaning on one arm, she stroked his face tenderly. Tears rose to her eyes for no apparent reason when she once again painted his face with light fingers. Charlotte leaned over him and pressed a gentle kiss on his full lips. He did not move.

"Sidney?"

Taking a deep breath she leaned closer and now timidly moved her tongue over his lips. They were soft and smooth. Her breath seemed to double, she wanted to do it again and she did. Sidney moved very little and she froze. His lips opened slightly. Charlotte watched him and when she thought he was sleeping, she pressed another light kiss on his mouth. And another. With her eyes closed, she leaned closer again and gently sipped his lip. A hint of a groan rose from his throat. She froze again. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest. Everywhere she was warm. Burning. Wondering what he would do if he woke up? 

"Sidney?"

Bravely, she leaned against him again. But this time she stayed longer on his warm lips. She sipped them. Another soft groan and his hand that strengthened the hold on her back. The mark of his hand burned through the thin fabric of her nightgown. Charlotte could not help herself. Once more she stroked his lips with hers. No longer moving lightly, she wanted him to wake up. But then he snapped at her mouth.

Sidney felt her lips on his. It was so... warm. And... what... Oh! That dream was fading. The green flowering meadow suddenly disappeared into the mist. Still it was warm and he felt incredibly well. It was beautiful. He felt her pressed against him. She kissed him again. In the distance he could hear himself moaning and she stroked his lips very slowly. He inhaled her scent. It felt so real. He never wanted to lose this feeling again. No! He did not want to wake up...but the dream slipped away from him.

"Sidney." Her voice a husky whisper.  
"Sidney."

Suddenly he was wide-awake. Her face hovered over him. In the grey light of night, unreal as his dream itself.

"What is it, honey?" 

His heart pumped excitedly from his dream and now panic crept in. What had happened? 

"Did you have a bad dream?"  
"No." Her voice was firm and clear.  
"What... Are you hurt?" 

She nodded and in the moonlight he saw it glint in her eyes.  
He tried to jump up, but she lay on his chest and pressed her flat hand against him.

"But..." 

Suddenly her hand lay flat on his mouth. He stared at her with concern, was anyone in the house? He looked around in panic.

"I..." Her voice had taken an even rougher tone. 

Charlotte felt so safe in his arms. His hand stroked her back. The other grabbed her arm. He looked at her with concern. She knew she had to put him out of his misery.

"Sidney." 

Their eyes locked. Then he understood. The tension was lifted from him. With his heart pounding deeply, he swallowed. As soon as she kept talking, the beats got deeper. Her smile. He became quite calm. His breath stopped.

"I love you."

Happily he exhaled with a small chuckle. He felt himself smiling. And not just his face, his whole being, was... smiling.

"It hurts," she leaned closer, "not to kiss you."

And then she pressed her lips on his. He tasted the salt of the tears on her lips. He moved away briefly to make sure it was not part of his dream. Charlotte smiled, and then nothing but she could hold him back. 

He pulled her closer.


	20. closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a slap for Tom and finally he is learning something.  
> Specter comes closer to his goal and   
> Charlotte and Sidney getting closer and closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna get a little heated.

Sidney was all heated inside. Her words warmed him. That she finally found the courage to tell him. And that she could not wait any longer, so she woke him in the middle of the night. It was... enchanting. He was grinning like a love-struck fool. Smiling they kissed as he drew her closer. Spreading his hand between her shoulder blades under the blanket of her soft dark curls. Slowly he let them slip through his fingers, silky…and smelling of vanilla.

It was getting warmer. Burning. As Charlotte lay on top of him, clutching his face in her hands, like he always did with her. So he let it happen. She should explore him. Kiss him and caress him. Try whatever she liked. Her kisses were tentative on his lips. Then she kissed her way across his cheek. Never letting her fingers slip away from him, she pushed his face to one side and nestled herself against his neck. She seemed to inhale him. 

Sidney kissed her cheek and stroked her face with his nose as far as he could, since she didn't move an inch. Charlotte placed her lips slightly against his pulse and he closed his eyes. One more kiss, then she raised her head again and her lips floated slightly above his. They looked at each other before she started to kiss him again. A soft trail warm and slow.

Charlotte's heart was beating so strongly that he felt it pounding against his chest. He tried not to be distracted by the fact that her curves were pressed against him, yet he increased the pressure on her back so that she sank even tighter on him. The sensation of her soft body against his was so wonderful. Through the thin fabric of their clothes the heat run through every pore of them.

Breathing heavily, she detached briefly from him and sought his gaze. In the unreal grey-blue haze of the night, she didn't really know whether she was dreaming or awake. His eyes were dark, his lips twisted into a light smile, his warm big hands stroking her back up and down in an unknown rhythm. Occasionally he raised her hair and combed it with his fingers

"Like silk." He whispered and the dark, rough sound of his voice sent a shiver through her.

Then her gaze wandered across his face. The slight shadow of his stubble was already visible on his chin and she scratched it lightly with her fingers. Sidney sighed and closed his eyes. The grip on her grew a little stronger and he buried a few fingers in her hair and it felt so...incredible good as he lightly caressed the back of her neck.

Her gaze wandered up a little and she got stuck on his lips. Oh, they were so soft and... She wanted to kiss them again. Did she have the courage to do it? Hesitantly, she dared. His lips opened and a slight groan escaped him as she gently stroked his sharply drawn upper lip with her mouth. Then she sipped lovingly on the fuller lower lip. His mouth opened wider and just as she dared to run her tongue across it, he did the same. 

Charlotte sucked in the air with a throaty sound that made him shiver. They froze in awe as the tips of their tongues touched lightly. Sidney had no choice but to hold her in place and let his gently dip into her mouth.

Her breath went faster. Slowly he stroked her tongue and she bored her fingernails into his skin. Charlotte leaned more firmly on him. Her heart was pounding deeply with the feeling of him. Her stomach was tickling. And the tips of her breasts were tingling. And it pulled...deeper. Deeper inside her, and she couldn't help but sink further down on him. Melted... 

Sidney strengthened his grip in her hair as he let his tongue slide into her mouth. Careful! He did not want to scare her. Oh damn, she'd get scared if she felt the extent of what they were doing. She had to get off him. Sidney lifted his head towards her and deepened the kiss. Charlotte was all soft and her fingers on his face lost their grip.

No longer could she hold herself up. And suddenly she lay on her pillow. Sidney made a low rumble and began to move. His fingers, lips...and his tongue in her mouth. It was overwhelming. Slowly he moved his lips down her neck and she became dizzy. Although she was lying, she clung to him so she would not fall. Everything was spinning. His upper body laid heavy and firm on her, and she felt so safe. 

Almost painfully, Sidney pressed himself into the mattress and moaned as she let her narrow fingers slide into his hair and pulled him closer. He could not help himself and moved his fingers carefully down her back. Even though she could not feel how he was feeling, and how hard it was for him to hold back. But as she suddenly laid her leg over his, he almost forgot himself. Only the thought that they were not alone in the house held him back. Not in his brother's house! Not with her father in the next room! No, he wanted to be alone with her. All alone.

This pulling deep inside her... it should... stop... but not really, it was just too good...she pushed closer, and his hand rested firmly on the small of her back. There was this pressure deep inside her and… He just should be closer! 

"Hold me." She sighed breathlessly.

Sidney moaned softly in her skin, as he kissed her collarbone. Tickling her neck with his breath. Oh, this place under her ear…he seemed to dig his mouth deeper, as if he wanted to crawl into her. And then this tightness and...Tingling everywhere… it all shifted and… Oh. Stars. Stars danced before her eyes.

Spector's back hurt so badly from riding that even if he would hang dead on the horse, he could not have ridden on. They had spent the night on the back of the horses and of course they were slow to move forward. He was glad that the morning dawned and they could take a short break at an inn. He wanted something to eat. Suddenly he had memories of a young woman with dark curls... running trough the forest in front of them. He asked John what exactly had happened here, but he just shrugged his shoulders.

"I was still in Sanditon to wait for the next installment." He shook his head in amazement that Specter had forgotten this. Still, he grinned as he tried his luck and said in an almost casual tone. "You still owe me £10."

Thinking about the memory of this girl that had slipped away again, Specter reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and counted the money. Without a word, he handed it to John, who was annoyed at not having asked for more.

"I want to go there."  
"We have no time…." muttered John, who really didn't feel like going back there and arriving in London even later. He told Specter this.

"I know. How far from London?” asked Specter, who was toying with the idea of paying the place a little visit, maybe he would finally get all his memories back.

"A few hours.” John now really doubted Specter's sanity, because every chance to see this small town again was gone.

Specter grinned. He knew he would only find peace again when he knew what happened there. Why he could not forget her. She had to be something special. He licked his lips. If he saw her again, he would show her, what he thought about that fact, that she haunted his mind.

After breakfast, Tom pulled Sidney back into the study and scolded him as if he were a petulant little child. Sidney tried not to lose the pleasant mood that was smouldering in him and remained silent. Tom tried to convince Sidney that young ladies like to dance after all and that they should only drive after the ball.

"We are going to Willingden. Today."

"You can't leave me alone!" Tom cried and shook his head in disbelief "She can go with her father."

Sidney answered calmly. "Where she goes, I go."

Tom looked at him like it was the strangest thing he had ever heard.  
"This is nonsense. You don't have to be stuck together all the time."

"That's true." Sidney admitted.  
Tom smiled confident of victory, and that made Sidney a little more specific.

"But we made a vow."  
"I say, she'll understand," Tom made a throw away gesture, "Your little wife!"  
He spat out the word. 

"Tom!" Sidney shook his head and Tom stumbled back a step, when suddenly Sidney stood before him with an angry expression on his face.  
"Don't be so disrespectful!"

"I understand you're newlyweds." He tapped Sidney on the shoulder in brotherly understanding.

"You don't understand anything," he muttered.

"If she can't be alone, you'll stay here together." 

"But we don't want to stay!" Sidney tried to remain calm, but he could not succeed as Tom sighed theatrically. 

"She is so selfish..."

Now Sidney grabbed his brother by the collar and pushed him against the fireplace. His look said everything he couldn't say at the moment and only pressed out the more harmless part.

"The selfish one is you!"  
"Me? I do everything for the family!"

"You put the family in danger!" Sidney forced himself to let go of his brother, even though his fingers clenched in fists.

"But I..." Tom returned sulking and fell silent as Sidney continued to speak quietly.   
"The whole family is suffering because of you!"

Tom limped to his model of the town and muttered. 

"What have I got to do with the Heywoods?"  
Sidney exhaled. "I didn't mean my family. I meant yours."

They looked startled at the door, as Mary was suddenly standing in the doorway and let out a crying sound. She nodded at him to show him, she wanted to be alone with her husband.

"You have no idea what she' s been through 'cause of you." Sidney whispered to his brother and meant Mary as well. Who smiled at her brother-in-law, as she came closer.

But her smile faded as Tom muttered angrily. "Everything's always about silly wives!"

The next moment it burned on his cheek. Disbelievingly, he stared into the storm-blue eyes of his wife, who wordlessly turned around and left the room.

The goodbye was not as tearful as the one with Mrs Heywood, but Mary had a lump in her throat as well. Mr Heywood assured her she could come by any time with the children. 

"My wife would be delighted!"  
"Thank you, Mr Heywood" and with one look at Tom, "I will consider it."

"When are you coming back uncle Sidney?" the children shouted as they said goodbye.   
"I don't know exactly." 

He said as he hugged his nieces. Who then went to Charlotte and gave her a warm embrace as well.

"But who shall we play with?" Henry moaned and stamped his foot.   
"When you also take our Charlotte with you." His face said more than a thousand words.

"Well, me." Said Tom in a happy voice, though the jealousy of lost attention gnawed at him. All children's eyes pierced him, and his wife raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"You never have time for us," said Alicia. And her Jennifer went further.   
"You always say so, but you never keep your promises."

Now that hurt more than his wife's slap or his knee that would not heal properly.

Mr Heywood couldn't stop looking over at his daughter and her…husband. They seemed quite familiar and yet somehow...shy with each other. The way they leaned towards and looked at each other, as if they had completely forgotten him. But they never touch. Their hands lay side by side on the bench, just their little fingers touched. When he spoke to them, they seemed to gather themselves and put their hands in their laps. Sidney rubbed his thigh or fiddled with his jacket, Charlotte stroke her hair out of her face. And no sooner had a few moments passed than their hands were back in the same place. It just seemed they were unable to keep their hands away from each other. It was like a pull, an unseen bond between them.

He tried to get a picture of their life there on the whiskey farm and would also like to know more about their escape. But what they told him was adventurous and would surely upset his wife. That was why he pulled Sidney aside for a moment when they finally arrived in Willingden after hours of driving. Charlotte was in the arms of her mother and siblings for what felt like an eternity, as soon as she got out of the carriage.

"Maybe you'd better not tell my wife... that you shared a room." He avoided looking his son-in-law in the eye. It formed a picture in his head he did not like to imagine.

"We shared a room, but not the bed." 

Sidney made a serious point and though he was keeping silent about the fact that they did since their escape, he saw the relief on Mr Heywood's face. The older man was happy that Mr Parker was a gentleman.

"Good, good." He ended the conversation and walked up to his wife who kissed him on the cheek and held Charlotte tightly embraced.

After all the brothers and sisters had gazed curiously at Sidney with big eyes, he walked up to Mrs Heywood, bowed and, to his relief, saw a smile on her face. Tears ran down her face and he noticed that she could not say anything because of her emotions. She nodded at him in silence and pulled Charlotte back into her arms.

Mr Heywood invited them to his study after a little refreshment and pointed to the annulment papers on his desk. Before he could even explain what he was about to do, Charlotte took Sidney's hand and declared passionately. 

"We're not signing it."

Sidney smiled down at her and Mrs Heywood closed her eyes briefly when she recognised the look. They had been looking at each other like that the whole time. The feelings of the two finally very clear before her eyes. A small tear escaped her. Although it still seemed a little timid, they seemed sure of each other. And very much in love, as she could the in the glimmer of their eyes. A warm wave of happiness overcame her when she realized that this young man, whom she hadn't given a chance to prove himself, had saved her daughter. More than once. More than just in the literal sense. And he had somehow shed this dark aura that still somehow swarmed around him, but he seemed...more relaxed, brighter.

Chuckling her husband explained that he had kept the papers for one reason only.

"Now throw them into the fire if you want to stay married," he said in a ceremonial voice. 

Sidney remembered similar words he had said back then, when he had not realized why the jest lay bitter on his tongue and her expression, which he could interpret much better now. She too had felt something then, although she was even less able to name it as he had. Those look in her eyes... so warm.

Distracted, he shook himself briefly as she pulled at his arm and they both took the papers and burned them silently together in the fireplace. The look they then gave each other made Mr Heywood lead his wife out of the room. But she had other plans.

"Charlotte." She smiled as her daughter stepped away from her husband, as if they had been caught in a secret tet-a-tet.   
"Prepare your chamber."

On the furiously blushing cheeks of her daughter, she realized that they probably still had to have a serious conversation. Smiling, she inhaled deeply that there was still something to explain. So he was also a gentleman. 

"Your father will help you." 

Mr Heywood looked at his wife in confusion, but then understood that she wanted to be alone with Mr Parker and closed the door as he and his daughter left the room.

"Mr Parker," she said with tears in her voice, "I owe you an apology."

Sidney shook his head and was about to say something as she continued.   
"I've judged you and I haven't given you a chance."

And though she was right, Sidney wouldn't let her go on speaking and walked a few steps towards her.

"I wanted my daughter to be happy."  
"Of course you did."   
"I wanted a good man for her." She explained.

Sidney closed his eyes. What could he say to that? He nodded, hoping that now that the annulment was off the table, she would at least give him a chance.

"I was so blind." Mrs Heywood wiped her eyes. "I thought she was too caught up in one of her heroic stories. Saw you as her hero." 

Sidney made a puffing sound, as he didn't consider himself a hero.

"I also thought she was too blinded by... " She made a hand gesture as if she was circling his face. Sidney looked at her without saying a word. "Your appearance."

He chuckled slightly. Mrs Heywood dabbed her nose and glanced briefly into the fire behind him.

"Although from the beginning there was this..." she couldn't really name it and pointed with her chin towards the fireplace. 

Warmth. Thought Sidney and remembered briefly how he felt last night.

"Glow." said Mrs Heywood and smiled up to him.   
"Please forgive me."

"Of course." 

Sidney took a deep breath and smiled down at her. He couldn't hide the tears completely but that didn't bother him. 

"And I love her." Mrs Heywood shrugged her shoulders, as it was the simplest yet most difficult explanation. Their eyes met. He had the feeling that from now on, nothing stood between them.

"So do I."

"Martha!" excited Gerry called his friend after he heard the news and dragged her into the shade of the trees. Her eyes were full of worry and just as she was about to put the bottle back on, he pulled it from her and nodded at her with the words. 

"They didn't get them!"

Relieved that her young friends had made it, Martha dropped down and only Gerry's strong hold kept her from sinking to her knees.

"I am so glad," he said with a serious look, her eyes filled with tears of relief and she hid her face in her hands.

"One more boxing match and we'll have enough..."

Her head shot up in his direction. "What?"

"We're free after all," he said shrugging "we only stayed here because we didn't know where to go."  
Martha gasped for breath to answer him, but he interrupted her.

"You ought to get away from that," he pointed to the bottle and poured the contents of it into the dusty sand, and looked amused in her annoyed face.

"Well, otherwise how are you supposed to look after her?"

And after a moment of silence they both started giggling like little children.

Sidney was absolutely enchanted. The whole village had come to congratulate Charlotte and him and to celebrate their wedding in proper manner. Everyone had brought food. And beverages. Wine. There was plenty of wine. And whiskey. And they had to toast with everyone. 

With Charlotte's brothers and Mr Heywood he had brought out chairs and tables. He had rolled up his shirtsleeves like everybody else, but he caught Charlotte staring only at him as if he had just taken his shirt off. He then smiled at her or said something to get her out of her trance-like state and embarrassed, she bit her lip. It was so endearing that he almost forgot everything around them and was about to swoop her into his arms and kiss her breathlessly.

Everybody sat together, chattering away. Laughing. The smell of hay mixed with the aroma of sweet wine. Fried meat, freshly baked bread and various vegetables made his mouth water. Only now he realized how hungry he was.

Charlotte was literally glowing with excitement. Jumping and bouncing and full of energy, here and there and everywhere. She helped her little brothers and sisters, older villagers and at some point Sidney pulled her onto a chair next to him to show her that she should think about herself and eat something. Conspiratorially she leaned closer and her honey scent filled his mind, while she whispered.

"Don't eat too much, there's more to come."

The depth of her voice sent a shiver through him and he had to clear his throat to avoid the images that flooded his brain.

Some of the villagers built a woodpile and before the night fell there was a golden fire burning. The children had collected sticks and Charlotte and one of her sisters brought bowls of dough, which was then wrapped around the sticks and held in the fire. He let her help him, although he was sure he could do it alone. But he longed for her nearness and the touch of her fingers. The smell of her hair, tickling his nose as she leaned in before him, almost made him pull her closer, but instead he only strengthened the grip around her waist.

As he gripped the fabric of her dress tighter, Charlotte inhaled sharply. Her face rushed to him and as he was so close, his breath tickled her cheek. Glancing briefly at his lips, which glowed even more seductively in the shine of the fire, she leaned closer. She wanted to feel them burning on her skin. Completely forgotten where she was, who was watching, she placed a hand on his cheek. Sidney cleared his throat and leaned away from her. Disappointment ran down her face before she bit her lip and looked around. Suddenly aware, that they were not alone.

"Music!" 

Someone shouted and then there was murmuring and shouts were raised, begging Mr Heywood to play something for the bride and groom. And before Sidney knew what was happening he was standing with Charlotte by the fire. The heat seemed to burn through his shirt, that of the fire in his back, hers in front of him. Mr Heywood started playing on his guitar and one of the villagers began to sing a song, which reminded Sidney of an old folk song that his mother had always sung. He pulled Charlotte a little closer and a laughing murmur went through the crowd. They waved to the music, as they had done when dancing in Sanditon, before turning around and standing in position before the song picked up speed.

Sidney turned her away from him and caught her again and both laughed. They whirled happily around as other couples also began to dance and it was only at the slightly quieter sounds at the end of the song that they forgot their steps and looked deep into each other's eyes. His hand deep on her back pushed her closer and her hand slipped off his shoulder and remained on his naked forearm. Her fingers burned into his skin. Time seemed to have stopped. Attracted by her lips, he leaned closer, but the call of the children running around in a wild play with burning torches made them come to their senses.

Was he out of his mind? He almost kissed her in front of everyone! He must have drunk too much wine. Or whiskey. Or both. Sidney broke away from her and turned to leave when one of the children ran into him. A short stabbing pain in his thigh. General shouting. He looked down at himself. His trousers were slightly burnt but otherwise all was well. Charlotte had pushed her little brother aside and took the burning torch from him. The boy cried bitterly but Sidney assured him that it was not so bad.

"You should clean it up right away," said Mrs Heywood, and nodding he ran into the house to the room they shared while they were here. It had been Charlotte's room with her sister, who now had to stay in the room next door for a few days, where four of the smallest siblings had been sleeping for hours.

When Specter and John arrived at Mr Hall's estate late in the evening, completely exhausted, the servant looked at them as if they were some kind of vermin. They were taken to a room, and asked to wash and change, as Mr Hall only allowed clean people in. 

"Could we have something to eat?" asked Specter, trying to make a friendly tone, but the servant looked at him full of unbelief, as if he had asked for a kingdom.

"I must now wake Mr Hall." He announced instead, and it made Specter feel queasy. Mr Hall hated being late, but being the reason to wake him was even worse.

"We might just wait." Specter yelled after him, and the older gentleman punished him with a frosty look. 

"I am instructed to take you to him at all times."

Specter nodded and a cold shiver ran down his back. Either a very important task was waiting for him, which couldn't wait for a few more hours, or there was an incident, a complaint about him. Indeed, Mr Hall punished people at all hours of the day and night when they were in disgrace. 

That wasn't good, that wasn't good at all.

Sidney ran up the stairs to their little dark chamber and his heart was still pounding with excitement and the bewitching dance. He chuckled and took off the boots and tore off his trousers as soon as he entered the room.   
Dipping the towel into the cold water of the washbowl, he gently dabbed it over the slight burn on his thigh. And he sucked in the air with a hissing sound, because it stung a bit, but as far as he could see in the half-light of the small fireplace, it was not so bad.

Sidney let today pass before his inner eye. This morning when he woke up with Charlotte in his arms, he had been happy. Then he had left, annoyed by his brother, and had arrived in Willingden full of tension. The nervous welcome with the family and especially Mrs Heywood had cost him a lot of nerves, but the nice get together and the party in the garden had been so wonderful. Charlotte had been so wonderful. She was absolutely enchanting. Nothing would make him happier than to dance with her again.

He washed the sweat and ashes off his face and then saw the extent of the little accident on his shirt and pulled it over his head. At that very moment he heard the door and how she gasped. 

Charlotte stood at the door with her back to him. Close enough that he could hear her quick breath and a soft "Oh." Now he was glad of the small room and closed the distance between them with only three steps.

"Charlotte." His voice was a smoky whisper and he saw a shiver run through her. 

The fact that she was in the same condition he was, made it more bearable somehow. 

"You don't have to turn away."

Charlotte swallowed. His smoky voice made her all tingly. She was convinced he could hear her heart beating. 

"I am your husband," he continued, and she felt him take another step closer. 

The warmth emanating from him warmed her back, just as the fire in the garden. 

"You're allowed to look at me."

Lightly he touched her arm. Her breath went in puffs. But his words gave her the courage to let him turn her around slowly. Charlotte fixed her gaze on his eyes. They glowed in the dark brown light of the little fire. His breath was calmer than hers, but she also saw on his face that the lightness had changed into an intense expression. She locked her big warm eyes with his and there lie an answer in them, to a question she didn’t dare to ask.

Sidney looked down at him as if he wanted to show her the path her eyes should take, and dropped his shirt to the floor. Very slowly she let her gaze slide down on him. 

He watched her looking at him. Her eyes were glowing, her cheeks flushed, and through her open lips her breath came in waves. The small wrinkle between her eyebrows showed her curiosity and her gaze wandered agonizingly slowly along his belly. He felt it like a burning touch. When their eyes met again, neither of them moved. Charlotte had the feeling of being sucked into his eyes. There was no going back. Suddenly, her hand was in his. Charlotte stared at their entangled fingers, not realizing that he had grabbed it. Leading to his lips, he pressed a kiss on the palm and then laid her hand against his cheek.

"I long for your touch." 

Charlotte almost didn't hear him, so quietly he spoke. Her heart was beating up to her neck and they stared into each other's eyes before he let go of her hand. It was the same feeling as at the dance before. Time seemed to expand. She perceived everything slowly but in detail. The light golden glow in his eyes. The long lashes, that framed them darkly, and draw a shadow on his cheeks. The light scratching of his growing beard under her fingertips. The crackle of the little fire merged with the rustle of her dress as she slowly leaned a small step closer. Her fingers moved down his neck onto his shoulder. The skin was very smooth. She moved slowly over it, down his arm. Goose bumps raised under her touch. Sidney opened his palm to her and her fingers danced over it. Charlotte looked at her small hand in his big one and breathed deeply in. 

First she let her eyes and then her fingers wander up again and the two of them smiled at each other. Until Charlotte's fingers came to rest on his left chest. Above his heart. He took a deep breath and she felt his heartbeat accelerate, which seemed to vibrate inside her. Did he really mean it, that she could touch him? To be on the safe side she looked questioning in his face and he seemed ...sure. 

Gently, as if she was afraid of breaking something, her fingers slipped to the other side. The dark hair in the small cleft in the middle of his chest was smooth. Charlotte ran her fingers over it and felt the muscle twitching under her touch. He shivered even though it was so warm. 

A blazing path she painted over his ribs, up to his upper belly. His body burned. She stared with fascination at the muscles dancing under her fingertips. And as she followed the dark path, Sidney took a tortured long breath. Looking into his face and his gaze was directed to the ceiling. His clenched jaw showed her his tension. Maybe he didn't like it.

Charlotte remained undecided until he turned his gaze back to her and he had that look.   
That one look, that took her breath away.

What was he doing? Sidney wondered about, what he was thinking, to let that happen! Hoping she wouldn't notice the physical… change. He looked at her in concern. Their eyes got stuck again and since she wasn't moving. He slowly took her hand and led it back to his mouth. He kissed her knuckles with soft lips and did not loose sight of her eyes. Her look was...deep and somehow different. Like earlier at the fire when they almost kissed.

His fingers were tingling with the desire to touch her as well. His lips prickled, he wanted to kiss her so badly and feel her soft skin beneath them. As if she had understood, her gaze fell on his mouth and she came a small step closer. Sidney closed his eyes awaiting a kiss. But in the next moment he felt her warm lips on the spot above his heart. He gasped for air and Charlotte saw his Adam's apple bounce as he turned his face toward the ceiling again.

"Forgive me, I shouldn't..." She wanted to apologise, but went silent when he suddenly pressed his lips against hers.

Soft and warm. She wrapped her arms around his neck as if by magic and stretched on her toes. One of his hands sprang up to grab her waist to stabilize himself. It was the slowest of all kisses, and her face glowed under the light caress of his other hand. She tightened her grip on his neck and Sidney embraced her waist with both arms and pressed her to him, so she almost lost the ground under her feet. He felt her soft body against his as he deepened the kiss and although he didn't know how they had got there, but suddenly her back pushed against the door.

As his hungry mouth slid down her neck, she inhaled sharply and he strengthened his grip. Her hands lay burning on his back and, as he put her back on her feet, they slid a little lower. With her fingertips she touched the upper curve of his lower back but didn't dare to go any further. She leaned her face towards him and they kissed, driven by a sudden passion that took them both by surprise. Sidney drew her even closer again and stroked her waist, and both froze as his large warm hands remained on the side of her breasts. His thumbs stroked closer to the tingling spot, but then there was only loss.

Charlotte felt the painfully lost, when he turned away from her. Had she done something wrong? Hesitantly, she stood there trying to catch her breath. 

"Forgive me." The throaty sound seemed to be his voice but she wasn't sure, the noise in her head was too loud. 

What has he done? 

Worried, he looked over his shoulder at her and smiled as she shook her head. This smile assured her that everything was alright. On shaky legs she leaned against him and pressed her face between his shoulder blades, as she had done so often before. It was a sensation to feel his smooth skin under her face. And she kissed the warm spot under her lips. Sidney took a deep breath and as she wrapped her hands around his middle, he held both hands and pulled them towards his chest.

Sidney shook his head. That really wasn't his plan! He felt as if he was no longer doing what he wanted to do at all when she was near him. And when she smelled so good and…ahh was so magical. He loved her. And he longed for her. Her touch had burned his body and his senses. He almost forgot himself. Forgot where they were. In her parents' house! With brothers and sisters asleep in the adjoining rooms and half the village in the garden.

Oh, damn. He was in so much trouble.


	21. On the other side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How is it for Specter and Tom to be on the other side?
> 
> And Charlotte and Sidney also learn something: that they do not have to take care of everything alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to apologize that there is a lot to read about Specter and Tom this time, but I wanted to finish the topics around them so that we can concentrate on more important things in the last two chapters. ;-)
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Clack. Clack. Clack. His footsteps echoed hollowly in the dimly lit corridor. The flickering light of the candle illuminated only the few steps in front of him and made the walls disappear into a ceiling less nothing. The dark shadows on the wall seemed to reach for him as he walked past, and the uneasy feeling and tiredness lay heavy on his stomach. A cold crept into all his limbs as the servant stopped at a gold-plated door. The old man stretched, touching his impeccable wig with trembling fingers, and then looked down on Specter with an almost pitiful look. Wordlessly, he pointed one of his long fingers at his left shoe and tapped impatiently with the tip of his foot, until Specter bent down and wiped the small proof of his long journey from his shoe.

When he straightened up again, a slight dizziness seized him, but he couldn't expect pity from the guy who impatiently raised an eyebrow. Then he looked down and up at him, pointed to his hair with his chin straightened, and waited until Specter stroked his hair from his face. A nod. Then he raised his hand and knocked on the door in a code that only he knew.

Although the servant was only supposed to accompany him inside, the guy was tense, as if he was the one who had to step in front of his master. The uncertain tension had now seeped into every vein and Specter tried to swallow the knot in his throat, but could do nothing but clear his throat quietly, which only made the tickle worse. He knew Mr Hall hated it when someone spoke uninvited or made a sound at all.

The thick carpets in the private, equally sparsely lit reception room swallowed up the clacking of his shoes. It was the first time he entered these rooms and the voice in his head doubted whether he would visit them again. It was rumoured that only the secondary ones were continuously invited here, all others saw the rooms only once or never. 

The walls were painted with large-scale paintings, all of which showed a dark scenario of wars, biblical betrayal and natural catastrophes. It was cold. The curtains were blowing in the cold wind of the night air and the motive of a ship crashing against sharp rocks sent a cold shiver down his back.

A door leading from the reception room was open and led him into a somewhat brightly lit room, although the size could not light up every corner. In the middle of the room the servant came to a halt. Two steps behind him Specter stopped as well. His heart was beating up to his neck. And he felt a drop of sweat running down his forehead. He wiped it away while his eyes searched the room.

“Richard Specter!” 

The servant called into the shadow and Specter knew that somewhere in the shadow stood his master. Watching. Like a fat spider waiting for his prey.

Of course, he'd seen Mr Hall several times before. Mostly in 'The Hall', sitting on the gallery and wordlessly following the goings-on below him with alert eyes. He looked imposing, with his snow-white hair, broad forehead and shoulders and a mouth that was always deformed into an ironic smile. But as he slowly stepped out of the shadows, as if he had all the time in the world, and with a calm expression on his face, he came to a halt before the great servant whom he surpassed by a head. Specter realized how small he was. Not just physically.

Nodding, he released the servant, who left the room silently like a weasel and closed the door almost without a sound. 

"Richard Specter." 

Mr Hall came towards him and looked down on him with piercing eyes. He was an impressive man and Specter had to force himself to stand up to his gaze. That was the first test. He was not allowed to blink.

"You are late."

Specter nodded slightly, more was not allowed and he was not capable of more. 

"Hmm, we'll sort that out later." 

He looked him up and down "I've heard a lot about you."

Specter’s heart was beating so excitedly in his chest and it didn't get any better when the sharp cold fingers of his master touched his main artery at his neck. 

"Hmm…" he leaned closer and sniffed at him as if he were a blood-smelling hound. Then he asked with a smug grin and Specter swallowed hard.

"What is that I smell?"  
Mr Hall sniffed the air one more time and thought aloud.

"Excitement... no...Fear!"

A smile lit up Mr Hall's nodding face and it could almost seem friendly if he didn't lower his voice one more nuance and move even closer to him. Too close.

"You should have!"

When the last guests left, the morning was already dawning and Sidney really had problems walking upright. Not only because of all the wine and whiskey, but the tiredness and tension of the last weeks took its toll. He could hardly keep his eyes open anymore, but searched tense for Charlotte, although he knew she had gone into the house with her mother at some point. He was sure that she was in her bed and hopefully already deeply asleep. He climbed the stairs quick but quietly when Mrs Heywood appeared at the landing and grinned down gently at him.

"Good morning."  
"Oh, yes...erm, good morning."  
"I hope you can sleep, cause this whole house is about to wake up."  
"Where is Charlotte?"  
"She's asleep." 

With satisfaction, Mrs Heywood saw Sidney's face lose its tension. What must those two have been going through? She closed her eyes at the memory what Charlotte had told her, and obviously did not tell everything.

"I hope I'm not waking her." He muttered and smiled impishly at Mrs Heywood as she put her cool hand on his arm and said nodding.

"I think she sleeps even better when you are with her."

Startled, he stared at her and clenched his jaw.

"She had nightmares… since London." He looked at her with this worried expression in his eyes "but she told me earlier that since you slept in one room they've become less and since everything was settled between you... they finally disappeared."

Mrs Heywood smiled at him and left him on the stairs. Sidney's heart rose and he went up to their room with a smile on his face. He tried to open the creaking door quietly. He had taken off his boots outside the room and put them by the door. Charlotte lay there, like a little ball. Rolled up on her side, only her face and a mess of wild hair sticking out from under the blanket. With slow steps he walked towards her and watched her peaceful sleep for a moment.

When he lay down carefully a few moments later he looked lovingly at her and with delicate fingers he brushed a strand of hair from her face. Immediately her face moved towards his hand. Her warm fingers searched for his and pulled his hand close to her under the blanket. Sidney gasped for breath as he felt where exactly his hand rested now.

He was sure he couldn't fall asleep. Just the thought that he might move a little while sleeping...and then she might think that and... Maybe he should pull his hand away from her again. But he had no chance. Her grip was too strong. She wanted to hold his hand pressed to her heart. She had no idea, how hard it was for him not to stretch his fingers even slightly to touch her delicate skin. He felt the heat under the thin fabric of cotton and had to swallow.

Feeling his tension she stretched and brought his hand to her lips. She kissed his knuckles and whispered in a rough tone. 

"Come here."

And when he followed her wish and snuggled closer, she laid her head against his chest as if it were the most natural thing in the world. His collar had opened a bit, and as she pressed her face against his heart he could feel her breath on his heated skin.

"All will be well," she muttered, caressing the soft skin over his collarbone with her fingers.

A thrill went trough him by her soft touch. The urge to pull her to him and wake her fully with gentle kisses was almost unbearable. His breath quickened as she snuggled even closer and as her soft lips kissed the spot over his heart, he sighed. And as if by magic his hand slipped around her waist. Though over the blanket, he could still feel her body shivering. She moaned quietly and pressed her lips once again against his skin. 

No, she really had no idea what she was doing to him.

As Tom limped into his office, still thinking about how he was going to open the Midsummer Ball without Sidney, he was amazed when Lord Babington sat there with Mary, bent over the business books.

"What are you doing?" Tom asked, slightly irritated, and Mary stood up and explained in a business like voice.

"Lord Babington will take over Sidney's part of the business while he's away."  
"Oh, I see." Tom didn't seem to be too enthusiastic.  
"He has paid a part of your debts." She whispered to her husband, forcing him to thank Lord Babington.

"I have some suggestions to make and Mrs Parker showed me the business reports," the lord said kindly and handed Tom some papers.  
"Your suppliers are rather expensive, so we'll have to make a few changes first."  
"But I..."  
"Don't worry, everything will be sorted out and the new wood supplier is so much cheaper." He smiled "and we have him exclusively." The lord nodded at Mary, who just gave Tom a saucy look.  
"But who?"  
"Heywood. The Heywood Farm is our future wood supplier."  
"If Mr Stringer thinks it will do." Mary said to him.  
"Yes, of course."  
"But I decide..." Tom started, but Mary interrupted him.  
"Not 'I,'" Mary said angrily "We!" 

"What have you got to do with this?"  
"I'm taking Charlotte's place while she's away." 

Mary's eyes, glistening like they hadn't in a long time, and her smile was so irritating that Tom could only stare at her for a few minutes.

"Charlotte?" Tom was startled, what was that supposed to mean?

"Sidney left half his shares in your family business to his wife." Mary explained.  
"What?" Tom was beside himself.

Babington cleared his throat and explained to Tom,  
"The lawyer's letter is coming the next days." Then he turned to Mary.  
"I'll be back in about an hour. But then we would also have to talk about my partnership after Sidney’s return and of course some other things."

"I'll get everything ready." Gave Mary back and Tom's face was so strange, Mary was afraid he'd be in shock. Or he had a heart attack. Or both.

"Until later." 

Babington left the room and Mary turned wordlessly to Tom to see how he reacted. Tom took a breath to say something, but he remained silent.

"Well, how does it feel to have other people deciding things over your head?"

But instead of waiting for an answer, Mary just left him and went back to the desk to prepare for the meeting later.

As Charlotte crept into their room at lunchtime to see if Sidney was awake by now, she stopped at the door for a moment in amazement before closing it silently and crept closer to the bed. He lay on his stomach on the completely cuddled blanket and his shirt had slipped up a little. The light midday sun shining in through the small window put a warm almost golden tone on his skin.

Charlotte couldn't resist the urge to take a closer look and sat down carefully on the bed. When she was sure he was still asleep, she lifted up the fabric of his shirt with two fingers and pushed it even higher up his back. She stared at his bottom. And her hand that hovered over it had a mind of its own, and lay very gently on the smooth skin. She sucked in the air sharply and stroked even more gently with her fingertips over the curve and followed the shape up to his thigh. Then she stroked back again with the same care. She stroked his lower back from left to right and now also there over the firm hill. When she reached his leg he twitched briefly and she immediately pulled her hand away.

But Sidney still seemed to be asleep. She lay down beside him and looked at his face. It seemed relaxed. He had an almost cheerful expression on his face. Charlotte touched his face slightly. She drew his eyebrows, leaned closer and kissed him first on the cheek, then very lightly on his mouth. She stretched, but before she could pull herself back he wrapped his hand around her waist. But he did not seem to wake up completely. 

Tense, Charlotte bit her lips and then let her fingers go on a new journey. Over his tousled hair. His warm neck. Over the disturbing fabric of his shirt. Oh, how would it feel to touch his skin with her fingers and stroke down his spine? Arriving at the small of his back, she gathered the fabric with very light fingers. Her heart was pounding hart in her chest. What would he say if he caught her? She watched his face, but he seemed still sleeping. Her fingers touched the warm skin of his back and she didn't let his face out of her eyes to react at any moment. Could she dare?

Charlotte breathed in, closed her eyes and dared to stroke his bottom once more and because she was lying next to him it felt even more overwhelming. She spread her fingers to feel as much skin as possible. Amazed, she closed her eyes and her thoughts flew to the things her mother had told her the night before. Her skin had become very warm and even now this little pulling flame was burning inside her. 

Tenderly she stroked him and somehow moved even closer to him. She kissed his cheek. His neck. His ear. She felt his grip around her waist getting stronger. Hearing the bedding rustle as he moved. And she could feel him clinging to her body, but she couldn't help but keep kissing his neck and cuddling against him. Only when his lips nibbled at her neck did she realize what was happening, but she didn't care. She wanted him to know that she wanted to touch him. Suddenly his hand was on her back, it increased the pressure and she heard his breath increase in her ear. His hand moved to her lower back and as if by magic she lifted her leg and put it over his hip. Sidney moaned into the soft skin of her shoulder and slipped a leg between hers.

Startled, she gasped for breath, but she did not want to let him go when he tried to withdraw from her. It felt wonderful. She pressed her hand into his back and he let himself sink a little harder on her while he kissed her neck and she clawed her fingers into his hair. He should not stop. He wasn't allowed to.

Mr Hall looked across the table at Specter, who seemed to be slowly relaxing and swaying to safety. Perhaps he even hoped to take a seat after the first hours of punishment and get something to eat.

"You've been up north a long time now."  
"Yes, sir."

One eyebrow rose. One glance at the strapping, stocky fellow who had taken position behind Specter after he punched him a few times in the stomach for being late. He walked up to Specter and punched him right in the face.

"You were in charge of the coast, too."  
"Yes, well..." Specter bit his lip, but it was already too late. Another blow to the same place.

Mr Hall smiled and continued to eat his lunch, a fried fish with relish. The smell made Specter's stomach growl with hunger. Another raised eyebrow. A look. 

Burning on the cheek.

"You've been a naughty boy." Mr Hall could tell, and Specter was stifling.  
"What is my first rule?"

Specter didn't answer for fear of getting punched again, but that wasn't what was expected. It wasn't until the burning subsides a bit that he could speak again and say.

"No one touches another man's property."

Mr Hall nodded at him, urging him to continue.

"Unless he has orders to do so."

Mr Hall dabbed his mouth nobly, then raised an eyebrow and leaned back in his chair, panting heavily.

"And did you have orders to take this” he pretended he had to think “Hmm, Mrs Parker from her husband?"

Specter shook his head. Mr Hall put his hand behind his ear like a shell and whispered, 

"Pardon me?"  
"No."  
"No what?"  
"I wasn't ordered to do that.” But how else could he force those Parkers to pay without kidnapping one of their wives?

"Right." Mr Hall took a knife that looked like a switchblade and pointed it at Specter.

"In addition, this young Mrs and her husband have powerful friends."

The cousin of one of his best customers had paid off the debt of Tomas Parker and told them about the kidnapping. And he really couldn't afford to upset the Earls and Lords of this country.

"Your only luck is that you haven't taken… entirely what is not yours."

He casually handed the knife to his man and nodded.

"Willingden is much nicer in the autumn." Said Mrs Heywood at teatime, casually, but her statement irritated everyone at the table, as it was completely out of context.  
"You might drop in again on your way back to Sanditon."

Charlotte looked at her mother questioningly, almost as if she wanted them gone.  
"Way back? What do you mean?" 

Sidney seemed eager for the answer as well and sat up in his chair.

Mrs Heywood looked at her husband and nodded. He got up and pointed to the two of them to follow him to his study. There he went round his desk, opened a drawer and handed Sidney a letter. 

"From your friend Lord Babington."

Sidney had of course learned that his friend had not only paid off Tom's remaining debts together with Mr Heywood, but that he must have arrived in Sanditon in the meantime to discuss further investments with Tom. He tore the letter open and read it silently, then stared at Mr Heywood without a word. In his face the most different emotions were visible and he handed the letter wordlessly to Charlotte.

"Oh." She was as amazed as he was, looking first at her father, then at her mother.  
"But...we wanted to stay longer."

Mrs Heywood came closer and embraced her daughter, pointing out once more.  
"As I said, it is much nicer here in the autumn."  
She looked at Sidney and nodded at him,  
"Go on vacation and then come back to us."

She then indicated to her husband to leave the room with her. And left the young couple alone in the study, to let them think about this little present. To make them forget the terrible times, they have been through.

Without a word, the two looked at each other and shook their heads in disbelieve. Then Charlotte laughed and Sidney pulled her into his arms. Since they were alone, he gave her a little kiss on the mouth and then looked into her eyes in amusement.

"So nice of your friend."  
"I think your father deserves a vote of thanks here, too."  
"They seem to work well together."  
"Yes."

"Have you been there?" she asked in a husky voice.  
"No." Sidney's gaze grew serious "It's all totally new to me too." 

And they both knew he didn't just mean the little summer cottage Lord Babington provided for them on the French coast.

Charlotte's gaze became soft, just like her body that clung to his and slowly, torturously slowly, he leaned closer until finally their lips met. Softly and tenderly stroking hers until Charlotte opened her lips slightly and gave way to her longing for him. She wrapped one arm around his middle and pressed her hand into his back as he deepened the kiss and the overwhelming feeling made her sigh with pleasure.

Breathlessly they separated and while he stroked her cheek he asked her in a hoarse voice.  
"When shall we go?"  
"This...this...we...week?" she asked panting as he covered her neck with light kisses.  
"Hmmm." 

He replied, shoving his hand in her hair as he lightly nipped her collarbone and pressed a kiss on her throat.

"Too...too soon?" Charlotte stammered breathlessly as he stroked his nose up the other side of her neck. Her honey scent clouded his mind and he pressed a kiss under her ear, which made her claw her fingernails into his back. With her other hand she searched for hold on his collar.

"It's never too soon to be alone with you." 

Sidney whispered in her ear with that dark voice and she trembled. Putting her hand around his neck she pulled him further down towards her, not wanting him to stop. But he didn't kiss her again but pressed his face into her hair and pulled her tightly to him. Charlotte gathered all her courage and breathed in his ear.

"Tomorrow then?"

Tom was hurt. He felt left out and somehow...helpless. Yes, he was grateful, of course, that Mr Heywood and Lord Babington paid the debt to free them, but what they did now was quite outrageous.

The lord and Mary stood around the model of the town and listened with delight to young Mr Stringer, who also told him about the last completed houses, but complained after several requests about the working conditions, the bad material and especially the often missing payment.

"That all will change now. I assure you," the lord said to Stringer and Mary smiled contentedly.

Again and again the three of them looked at Tom and it was as if they could see right under his clothes. Naked and bare, he stood before them. And what they saw was apparently not what he wanted them to see. Humiliated and remorseful he nodded at all the proposed changes and silently accepted that any architectural changes he had in mind would have to be discussed with Mr Stringer. Beforehand.

Sad and dejected, Tom tried to get back some joy and went out to the river to play a round with his children.  
"We must now do our homework," Jennifer told him.  
"You would know that if you weren't always working. " Alicia said, following her sister inside.

"Henry, we can..."  
"Papa, it's fine, I have an appointment." He ran after his sisters. 

The nanny bit her lips and followed the children silently into the house. Tom knew his son had no appointments. He stared at the water and tears welled up in his eyes. All the words and things that had happened floated past his inner eye and he closed his eyes, shocked and disgusted with himself. 

Those dangerous people who broke his knee...what could they have done to young Miss Heywood, no Mrs Sidney Parker? Or Mary! To think what might have happened if one of the children... Oh God! He buried his face in his hands and began to cry bitterly. He sobbed and fell to his knees. The injured knee sent a horrible pain through his body that almost made him faint, but he didn't care. He needed the pain to feel what he had done. How much he had hurt the people he loved the most.

Tom had to convince them all. Convince them that his family was the most important thing, to which the Heywood’s now belonged. His brother, his young wife, but most of all Mary and the children. He had to change, and he would begin to do so immediately.

The departure from her family was happy and the trip to London was shorter than expected. Between making plans and kissing on the knuckles, Charlotte told about her childhood dream of living by the sea one day and Sidney told her about his trips for the Sanditon Project. 

"Would you come with me?" Sidney asked hopefully.  
"But of course." She was beaming all over her face and kissed him enthusiastically on his cheek.

They smiled at each other and only noticed that they had arrived at Bedford Place when the carriage stopped and the door was ripped open.

"Sidney!" cried his brother Arthur excitedly.  
"My dear brother!" yelled Diana and they both greeted her with joy and pulled them to the entrance. 

At the doorstep Charlotte stopped for a moment and looked around in irritation.

"I can remember our departure, but not the moment I entered," she said absently, looking at the door as if waiting for some kind of revelation.

"That's because after our erm... wedding... you fainted in the carriage."  
"Yes, Papa told me." She looked at him. On her face one question.  
"I carried you." He admitted and took a step towards her "Your father was too weak."

She nodded and her eyes pierced his. He grinned somewhat impertinently and pretended to be indignant.

"You wrinkled my shirt, as you held it so tightly in your fist."

Tears glittered in her eyes and she reached out to him as Diana asked them to come inside the house.

"We have tried to prepare your journey as well as possible," she explained later, when the four of them were sitting in front of the fireplace in the lounge after a good meal.

"Here are the papers for the crossing." Arthur gave Sidney an envelope and Diana handed Charlotte a small box.  
"Here's medicine in case you get seasick."

"Or if your stomach doesn't agree with the food." Arthur gave thought to that and then the two of them continued to talk about possible illnesses until they were too exhausted to stay up any longer and retire to their rooms.

"How long does the crossing take?" Charlotte asked as she sat down on the armrest of his chair. Sidney embraced her waist and pulled her down into his lap.

"About three hours." he breathed into her skin and followed the line of her neck with his nose.  
"Then...we are...tomorrow" she sucked in the air as he pulled her closer and ran his finger down her neckline.  
"Already there, at this time of the day." He finished her sentence and kissed her slowly on her lips.

Charlotte put both arms around his neck and he put one hand on her back. The crackle of the small fire in the fireplace mingled with the sound of her fingers in his stubble and his warm voice made her shiver as he muttered.

"Let's go to bed."

Every time Specter bent over, as he was ordered to pick up the horse droppings of the arriving and departing carriages, he almost became nauseous. Not from the smell, but from the burning pain of the broad T on his cheek. Nor did it help that his colleagues, or rather his guards, kept wiping his face with saltwater-soaked cloths and laughing at him when he twitched in pain. That he was degraded from one of the upper levels of the Hierarchy to a simple worker here at the pier was really the most painful experience he had ever had.

"What does the ‘T’ stand for?” they mocked him.

And they sang a different version of the children's mocking song  
"There stands the wife thief…. Downgraded from the chief.”

"You know, we can make an R out of it if you look at this young woman one more time." 

The laughs thundered in his ear as they pointed to the carriage, which had arrived a few moments ago and where a tall dark haired man helped a beautiful young woman out of it. But she stilled and got very pale, as their eyes met. In the next moment the dark haired gentleman came with fast steps towards him and he recognised him…somehow…but as the memory slipped away again, a stabbing pain went through his chin and everything went black. 

Charlotte stared at the harbour they were leaving and tried to ignore the urge to turn back to him. She felt his tension, but she didn't want to give in too quickly either.

"Charlotte."  
"Stop it."  
"I'm sorry," he began as he drew closer and gently touched her hand, closing her eyes as he led it slowly to his mouth and kissed her wrist. "I saw him, and I couldn't think straight."

She sniffed briefly. 

"I couldn't stand him looking at you like that again..."

He turned her to face him and searched her eyes. First she turned her head away from him, but of course she could not resist him long enough. 

"Can you understand that?"  
"Yes," she softly admitted, "but, these men... I was so afraid for you that they... that they would hurt you."  
"They just watched and laughed." He shrugged, and that earned him a very angry look from Charlotte.  
"You didn't know that!" she grumbled, still careful not to make too much noise, so the other passengers wouldn't hear.

"That' s true." He lifted her chin, and forced her to look at him.  
"Forgive me for being so reckless." He grinned his crooked smile and Charlotte could no longer suppress a chuckle.

"I was afraid for you."  
Sidney nodded. 

"It' s so bad for me to stand on the other side and not be able to intervene. "  
He nodded again. 

"Never do that again!" she ordered him and the commanding tone made him swallow and pull her improperly closer.

"Mr Parker!" she hissed angrily, but didn't move an inch from him.  
"Let's go to the other side, Mrs Parker." He whispered and Charlotte wasn't sure if his voice or the breeze was giving her goose bumps. 

"Then we can sit in the sun."


	22. Le jardin de la mer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the two have arrived.   
> They have time to get to know each other in one way and the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted them to take their time after all they have been through, and I hope you feel the same way.
> 
> And if I do not change it again, this is the penultimate chapter.

The mystical green of the sea darkens in some places to an irresistible blue and the surf glistens silvery in the distance. Charlotte's eyes sparkled as she gazed in wonder at the pastel-coloured villas glowing in the late afternoon sun. Nor did she wait for Sidney to help her out of the carriage, but got out immediately when they stopped in front of the last house in the street, a lemon yellow one. Sidney smiled as he recognized her almost childlike curiosity in her gaze and felt the spirit of adventure vibrating in her and the air around her. He was very much looking forward to their time together and could hardly wait to move into the cottage with her.

An elderly gentleman came out of the lemon-yellow house and greeted them in English, explaining that they had to walk to their house for the last few minutes because the path was so small that it was simply too dangerous for a horse-drawn carriage. Two young lads loaded their suitcases onto a handcart and one of them pulled it along a sandy path in front of them. The older gentleman, a Monsieur Arbustes, put Charlotte's arm around his and was so enchanted by her charm that he seemed to forget her husband completely. Sidney smiled and let his gaze wander across the landscape.

On their short way they passed a few small cottages that stood there as if casually. As if a giant had thrown them into the landscape. Each of them had a wooden sign in front of the small garden, giving one the name of the small cottage. 'Jardin du soleil', stood there, in already flaking orange letters, 'Jardin de fleurs' stood on the next sign in a bright violet. Sidney was looking at an unreadable sign in green letters when Charlotte snuggled up by his side and beamed at him with an enchanting smile that took his breath away for a moment. 

"Ours is up there."   
"Hmmm." Sidney nodded at her but didn't follow her finger, just tenderly gazed at her, which let her cheeks slowly blush.

"Le jardin de la mer." cried Monsieur Arbustes and pointed up the small hill where the house stood, framed on either side by broad rocks.

They hurried up the small, rocky path and looked at the completely unreadable sign leaning against the wall of the house. Charlotte took his hand and leaned against his shoulder and they both looked at the play of colours of the almost turquoise shining sea below them.

Monsieur Arbustes called and told them to enter the small house. The lad who had brought the suitcases bowed, and before Sidney could give him a little money, he was gone. 

From the small corridor a door led off to the left and right, and straight ahead into a large parlour.

"Oh, Sidney!" cried Charlotte and ran to the glass door leading out onto a narrow terrace with a small but lush garden. Below was the sparkling sea, with a small beach section.

Monsieur Arbustes repeated the name of their new home once more and then gestured to Charlotte to come with him. One of the doors from the hall led into a small kitchen, which reminded her of her home in Willingden. On a small table in front of the narrow, high window stood a basket with a large loaf of bread, various fruits and vegetables.

"But today you have dinner with us," said Mr Arbustes, pointing to the clock, "my wife will have dinner ready in half an hour."   
The two thanked him, but insisted that he did not have to wait for them and that they would find their way back to his house.

Sidney closed the door behind him and saw with pleasure that Charlotte had already taken off her hat and coat and was now facing him in the corridor. With two steps he was with her, took her face in his hands and kissed her long on her lips. When he detached himself from her and looked at her, she had her eyes still closed, and without another word she pulled him down by the collar of his jacket once more. Only when he embraced her with his arms and her fingers slid under his tie, did they separate, looking at each other impishly for a moment and leaning against each other to catch their breath.

"There's a water pump," she said after a while and then pulled him into the small kitchen.

Sidney took off his jacket and tie and pumped water after he had rolled up his shirtsleeves and watched, slightly amused, his wife, who stared at his arms and nibbled thoughtlessly at her lower lip.

"Charlotte." She didn't respond. "Charlotte?"  
"Hmm, yes?" Her eyes met his.  
"I think that's enough water, don't you?"

The washbowl he had filled was almost filled to the brim and both of them grinned as he took it to the small bedroom with the spacious bed. Both avoided looking at the inviting looking piece of furniture. 

While Charlotte washed off the dust of the journey and changed her clothes, Sidney waited on the terrace and after he had done the same, they strolled leisurely along the sandy path back to the little village.

Dinner at the home of Monsieur Arbustes and his wife was a pleasant meeting. The food was incredibly delicious, but also very generous. The fragrant herbs and the fried fish were served with lots of baguettes and fresh vegetables. But he and Charlotte were apparently still hungry from the hardships on the whiskey farm and took it heartily.   
Charlotte got along very well linguistically after some minor difficulties at the beginning and talked to Madame Arbustes about her home, her siblings and the love for books she shared with her father and her husband. They smiled at each other and Sidney kissed her hand, which made the Arbustes smile. Of course, they realized that they were deeply in love and perhaps sometimes they forgot that they were not alone. They overlooked it or pretend not to see it.

Sidney soon noticed that the later the evening became, Charlotte was not only tired from the journey and the wine, but also that there was a certain nervousness around her that made her more and more fidgety. She had already dropped her fork twice, accidentally knocked over her glass and laughed strangely hollow when Monsieur Arbustes told them something funny. Her heavy eyes shone to him again and again, and he could see a certain question in her gaze. And he could hardly suppress his longing for her as well.

She looked first at her lap, then under the table as she searched for her napkin. Sidney saw her convulsively trying not to move her hand, where the lemon juice ran down, with which she had splashed the shell she had tasted for the first time in her life tonight. Without thinking about what he was doing, Sidney grabbed her hand and led her fingers to his mouth. In shock, Charlotte opened her eyes. Her gaze rushed to her hosts, but they weren't looking at them right in this moment and therefore couldn't see what Charlotte felt with her whole body. The soft warmth with which Sidney's mouth sucked lightly on her fingers. A jolt went through her and her whole being became hot and seemed to vibrate. Only when a shaky sigh fell over her lips did Sidney let go of her hand. Only now realizing what he had just done.

Their eyes met briefly before Charlotte, still gasping for breath, lowered her gaze and tried to cool her bright red cheeks by pressing her other hand against them. Repeatedly she glanced shyly at Sidney, who was sitting there with his clenched jaw and staring at his plate. It took him a moment to calm down and lean towards her.

"Forgive me."

The deep tone of his voice sent a shiver down her back and his eyes showed her his serious concern. Their glances interlocked and she nodded with flushed cheeks. And the look in her eyes made him swallow hard and lick his suddenly dry lips.

"The long journey takes its toll," said Madame Arbustes, smiling sympathetically at the tired young couple in front of her.

"Oh no, I..." began Charlotte and Sidney also tried an excuse, but motherly care won out and after a last sip of wine and good wishes for the night, one of the young boys accompanied Charlotte and Sidney with a burning lantern to their new home.

Hesitantly, they faced each other in the bedroom and Charlotte bit her lips so wildly with nervous fear that they were already red. Sidney tenderly put his hand on her cheek and stroked her lower lip with his thumb until she freed it from her teeth. He felt her fast beating pulse at her neck and her rapid breathing caused her breasts to sink up and down rapidly. 

"Charlotte."  
"Yes?" Her voice was a scratchy sound.  
"I love you."

His voice was so warm, it wrapped around her body like a warming blanket. And the smile he gave her, made her feel secure and suddenly the warmth seeped deeper and her whole body seemed to relax. Sidney kissed the tip of her nose, her cheek and stroked her forehead tenderly with his lips, making her shiver. Pressing a kiss into her hair, he promised her…

"All in our time."  
"But my mother said..." her voice died when she thought of all the things her mother had said, he put a finger on her mouth. 

"She also told you to find someone else." He chuckled briefly and she nodded up at him, laughing.   
"So you're telling me not to listen to my mother?"  
He nodded with a grin.  
"I like that." She leaned in for a quick kiss.

"I would say", he cleared his throat shortly "we sleep now and see when morning sun will rise."

Suddenly she had tears in her eyes and whispered in a husky voice.  
"You are my sun." 

Her warm hand on his cheek showed him how her feelings overwhelmed her. And he held her hand there, smiling at this beautiful feeling and touched her forehead with his.

"And... I love you." She whispered into the air between them, and Sidney was just filled with happiness.

With the cry of the first seagulls Sidney awoke in a mixture of warmth and cool morning wind. His feet and shins lay on a pile of cloth as far as he could feel it, which was probably the blanket. The heat emanating from her, pressed against his side, warmed his whole body. Her head lay on his chest, her quiet breath tickling the naked skin at the neckline of his sleeping shirt. But the thing that made his heart beat the deepest was the realization that in an almost possessive pose she had stretched her arm across his chest and her hand clawed at his neck. This also made him nearly forget that across his thigh lay an almost uncovered, smooth leg, whose knee was attached to a rather... private place. He swallowed and tried to concentrate on other things.

His hand was hidden under the silky fullness of her hair, which he stroked absent-mindedly as he was thinking about last night. Her nervous breath, her flushed cheeks, her tense body as he pulled her to him. He kissed her just a little on the hair and wished her good night. How her body relaxed and sank more and more heavily on him. And within a short time he heard her calm breath. It was the best feeling to hold her in his arms without being scared. Without worrying what might happen. No rush. No fear to be followed. No commitments to their families, no pressure to do anything they didn't want to do. 

It was just the two of them. 

And he would do anything to make her feel safe. Making her happy was the most important task he had ever set for himself. And even if it was hard to hold back, he had to show her that everything was about her and that she was setting the pace. He could wait. Because anything was possible, as long as she was with him.

The next morning Charlotte woke up with a frightening scare when she could not feel Sidney beside her. Putting on her dressing gown, she ran into the salon with a pounding heart and let out her held breath in relief when she saw him on the terrace. He prepared a small breakfast. The worn out armchairs looked comfortable and he was about to go into the kitchen when she came to meet him and hugged him wordlessly.

"I've missed you."

He kissed her on the forehead and looked her lovingly in the eyes. 

"I couldn't sleep anymore and thought I'd make breakfast."

"Hmm, that sounds good." She pressed her face to his chest one last time before she separated from him and went back to the room to get ready for the day.

There was a smile on her face when she came back. He was sitting there, his long legs stretched out in front of him. Barefoot and he had his eyes closed. The symbol of total relaxation, without a tie, the shirt sleeves fluttering in the light fresh wind that threw a gush of salty air towards them.

Without saying anything, he reached out his hand to her, he could feel her before the slightest sound revealed that she was there. Touched by this realization, she let her hand slide into his and let him pull her towards him. Sidney kissed the back of her hand twice before he enclosed her hand with his two large hands and looked at her with that stunning smile, which sent a tingling sensation through her body. 

"So Madame Parker," he said in a feignedly affected tone and pulled her onto his lap "What are your plans for this morning?" He leaned closer, but she decided to tease him a little.

"Well, let me think..." her gaze wandered into the distance "having breakfast, drinking a tea...hmm maybe sitting in the garden..." he squeezed her side and grinned to her playful manner.   
"I could read a book or go to the village..." Charlotte looked at him amused as he emitted a small growl.   
"Alone, or Monsieur Parker could come with me..." She teased him with more details, what she would like to do, and with every word she said, he growled a little louder, but did nothing, just drew her closer.

Charlotte then suddenly looked at him with an intensity that swept the smile off his face and the next moment her lips lay soft and gorgeous on his. 

"I might..." she kissed him again.   
"…as well..." she stroked her lips along his cheek to his jaw.   
"…just spend..." she kissed his ear and the part underneath.   
"…the whole day..." she nibbled at his neck slightly and Sidney got goose bumps from her words and her actions.   
Her voice took on a hoarse tone as she muttered into his skin and kissed the tender spot under his throat   
"…kissing my husband." 

Sidney sucked in the air and his head fell backwards to give her better access. She kissed across his throat, pushed her face into his stubble and sat up in his lap so far that her face hovered over him. She pushed her hands into his hair and just held him tight. Sidney opened his heavy eyes and looked at her for a moment before he captured her mouth and kissed her so slowly and tenderly that Charlotte was really thinking of doing nothing else all day but let her husband kiss her.

Silently they looked at the glittering sea that lay beneath them behind a small white sandy beach. 

"Monsieur Arbustes said there was a staircase." 

Charlotte explained after a while, when she took Sidney's hand, which had been resting against her cheek the whole time. She brought it to her lips and kissed his knuckles.

"That's why Babington likes it here, I think."   
"Because of the isolation?"  
"Yes, too."  
"The simple life?"  
"Hmm."  
"What else?"

Sidney looked deep into her eyes as he leaned in a little closer. The air between them seemed to flicker. Charlotte looked at his lips and opened hers slightly, but said nothing. 

"Our beach is out of sight of anyone." 

His voice had taken on that slightly rough tone and Charlotte's breath had quickened. 

"You want to go swimming?" she asked him breathless.  
"Well, maybe." 

There was something naughty about his grin, and it was only from the glint in his eye that she knew he had something else on his mind.

But Charlotte was able to rattle him just as she knew she could. She slipped away from his hand. Bent over and slowly began to take off her shoes. Irritated, he looked at her, but said nothing as she slowly pulled up her skirt. Only when she heard him hold his breath, did she bite her lip to avoid a grin. She opened the band of her stockings and looked at him across the table. He had clenched his jaw and stared at the deep blue sea, although she was sure he didn't see anything.

"Come on!" 

Charlotte reached out to him as she stood up and hand in hand they walked through their tiny wild flower garden and climbed down the rocky stairs to the beach.

The picture from the side of the water was overwhelming and Charlotte held her hand in front of her eyes to see better. From here she couldn't see their little garden or the house, the angle only allowed a view of the rocks, which looked more massive from here than when she was standing on the terrace. To the left towards the small fishing village, the chalk coast raised sharply in majestic white from the now somewhat roaring blue sea. To the right the cliff fell straight down into the sea, thus creating its natural barrier. 

They were alone. 

Protected and isolated. She looked for his gaze and he smiled happily at her. Calf deep in the water with his trouser legs rolled up and his shirt pulled out of it. The overwhelming urge to feel the sensation of his arms around her and his warm soft lips on hers seemed to be written on her face, because as soon as she started to move, he came towards her as well.

One hand lay warm on her cheek and the other between her shoulder blades. Hot and smooth, her lips lay on his and Sidney seemed to breathe her in with his whole body. Her honey scent mingled with the salty air of the sea and the promise of what was to come. Her skin tasted of the sun and her lips of the heavy wine of love he felt for her. Charlotte stretched out on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck as she deepened the kiss, and his arms wrapped around her slender body and lifted her up a little higher, pressed against him, so that they were at eye level. Her hands tousled his hair.

Both gasped sighing for breath as he let her slowly slide down his body. Her toes bored into the damp sand as he first covered her cheek and chin, then her jaw up to her ear, with light kisses. Charlotte could not suppress a moan as he sipped the spot under her ear. 

"Ahh." 

Sidney exhaled breathlessly as she did the same and then sucked lightly on his pulse point. He tightened his grip on her, even to keep himself upright. His head fell to his neck as her lips found their way down his collarbone to his slightly open shirt. Charlotte kissed the spot above his heart and embraced his middle.

The next wave swooped surprisingly almost to her knees and laughingly they parted from each other. 

When Charlotte looked down, she discovered a beautiful shell and picked it up. She walked a little further and found more treasures while Sidney tried to gather himself. He closed his eyes and lifted his face into the sun, lost in thought.

Charlotte scooped water and let it run down her heated cheeks and neck to calm her down. Kissing him was so overwhelming and the turmoil that raged in her body completely threw her off her balance. Not only was she incredibly warm and it tingled where he had touched her, no everything seemed to float, she seemed to float. And it burned. Inside her. She believed, no, she knew that only he could erase this fire, and yet she was afraid of it.

Her mother had told her that when you make love it was somehow beautiful, but that it was painful and very unpleasant, especially the first time. She was also convinced that men in general, but especially young married men, could hardly wait to be alone with their wives and to finally do it.

Charlotte looked over to Sidney and watched him stand at the edge of the water, let the sun shine in his face and make a completely relaxed impression. Even last night, he hadn't pushed her to do anything or shown her in any way that he wanted anything else but to be with her. The safety she felt when she lay in his arms was the most beautiful feeling he could give her. Well, besides the tingling kisses and the soft touches. Her heart began to pound and she exhaled heavily.

Because of her thoughts, she had the feeling that a small heavy weight lay over them and she wanted to wipe it away. She slowly crept up to him and threw water at him in a gush.

Sidney turned to her and pulled a face so that Charlotte didn't know how he would react at first until she saw this glow in his eyes. Brave enough she splashed him wet once more and he jumped forward and grabbed at her, but she escaped him and ran away faster than he would have thought at first. He ran after her, tried to cut off her way, but instead of grabbing her, she caught him again with a gush of water.   
They laughed completely relaxed and casually, and Charlotte was already feeling safe when he suddenly ran towards her. Once more she managed to run away from him, grabbed a handful of wet sand and threw it at him.

"Charlotte!" he shouted in a pretended angry tone, knocking the sand off his shirt smiling, kicking water in her direction and laughing as the next wet ball of sand slammed against his chest. 

First he stopped and Charlotte planned to run past him to the stairs, because the water was coming closer and she didn't plan to go swimming in her dress. Shortly distracted, she hadn't noticed that he had come a step closer. The look in his eyes and the smoothness of his movement resembled that of a predator, and Charlotte swallowed when his eyes met hers and she was warm again. She ran towards the stairs, but of course she had no chance against him and his long legs.

One step. A second, and then he grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. With her back pressed against his chest and her legs fidgeting in the air, he pulled her out of the increasingly wild water. Her skirt was soaked, her curls stuck wet to her head and her laughter echoed in him until he carried her to the rocky stairs. There he set her down, but he didn't let her free from the firm grip of his arms and kissed the tender spot between her neck and her shoulder.

"Oh."

Charlotte breathed overwhelmed and laid her head to the side. Sipping and licking her salty neck, she pushed her hand into his hair and pulled him down to her. She did not want him to stop. He was not allowed to stop!

Very slowly he let his hands run over her body as she turned towards him and before he knew what was happening she brushed his lips with her tongue. Sidney made a throaty sound. His hands stroked up her body as if by magic and found their way over her soft curves.

Charlotte moaned and turned completely towards him and he could deepen the kiss and hold her tight. His hands at her sides, his thumbs near a spot she really wished he would touch.

Only when the waves caught up with where they were standing, did they separate and look at each other with heavy eyes, before they climbed the stairs with beating hearts and whirling feelings.

Sidney watched Charlotte with fascination as she was dealing with the sellers at the market. Not only did she manage to cut costs, but also to get at least one bite of a delicacy for free. She also made new friends at the stands with small chopped-up blankets and cloths, but she did not want to buy anything she did not need, no matter how hard he and the stand owners tried to make her.

"Why do you always want to buy me something?" she asked, shaking her head while she put her arm around his.

"I want you to be happy."  
"I am." She beamed at him and his heart skipped a beat.  
"And want you to lack nothing your heart desires."

She stopped, tears glistening in her eyes as she moved closer, but still kept the distance of propriety. 

"My heart only desires you."

And her breathless whisper let him close his eyes, how could that be, that she loved him as much as he loved her? Charlotte cleared her throat and asked him if he also wanted to try the food at one of the next stands, they were walking to, the woman waved at her, since they had tasted some of her fruits earlier.

"You make friends everywhere, don't you?"  
"Most of the time." She replied somewhat sheepishly.  
"And it seems a lot of..." he looked at the salesman at the booth across the way that yelled at her to come back and visit his stand again.

"That's where the name comes from." 

He looked at her questioningly.

"Lotts," she giggled briefly, "my father used to say 'lots of friends' and my mother said things like 'lots of trouble." 

Both laughed and Sidney wanted to know why this was and she told him more funny stories from her childhood. Her many friends from the village, and her not so girl-like behaviour. 

Sidney let her order the meal and pay and she seemed overjoyed to be able to do everything without his permission.

"How come you speak French so well?" he asked with interest and grabbed a fried aubergine from her plate.

"One of the field workers on the farm was French."  
"He taught you?" a small wave of jealousy swept over Sidney until she told him more about the man.  
"He was very old and eventually collapsed in the heat and my father offered to teach French to us children rather than die on the fields." She laughed.

Later that day, after they had brought the entire delicacies home, and sent the first letters to their loved ones at home, they had prepared a lovely but modest meal together. Charlotte was amazed at her husband's ability to roast a chicken, and after they had eaten together and sat on the terrace talking for hours, that certain heaviness settled over her again. After Sidney had lit the fireplace in the bedroom and checked once more that all the doors were really locked, a habit he had brought back from Scotland, they lay in bed facing each other. In the flickering light of the candles she had lighted and the golden warmth of the fireplace, they smiled at each other full of loving expectations.

Sidney didn't want to rush things. They should get to know each other slowly. With light fingers he stroked a curl from her forehead and ran his fingers tenderly over her face and neck. Over the material of her nightdress, which covered barely her shoulders and down her arm. She had goose bumps and her eyes got this special gleam. He brought her hand to his lips, kissed it and laid it on his cheek, as he often did. It was a silent invitation for her to do it just like him.

A light smile lay on her face. No fear or uncertainty. 

Charlotte began the path over his face. Stroke across his eyebrows and nose. As she stroked his lips, he closed his eyes and made a pleasant sound. She moved closer and kissed him gently on the mouth before letting her fingers continue their journey. Over his stubble that he just could never shave off completely, she loved the sound her fingernails made when she stroked over it. Slowly her fingers glided across his neck, his pulse throbbing under her touch as fast as her own. Over the smooth skin above his collarbone, to the spot of skin, which the open collar of his shirt exposed.

She stroked down his sleeve-covered arm. His muscles twitched under the light pressure of her fingers and she was imbued with the desire to feel his skin. Pulling the blanket down to his hips and as her throat was dry, she didn't know if she could speak a word, so she grabbed the fabric of his shirt at the height of his belly and tugged it upwards. With her gaze fixed on his throat where his Adam's apple hopped in a fascinating way before she dared to look into his eyes again, she slowly stroked his chest. 

"Do you want me to take it off?" he asked in a hoarse tone and she was only able to nod. 

Sidney sat up and pulled the shirt over his head and threw it carelessly out of the bed before slowly lying down again exactly at the same place as before. His breath went faster as she gently touched his chest again and then stroked slowly up to his shoulder. Down his arm. Fascinated as his muscles danced under her touch, she stroked his forearm again. Charlotte took his hand, brought it to her lips and laid it on her cheek. She wanted him to touch her. Her eyes lay heavy on his, as he gently pulled her face closer and kissed her carefully. 

Moving closer, she deepened the kiss. Almost desperately, she held on to his face, hoping he would caress her. Not only on her face and neck, she wanted him to do the same what he did on the beach in the morning, she wanted... Oh.

Sidney hovered sideways over her, looking at her with a look that seemed to have a thousand questions and as many answers, and she closed her eyes and leaned towards him. They kissed. Slowly. Tenderly. His lips laid a burning path across her face, down her neck and the half naked skin of her shoulder. It tickled as he stroked down her arm. He sucked gently on her wrist, kissing her palm softly first, then as if he were drowning and her hand a vessel of precious water.

She embraced his face with her fingers and pulled him to her. Her lips were already waiting for him before he threw them both into a wild rush of desire. They get drunk on the love for each other and showed it with their lips. Sidney could no longer keep his searching fingers at rest as they clawed into the fabric of her nightdress on her shoulder. He slowed down their kisses, detached lightly to look at her beautiful body, which became visible under her nightgown.

Only when she locked her eyes with his, did he begin the delicate journey of his fingers. Her breath faltered. As he let his fingers fly over her soft curves. The aching tips rose towards him, but his hand wandered lower. Stroked across her side, her waist, and the curve of her hips. There he grabbed the blanket and threw it back.

Suddenly his hand lay burning on her thigh. Both closed their eyes, at the sensation of his fingers on the never touched skin. Sidney leaned heavily beside her and let his fingers slowly slide under the fabric of her nightgown. Charlotte shivered. His fingernails scratched gently across her thigh and as her breath picked up, he stroked her with loving care across her bottom to her back. There he waited. Spreading his fingers he pressed into the small of her back, so she moved a bit closer. Barely touching, he let his lips run over hers, until she had her breath under control enough that he dared to continue.

The warmth of her back under his fingers. The heat of her body only separated from the fabric of her garment. Oh, how he longed to feel her skin on his.

Charlotte reached for his face and kissed him. First slowly, then she became more secure and when he dared to put his hand between her shoulder blades, she pressed herself against him so hard that he could clearly feel her longing. He groaned in the skin of her neck and kissed her in a burning rush and Charlotte believed again that he wanted to crawl into her neck.

A sigh fell over her lips as he kissed along her jaw and his fingers slipped from her shoulder blade under her arm. Silently he asked her for permission and she knew that her answer would change everything. Charlotte pulled him in for another kiss and let her fingers stroke his jaw, flew over his neck and shoulder. Their eyes locked, as she brushed his upper arm. 

Sidney sighed her name like a caress as Charlotte let her arm sink slowly to the mattress.


	23. Hold me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now the two get closer a bit more and spend an exciting time full of love in France.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is now really the penultimate chapter. But I hope I make the farewell a little easier with this chapter full of feelings. 
> 
> If you don't like it at all when the two get even closer, you should skip the middle part, although of course I don't write explicit.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter before the epilogue.

"I hope you find a nice home there in Sanditon," Madame Arbustes said to Charlotte as they watched the tide approach from the promenade.

"Yes, I feel like I can breathe freedom there." 

Charlotte said back dreamily and looked over her shoulder at the lemon-yellow home of the nice lady beside her, where Sidney had disappeared a while ago with her husband to fetch the mail. Even now she could not stand to be separated from him for just a short time. When Sidney finally came out the door and looked at her from a distance. Charlotte took a deep breath. 

"It's more like your husband makes you feel that way." 

Madame Arbustes noticed with a smile and squeezed Charlotte’s arm in understanding. She nodded and her cheeks blushed lightly as she admitted to herself, that she would have loved to nestle into his arms in that very moment. But that had to wait until they were alone again. 

The past few days were filled with lazy being together. Long staying in bed, extensive breakfast in their small garden and endless walks on the beach. As soon as they were in their little secluded beach or in their house, they sank into each other's arms and kissed and caressed each other until they lay entangled together, breathing heavily. 

Sometimes Sidney would turn on his back and press his hand against his forehead as if he had a headache, sometimes he would go swimming far away from her in the freezing cold water. But often he was so cuddly that he pulled her very tight and breathed heavily into her neck. Most of the time they faced each other then and talked about their childhood, dreams, their feelings or they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

But no matter what they did and how deeply they kissed, this burning deep inside her stomach was only erased for a short time before it burned brightly again.

Sidney held up a letter and beamed all over his face as he came closer.   
"You won't believe who arrived in Sanditon!"

Charlotte picked up the letter and flew over it. She pressed her hand to her breast and looked at him speechlessly.

"Good news?" asked Madame Arbustes. 

The four of them slowly walked over to the waiting carriage that would take them today to a neighbour village. The young couple wanted to buy souvenirs for their families and friends back home.

"Yes, friends of ours have arrived in Sanditon," Charlotte said happily "Martha and Gerry." Then asked Sidney, "and they really want to fix up a house for us?"

"Yes," he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb as he helped her into the carriage. "Tom was supposed to take care of it, but..." he shrugged and both remembered briefly all the grief Tom had caused them.

"You didn't tell me you asked him to do so." She smiled, happy to see Martha again in the near future.

"It was supposed to be a surprise." 

He smiled his crooked smile and Charlotte wondered once again if he knew what he was doing to her. Her heart fluttered and she had to lower her gaze not to forget that they were not alone.

"So that's why you were asking me questions before you last wrote to him?" She asked while she stroked over her dress.

"Yes, but I didn't found a house with the lush garden, so you'll have to do it yourself."

Sidney then told the Arbustes that he had remembered a small house, similar to the one here, which once belonged to a fisherman who had been a friend of his father. 

"But don't you want to settle down there properly?" asked Madame Arbustes, surprised, feeling that they wanted to start a family.

"Yes, but we'll also be travelling a lot." Sidney returned and abruptly drew back his hand when he realised he had put it on Charlotte's knee.

"To promote Sanditon as a beach resort." Said Charlotte whose voice was slightly husky.

"Oh," waved Monsieur Arbustes away, "such a place must grow over the years, you can't expect and force it over night." 

He explained and involved Sidney in a conversation about the proper advertising for such a place and how they had managed to make a lord aware of their little treasure here by the rough sea.

The morning passed in a blink when they visited one of the smaller villages nearby. They bought souvenirs in the form of dried spices and lavender and also found one or two painted plates and books in French for their loved ones. Sidney shook his head over Charlotte who made the merchants give them one or two small gifts on top of it with her unaware charm. She tried hard to stop people from doing that, but before they could get angry, she gratefully accepted the small gifts. 

In the early afternoon they were all so hungry that they went to a small restaurant and Charlotte worked the cook so long that she gave her the secret family recipe for the fish soup that everyone enjoyed so much.

As Charlotte ran to the carriage in front of them, almost bouncing with joy of life, Madame Arbustes patted her eyes. Her husband asked anxiously what was wrong and she only returned softly. 

"After the short time I've known her, I just know I'm going to miss her terribly."

Monsieur Arbustes laughed modestly and shook his head as he looked up to Sidney, but he just nodded and confirmed. 

"Yes, she did that to me, too."

After they had returned home and refreshed briefly, they met with their hosts and the other residents in the guesthouses for a picnic on the beach lined with dunes. The cheerful mood and the attractions for old and young, reminded Charlotte of the day by the river when she first stared at Sidney's forearms as if she were alone with him. She looked over at him as he rolled up his shirtsleeves as if he had heard her thoughts, but instead looking at her, he helped the men rebuild a collapsed tent. 

Charlotte got very warm. Realizing the fact that she desperately wanted to be alone with him again. Her fingertips forced to follow these firm muscles. The need to feel his arms around her was most urgent. He would then twirl her around or press her against himself. She wanted to be grabbed by him and kissed. More than that, she just wanted to be held by him. But what drove the blush into her cheeks was the realization that she longed for his hands to touch her body.

She was supposed to distract herself because the day was far from over and she started to search for the most beautiful shells with the children of the village. 

Sidney kept looking over to Charlotte who was walking along the beach quite far away with some children and other women.

It made him long for her closeness. But more than that, he longed for his hands on her body. She was so soft and warm and her skin was so smooth. And he knew she felt the same. Every step was one too close, every touch lingered for a moment too long and he saw in her eyes the same longing that stormed in him. He knew he could not hold back much longer, he wanted to give her time, but he could not resist her anymore.

Sidney knew that only a touch of her would be enough, that he would throw all his good intentions overboard and kiss her senselessly. A whole day with people around was just too much. Though the day was beautiful, he wished it were over soon. He wanted to be alone with her. He desired her as much as he loved her. It was essential to life. To feel her quickening breath on his skin, her little breathless noises that almost drove him mad. 

But more than that he wanted to pull her into his arms and be held by her. How it was possible that such a small, soft person could give him so much strength was a mystery to him, but that was the way it was.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice at first how everyone suddenly ran around like startled chickens and put their things into the baskets they had brought with them. He looked around questioningly and saw dark clouds approaching in the sky. They were accompanied by lightning and a deep rumble, and no sooner had he helped Monsieur Arbustes to take down one of the tents and bring it to the promenade than the wind began to pick up and whip up the waves of the now almost black sea.

Before he even looked out for Charlotte, she came back with the children and the other women. She helped all the others and Sidney felt once again that Charlotte liked water in any form. She didn't seem to be annoyed or upset that the rain that started poured down her dress and threatened to ruin her hair. Laughing she came quickly towards him and before she could reach him he took his coat and immediately put it around her shoulders. No one was allowed to see her like that, although they both suddenly seemed to be alone on the beach.

Her flushed, wet face almost made him want to kiss her, but he held back and just told her. 

"We have to go home."

Laughing, they ran to their house, up the narrow path, although that didn't change, as they were soaked after only a few steps. Charlotte already pulled his heavy wet jacket off her shoulders, as the door stuck a little and Sidney pushed against it with his shoulder. It squealed when he could finally push it open. The two of them stumbled together two steps into the small hallway and Charlotte grabbed Sidney's upper arm to avoid slipping. The touch was so unexpected that it sent a jolt through Sidney’s tens body and he turned to her in a blink of an eye. Stunned, Charlotte gasped for breath and her stomach was tingling. 

His look was like the one he had on the beach when he had playfully chased her. Charlotte felt the heat rise to her cheeks. Then he quickly came two steps towards her, she took a step back at the same time, as if in a dance. 

He stretched out his arms to both sides next to her head and pushed the door shut. Leaning her back against it to keep her upright as he towered over her. Charlotte felt her knees give way, as if a wave had unexpectedly torn her legs away. As their eyes locked, her breath went faster and in the next moment his lips lay hot and demanding on hers and she gave in to the passion that had been seething under her skin all day. 

The coat fell to the floor with a damp splash. Her fingers searched for hold on his face and in his hair, she heard him moaning throatily. His hands just leaned against the door, pushed powerfully into her hair and the kiss was overwhelming. 

Her fingers pulled on the hair and clawed into his shirt and didn't let go, not even when she heard Sidney make a small, painful sound. Their longing for each other carried them both away. Lips and hands ran searchingly for hold across their necks and faces. Sidney breathed heavily her name in her ear. It was pouring a burning trail of liquid fire through her veins. The kiss was so all consuming that Charlotte became so weak that she sank whimpering towards him.

Sidney tore himself away from her as if he had been burned, too. Yet he pushed an arm around her body and stroked her cheek tenderly. He looked at her with an expression of some kind of awe. Speechless. His look begged for forgiveness, but the fire that raged in Charlotte was not yet extinguished. Her breath was quick, tickling his lips before she leaned closer and kissed him back. As passionate as he did. 

Then suddenly he was on his knees. He opened the bows of her shoes and took them off. Not only to keep the dirt in the hallway, but also to gather himself for a moment. He had to calm down, otherwise he would get weak and would not be able to bring her to the other room. He stroked her feet and legs with the back of his hand and slowly stood up again. Kissing her more slowly but no less passionately, he wrapped his arms around her. Then she floated. 

Sidney carried her into the bedroom and even if it was disturbing, he put her back on her feet for a moment. They had to get out of those wet clothes. His heart was pounding in his chest. As he walked around her, unbuttoning her dress far too slowly. Charlotte shivered. Worried she would freeze Sidney embraced her. Kissed her shoulder and whispered.

"I'm just lighting the fire." 

Charlotte nodded, even though she was warm enough. More as warm, she was… glowing. Thinking a short cool down would do her good she went to the window and opened it. Inhaling the cool air, she took off her dress. Sidney seemed to have trouble lighting the fire and muttered something incomprehensible. After she closed the window to let the rain not soak the floor any longer, she walked back and opened her petticoat and let it slide to the floor.

It was the first time she stood before him in just her chemise...not the first time, but first time at daylight. Back on the whiskey farm it was always night, but now it was a grey afternoon, light enough to see everything. But she was not embarrassed. She wanted him to look at her. The longing for his hands that slowly caress her body was almost impossible to bear.

"Sidney." Charlotte whispered behind him and he turned around.

Immediately he stood up and he couldn’t help but let his gaze drop and caressed her delicate body with his eyes as he went closer. 

The narrow strip of skin that lies between the chemise and her stockings demanded his attention. Slowly he let his gaze wander higher. Over the seam of her chemise, the dark shadow where her legs kissed, the barely concealed feelings that raged inside her.

Reaching out she tugged at his shirt. Sidney came a step closer. Charlotte pulled it out of his trousers and looked him in the eyes. He understood, and tore it from his body in one smooth move. Breathless he watched her touch the ribbons on the neckline of her chemise. 

Almost seductively in her careful movement, she opened the loop. Even more slowly she stroked her fingers along the neckline to her shoulders.

"Charlotte." And her name was a question. Are you sure?

She said nothing. Just looked up at him. Piercing, and it burned inside his chest. Charlotte took his hand and guided it slowly to her mouth. Kissing his palm. He swallowed, before he dared to ask. 

“May I?”

Charlotte didn’t nod her head. She just smiled. Her breathing came in waves through her slightly open lips. His long fingers trailed a burning path over her cheeks and graceful neck. Over the soft skin on her collarbones. His dark eyes sent a pleasant shiver down her spine and her slightly tense posture eased as he stroked his fingers over her shoulders. The heat pouring out of her made him pause briefly. Leaning in he kissed her gently on her mouth and at the same time pushed the thin cloth carefully down the curve of her shoulders. Consider not being too hasty. Trying to slowly peel her out of her chemise. He kept looking into her eyes as he slowly tugged the material down her upper arms. Charlotte trembled as it got caught on her curves, which missed his touch. But Sidney continued to look into her eyes.

“Kiss me.” 

She whispered, and he didn’t wait a moment, closed the gasp between them and kissed her almost painful gently on her lips, that tears welled up in her eyes. His hands let go of the fabric and let them slowly glide around her shoulders and in her hair. Sidney drew her closer. And she sank into the kiss and him. 

Far away he heard the rain pelting against the window, the small fire hissing. Breathing got louder. The slight rustling as her chemise slipped to the ground. And as he felt her warm skin on his chest for the first time he sighed at the magic beautifulness, as it was with her in his arms. They stood still for a moment. 

In small circles he run his fingers down her spine and she breathed heavily in his mouth as he touched the small of her back and lower. Lips found their way over her burning cheek, to her jaw and Charlotte was shaking in anticipation before his lips touched her neck. As he sucked lightly on the pulse point she crawled her fingernails in the skin of his side and the short hairs in his neck. Sidney didn’t even notice that her hands were roaming his body.

Charlotte kissed every piece of skin she could reach. Partly still cool from the rain. Other parts hot as she felt inside. She was aware of Sidney's slight hiss, as she ran her fingertips across his chest and stomach. The scratching of her fingernails on the button. 

She didn't dare. She wanted to, but she couldn't. Lightly he touched her face and leaned in for another gentle kiss while his hand brushed hers. Slowly she stroked her knuckles up his belly, over every hollow of his muscles as he opened the buttons. At the same time she was gliding her hands over his rips, his muscular chest, and the smooth skin of his shoulders. As her hands found their way around his neck, his trousers slid down his legs. Lightly trembling fingers crawled into the short hair in the back of his head, as she stepped closer. 

Charlotte was burning. For him. Sidney could see it on her flushed skin, in the depth of her eyes. Sensed it at every craving kiss. Every tempting touch. As his hands found their way to her curves, she stopped breathing. Sidney watched her close her eyes and sunk into his hands as he embraced the soft hills and stroked tenderly the delicate tips. He deepened the kiss and she pulled him closer. As she stretched on her toes, he wrapped his arms around her, pulled one of her legs up to his hip and lifted her up in one smooth movement. 

“Oh.” 

He sat on the bed and pulled her other leg up to him. She inhaled trembling, as he touched the smooth skin on her lower back. And the next moment she felt the cool bedding underneath her. And his hot body lightly pressed against hers. Their eyes merged into a yearning glow. Tears glittered in their eyes. Her hand against his cheek. Charlotte shook her head and her gaze told him more then thousand words could do.

He kissed her without restraint and let him sink more heavy on her. Oh, how she loved the pleasant weight of him! The feeling of him around her. It was like a cocoon of warmth. A safe cage. 

They didn't realize that the wild storm that was whirling around the house had pushed open the window and made the little flame in the fireplace tremble. They were so absorbed in the gentle touches and kisses full of tender desire, that it made them forget everything around them. 

Charlotte felt the wave crushing down on her and it pushed the breath out of her lungs. But she wasn’t afraid. She felt so incredible safe and loved.

Slightly he stroked his fingers over her calf to the hollow of the knee. Charlotte breathed in shaky and he smiled at her to relieve the tension.

"You have no idea how many times I wished I could do just that." Sidney gently kissed her shoulder. 

"To let my fingers run up your leg." He kissed down her arm. 

As he kissed her wrist, he reached under her knee and pulled the leg across his hip. His fingers opened the loop of her stockings and pushed it down. Slowly his fingers run over he feet, made her giggle. Laughing he kissed her lips. The dimple on her chin, the hollow beneath her throat. Hot kissed followed over her curves and belly.

Sighing his name she let him show her, how much he loved her. The flood threw her around on her gentle path through the waves and she let herself once again be carried away. 

Sidney then hovered over her, like she once dreamed and it was burning everywhere and this little blazing dot deep down in her belly longed for him even more. Charlotte looked up at him, lifted her face to capture his lips. Sidney stroked her cheek and searched for an answer for the unspoken question. And her smile was just more special as ever before. 

"Hold me." 

These barely whisper went trough him like a trail of hot water. 

One hand he had placed gently between her shoulder blades slid to her neck, the other hand with which he had wrapped her leg around his back, he pushed tenderly into her hair on top of her head. Thousand and more feather light kisses followed all over her face and he breathed in the honey scent of her skin. He placed his forehead on hers and breathed.

"Hold me, too." 

And her arms that had loosely wrapped around his neck strengthened her grip. So did her legs. And pulled him till he was lying pleasantly heavy on top of her. They continued to look into each other's eyes, never losing sight of each other, not even when her warm tightness embraced him.

They didn't move. The rhythmic beating of the window against the wall set the rhythm that their hearts followed. Both gasped for air with a throaty whimper. Tenderly she let her fingers run across his chest, across the stubble that had pleasantly stung her delicate skin. Sidney leaned down to her and used his lips to wipe the tears from her cheeks, which mingled with his own as he pressed his face against hers.

"Oh Sidney", she said in a serious voice as she stroked his hair.  
"How much I love you." And she smiled up to him mirroring his emotions.

"As much as I love you."

They lost each other in their eyes. The clapping of the window got louder and Sidney shifted his weight, looked with a painful expression on his face in the direction of the window. The cold night crept into the room, and he was thinking about closing the window. 

Feeling what was on his mind Charlotte whispered.  
“Don’t you dare and leave me.”

Nodding he smiled down.   
“Alright.”

He reached for the blanket and threw it over them. And as soon as he lied down, she snuggled up to him. 

The waves were crushing against the cliffs. Howling the wind run around the house. Trembling the small flame died in the fireplace. Stroking he lulled her to sleep and she murmured his name in her dreams.

*

"Can't we stay a little longer?" 

Sidney moaned. She knew perfectly well that he could not resist her gaze, but he tried to avoid looking into her deep eyes and shook his head. 

"Do we really have to go home so soon?"

He looked at her with a grin.  
"Soon?" He chuckled "We've already postponed our return twice..."

Slowly she let her hands move over his chest as she nestled up against him and kissed the spot above his heart. He felt her warmth despite the many layers of clothing and he sighed up in a playfully annoyed way, feeling her grin in his shirt.

"In a few weeks it' going to snow..." he took a deep breath as she slowly stroked down his sides.

"You are...dangerous."

He kissed her head and slowly stroked her back. She giggled unmoved into the fabric of his vest, which she then opened with practiced fingers and pushed it off his shoulders in a heartbeat.

"Charlotte!" feigned disapproval in his voice.   
"What are you doing?" 

She untied the knot in his tie and kissed the first bit of skin she could reach and pulled on his shirt.

"We're having dinner with the Arbustes'," he whispered as he unbuttoned her dress quickly.

"Then you'd better hurry up," she giggled and got the desired angry growl in reply, which sent a shiver down her back.

"I will certainly not." He grumbled into the skin on her neck.   
"I enjoy you far too much."

Her breath went faster as he pulled her out of her dress and underwear and a moment later he pressed her so tightly that she could feel how much he loved her.

"Sidney?"  
"Hmmm?" he laid her gently into the bed and kissed her honey-scented skin.  
"Seven weeks are not enough.” Charlotte kissed the spot beneath his throat.   
"It’s not enough…. for being alone with you." She stuttered as he kissed down her neck.

"Almost alone." Sidney grumbled before he leaned in and kissed her tenderly.  
"I know...but…" she hissed as he trailed kisses over her forehead "I just don't want to…share you with… more people."

She pulled a face like a petulant child and stroked his back.

"That's why..." he kissed her shoulder, "...we will live all alone" he moved his lips over her collarbone "and Martha and Gerry are..." he looked up in her face "...not living with us." 

"Please..." she looked him deep in his eyes, before she slowly kissed his neck up to his ear.

"Alright." Sidney sighed as he surrendered. "One week."  
"Two."  
"Tom will kill me. "  
"He won’t. "  
"Alright."

His eyes took on the look of a predator again and because the heat in her desperately needed to be released, she pulled him closer...

*

The dunes repeatedly interrupted the view of the glittering sea, which shimmered golden in the dawn. Sidney watched Charlotte turn into the cold sun and let the fresh east wind blow her hair out of her face. The woolly cape that Martha had once given her, she pulled tighter around her narrow shoulders. The snow was coming and the morning air was already freezing cold, but still she stood there as if they were still in that house in France, enjoying the last days of summer.

Her white nightdress peeked out from under her double-lined robe, which he had given her a month after their return to Sanditon. The colour was a memory of the turquoise sea under "Le jardin de la mer", which they both still missed terribly even more then two months after the farewell.

Since she was outdoors every day and the late autumn sun continued to make her skin shimmer honey-gold, she looked even fresher with this colour of her robe. And the blush that still rose in her cheeks when he looked at her like in this very moment made her eyes shine even more. God, how he loved her!

The refreshing wind that whirled her clothes around behind her, as if she were a mystical being in the mist of the morning fog, made her tremble and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his warming chest. As he laid his head on her shoulder and breathed in her neck, she shivered again. Although he knew that the shiver was because of him, he noticed.

"It's cold." 

"Yes, I've noticed that too." 

She smiled at him over her shoulder and as usual, he was caught unguarded and his heart lifted with such affection, so he could not help but kiss her tenderly. She moaned comfortably and turned in his embrace to deepen the kiss.

"Then come." 

He pulled her back into the house and pushed her to the table in their little dining room. She took a sip of her hot tea and watched him shovel his breakfast into his mouth as if there was nothing to eat all day.

"What?"  
"You won't starve to death." She laughed.  
"You know how it will be, Winterball tonight and Tom's going to make me work all the time." His face made a desperate expression.  
"But Mary will make sure there's food."  
"That doesn't mean he'll let me eat." He threw his crooked smile at her. 

"I could bring you something in secret." Charlotte whispered conspiratorial and took his hand and put it against her cheek. 

"You must look after all the fine ladies." 

He rolled his eyes when he realised they wouldn't see each other all day. For a moment he leaned over the table and kissed her, his gaze telling her exactly how he felt, and she nodded at him knowingly.

Then he seemed to remember his original plan again, to eat all the food what they had in store and continued.

"Leave some for us."

"I don't eat that much. There's enough food that..."

Then he stared at her.

Charlotte kept a straight face and drank another sip of her tea before slowly putting the cup down and letting her gaze wander across the table as if she was wondering what she could eat now.

"What was that?"

"Hmm?"

Sidney suddenly knelt beside her chair and turned her to him.

"You said, 'Leave some for us."  
"Yes, I did." She shrugged and stroked tenderly over his face.

"Us?"

She nodded happily and tears sparkled in her eyes as he pulled her in his arms. Amazed he whispered into her hair.

"Hold me."


	24. find you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of them have had a journey behind them and it has now led them here. 
> 
> Some find themselves or each other.   
> Some find what is really important in life.   
> Some find a home and friends. 
> 
> Some found the great love and a (new) family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear lovely readers,
> 
> thank you for being here and reading the last chapter.  
> I hope I won't disappoint you.
> 
> Thank you for your support and enthusiasm for this little story.
> 
> That you endured the suspense.   
> For suffering with them (and me), for loving them, how I wrote them.
> 
> This story has captured me emotionally even more than my others.  
> And of course I cried while writing the last chapter.
> 
> Please enjoy!

The cliffs formed a round niche before they fell into the wild, raging sea. That’s why the roar of the wild waves faded in the background. Although they smashed heavily against the rocks. The wind howled like it was a suffering animal in a trap. Maybe a wolf? The small storm blew through the trees in the near forest, and chased the sand over the stairs in the front of the house. Violently beat against the old, weather-beaten window shutters. The cold came through the cracks in the window frame and slipped under the doors into the house as if owning it.

Rustling.

The slight squeaking of a wooden door. Sand from the sea crackled under every step over the small pitch-black hallway. A scratching sound as the door slowly closed. It was quiet. Maybe they were asleep already. Searching fingers found a grip on the rough plastered wall. And slowly moved forward. It wasn't that far. There was a hollow. A little bit further was a picture frame. 

Boom.

There was something in the way. Maybe a chair or a box. A little pain in the leg. But not as bad as the injury on the hand. It was because of the stonewall that had to be climbed over before. The skin slightly torn along rocky edges. 

One step. One more. And another. Quiet, quiet!

The heart beats wildly in the chest. Panting breath goes a little faster. Although nothing could be seen, he could feel their closeness. The soft whispering of her voice. A squeaking sound. His dark voice murmuring something. Her laugh. So they were still awake.

Just a few more steps. One. Two. 

The crunching of the floorboards. 

Ha, they would be surprised! He loved to sneak up on people and startle them. 

There was the wooden doorframe. Wipe the warm wood of the door. Searching. A little more. There it was. The cool doorknob. 

He would scare them, ha ha, he could hardly suppress a chuckle and pressed his hand on his mouth. 

And turned the doorknob...

Her heart was beating wildly in her chest as Sidney let his hands wander all over her body. It was so warm and she longed for him so much that the heat from inside made her body burn. He saw and felt it and his lips found no rest. In her ears the crackling of the fire in the fireplace and the rush sound of her blood merged with the gasp of her name.

"Charlotte." 

Which was in the moment the meaning of ‘I love you so much.’

Slowly he pulled open the neckline of her nightdress and stroked slowly over her collarbone. With his fingernails he scratched gently over the sensitive skin. And slipped his tireless fingers into the cleavage.

Boom.

"What was that?" Charlotte's voice took on a slightly higher tone.  
"Hmm do you like it?" Sidney whispered into her hair and continued his caress, not aware of what was happening around him, he only had ears and eyes, hands and lips for his wife.

"No."

In surprise, Sidney lifted his head from her cleavage and searched for her gaze. 

"Ah, of course yes...but..."  
"No buts."  
"...but... didn't you..." Charlotte briefly lost the thought of the sentence she wanted to say and gave in to the sensation of what her husband was making her feel.

Crack.

There it was again. This crackling sound. Which definitely did not come from this room.

Crack.

Very clearly. The floorboards were creaking. Charlotte pushed Sidney off and stared at the door. 

"Did you hear it?"

"Your little moan when I did that?" He asked her in her neck and kissed her pulse. Her little laugh became a sigh, she couldn’t help herself when he did that.  
"Oh yes, I heard that too." He chuckled into her honey skin.

But at the next sound from in front of the door, she pushed him away.

"No…" 

Crack.

"But this..."

Sidney slid off Charlotte and stared at the door. A faint scrape could be heard... slowly turning of the doorknob. 

"What timing!" Sidney laughed softly and turned on his back wiping his hand over his face a few times. 

The door opened with a soft squeak. 

"Let's pretend we're asleep." He closed his eyes with a big grin on his face, which earned him a little slap from his wife on his muscular arm. 

"But he loves to scare us." He whispered.

"Come here, sweetie." Charlotte said instead, opening her arms.

A few quick footsteps later, a little creature jumped into her arms and she laid her son between her and Sidney. Annoyed the little one said.

"You weren't scared."  
"Sure we were." Sidney replied, holding his hand over his heart as if he was still in shock.  
"That’s good." His son said happily and made himself comfortable.

"Couldn't sleep, buddy?" Sidney asked as he tucked him in and the little boy shook his head.

"I did, but I not want to be alone." Seriously, he looked into his father's eyes and whispered in a conspiratorial tone.   
"While I don't have siblings, I'll sleep here now."

"Ahh." Sidney looked over his son to Charlotte, who shook her head, laughing quietly.

"It's much warmer." The little boy said in a precocious voice, turning briefly to his mother, picking up a small kiss on his forehead before turning back to his father and yawned heartily.

The boy with his dark wild curls snuggled to his father's side and Charlotte lay close behind him on Sidney’s arm. He painted little patterns on the neck of his wife, who held her son's hand in hers. Sidney took the intertwined fingers and pressed a kiss on them and put his son's hand over his heart. 

This was the most beautiful part of the day for him, when he could hold his two dearest people in his arms.

"Are you singing our song, Mama?" 

The little one asked tiredly and of course Charlotte sang the little lullaby in a calm voice. No sooner had she sung the first notes than they heard her son's quiet breathing. But it was a kind of ritual to end things and Charlotte sang the song until the end verse and Sidney listened attentively.

“I am your guard,  
here in the dark,

till the morning light,  
will shining bright,

till the sun rose,  
and tickle your nose”

Little tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at Sidney. He knew what was going through her mind and he strengthened his grip on her neck. Today was the third anniversary of their first coming back to Sanditon. Small, dull fragments of memory stole into their minds. Like once in a while, if they didn't fall asleep together. When either of them was with their son or still working. Mostly it was Sidney who woke her up by pulling her into his strong arms and calming her with gentle words. And Charlotte clung to him so powerfully and with closed eyes searched for his lips. Then they whispered loving words to each other and he always said. 

"I am here."

"You found me." 

Charlotte answered and stroked his face with tender fingers. He then spoke her words of that time on their way to the waterfall. 

"You are my light in the darkness." 

And when Charlotte did not answer him with her lips, she whispered.  
"And you are mine." 

But the memories of the dark times became less and soon disappeared completely. Now she kissed his palm and he smiled in her face.

"All is well."

She nodded and to lighten the mood, he dryly remarked in a silent voice.

"If Kinnaird continues to interrupt us," he pulled a face, pretending to be affronted. "Then we'll never have a little sister for him."

Charlotte put her hand in front of her mouth to suppress her laughter. She did not want to wake up her son again. 

"You didn't want Martha and Gerry living with us." She whispered not quite seriously, because they liked to live alone, and stroked his face lovingly "otherwise she would certainly have taken care of him."

"That's not entirely true, but the house is too small and I take care of my family," he said in a stubborn tone. 

"You do."

She loved him as a father just a little bit more than she already did... if that was even possible. He took her hand pressed it against his face, kissed her palm and then looked her seriously in the eyes. 

"But I want to take care of you, eventually" he emphasized the word "eventually" very strongly. Even if it was just an act, she understood his longing.

"You did," she giggled, and the enchanting blush shot back into her cheeks.   
"This morning."

They grinned at the memory, because then Kinnaird had stormed into the room, had told them to get up at last, because today was the big duck race. Even if it should take place in a few hours, in the late afternoon, they had followed the wish of their son, after a few moments to calm down. 

"…And when I visited you at the office." She sighed by the memory.

Charlotte had been standing in front of the building that they and the others used as offices. The wind had ruffled her hair and made her feel good but also prepared her for a possible bad mood. Which she felt immediately as she had gone into the building. On this day of the financial audit, Sidney was always particularly tense. Afraid Tom might have done something stupid again. He was then often extremely annoyed and tense and then needed something good to eat and… her. Her listening, good advice and her love and... affection.

She had slowly walked up the stairs and knocked on his door.

"Come in." He had shouted annoyingly because he was apparently expecting someone else. 

"Oh, it's you." 

His voice had immediately become warm and soft. Charlotte had put the basket with food on the floor, but before she could say anything, he pressed his lips to hers and took her firmly in his arms. Maybe a little too tight, but it felt good anyway.

"That bad?"   
"I don’t know yet." 

He said and pushed the basket aside with his foot and kissed her again. And once more, it was almost desperate. And she had let her hands wander across his chest into his hair and clung to his curls as he ran his hands over her back.

Charlotte became very warm at the memory of how he had let his lips wander down her throat and how they were both looking forward to the fulfilment of his promise he had made in the morning. 

"Later." He had whispered into her ear, but again they were interrupted.

This time it was Tom. He came rushing into the office without knocking and with Sidney's name on his lips.

They chuckled and shook their heads at this day of interruptions, but Sidney tried to tease her and as he stroked her hair tenderly, he grinned cheekily. 

"Don't forget in the garden when I came home."

Charlotte buried her face in the pillows, after all this time still shy about the special attention she got from her husband at some times. And her cheeks burned even more as she remembered how good it felt, this… encounter in the late afternoon. It was… overwhelming and incredibly wonderful. Until they heard Martha brought Kinnaird home. To pick them up for the exciting duck race event down by the river.

"I love you." Sidney simply said with a smile and love in his eyes.  
"And I love you."

Sidney leaned over the sleeping child and kissed her gently on the mouth. And after they had talked quietly for a while, about their travel plans for after the season even though it was some time away, they fell asleep tightly embraced. Even though her son soon claimed their place and blankets.

*

Working with Tom was exhausting and gruelling. Especially after he was removed from all important positions and he was hardly allowed to decide things himself. Luckily Charlotte was responsible for organizing various events for which she was given a certain budget and had nothing really to do with Tom. She loved the fact that she still had this opportunity and was allowed to contribute to the success of Sanditon in despite of their child and her motherhood. And she was able to do her work because Martha and Garry were like surrogate grandparents and often wanted to take care and play with Kinnaird for a few hours. The little boy loved them and Charlotte and Sidney were so happy to have found them as their friends.

Even though Lord Babington and Sidney kept track of everything, they were not able to control Tom's personal financial affairs. Which had now led to new troubles. Sidney only knew that Lord Babington had a loud conversation with Tom the day before, but knew nothing else yet.

When Charlotte and he came to Trafalgar House the next morning to get the news, it was very quiet in the house. As they knew from Martha, who usually had always the news, the nanny had gone with the children to the beach to leave them alone. They didn't know exactly what had happened, but their feelings suggested bad things. She asked one of the servants where Mary was and then they went into Tom's study.

Startled, they both gasped for breath at the sight in front of them. Charlotte ran to Mary, who was sitting on the sofa crying, hiding her face in her hands. As soon as she put her hand on her knee, her sister-in-law fell around her neck and cried bitterly on her shoulder. Charlotte looked at Sidney who left the room with worry in his eyes and searched for Tom. 

Charlotte swayed Mary back and forth and tried to calm her down with soothing words. Although she still didn't know exactly what had happened, the chaos around her said that Mary must have been beside herself.

Not only were all the papers of drafts scattered on the floor, but also the filigree model of the city lay shattered on the ground. 

After a while, Mary had calmed down so far that she leaned back from Charlotte and with a somewhat embarrassed smile looked for her gaze after glancing briefly at the damage in the room, which she had caused.

"I just couldn't help myself" she admitted, "this town, it's taken over his mind again. He sees nothing and no one."

Charlotte put her hand on Mary's in empathy, but remained silent. 

"How can he do this to our family?" Mary wiped away her tears vigorously and stood up. "He borrowed money in secret, past the books. He can't pay it back again...these people…"

An icy chill ran down Charlotte's back, and Mary saw her fear, and calmed her immediately.

"Oh, dear, not these people, fortunately. A bank in Scotland."

Mary stroked briefly over Charlotte's face and nodded to her in encouragement.   
Charlotte looked at her questioningly.

"Scotland?"

"Yes. To be more precise, Inveraray, where he's already been convicted, which I've learned from Lord Babington... he can't even tell me himself!" She trampled down one of the model houses that were lying on the floor.

"Oh, this is..."

"It's all right." Mary interrupted her, who had been calmed down a bit.   
"It's time he faced up to his own mistakes and went to prison."

"But Mary, people will talk..." Charlotte was shocked.

"His project is protected." Mary returned in an almost snappish tone.

"What do you mean?"

"Lord Babington said London high society won't know unless we tell anyone." Mary laughed sarcastically "I will beware..." 

After taking a few breaths, she turned to Charlotte and said. 

"I think I'm going to move up my annual vacation to your parents this year. The children can be taught there, too."

"Of course, I'll write them if you give me the exact date." Charlotte looked at her friend in concern.

"Thank you, Charlotte." Mary went over and gave her a warm embrace.   
"You are such a good friend. Not only for me, also your friends and for Sidney, as you know."

Wiping a few tears from her cheek, Mary continued.  
"I'm so glad you found each other, however bad the circumstances."

"So am I." Said Charlotte honestly, smiling up to her friend.

After a while Mary said than in a calm voice.  
"I could take all the children, and then maybe you'd have a little time for yourselves." 

"Oh no, this won't..."  
"That's all right, dear. Kinnaird is looking forward to visit your parents and you'll have to move."  
"Move?" 

Charlotte didn't know what Mary was talking about. Mary pinched her lips together and said cryptically. 

"Let Sidney explain it to you." Mary smiled at her friend and then walked to the door and said. "Leave the mess. Let Tom clean it up himself. For once."

"Alright, Mary." Charlotte said and let her gaze wander over the chaos on the floor again.

Shortly afterwards Tom came running into the room followed by Sidney and Charlotte saw Tom turned pale in shock as his gaze wandered around the room. He looked down at the floor and tears filled his eyes. But he seemed not to notice her in his argument with his brother, but Sidney of course went immediately to her and took her hand.

"It's Babington's fault. He told her before I had the chance. I wanted to tell her by myself." Tom cried.

But not even he believed his own lie. For he seriously considered burning the court's letter and pretending he never received it. But Lord Babington, however, already knew about it and he had confronted him immediately. And after that went directly to Mary. 

"That traitor. "

"Tom!" Sidney shouted, but Tom didn't see it, crying like a petulant child.   
"That's so unfair of your friend!"

"Stop it! We all owe him a lot. He paid your debt’s and made us get our parents' house back."  
"What he had signed over to you, not to me as it should have been..."

"What?" she breathed, and briefly Sidney lost himself in her eyes and said in a low voice and his crooked smile.  
"A surprise."

Charlotte looked at her husband in disbelief, which was what Mary meant. The old Parker family home on the top of the cliffs.

"It wasn't his decision. It was Mary and our siblings'." he said to his brother.  
"But why? I am the elder!"  
"But you lost it once already!" 

He said angrily and Charlotte briefly pulled a face at the knowledge that ‘The Hall’ owned this place for a while. But fortunately they had found no use for it.

"I know." Tom admitted but then complained that Scottish Bank couldn't wait any longer to get its money back.  
"You can't let that happen!" He cried, as if it was Sidney’s fault that he had to go to prison this time.

"Tom!" Sidney ran one hand through his hair and squeezed Charlotte's hand with his other. "You must start taking responsibility for your own mistakes."

"But you did it back then..." 

"For another reason!" shouted Sidney in his dark voice and looked at Charlotte, who blushed what that voice still triggered in her and turned away briefly to gather herself.

"It was to get Charlotte back!" His voice had taken on that special tone again, which he apparently only had for her and their son.

"Yes, but I have Mary and the children." Tom cried desperately and settled down on the small sofa on the opposite wall, hiding his face in his hands.

"I have a family of my own now!"  
"Yes, yes, but…what should I do now? They are lost without me!" 

Tom sobbed theatrically. Like when he was a little boy, always trying to get everything he wanted, even when he had no choice but to go for the tears.

"We'll take care of them, of course." Sidney said more calmly, looking at Charlotte, who stood beside him, nodded and stroked his hand. 

"But you know I can't..."  
"Tom."  
"With my knee..."  
"Honestly, Tom, I don't care. You screwed up, once again, and you need to fix it. At last!"  
"But..."  
"No!" Sidney said for sure, and Tom shook his head.  
"Just do it. Do the right thing!"

Tom eyes searched the room and than looked back at his brother and his eyes widened in wonder, as if he had only just noticed Charlotte was in the room with them, which he probably did, and then asked in a low voice.

"Charlotte, could you please be so kind and go to Mary and see how she is?"  
"Yes, of course, Tom."

But Charlotte only got one step further before Sidney held her by the hand and pulled her back to him. She stretched on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek, but at the last moment he turned his face towards her and stole another little kiss before letting her go.

*

After spending a few more weeks as usual at the Heywood farm, Mary seemed to have found herself again. There she had not only incredibly great conversations with the finally healthy Mrs Heywood, but also regained her love for botany. After they had finished the season in Sanditon Charlotte and Sidney replaced her. 

Mary returned with a new lease of life. While Gerry stayed with the others to help with the harvest on the farm, Martha, who had developed a certain maternal affection for all Parker ladies, accompanied Mary.

They worked together at the Parker family home. This belonged to Sidney and his family now, but she still felt the need to fix it up for them. Not only did they continue to furnish it, since Sidney and Charlotte didn't have that much furniture in their old fisherman's cottage, but they also took care of the garden as long as the weather allowed it.

As Tom had been 'on a journey' for some time, as she told not only their children but also the workers, servants and acquaintances, she spent more time there than at Trafalgar House, which she now shared with Diana and Arthur. Not only to save costs for the whole family, as they still had to repay Lord Babington in monthly instalments the borrowed money, but also, to replace the father as best they could. And of course Diana and Arthur did it to support Mary. They stayed, also after Tom had returned after almost sixteen months of absence.

Even if it was only for a few months, Tom was very changed, as he came back. No one knew exactly what had happened to him or what he had seen and experienced. He never even told Mary, because their relationship needed repair. She could not easily forgive the break of trust, while of course she still loved him very much.

But Tom wasn't himself…he wasn’t so... loud anymore. The overbearing nature of his personality had given way to his new modesty. Gratitude had given way to his former desire for recognition, arrogance to his joy to have his family around him again. He was still limping. His knee would never fully heal and would remind him all his life of what and especially whom he had put at risk. Even though he was forced to handing over all responsibility to everyone else and the private finances were completely in Mary's hands now, there was one thing he had not lost. 

His possessive attitude towards his family. However, it had changed so much that it was more a fear of loss. Tom would like to have all his loved ones around him all the time. And sometimes it was hard for him to see that they all had their own lives. Also his children, which had grown quite a bit during his absence and especially his wife. Mary was no longer just there for him to take away his worries, to clean up after him or to support him. She had turned her passion into something like her profession and lovingly looked after the gardens of the hotels and apartments they were renting.

Tom’s pleasure to create things came back little by little, when his children and his wife got used to him and he felt at home again. But his almost insatiable thirst for deeds and ideas had died out. Tom supported the young architect James Stringer when he needed him, but he no longer forced himself on everyone. He had also resigned himself to the fact that Lord Babington and his wife took over the advertising for Sanditon. Sidney and Charlotte were responsible for the project development and organization of the events.

The only thing Tom still did with joy but also less exuberant enthusiasm was to open the duck race, the regatta, other activities and the balls.

So was the Autumn Ball, which the others had decided to hold, during his absence, instead of the Winter Ball. After this concluding event, there were still a few days of tidying up, settling up and saying goodbye to the last guests, but also enjoying the beach, family picnics by the river and preparations for vacations for those who had worked the most.

So it went on and on year after year and all involved got along with it better and better.

*

Gerry breathed in the fresh air, put his hands on his hips and looked at his work. Well, not just his alone, the Parkers had all been busy helping. Every now and then he had even retreated with his little buddy Kinnaird to leave the brothers alone, so maybe they could get a bit closer again. Sidney and Charlotte had done so much for him and Martha that it was the least he could do for them.

"You must drink." Martha said beside him and held a cup out without even looking at him.  
"But I'm not thirsty."

That gave him the desired disapproving glance from her and he took a small sip, chuckling. 

Although they were only friends, they behaved like an old married couple. At least she treated him like her husband. Scolding, criticizing, demanding that he cleaned his shoes in front of the house and keep his bedroom in order. But she also cared for his well being, bandaged up the small wounds he had suffered at work and sat with him by the fireplace. She read to him from letters and books and they talked about their childhood and what kind of news there was. He explained the latest political events and read her articles from the newspaper. They were a good team and he wouldn't miss her for a day.

Gerry looked at her with a small smile on his face.

"What?" Martha asked with her eyebrows scrunched together.

This look demanded an answer, even if he could not really give it to her. It wasn't love he felt for her, at least not the all distorting love he would have felt as a young man for someone like her, or who she was. But it was a sense of belonging. He knew that they would grow much older together and spends the rest of their lives here. He knew that he was afraid of losing her. Gerry was not a man of big words. He was a man of action and without warning he reached out and took Martha in his arms.

Martha had gotten used to Gerry holding her tightly in his arms from time to time when he didn't know what to say. Talking was more her strength than physical closeness to a man, and though she had digested the atrocities after all these years, she had never felt the need to let a man near her again. But Gerry was allowed to hug her, and sometimes she longed for it so much that she provoked a conversation that he could only answer with a warm embrace.

Knowing and more importantly trusting him had changed her live. Martha knew she loved him. Not the way she had loved Kinnaird. Back when she was young. She loved Gerry the way she would have loved her husband after 30 years of marriage. She cherished and respected him. They'd been through rough times, liked each other and had similar values. He was her friend. Martha loved spending time with him and his laughter made her heart light. They were comfortable with each other. And gratitude was what she felt the most. That he had encouraged her to leave her old life behind and started over with him here. And it was the best decision in her life.

When she learned what Charlotte and Sidney wanted to name their son and she burst into tears, she reached out to him and let him comfort her. Martha had felt safe in his arms, and so she still felt.

They both loved Charlotte and Sidney as if they were their own children and through them they experienced how true and beautiful love could be. And she knew Gerry would do anything to contribute to their happiness, just like her. She lovingly patted his back and she believed that he understood her. Even though this time she couldn't find the words.

When they heard how Kinnaird happily called for his father, they separated. To admit their affection to each other was one thing, to do it in front of others was another thing. They could still learn a lot from the young people. 

With a smile on her face Martha went back into inside to get something for the tree house.

Sidney smiled as he arrived at the top of the cliffs after a busy day of preparations for the first ball of the season, and saw Gerry and Martha embraced secretly on the meadow in front of the big beech tree. Although his legs were heavy from sitting so much in the office, he ran towards his son, who was running to him beaming with joy. The boy jumped into his arms and Sidney threw him up a few times before putting him down on the ground again and kneeling in the damp grass facing him.

"Papa, we've started already!"  
"I can see that!" 

Sidney noticed enthusiastically and had let his son pull him over to the big beech tree. There he patted Gerry on the back who was making the final touches on the ladder that led to the tree house, like he had promised his little friend. 

"Martha has made me a flag." Kinnaird shouted and waved the flag excitedly back and forth, with the words 'Parker's Lodge' on it.

"I'll change and then I'll help you." Sidney told him and turned to leave when his son waved and said. 

"No, don't come with Mama until it's ready. I want it to be a surprise."

"Alright, big boy."

Sidney grinned at his son, the tree house was supposed to be a surprise for his birthday next week, but he had inherited his mother's curiosity and intelligence and had already figured out the plans before they even know exactly what they wanted to do. Tom had designed the tree house then after Kinnaird's accurate descriptions and together they had chosen the wood and had been building it with him for days. This also brought Sidney a little closer to his brother again. 

Sometimes they had a competition between the Parker brothers and Gerry and Kinnaird, who won most of the time. This made the little one happy. 

But most of all he was happy when Gerry and Martha finally moved into the house with them, after much pleading and begging of course, but the once sad and broken good souls were here and lived with them under one roof like real family members. They were good friends and helping hands or like Kinnaird said his ‘grandparent addition’.

When they moved in, Martha had said tearfully to Charlotte and Sidney.

"We are so grateful that you have accepted us and let us into your lives." 

And even though Gerry was not a man of many words, he often said things that hit the nail on the head. He spoke for them both when he said.

"…Because of you we have found a family again."

And Sidney sometimes felt that they would have gotten along fine with his parents, because Gerry was helpful, reticent but funny as his own father and Martha was as caring as his mother. 

Sidney smiled by the thought and greeted Martha, as she came out of the house with some pillows under her arms and as soon as Sidney walked towards her, she already gave him the answer to the question he was about to ask. 

"She's in the garden."

Sidney thanked her with a small touch on her arm and went behind the house into the garden. He took off his jacket, waistcoat and tie placed it on a small bench on the terrace. Then he also took off his shoes and socks before sneaking up to his wife.

The grass was wet from the light summer rain earlier this day, and felt refreshing under his feet as he slowly and carefully went further to their little secret space in the garden. Charlotte lay on her side on a blanket. Sidney stopped for a second and watched her for a moment. Still amazed how beautiful she was and how well she fitted into the picture, almost as if she were a painting. 'Young woman in a sea of flowers' he would call it and wish he could have her painted just like that. 

In gentle waves her shiny dark hair fell over her back. Her slightly tanned arms stood in strong contrast to her lemon-yellow dress, whose material and lace was sent to her by Madame Arbustes as a memento of the colour of her own house. And accompanied by the annual invitation to finally visit them again. What they may do this year.

Resting her head on one arm Charlotte’s other delicate hand held the book she was reading. It was an amusing love story, which she now read instead of her tragic Greek sagas. But even here, the hero of the story mostly took the shape of Sidney. At the thought of him and how happy she was, she became very warm. And as she felt him coming closer her heart beat faster, placing the book aside, in this very moment Charlotte noticed in a soft voice.

"So you found me."   
"I did."  
"Why are you watching me?" She beamed at him looking over her shoulder.  
"Because you look like a painting."

His heart made a double beat and he got this feeling of sliding into warm water as she laughed. Shaking his head over the still same reactions to her, he went closer and sat down wordlessly on the blanket beside her. He bent over and kissed her tenderly on the mouth before he stretched out close to her and crossed one arm under his head. Sidney waited until she had made herself comfortable with her head on his belly, so that he could gently run his warm fingers across her cheek. 

They lied there in the lush flower field he always dreamed of and enjoyed the last sunrays of the sunset for a while. It had been a busy day. But now he was calm, for she was with him. His fingers drew little circles on the warm skin of her neck and she got goose bumps all over her sun kissed arms. And her back…. and everywhere. 

"That Martha and Mary were able to restore the garden to the way it looked when my parents were alive is really admirable."

Before he got too sad at the memory of his parents, she reminded him chuckling that someone else had helped as well.

"You mustn't forget Kinnaird’s hard work over the years..." 

They both laughed when they thought that the little boy wasn't really helping, but delaying everything even more, because he had tore out delicate flowers instead of the weeds. Was going to look for caterpillars, chasing butterflies, or leaving a spade somewhere else in the house, and it took hours to find it again.

"He'll be so happy when his house is finally finished," she sighed briefly taking his hand off her neck and then kissed his knuckles. Every single one of them.

"I'm surprised he hasn't figured out he's getting a swing. At least there's one surprise!"

"Don’t forget the second surprise." Sidney muttered and grinned.  
"We really should tell him soon. I can hardly hide it any more."

Charlotte put their intertwined hands to her belly, where he could feel the new life under the fabric of her dress. She sighed happily as Sidney sat up and stroked gently over the small bump under her heart, leaned down and kissed his unborn child trough the many layers of fabric. It tickled and she flinched briefly and sighed in pleasant anticipation, a reaction that had not changed either.

Then he put his arm under her head and gently pulled her towards him so he could kiss her. Soft and tender brushed his lips over hers. Dreamily he played with her curls a while till he gently pressed her to the blanket, deepening the kiss. 

Totally lost in each other, they heard nothing around them. Neither the sound of the surf down on the beach, nor the waves crashing hard against the cliffs. Not the bees searching for nectar in the flowers around them or the gentle wind that caressed the trees. All they could hear was their rapid breathing and the rustling of the air around them. Her fingers slid under the collar of his shirt. His nose slowly stroked across her neck. Sidney snuggled into the curve of her beautiful shoulder and inhaled her even sweeter honey scent. 

They didn't hear the gentle footsteps of their son who came to fetch them. But he called impatiently from the terrace.

"It's ready!"

With heavy breath they separated.   
"Yes buddy, we're coming." Sidney cleared his throat.

"Trafalgar House is there too!” the boy cried before he ran back to his tree house too excited to wait for his lame parents.

They looked at each other with dark eyes full of love and desire before Sidney straightened up and pulled Charlotte to her feet. He gave her a little kiss on the head, and stroked tenderly her flushed face before he gave her one little kiss to her lightly swollen lips. They hugged and Charlotte kissed the spot over his racing heart before they walked arm in arm to the big beech tree in front of the house. 

Everyone was there to see the completed early birthday present, as no one called it, because Kinnaird confiscated the idea as his.

"Ah, there you are!" Tom said excitedly and made a now finally reassured impression as if they had been lost for hours.

"Uncle Tom, I told you I would find them." Kinnaird cried in a clever voice.  
"They were in their secret place in the garden…. like always."

Charlotte and Sidney joined in the laughter of the others and marvelled at every magical detail of the artistically painted tree house. When Charlotte wanted to climb up like everyone else, she stepped on her dress and lost her footing.

Even though she had not fallen very far, Sidney caught her with his strong arms, and she laughed and shook her head.   
"You can't help it!"  
"Hmm?"  
"To be my hero."

Laughing he kissed her and only when someone, they didn't know exactly who, cleared his throat they stopped.

"Now put me down."  
"I'd rather not." 

Still Sidney put Charlotte back on her feet and even though the others were with them, they hold each other for a little while.

Then they interlaced their fingers and joined the others on a sea of blankets where Martha, Mary, and Diana had placed some delicious treats. They ate and talked while the children played around the tree house or ran around the meadow.

They laughed, now and then steal a small kiss and enjoyed the mild summer evening with the rest of their family.


End file.
